Chapter Twenty-Eight
Twenty-Eight
Pam
Whatever has to happen, let it happen.
After returning from Al’s, I needed a sense of normalcy. Something to get my mind off the fact that I’d left a piece of my heart in Colorado.
Tonight I was having my kids and their mates over for dinner—our usual Sunday night routine. Atlas and Tegan had insisted on hosting, but I needed this. I needed a reminder that the life I had here in Briar Glenn mattered, even if Al couldn’t be a part of it.
The conversation we’d had about him and his job still lingered in my mind. I didn’t want him to make any rash decisions, but the more time that passed, the more I thought he was so dedicated to his career that he’d choose it over moving here to be near me and Chai.
Since I got home, he’d been quieter. We shared the occasional text message or short phone call, but I really felt the distance between us. Not just in a physical way, but in an emotional way as well. The rift between us felt like it was growing with each passing day.
The front door opened, filling the house with the sounds of joyful conversation. I popped my head out of the kitchen and stared down the hall.
Reece was hanging up his coat, and Cyrus gave me a friendly wave with one of his tentacles.
“Evening, Mom,” he said. In one of his tentacles, he held a beautiful bouquet of flowers. The two of them were always so punctual and thoughtful.
Reece turned and grinned at me. “Hey, Ma.”
The love in his voice when he said it reminded me of how lucky I was to be blessed with my children. They’d grown into the most amazing adults.
Reece and Cyrus made their way down the hall, and my son wrapped me in a tight hug.
“Good to see you,” he said, rubbing my back. “I missed you.”
Forever a mama’s boy.
“I missed you, too,” I said. It had only been a week, but it was enough to make me appreciate the fact that I lived right down the road from both of my kids, and I was able to spend time with them regularly.
There was no way I could give that up. Even for someone like Al.
“These are for you,” Cyrus said, handing me the flowers.
It was a beautiful bouquet of bright white roses and baby-blue hydrangeas.
I trailed my fingertips over the silky petals. “They’re gorgeous.”
Reece laughed. “They better be. Cyrus made me drive all the way out to the florist shop in Rock Harbor to get them.”
Cyrus nudged him with one of his tentacles. It was the slightest movement, but I still caught it. “And it was worth it to celebrate your mom’s return.”
Reece’s nostrils flared. “Smells good in here.”
“Chicken enchiladas,” I said proudly.
Another one of his favorite meals.
“You spoil him,” Cyrus huffed.
Reece crossed his arms. “Somebody has to.”
“Oh, shut up,” Cyrus teased.
I laughed, because if anyone spoiled my son, it was Cyrus. The banter between the two of them was everything.
We headed down the hall toward the kitchen.
While I set up a vase for the flowers, Reece grabbed two glasses from the cabinet and buried his nose in the fridge. I’d never get tired of seeing my kids so comfortable in their childhood home, even all these years after they’d moved out.
“What do you want to drink, squish?” Reece asked Cyrus.
“I’ll take a glass of iced tea, please.”
“It still shocks me that you enjoy it,” I said. “I thought it was some sort of taboo for British folks to drink iced tea.”
“While I do enjoy a hot cup of tea, iced tea has really grown on me over the years. Especially yours, Mom.”
The sound of the front door whooshing open echoed down the corridor and into the kitchen.
“Helloooo,” Tegan called out.
A few moments later, she and Atlas joined us in the kitchen.
Her strawberry blonde hair was windswept, and the rosy color on her cheeks matched perfectly.
“Here, Mom.” Tegan handed me a cake box and brushed her hair out of her face.
“What’s this?” I asked.
“Dessert.”
Inside the box was a big pile of chocolate chip cookies. If I wasn’t mistaken, these looked like my recipe for chocolate chip cookies.
My throat felt tight at the memory of Al and me making these together. At the clumsy way he mixed the dough and the warmth of his hand under my palm.
I snapped out of my thoughts to find everyone staring at me.
“Thank you, honey,” I gritted out. I hadn’t mentioned that I’d made them with Al. It was purely coincidental.
“You’re welcome,” Tegan said, forcing a smile.
“Uh, what did you make for dinner, Mom?” Atlas asked, quick to change the subject. He was always so good at reading the room. “It smells amazing in here.”
I cleared my throat and tried to shake off my sadness. “Chicken enchiladas.”
Tegan let out a dry laugh. “Another one of Reece’s favorites.”
Reece was quick to snap back. “Hey, you like enchiladas, too.”
“Can I get you two something to drink?” I asked, but Atlas was already reaching for the cabinet.
“I’ve got it, Mom,” he said. As much as I loved my kids feeling at home here, their mates feeling so comfortable with me took things to the next level.
I wanted my house to be a warm, comforting, inviting space for them, and when the time came and I was a grandmother, I wanted that for their kids, too.
Selfishly, I hoped it wouldn’t be that much longer. With Atlas and Tegan’s wedding in the fall, maybe next year I’d have my first grandbaby.
“Is everyone ready to eat?” I asked, forcing myself to sound upbeat. Even if I was grappling with my feelings for Alistair, I was determined to have a wonderful evening with my children and their mates.
“Please,” Reece said. “I’m starving.”
They grabbed their drinks and headed toward the dining room while I slipped on my oven mitts and pulled the tray of steaming enchiladas out of the oven.
When I stepped into the dining room, it went quiet, with all of them seated at their usual spots—all staring at me as I set the hot tray down on a trivet in the middle of the table.
Well, this is awkward.
I reached for the serving spoon, but Atlas got to it before I could.
“You have a seat, Mom,” he said. “I’ll serve.”
“Oh, I have to get the sour cream—” Before I could finish, Cyrus was already out of his seat.
“Sour cream. And what would you like to drink?” he asked.
“Um, iced tea is fine. Can you grab the guacamole, hot sauce, and some spoons, too, please?” For someone with so many appendages, he could handle all of that and more in one trip.
“Sure thing.”
When everyone was settled at the table, we ate in tense silence. It was very much the opposite of the normal Sunday dinner I’d been craving.
“So,” Reece said, his deep voice cutting through the sounds of cutlery against plates, “how was your trip?”
Fuck.
That was the million-dollar question, wasn’t it?
He had texted and asked, but I should have expected that we’d talk about it in person.
“Um, it was good,” I said. Amazing, rather. “Alistair has a beautiful house, and Colorado was gorgeous.”
“What did you two get up to?” he said, pushing for more.
“We went snowmobiling, and we had a lovely Valentine’s Day dinner. He got me a gift certificate for the hot yoga studio in Rock Harbor.”
“That’s a nice studio,” Atlas chimed in. “I mean, at least from what Chai’s told me.”
“Alistair said the same thing.”
“Do you plan on doing this long term?” Reece asked, coming straight for my throat.
Cyrus nudged him, and Reece gave him a look.
“What?” he snapped. “I just want to know.”
“I think we should talk about something else,” Tegan suggested.
“No. It’s okay,” I said. “We are going to continue things for now, but Alistair has some important decisions to make with his career. He’s in a position to retire, and his company is sort of forcing him out.”
I hated putting his business out there, but this was affecting me just as much as it was affecting him. My kids had a right to know about the impact our relationship was having on me. Both positive and negative.
“So why doesn’t he just retire, then?” Reece said simply. “You’re here. His daughter is here.”
“It isn’t that simple,” Cyrus said.
I nodded. “He has a life there, and I’m not going to ask him to make any rash decisions because of me. We’ve only been dating for a month.”
Reece set his fork down and looked at me, his elbows propped on the table.
“It is that simple, actually. If you care about someone, really care about them, you make decisions with them in mind. Regardless of how long you’ve been seeing each other.
He has the opportunity to choose this, to choose you, Mom, and if he doesn’t, he isn’t worth your time. ”
Everyone stared at Reece with horrified looks on their faces. If my son was anything, he was blunt, and while the truth was abrasive, he was right.
“I’m going to give him some time, but you’re right. At the end of the day, he may choose something other than me. I mean, I would be sad, but I know I deserve someone who prioritizes me.”
I’d been through enough with Don. I’d spent time devoting my life to other people, and now it was time to put myself first, just like Al had encouraged me to do the entire time we’d been seeing each other.
“I’m proud of you, Mom,” Tegan said.
“Me, too,” Reece added.
“Especially for getting on a plane, even if Xanax was involved,” Cyrus said, infusing some humor into the conversation.
I laughed, feeling some of my sadness slip away because I was surrounded by people who meant the world to me. Even if Alistair wasn’t a permanent fixture in my life, I could count on these four to be.
“I was fine once we were in the air, but the takeoff and landing were absolutely terrifying!” I said.
“I mean, those are the most dangerous parts of the flight,” Atlas said casually.
“Atlas,” Tegan said. “Don’t tell her that. She’s never going to want to fly again.”
“I don’t think I’ll be flying again anytime soon, but thank you for your concern, sweetheart.”
Now that we’d covered the difficult topics, we shifted gears and discussed all the things going on in our lives. The success of the gym and bakery. Cyrus’s most recent gallery exhibition. The short staffing Reece was experiencing at the Parks Department. My yoga practice and my mantras.
This was my life. This was what I wanted. I’d hold space for Alistair in my heart, but ultimately, given the choice, I’d choose myself.