14. A looming porcelain maw. #2
Nick was freezing, his body tremblinguncontrollably. His clothes felt soaked, his skin ice-cold despite the warm air of the safe house. He scanned the room with desperate eyes, searching for somewhere to hide, somewhere to make himself small.
Table. Low. Space underneath. Safe.
Nick stumbled toward it, his legs weakening with each step. His teeth chattered as the phantom cold penetrated to his bones. The music box wound down in his memory, the final notes fading into silence.
He was so close to the table, to safety, when his legs gave out. Nick felt himself falling, bracing for impact with the hardwood floor.
Instead, warmth enveloped him. Luka moved with inhuman speed, grabbing a blanket from the back of the couch and wrapping it around Nick’s shoulders before he could hit the ground. Nick collapsed against the vampire’s chest, the blanket cocooning him in unexpected comfort.
The sudden transition from ice to warmth shocked his system. Nick gasped, full awareness flooding back as the flashback released its grip. He was in the safe house living room, wrapped in a soft blanket, leaning against Luka’s solid frame on the ground.
Tears streamed down his face, hot against his frozen skin. Nick hadn’t even realized he was crying. The sobs camesilently, his body shaking with the force of them.
“I—I can’t—”he choked out, unable to form coherent words.
Luka held him steady, one arm supporting Nick’s weight while the other adjusted the blanket to cover him morecompletely. The vampire’s touch was careful, respectful, nothing like Gianmarco’s possessive grip.
His mind fought between past and present—phantom cold against real warmth, memory against the solid weight of Luka holding him steady. He couldn’t stop shaking, couldn’t control the tears that continued to fall.
The blanket smelled like detergent and moth balls. Nick focused on the sensation, using it to ground himself in the present. The texture of the fabric against his skin was soft, worn from use. Real. This was real.
“Cold,”Nick whispered, his teeth chattering.“It was so cold.”
Luka’s arms tightened fractionally around him, offering more support without restraint. The vampire’s chest rose and fell in a deliberate rhythm, slow and steady, as if trying to guide Nick’s breathing back to normal.
The tears felt strange but necessary. When had he last cried like this? Not from pain or fear, but from something deeper—grief, maybe, or relief.
“I saw the tub,”he explained, voice cracking.“He used to—when I made mistakes—”
The words stuck in his throat, impossible to voice. But something in Luka’s gentle hold told Nick he understood. The vampire’s hand moved in slow circles against his back, the motion careful and soothing.
Nick should have pulled away. The hunter screamed at him to create distance, to regain control. But his body refused to move, craving the comfort Luka offered.
“I wanted to hide,”Nick admitted.“Somewhere small. Safe.”
Luka nodded against the top of Nick’s head, the gesture conveying understanding without judgment. The vampire shifted, adjusting his hold to better support Nick’s weight while keeping the blanketsecurelywrapped around his shoulders.
“I’m sorry,”he whispered, the apology automatic as he curled further into himself.
Luka shook his head, the movement gentle against Nick’s hair.
“Nick s-safe,”Luka rasped, the strained whisper of his voice wrapping around Nick, somehow thicker and warmer than the blanket.“No s-sorrys. Just s-safe.”
The vampire’s embrace wasn’t possessive or controlling. Instead, Luka became the walls of the box Nick had beendesperatelyseeking for safety. Steady. Solid. Secure.
Nick looked up, meeting Luka’s gaze. The vampire’s eyes held no predatory gleam, no calculation—only understanding and a quiet concern that made Nick’s chest ache with an unfamiliar sensation.
Maybe Luka can be safe.
They’d been sitting in silence for so long that hearing his name spoken aloud by Luka seemed intimate. Nick realized they’d been looking at each other’s faces this whole time, neither breaking eye contact as he processed what happened.
“You said my name,”Nick whispered, his throat raw.
Luka nodded once, a small smile playing at the corners of his lips. His arms remained steady around Nick, neither tightening nor pulling away.
Nick becameacutelyaware of how close they were—close enough that he could feel the temperature difference between their bodies and he could see the individual strands of Luka’s beard, some of them aggressively copper red, others a warm oak brown.
An urge rose without warning, and before he could second-guess himself, Nick leaned forward and pressed his lips against Luka’s.
The contact was brief, gentle—just long enough to feel the tickle of Luka’s beard against his own face. Luka’s lips were cooler than a human’s would be, but not cold. And they were soft. Surprisinglysoft.
Luka didn’t move. Though his arms were around Nick and he could haveeasilytaken advantage of the situation, his embrace remained steady, the pressure unchanged. He didn’t push, didn’t take, didn’t demand.
Nick pulled away, his hand flying to his mouth. His fingertips pressed against his lips as he tried to understand what had just happened. His entire body shook again, a fine tremor that had nothing to do with fear or cold.
“I—”The word caught in his throat as he stared at Luka, who looked surprised but curious, his head tilted to one side.
Nick’s lips tingled from the contact, and he noticed that some of the pain in his arm hadmysteriouslyvanished. That cold voice from his conditioning started screaming in the back of his mind, but for once, it seemed distant, muffled:
What the hell are you doing ? He’s a vampire ! A monster !
But the more Nick focused on the feeling of safety, on what he wanted, not what the Society or Gianmarco programmed him to want—the quieter the voice became.
When was the last time he’d done somethingsolelybecause he wanted to? When was the last time he acted on his own desire rather than fear or conditioning or orders?
He couldn’t remember.
Nick realized he couldn’t remember his first kiss. He was pretty sure he’d had one, maybe back in high school, or during random hookups before Chicago. But everything after Gianmarco had been cold and mechanical. There had been no kissing with Gianmarco—only taking, using, controlling.
Tears welled upunexpectedly, blurring his vision as it dawned on him how much had been stolen from him. How many normal human experiences had been corrupted or erased?
“I don’t remember,”Nick whispered, still touching his lips.“I don’t remember my first kiss.”
Luka’s expression softened as his hand movedslowly, giving Nick plenty of time to pull away, andgentlybrushed a tear from Nick’s cheek.
The touch was so careful, so respectful, that something small and fragile formed inside his mind—not healing, not yet, but maybe the beginning of it.
“Can I—”Nick’s throat closed around the words. He swallowed hard, forcing himself to continue.“Can I do that again?”
Luka gave a single slow, almost imperceptible nod, his eyes never leaving Nick’s face.
This time, Nick made a conscious decision. This wasn’t about conditioning or submission or fear. This was about choice—his choice. He leaned forward, his heart hammering against his ribs.
Their lips met again, and Nick allowed himself to stay there, to experience the sensationfully. Luka’s beard was softer than it looked, tickling against Nick’s clean-shaven face. His lips were gentle, responsive but not demanding.
Nick closed his eyes as he pulled away from the kiss, unsure what to do with the feelings coursing through him.
Being held by Luka on the floor felt safe, but fear still tugged at the edges of his consciousness.
That hunter kept reminding him that he was being held by a monster, while the submissive urged him to do more to please the vampire.
But that small voice in the back of his head—the one that had been growing louder this whole time—told him to stay where he was, because right now Luka was safety, acting as his walls and protecting him.
As the warmth of the moment faded, Nick became aware of what he’d done. Heat flooded his face as he curled back into himself, unable to meet Luka’s eyes.
“Can I just... stay here? Just for a little while?”
The hunter protested again, still distant but still insistent: Sleeping in a monster’s arms ? Have you lost your mindcompletely ?
Luka nodded, his movement slow and deliberate. He made no effort to force Nick to look up at him or attempt more affection, but his embrace tightened around Nick’s shoulders. The pressure didn’t feel constraining—it made Nick feel safer, more secure, like being wrapped in a weighted blanket.
Nick’s body began to go slack as exhaustion overtook him, sleep reaching for him after days of restless vigilance. His eyelids grew heavy, his breathing deepening as he settled against Luka’s chest.
“Can we...”Nick swallowed hard.“Can we pretend that didn’t happen?”
There was a pause long enough that Nick almost looked up to see Luka’s expression. Then he felt a gentle nod against his hair, the movement careful and accepting.
Nick exhaled, relief washing away the last of his tension. He let his eyes close, surrendering to the pull of sleep despite the lingering fear. In Luka’s arms, the terror felt distant—not gone, but manageable. It was more safety than he felt in years.