36. Blunt, filthy honesty
Chapter thirty-six
Blunt, filthy honesty
Nick
N ick lay on his back in the apartment’s small bedroom, one arm behind his head, watching the ceiling fan turn lazy circles in the humid air.
Luka was in the bathroom getting ready for bed, and the sound of running water mixed with the distant hum of traffic created a peaceful backdrop to his thoughts.
He felt... good.Actuallygood, not just“better than yesterday”or“functional enough to get through the day.”Tonight had been the first time inlongerthan he could remember that he felt like he belonged somewhere.
But what kept circling back in his thoughts was Vincent and Adam’s reappearance after their obvious tryst.
The way they’d stumbled back into the living room, hair mussed and clothes wrinkled, Adam with that telltale spot of blood seeping through his shirt where Vincent had bitten him. The easy, shameless grin Adam had worn when Marcus called them out. The languid satisfaction in Vincent’s posture.
He wanted that so bad.
The bathroom door opened, and Luka emerged in flannel pajama pants and nothing else, his hair damp from washing.
Nick felt a jolt of adrenaline at the sight—the broad shoulders, the lean muscle, the way droplets of water caught the lamplight on Luka’s skin.
Luka caught him staring and raised an eyebrow in question, fire flooded Nick’s face and he looked away.
“Sorry, I was just...”He trailed off, unable to finish the sentence. Nick fidgeted with the edge of the sheet, gathering courage.“Tonight was good.”
Luka smiled and gestured for him to continue.
“I keep thinking about...”Nick started, then stopped, his entire face burning. He couldn’t seem to get the words out. After a long moment, he tried again.“Vincent and Adam.”
Luka’s eyebrows rose, confusion and concern flickering across his features.
“When they came back from...”Nick’s voice died, and he made a gesture with his hand instead. His cheeks were so hot he thought they might be glowing.“They looked... they seemed so...”
He buried his face in his hand with a frustrated sound.“This is stupid. I can’t even say it.”
Lukagentlypulled Nick’s hand away from his face, waiting until Nick met his eyes again.
“They looked happy,”Nick whispered, staring at Luka’s collarbone rather than his face.“And normal. Like what they’d been doing was just... nice. Not scary or painful.”
Nick’s hand moved without his permission to rest against Luka’s chest, and heimmediatelystarted to pull it back.“Sorry, I don’t know why I—”
But Luka’s hand covered his, keeping it in place.
“I think...”Nick swallowed hard, his voice getting smaller.“I think maybe I want to try. That. With you. I mean, if you want to. You don’t have to. But I don’t...”
Luka leaned closer, his free hand moving to cup Nick’s face, his thumb tracing along his cheekbone in question.
Nick’s breath hitched.“I don’t know what I’m doing,”he whispered.“And I don’t know what you... what vampires...”His face burned hotter.“Vincent bit Adam. I saw the blood. Is that something you like during—?”
Luka shook his head, his expression soft and understanding. He pointed to Nick, then to himself, then made a questioning gesture with one hand that somehow conveyed ‘ what do you want’ ?
“I don’t know,”Nick admitted, his voice cracking.“I don’t know what I like or what I want or what’s normal. I just know that seeing them tonight, and how Caleb is with Marcus, I want...”He gesturedhelplesslybetween them.“...this. Whatever this could be.”
Luka responded by leaning forward and pressing the gentlest kiss to Nick’s forehead, then pulled back to meet his eyes. He pantomimed searching for something and pointed to both of them.
Nick stared at him, something tight in his chest beginning to loosen.“You’dreallybe okay with that? Just... learning? Even if I’m terrible at it?”
Luka leaned forward, telegraphing his movement, giving Nick every opportunity to pull away. When their lips met, it was soft and questioning, an invitation rather than a demand.
“I...”Nick swallowed hard, his voice a whisper.“Can you take the lead? I don’t know how to ask for what I want. I don’t even know what I want. But maybe if you... if you show me things, I can figure out what feels good?”
The request came out in a rush, his face burning with embarrassment, but Luka leaned in again, this time moving more into Nick’s space.
The kiss was deeper this time, more purposeful. Luka’s mouth was cool and insistent against his. When Luka’s hand moved to his shoulder, Nick tensedslightly, but the touch was gentle, reassuring.
Luka rubbed his knuckle against Nick’s shoulder while kissing him harder, all tongue and teeth trying to taste every bit of him. The dual sensation made Nick gasp against his mouth, desire pooling low in his belly.
But just asquickly, Luka gentled the kiss, his mouth becoming soft and exploring again while his fingers traced a circle on Nick’s shoulder. The contrast was dizzying—hard then soft, demanding then tender.
When Luka pulled back and traced a clear ‘X’ on his shoulder, Nick’s eyes flew open in confusion.
Luka waited. It took Nick another second, before it dawned on him: the knuckle rub meant ‘harder.’ The circle meant ‘slow down.’ The X meant ‘stop.’ Luka created a way for him to communicate without words.
“Oh,” Nick breathed, his chest tight with emotion. “That’s... that’s really smart.”
But even with this new vocabulary, there was still something missing. Nick bit his lip, then askedquietly,“What about... more?”
Luka’s expression brightened with a quirked smile that made Nick’s stomach flip. He reached for Nick’s hand, guiding it to the back of his head, tangling Nick’s fingers in his damp hair. Then he demonstrated a gentle pulling motion, his eyes never leaving Nick’s face.
Okay, so this might be happening. What am I supposed to do next?
Nick’s hand trembled as he reached for the hem of his shirt, but as he started to pull it off, Luka signed:?Wait.?
Before Nick could ask why, Luka was moving with inhuman speed, disappearing from the room soquicklythat Nick wondered if he’d blinked too long. He returned just as fast, settling back on the bed with something in his hand that he set on the nightstand.
This time, Luka got onto the bed, sitting cross-legged beside Nick with the kind of patience that suggested they had all the time in the world. His hands moved to Nick’s shoulders, fingers tracing along his collarbones, and Nick’s breath caught at the simple intimacy of it.
“ Okay ?“ Luka mouthed.
Nick nodded, then reached up and tangled his fingers in Luka’s hair again, remembering the lesson. The small smile that crossed Luka’s face made Nick feel like he’d done somethingincrediblyright.
Slowly,carefully, Luka began to touch him.
His hands mapped Nick’s chest with reverent attention, fingertips tracing the edges of scars without flinching or pausing. When his thumb brushed over Nick’s nipple, a soft sound escaped Nick’s throat he hadn’t expected.
Luka’s eyes found his, checking, and Nick managed a breathless nod.
The touches remained gentle, exploratory, as Luka worked his way down Nick’s torso. When his mouth followed the path his hands had taken, Nick’s fingers tightened reflexively in Luka’s hair. The small sound of approval that vibrated against his skin sent sparks racing through his veins.
By the time Luka’s mouth moved lower, Nick was already trembling with anticipation and need.
Luka’s fingers trailed along the waistband of Nick’s pants before slipping them down with careful deliberation, exposing himfully.
He paused there, his cool breath ghosting over Nick’s hardening cock, sending shivers up his spine.
Luka glanced up, eyes seeking permission, and Nick noddedshakily, his grip in Luka’s hair loosening to a gentle hold.
Luka’s lips parted, and he took Nick into his mouth, inch by inch, his tongue swirling around the sensitive head.
The wet heat enveloped him, gentle suction drawing out a low, broken moan from Nick’s throat.
Luka moved with exquisite care, his mouth sliding up and down the shaft in unhurried rhythms, exploring every ridge and vein as if committing it to memory.
One hand cupped Nick’s balls, rolling them with feather-light pressure, while the other rested on his thigh, thumb stroking soothing circles to ground him.
It felt incredible; not just the velvet slide of Luka’s tongue tracing the underside, or the way his lips tightened just enough to build that sweet, aching pressure, but the care behind it. Luka kept glancing up, adjusting his pace with the lightest tug from Nick’s fingers in his hair.
But as pleasure built, something restless stirred in Nick’s chest. This was wonderful, but it wasn’t enough. He didn’t just want to lie there and be pleasured—he wanted to please Luka as well, even if the thought terrified him.
Nick’s hand tugged more insistently at Luka’s hair, pulling him up until they were face to face again. Luka didn’t resist, concern flickering across his features.
“That was... it, um, that was...”Nick’s voice cracked, and he had to stop and swallow hard.“Amazing. But I don’t...”He gestured between them.“I don’t want this to just be... you know. About making me...”
He trailed off, his face burning with embarrassment at his inability to finish a coherent sentence.
Luka tilted his head.
Nick’s face burned as he struggled to find words.“Do what you...”He stopped, frustrated, then pointed to Luka, then gestured at himself.“What you would... if I wasn’t...”
He took Luka’s hand and pressed it against his body, trying to convey through touch what he couldn’t say: Do what you would do if I wasn’t so fucking broken.
Luka went very still, searching Nick’s face. Then he leaned down and whispered against Nick’s ear, his damaged voicebarelyaudible:“You sure?”