13. So Will I
13
SO WILL I
HILLSONG WORSHIP
“I will egg that man’s truck!” Caroline had been furiously pacing Ginny's apartment floor ever since she, Georgia, and their mama had come by to check on Ginny and learned the happenings of their happy family dinner party. “I’ll TP his house!”
“I may just help ya,” their mother said, pulling Ginny into a snuggle on the couch.
Georgia brought Ginny a cup of tea and set it on the coffee table before snuggling into the couch on her other side. “I once saw this thing where you can plant the whole yard with thousands and thousands of toothpicks. Like, as far as the eye can see.”
“I thought that was flamingos,” their mama said, perking up.
“It’s all diabolical,” Caroline chirped. “And I love it. I’m in.”
Ginny chuckled and buried her head in her mom’s lap, taking comfort in the feel of her Mama’s fingers running through her hair and her sisters planning ways to make Ryan at least minimally uncomfortable. She knew they wouldn’t go through with it but loved their wily plans just the same.
Ginny had successfully evaded her family, and Ryan, by not attending church service the morning after the best kiss of her life—and her biggest heartbreak to date. She'd been sick with embarrassment and opted instead to spend the morning at home. Before calling Sadie like she wanted or rushing to For the Record as she was prone to during hard moments, Ginny prayed.
She prayed, cried, worshiped, and ate her weight in pralines all on her own. She took comfort in the Word and specifically the verse she’d shared with Melody Man:
But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
And only then did she let herself call Sadie and confess the whole sordid tale over FaceTime. A call where Dakota, not unlike their sisters now, threatened to drive up from Florida and start a cake fight to defend her honor.
That same afternoon, at Sadie’s urging, Ginny marched into the record store and left a note for Melody Man. She was going to meet him. She felt rash and emotional, but also fully assured by her friend that meeting Melody Man didn’t mean she was pursuing a romantic anything with him. She was just opening herself up to more. More to someone who clearly showed interest in her. Or, as Sadie so lovingly referred to him, someone who wasn’t an emotional dumpster fire .
It’d felt cathartic and exciting to leave that note and to receive his reply and friendship bracelet the next day, but that had only momentarily eased the bruising on her pride from the weekend before.
She sniffed and rubbed her eyes, turning over to stare at the rafters on the ceiling. “I’ll probably just send him a glitter bomb and call it a day.”
“That might be for the best, Baby Girl,” her mama said, rubbing her thumbs over her cheeks. “It must have been some kiss.”
Ginny groaned. “It really, really was.”
“And you don’t think,” she continued, still delicately soothing Ginny with her touch and wisdom, “that maybe you jumping on the man’s face had anything to do with how squirrely he got after?”
“No way!” Caroline argued. “Kiss and runs have no excuse!”
Georgia took a sip of her tea and leaned back with her feet on the table. “Unless they have an underlying heart issue that makes them feel as if they aren’t worthy of your love or maybe they’ve been hurt in the past and are scared they might get hurt again or—”
Caroline chucked a pillow at her. “Alright, alright. I get it. Not every kiss and run is equal…”
Joan Remillard, with a single, piercing, silent stare down, hushed her eldest daughters and brought them all to attention—a seasoned veteran of motherhood. “Listen up, Sugar Plum,” she said, tapping Ginny’s forehead with her index finger.
“Ow!” Ginny whined and rubbed the tender spot.
“We have known that man for too many years to let one bad call discredit him completely. Was it a terrible, awful thing he did? Yes. But, would you do it again? Kiss him good, out in the yard…”
Ginny chuckled, resigned. “Yes.” And she would. Even if it all turned out the same, she wouldn’t give up playing that miniature version of Seven Minutes in Heaven with Ryan for anything.
“And more importantly, are you seeking out the Lord’s wisdom in all circumstances? Lining up the desires of your heart with His?”
“I’m trying to,” she answered honestly. “But where do I go from here? I feel so silly. I thought… Ryan’s given me so many indications that I wasn’t alone in feeling this way, and now I don’t know where that leaves us. I mean, I seriously mauled him with my mouth, y’all. We’re talking a mind-blowin’, life-changing, ruin-me kiss. If we’d been in a regency era romance, he would have had to duel Dakota or marry me. Period. It was gooood.”
“Spare us the details, Gin. I don’t wanna think about Ryan kissin’ anyone into oblivion, much less my little sister.” Caroline blanched and gagged, but offered Ginny a knowing grin.
“Yeah… objectifying our very good friend is creepy and inappropriate,” Georgia parroted, using Ginny’s own words against her, but winking at her playfully as she did so.
“Well I, for one, adore that boy and, of course, I love my girl here,” their mama said, pushing Ginny into an upright position and grabbing her chin. “But I’m gonna give ya three truths, and ya better listen good, understand?”
“Yes, ma’am,” she answered, cheeks smushed by her mother’s fingers.
“Number one. I don’t ever wanna hear that you skipped a worship service to avoid an uncomfortable situation again. Ya need fellowship. One of the greatest lies the enemy will tell you is that you’re alone in this world. And you, Virginia Maple, are not alone. Not a bit.” She kissed her nose and continued. “Number two. There’s a clear call on the believer for forgiveness. There’s a time for friendship. And always, always grace. You need to pray, sweetheart, about which of those things the Lord would have you offer Ryan.”
“And the third thing?” Ginny asked.
Her mama’s light brown eyes, so much like her own, glistened with mischief. “I think the glitter bomb is the only way to go. He’ll never see it comin’.”
Ginny spent the remainder of the week finalizing details on the Bicentennial designs and coordinating with Lake on the town- wide voting set to take place at the Celebration kickoff that weekend. Georgia had sent her on various errands to help with festival prep: ensuring local businesses were prepared and ready for the big day, picking up the official flag football team uniforms, and enjoying one babysitting gig where Davey spent the evening cuddled up in Ginny’s lap drinking hot cocoa, eating as many marshmallows as she could hold in her precious cheeks, and choosing the same three books to be read over and over again, with Ginny doing all the voices each and every time.
It’d felt sweet to be a part of her sister’s team. To feel a sense of purpose and pride with the responsibilities Georgia had given so freely.
And over the course of a few simple days, Ginny was reminded again and again just how many people she had in her own corner… on her team. Sadie called daily, cheering her on and offering the kind of support that made her giggle. Like with a large bouquet of caramel apples to celebrate National Apple Day—a holiday Ginny didn’t know existed—and a card that read, “You are apple-solutely irresistible!”
Her brothers-in-law and Dakota had joined in their protective forces and subscribed Ryan to magazines they knew he’d hate. For the foreseeable future, Ryan would be the proud recipient of publications from the University of Alabama, a Hobby Horse enthusiast’s guide, and Hap-PEA Vegan magazine. Not to mention the very real glitter mail he’d be receiving from Ginny, scheduled to deliver at some point over the next few weeks.
She could hardly wait.
In some ways, planning silly pranks to tease Ryan had settled her spirit after the monumental hit to her pride. Deep down, she knew there must be an underlying reason for Ryan’s abysmal response to kissing her. One that probably had less to do with her and more to do with Ryan. So Ginny took her mama’s wisdom and advice, praying for the desires of her heart to line up with the Lord’s, whatever they may be, and for the wisdom and strength to offer Ryan grace.
Grace… with a side of glitter bombs.
She just hadn’t anticipated how quickly that gift of grace would be put into action.
On Friday afternoon after her daily visit to For the Record, Ginny rummaged through an antique store for a couple pleasant hours, searching for the perfect vintage options for official use as the Sugartree time capsule. She’d settled on a few things at the Peddlers’ Park Flea Market. A couple vases she was pretty sure had previously been used as urns made the cut for time capsule possibilities, along with a tin cookie box with a printed, colorful postcard on the front that said Sass in the South and had four old ladies dressed to the nines and looking fierce.
She’d also found a collectible Alvin and the Chipmunks metal lunchbox for Lake, a vintage Air Force poster Dakota would love, and a porcelain cat that looked exactly like Gus. She’d giggled maniacally for at least twenty-five of those minutes, planning whose house she’d leave the Gus look-alike in first.
Arms full of vintage options for the time capsule and treasures for her family, Ginny finally fumbled out of the antique store in Honey Hill but promptly ran smack-dab into a chest, hands, and scent that she’d become far too familiar with the week before.
“Oomph,” she huffed and would’ve toppled over completely if steady hands hadn’t grabbed her by the elbows and kept her upright.
“Whoa! Ginny?” Ryan released her quickly. His hands pulled back like they were burned on a hot plate. “I didn’t see you… I mean, I saw you. Of course I saw you, but… yeah. I’m glad to see you. Um, you good?”
“Am I good?” She raised an eyebrow and pinched her lips, letting Ryan sweat before taking pity on him. She thought only a tiny bit about how ridiculous she probably looked standing on the street with her arms full of junk, staring at a man who always seemed to look effortlessly delicious. As usual.
And when a tiny voice in her head—that sounded a lot like Mrs. Mills—said, Kiss him again and see what he does with that! she flicked that wise, but misguided matriarch off her shoulder and stood her ground.
“Like, am I good here or good since you kissed me in my parent’s front yard and then only after kissing me decided that you couldn’t possibly kiss me again, because…” If her hands weren’t full she would have tapped her lips and really sold the dramatics. “Because I’m me?”
“Man, Gin, you just said kiss so many times.” Ryan blew out a puff of air. “Ummm, yes… uh… to all of it? Are you good here right now and um… after?”
“I’m just peachy, Ry.” She adjusted one of the urn vases, shifting the weight from one side to the other. “How ‘bout you, Coach? You doing good? Sucked face with any ladies lately?”
Ryan coughed and nervously ran both hands through his hair. Ginny did not think about those hands tangled in her hair one bit. “I deserve that. I’m… I’m not sure what to say here, Ginny. I’m really sorry. More sorry than you know. I didn’t want to hurt you.” He looked around the street and his eyes landed on Ginny’s parked car. “Can I help you take this to your car? Maybe we could talk.”
She sighed as a drip of unseasonable sweat slid down her face. “Yes, you can.” She let Ryan take a few of the items from her arms and began the short hike across the street to her car. She felt him at her side but refused to look in Ryan’s direction. “Thank you. For helping me and for apologizing.”
“Listen, I made a huge mistake the other night, but I just want to know that we can be friends again. Do you think you can forgive me, Gin? ”
She unlocked her car, placed the items in the backseat before taking Ryan’s load, and then turned back to face him. He’d obviously come straight from work in his tell-tale, Friday clothes—the only day he wore jeans to school—but no glasses, which he saved for the weekend.
“Which part?”
“Which part what?” Ryan leaned his hip against the car, crossing his arms over the henley shirt pulled tight across his chest.
“Which part, ya peacock, was the mistake?”
He sighed and groaned, “Gin…”
“Listen buddy, if you want to be friends, I need to know why you kissed me like the world was endin’ and then decided, ya know what? I think… nah, let’s NOT repeat. Because that kinda thinkin’ is insane. I know you know what happened with Caroline and Griffin. I am not gonna let you do the same thing to me, lean… kiss and run… and leave me wonderin’ why for forever and all eternity. So, which part of Saturday night was the mistake?”
Ryan’s piercing green eyes made direct eye contact with hers. Like, whoa— I don’t want you to misunderstand me, leave no room for interpretation— eye contact.
“I shouldn’t have kissed you.”
Ginny’s heart plummeted. That same ol’, sad Sarah McLachlan song played in her head. She should film her own commercial. A montage of her, unshowered with mascara running down her face, eating butter pecan ice cream out of the carton in between bites of Duke’s corn dogs.
Ryan jutted his hand out, running it down the length of her arm, but then just as quickly put the offending hand in his pocket. “Ginny, I wanted to kiss you. Trust me, I did. I have wanted that for a while now, but I… I shouldn’t have acted on it because you are you.”
Ginny released an animalistic growl. “What does that even mean, Ryan Hood?” She lowered her voice and raised her chin, “‘ Hey girl, love kissin’ ya, but sorry, you’re you.’ Barf. Try something else.”
Ryan’s jaw tightened. “It means that… I have thought about you… about…”
“Smoochin’?” she said, crossing her arms and jutting out her hip. “Makin’ out. Canoodlin’...”
“Good gracious, yes. Okay?! Kissing you. I’ve thought about kissing you. Every. Day. For… many days.” He leaned over her, arms framing her into the car. “But Ginny, it’s hard for me to figure out this thing… this way I suddenly feel about you when for so long you were…”
“Me?”
He nodded.
“Should we french a little to see how you feel today?” She wiggled her eyebrows and earned his laughter. Real laughter as he brought his forehead to rest on her head, reaching up to twist his finger in her curls, just as he had the other night. She wanted so desperately to press her lips to his. To stay in this bubble where Ryan wasn’t afraid to touch her hair or her face or even to hold her hand.
“Ginny, do you know how long I had a crush on Caroline?”
And nope, she changed her mind. Now she wanted desperately to punch that beautiful man and give him some good sense. Instead, Ginny bunched her fists and used them to push Ryan away. “Whoa, do you know how to kill a mood, man!”
His apologetic smile faltered. “Sorry.” His hands found his pockets again and he continued. “You know my mom wasn’t around much. That she chose to leave… me. And I was really close to my grandparents, but they were family, ya know? They just filled in the space where she was needed. I don’t wanna undersell what my grandparents did for me, because I owe them so so much. Everything. But it wasn’t until I met Georgia and Blaire that I felt really chosen by someone. Like I had people in my corner.”
“I get that. You have no idea how much I understand.” She thought of all the ways God had been working on her heart in that very area recently. How her family, friends, and even Melody Man had given her a new sense of belonging when she’d needed it most.
He gave her a nod and smiled tentatively. “Those girls, Georgia and Blaire, well, they were—ARE—insane, but they were also my best friends. And with that friendship, they filled this missing piece I’d needed for a long time. But, Caroline… She was untouchable. Like this effervescent being that I craved attention from, that I just couldn’t seem to grasp.”
“An effervescent being that can burp to the tune of Amazing Grace on command, but whatever. Sure, I love her, too.”
“Yeah. Not her most attractive quality.” Ryan scratched the back of his neck, clearly uncomfortable. “The point is, I wasted so much time chasing after the affections of someone who was more of an ideal in my mind than someone I could really see myself with. I’d built up this picture of her that wasn’t reality, and I… man, I’m saying this all wrong… It’s not about Caroline at all. Caroline’s my friend.
“But you… It’s just that… well, I have an image of you, Ginny, that’s so clear and so much more … But it just came outta nowhere, and I don’t think I can trust it. Trust myself. My feelings… they aren’t reliable. And I’m not going to chase you like you're the person that can fix whatever that broken piece is inside of me. I can’t do that to you. I won’t.”
Ginny huffed, placing her hands on her hips. “And I don’t get a say in any of this?”
Ryan shook his head. “I’m sorry.”
Ginny wanted to argue or smack her lips against his until he forgot all about his reasons and insecurities. She didn’t want to fix his brokenness. She wanted to point him to the only One who could. Jesus.
Instead, she did something she rarely practiced. Ginny paused. And in that moment where she normally would have given him a piece of her mind—preached and prodded until he realized just how valuable and wanted and worthy of love he was—Ginny felt a small stirring in her spirit that said, Wait. Show him.
Ryan knew all the truths of following Christ. Of being adopted into the family of God as a born-again believer and receiving sonship. Eternal life. Hope.
He knew the right words and the scripture and the Truth in his head as knowledge, but maybe he needed to see it. Experience it. To know Jesus in heart and mind were two different things, and if Ryan couldn’t trust himself, a heart clearly following after Christ, he’d never trust his feelings for her or anyone else.
Grace. Friendship. Affection. Unconditional love… Show him.
She took a deep breath and said, “Okay.”
“Okay?” His eyes glossed, looking misty green. Like a meadow on a crisp autumn morning, covered in fog. “You’ll… you’ll forgive me?”
“We’re friends, Ryan. There’s nothing to forgive.” She bit her lip and chuckled as she said, “You gave me the best kiss of my life. So I should be thanking you. You’re a really, really generous, gorgeous, kissable friend .”
Ryan’s cheeks filled with heat and she knocked her hand playfully into his stomach, feeling the defined edges of abs underneath. Bad move, Virginia.
“What socks are you wearing today?”
His lips twitched. Perfectly soft lips she’d kissed heartily six days before. Curse her intrusive thoughts! This was gonna be harder than she anticipated.
“Armadillos. You?”
She pulled up her jeans, revealing calf-high socks, striped with colors that reminded Ginny of fall.
“I like them,” he said. “Festive.”
“Right?” Ginny rested her hand on the roof of her sedan, giving it an affectionate pat. “Ya know what a friend would do in this case?”
“What’s that?”
“A friend would buy another friend a forgive me for kissing you and then immediately regretting it pistachio latte and a donut to go with it before flag football practice.”
He mirrored Ginny, facing her and placing his hand on the roof of the car but sighed with something like relief. “I would love to buy you a coffee, Gin. And, can we forget… everything?”
“Ha! Not a chance.” She shrugged and placed both hands on his broad shoulders. “If you think I will ever forget the feeling of kissing you, Ryan, you’re more dense than I gave you credit for. And, I may be me, but I don’t think you’ll be forgetting that kiss any time soon either.”
She patted his shoulders just like she’d patted her car and gave Ryan her biggest and brightest smile. Ryan’s blush deepened into the most delicious shade of pink, and Ginny almost felt bad for embarrassing him.
“Now, let's go get that coffee you owe me, buddy.”