Chapter 13
Celine
“Welcome to the testosterone buffet.” Ruby stepped up beside me, handing me a can of seltzer.
Her infant son was laid out on a blanket in the grass next to Evie’s son while down the hill, various townsfolk sawed tree limbs and chopped logs. Her little boy, Brooks, was so much tinier than Vincent, though they were only a couple of months apart in age.
“I’m still not sure what’s happening here,” I admitted.
It had been a long and thoroughly confusing day, and I’d spent most of it in the woods, supervising Julian while he “helped” Josh saw off tree limbs and collect branches.
I’d seen more chainsaws today than I had in the rest of my thirty-six years combined.
I’d woken to the sounds of engines, voices, and cars filling the farm.
Naturally, panic had hit me, but after the initial anxiety spike, a peek outside, and a cup of coffee, I realized some kind of town event was beginning.
Men and women had been milling around in Josh’s yard, holding thermoses full of coffee, sporting various flannel fashions, and toting around the accessory of the day—chainsaws.
Every person I met greeted me warmly, like it was business as usual as I stumbled around trying and failing to make sense of it all.
Eventually, Ruby had arrived, positively giddy, and explained Chainsaw Day and its traditions.
It was heartwarming, really, the entire town pitching in to help.
We’d been here for a month already, and I still hadn’t wrapped my mind around the vastness of Josh’s farm.
We were surrounded by thousands of trees, all of which had to be inspected and maintained and tapped.
The place was both wild and tamed. Kind of like Josh. He was careful and precise and serious, yet I’d seen flashes of a wicked sense of humor here and there, like more lurked beneath the surface.
The girls had wanted to stay at home, Maggie absorbed in a book and Ellie texting photos of her nails as she painted them bright blue. So I’d come outside to chase Julian around. There was no way he was missing this. It was all ATVs and chainsaws, and he was fascinated.
Josh had been efficient and commanding, yet so kind to Julian, involving him in the action and keeping him safe.
As grateful as I was, he hadn’t given me a chance to say so.
He’d barely looked at me all day. And that was fine.
He was working hard to keep everyone safe while he simultaneously chopped wood, ran saws, and directed crews.
Some folks from the No Book Club were here, and Evie had pointed out the small group of firefighters who worked with Jasper.
Then there was the handsome mayor that Stella was always talking about.
This was an all-out event, yet despite the commotion and all the working parts, Josh had made time for Julian. He’d been kind and direct. He’d set boundaries and given him clear guidelines.
And Julian responded beautifully. Working hard to be the lookout and taking pride in his work.
“It’s a Maplewood thing,” Ruby said.
“They really all pretend to just ‘show up’ to help?” Evie asked.
“Yep,” Ruby confirmed. “When in reality, Paul’s had this date blocked off on his calendar since last year. And he went to Staples last week and upgraded his clipboard for the occasion.”
“Bless his accountant heart,” Stella said.
“It might sound cute, but you weren’t the one stuck listening to him go on last night about the model he built to estimate firewood yields,” Ruby grumbled. “It’s a good thing he looks so hot swinging an axe right now.”
I snorted, watching the men work. “Are they competing with one another?”
Evie laughed. “Yes and no. From what Jasper told me, the idea is that they chop all the wood so that everyone can take some home for the winter. But a few of them, Jasper included, seem to think this is some kind of manly challenge.” Licking her lips, she surveyed the scene. “Not that I’m complaining.”
“Hear-hear,” Ruby said. “My husband is a beast in the spreadsheets, so I enjoy seeing this side of him.”
“I’m especially impressed by Josh,” Evie said. “Jasper and I took bets on how quickly he’d melt down after the old people started messing around with their chainsaws.”
“Nah. I’m not surprised. He’s nicer when he’s got his tools,” Stella explained.
“Yes,” Ruby added. “He doesn’t have to talk. Or feel.”
Evie sighed. “Trust me, that man feels deeply.”
I studied my fingernails, pretending I wasn’t fascinated by this conversation.
“He just hides all those feelings under the beard and flannel,” she mused.
Half the group was chopping wood and several high school kids were stacking it. A third faction, led by Jasper, had broken off to build a bonfire.
“But Frankie’s kicking all of their asses,” Stella said, her lips twitching.
“She always does,” Ruby said. “That woman has enough rage to power the entire state of Vermont.”
“I’m surprised Nolan hasn’t gotten in his car and driven away,” Evie added. “She’s got a blade in her hands.”
I’d heard Frankie mentioned a few times and gathered she was a close friend of these women, and according to Callie, she was an excellent mechanic, but I hadn’t yet met her.
As if she could hear my thoughts, Evie looked up at me. “She’s one of our best friends, so we can say this. But she’s been in a bad place since the arrest.”
Ruby nodded, her face falling. “I’m worried about her. She still won’t talk about it, and she spends every minute she isn’t under the hood of a car contacting lawyers and reading legal articles.”
Frowning, I looked from one woman to another. I wasn’t following.
“Her little brother,” Stella explained, lowering her voice. “He was arrested…um.” She trailed off, looking at Evie and Ruby for help.
“He was arrested for murder,” Ruby whispered, covering her mouth with her hand.
My eyes shot to Julian. He was throwing a stick to Wayne, who dutifully returned it each and every time. I blew out a breath. There was no way he’d overheard that from where he stood.
“And arson,” she added. “But she swears he’s innocent and that Nolan botched the investigation.”
“But then he went and confessed,” Stella said, watching Frankie with a sympathetic look on her face.
“She’s been on a crusade for justice ever since. Going down to Boston to find him the best lawyers, visiting him in jail. Hounding the FBI, demanding they investigate Nolan. She’s grieving.”
My stomach twisted painfully. I knew what that felt like. The grief of realizing a person I loved had the capacity to hurt. I’d rarely been as devastated as I was the moment I realized my trust had been broken completely.
Evie checked her watch. “Shoot. Jenn and Mel should be here with dinner soon. Can you help me get the folding tables out of my trunk?”
“I hope they get here quick,” Ruby said, scooping up her son. “Food as a distraction would be great right about now. We’re probably twenty minutes from someone lighting something on fire.”
Stella giggled. “Ten if Logan is involved.”
A bit dazed, I called Julian over and trudged down the hill toward the packed driveway. A big crowd was still chopping wood, but several others were pulling camp chairs and coolers out of their vehicles.
“This is going to turn into a party very quickly,” Stella warned me.
I held Julian’s hand as he scanned the scene. By now I was sure he’d be overstimulated, but with Wayne by his side, he was calmly taking in the sights.
“Do you want to go back to our house?” I asked him. “We should probably check on the girls.”
He looked up at me, his eyes swimming with contentment. “I like it here.”
I squeezed his hand. Okay, then. I guess we were staying.
As I helped Evie with a folding table, I marveled at how naturally the whole crowd was coming together. Someone had set up a speaker and music was now playing. Another person had produced cornhole boards from the back of a pickup.
“Is that…?” I frowned at the man standing at his open trunk.
“Yup. Nate is rolling a keg out of his car.”
“I’m glad I brought Vincent’s jammies,” Evie mused. “I may have to put him in the baby wrap and hope he sleeps.”
“The cool air will probably knock him right out,” Ruby said, looking down at her own cooing son in his offroad stroller.
“Is Josh okay with all this?” I asked.
Ruby laughed. “It’s Chainsaw Day. He doesn’t have a choice. He’ll make a half-assed effort to kick us all out, but he’ll quickly relent. This is what happens every year. People will eat and drink all that beer, and we’ll be here all night.”
“That’s why all those hay bales are stacked up. For seating.” Evie lifted her chin, signaling to the makeshift rows. “Jasper brought them down from the big barn last night without Josh noticing.”
“And I’ve got blankets in my car for when it gets chillier,” Stella added.
Julian and I hiked back to our house with Wayne in tow to grab layers and the girls. Unsurprisingly, Maggie was reading on the couch and more than ready to join the party. Ellie was nowhere to be seen, so I sent the other two upstairs to find her.
Alone for the first time all day, a familiar sense of panic built in my chest, and suddenly, my mind was taking off without my permission. If I’d known there would be a town potluck in my backyard tonight, I would have made a dish or two.
Generally, I hated spontaneity. I liked to know precisely what was expected of me. And now my nervous system was spiraling. Because I’d done something wrong. I’d fucked up. I was stupid.
Those thoughts were cut off, thankfully, by three sets of feet thundering down the stairs. I pushed away the negative emotions and cleared my throat while I waited for the kids.
There were dozens of people here. No one was going to judge me. I’d had no clue this was even happening, and even if I had, with the chaos going on, no one would notice that we’d come empty-handed. Right?
Even so, that feeling, that I was wrong, or I’d done wrong, stuck with me, niggling at the back of my mind like it always did.
By the time we rejoined the party, it was in full swing. Jenn and Mel were serving chili and cornbread while Josh grilled hot dogs.
“Celine!” Evie shouted. “Come say hi to Basil and Etienne.”
With a small smile, I pushed away my instinct to shy away and shook the hands of both men.
“They brought that magazine-worthy charcuterie board and the champagne.” Evie giggled.
The folding table covered in a cute yellow gingham tablecloth now held what could only be described as a work of art.
And as if he’d teleported from my side, Julian was in front of it, reaching for what was probably a forty-dollar block of cheese.
I intercepted him quickly, my face heating.
“Sorry,” I said to the Etienne and Basil.
Etienne only smiled. “You’ve got great mom reflexes.”
I helped Julian choose a piece of cheese and several cherry tomatoes, his favorite, and then turned back to properly greet these new faces.
“It’s great to see you again,” Basil said.
“I never thanked you,” I said, keeping one eye on Julian to ensure he didn’t touch every piece of food on the table. “For sending cheese when I first moved in.”
He broke into a big smile. “Yes.”
“Thank you. I ate all of it. The bread you sent with it was the best I’ve ever eaten,” I admitted. “I had to hide it so my kids couldn’t find it. There was no way I was sharing.”
Pink dots appeared on his full cheeks. “I’ll deliver more.”
Etienne smiled warmly. “You just made his year. He is deeply devoted to his sourdough craft.”
“How do you feel about Brie?” my new best friend Basil asked.
“You’re welcome for the cheese hookup,” Evie said, nudging me. “Just make sure to remain loyal, No defecting to Lola.”
“Even though her cheddar is better,” Ruby whispered. “I didn’t say that. You heard wrong.”
They’d lost me, but I smiled anyway and scanned the area, needing to lay eyes on my kids.
Thankfully, I found them easily. Julian was captivated by the bonfire that Josh and Jasper were building and Maggie and Ellie were helping pour lemonade for the other kids that had shown up.
By the time Callie arrived with her twins I’d been introduced to everyone at least once—some that I’d already met at No Book Club, but many I hadn’t—not that I remembered many of their names.
“Having fun?” Josh appeared beside me. He was dirty from a long day’s work and the knit hat he’d traded his ball cap for made him look even more like a lumberjack.
I nodded. “This turned into quite a day.”
“Yeah. Sometimes this town annoys the ever-loving shit out of me, but on days like this, I can’t help but appreciate the place.” He sighed, stuffing his hands into his pockets. “My parents started this tradition a long time ago. Feels good to keep it going even if they’re not here to take part.”
He looked tired in the firelight, his face sagging, his shoulders drooping.
The strangest urge to hug him took over, but I held strong. I wasn’t one for spontaneous touching. But I felt for him. I didn’t know what had happened to his parents, but I did understand how it felt to walk around every day feeling the weight of a loved one’s absence.
“I lost my mom when I was thirteen,” I said softly, staring at the fire.
My kids now sat on a hay bale, roasting marshmallows on sticks. Julian was wrapped up in a blanket and his hands were coated with sticky mess, but he was beaming. Even Ellie and Maggie had gotten into the fun. And they were safe. I was safe.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
I remained facing forward, relishing the way the fire’s warmth spread through my body.
It was more than warmth, really. Even surrounded by so many people, most of whom I had only just met, I felt safe.
Closing my eyes, I let out a breath.
One I’d been holding for a very long time.
He belonged here.
We belonged here.