Chapter 29
29
D ean stared at her, unable to utter a word. She’d laid her heart on the line for him.
Yet, how could he give her more? Finally, he said, “Whatever you do, I’m not allowing you to go back to that man.”
She blinked, shook her head slightly. “I won’t go back to him. You sound like you don’t believe me.”
He wanted to believe her. But he couldn’t let her depend on him as a replacement. “I’m not the answer for anyone. Not for my daughters. Not for my ex-wife.”
Her face turned grave, even hurt. “So you’re saying you’re not my answer either.”
He swallowed hard. “I’m not anyone’s answer.”
After a long, painful moment, she smoothed a hand down his arm. If he’d been a crying man, he might have cried at her touch. “That’s your mistake,” she said softly. “You think I need someone else to fix my problems. I don’t.” She shook her head at him. “I won’t go back to Conrad. And I have friends I can stay with if I can’t get back into my house. But even if I have to rent an apartment for three months after I’ve given the renters notice, I’m not going back to Conrad. He’s not the answer. And I know you aren’t either.”
He couldn’t say why that hit him hard in the solar plexus. But it was what he needed to hear. He didn’t want her to depend on him to fix her life. He’d failed everyone else who’d depended on him. Perhaps that’s why he worked so much, so he didn’t have to face his personal failures. “I don’t want to screw up again.”
She didn’t answer, but asked instead, “Do you remember what you told me you’d promised your daughters yesterday morning?” She raised her eyebrows, widening her beautiful golden eyes.
“I promised that I’d take time off when they were up in the Bay Area and spend it with them.” His heart ached, but he had to smile. “At least as much time as they’ll give me.” But what if he failed?
“And you’ll keep that promise, won’t you?”
“Yes. To the best of my ability.”
She wagged a finger in his face. “To the best of your ability?” she chided. “A promise is a promise. We can’t say, ‘Oh well, sorry, something else came up.’”
She was right. And he sucked it up. “I’ll keep that promise no matter what.”
Then she whispered, soft enough that he almost didn’t hear over the pound of the waves against the rocks and the roar in his ears. But he could read her lips. “Why will you keep the promise?”
The answer was suddenly so clear. “Because love and family are more important than work.”
“Bingo.” She tapped his chest. “Love and family are more important.”
He whispered as softly as she had. “That’s why I need you.” He felt it deep in his gut and wrapped around his heart. As much as fear of failure gripped him, the ache of missing her would be worse.
The smile that lit her face was like a sunrise, all beauty and color. “You’re right. You do need me.”
He repeated her words. “I need you. I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, but if I let you go now, it’ll be the biggest one I’ve ever made.”
He saw it then, as clearly as he saw a broken link on a website. She was the key to keeping him honest with his girls, to keeping him on track with his promises. She was simply his key, unlocking the answers he needed, filling him up. “I’ll prioritize my daughters over my work. When I’m with them, I won’t let anything else get in the way.”
Her smile was a beam in her eyes. “Damn right you’ll prioritize.”
He raised her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles. “You make me see things clearly. When I was at home, I never felt like I could do anything right.”
She brushed her cheek against his hand. “I bet you did everything right. You just couldn’t see it.”
He closed his eyes, shook his head. “I can see now that I used work to hide from my failures. I could do everything right at work. But I never seemed to do anything right at home.”
Cupping his cheek, she leaned close, her breath warm against his lips. “I’m not a mom. But I think sometimes you can try to do the right thing, and it just isn’t enough. And not only because of you, but because of them as well. Because they’re growing and they’re testing their limits even more than they’re testing yours. They’re trying to find themselves and sometimes parents get lost in the process.”
She’d told him her deepest, darkest fears. He could do no less for her. “I wanted a family, but I was always afraid of not being the best at it. That’s why I waited until I was in my thirties. Why I married a younger woman who would have the babies and give them everything they needed because I was afraid I couldn’t. My mom and my sisters, everyone made it look so easy. But I was afraid it wouldn’t be easy for me.”
“It never is.” She leaned in to kiss his cheek, then smoothed the lipstick trace away with her thumb. “Relationships are never easy. We always make mistakes. And we always think we’ll fail. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try.”
He’d been so afraid of screwing up his relationship with his girls that he’d screwed it up by never being there. Now he needed to let go of his fears or he might screw up one of the best things that had come along for him in years. “I want to try with you.”
Her lips curved once again in the sweetest of smiles. “I want to try with you too.”
“We’re both professionals. We both know there’ll be instances when one of us will have to work late or need to take an unexpected business trip, where one of us will have to be talked down off the ledge because something didn’t go right at the office that day.” He held her face in his hands. “But we’re smart enough to make this work.”
“We’re very smart.” Her smile reached her eyes, touched his heart.
And he gave his heart what it most desired. “I don’t want this to end when we get home. I want there to be an us . I want to be the best I can be for you.” He leaned in to kiss her with all the emotion brimming in his heart. “It’s only been a week.” He snorted a soft laugh. “Not even that. But I’m in love with you. Maybe I figured it out so quickly because I fought so hard against it. I love you. And I want you in my life.”
She rubbed her nose against his. “Sometimes circumstances in our lives make us see the truth so much sooner than we might have otherwise. Mine was Conrad canceling our vacation and showing his true colors to me. And yours, maybe, was when your daughters took off on their own and scared you half to death. Whatever it is, I love you, Dean Adamo. I love your daughters. I love your mother and your sisters. I love your family.”
He laughed with joy in his heart, joy he hadn’t felt since his girls were so little they still adored him despite his mistakes. “And all my family loves you too. With you in my life, I’ll be able to figure out how to make it up to my girls.”
She leaned in, her lips against his. “You already know how to do that. You’ve already made promises I know you’ll keep.”
“I’ll keep this one too. I love you. And nothing will ever stop me.”
“And I’ll always be there to support you. And to love you.”
His life was suddenly complete as it never had been before.