Chapter 9
Maria
Brian: Hi, how's your day going? Have any appointments today or you stuck in the back room again?
The jolt of pleasure that hit me just from reading a simple message shouldn't be this potent. It didn't matter how many text chains Brian and I exchanged—and there had been a lot since our first date—the butterflies never dwindled. I felt like a lovesick fifteen-year-old whenever his name popped up. I tried hard not to get my hopes up, but it was difficult not to when Brian continued to send me a barrage of sweet messages.
Still, I forced myself to wait ten minutes before replying, careful not to click on our text chain to place him on read. It was silly, but I needed to stop myself from falling into the same pattern of behavior whenever a new guy showed interest; how I would almost drop my phone in haste to reply to what essentially culminated in a booty call.
I was always desperate to keep whoever it was on the hook, but it never did any good. They eventually wiggled themselves off into someone else's pond, and I was left with my pride in tatters and my body used. Things would be different this time.
After a sufficient moment, I replied.
Maria: A mountain of paperwork this week, unfortunately! So yes, stuck in the office. Hbu? Getting those hands dirty?
My mouth twisted before I deleted the last sentence. Brian spent most of his working hours visiting various job sites, checking their progress, and putting out fires. Occasionally, he helped out on big projects or if he was understaffed. That was all I was referring to; but examining it under a new lens, I knew it could easily be misinterpreted as an open invitation for some titillating innuendo.
I was probably overthinking it too much, but this thing with Brian was different. Felt different. Not only did I genuinely like and respect him, but I wanted to focus on getting to know him better, and vice versa, without any sexual activities muddying the waters. Luring men in was second nature to me. They became putty in my hands with a flick of my hair, a pointed touch of my hand, and some carefully placed suggestive overtones. But it never lasted.
Brian: Work is keeping me busy. Almost wrapped up that project out in Hilton. Will have to take the boys out for drinks once done.
Before I could reply back to him, another text came through. My heartbeat jumped to my throat.
Brian: Are you free next Saturday?
Fucking finally .
Our date had been two weeks ago, and Brian wasn’t kidding when he told me how busy he would be. If it wasn't for his constant contact, I would've written him off, even if it stung my pride.
Maria: Yes, I haven't made plans yet.
Brian: Good. I'd like to take you to dinner at Da Vinci's Grove.
Da Vinci's Grove? Oh my God.
Brian: I haven't tried it before. Have you been?
I gave an amused snort. Da Vinci's Grove was a five-star restaurant about thirty minutes from New Haven. You'd have to forfeit your weekly grocery shop to be able to afford dinner there. I'd never been before, never had a reason to. The abysmal men I chose in the past certainly wouldn't have taken me there.
But even still, Da Vinci's Grove wasn't somewhere you'd take a casual date, especially only a second one. Things were moving faster than I anticipated. Did I want to take that step with Brian if he asked?
Everything was so easy with him. I was sexually attracted to him, yes, but it went beyond that. I could have sat at that Bistro with him, chatting for hours, and I got the distinct impression he felt the same. There was no awkwardness. Our conversations fell naturally from one topic to the next, and any silences were filled with comfort and underlying physical chemistry. He never pushed me for anything more beyond that first kiss.
My groin clenched at the memory. And what a kiss it was.
Trying to appear calm, I replied.
Maria: I've never been, would love to go.
I watched the dots move on my phone; my lips curved in a secretive smile.
"Someone got laid."
I jerked at the sound of Linda's teasing voice. She was leaning by my office door with a smirk on her pretty face. "I did knock," she insisted.
Used to her gumption, I rolled my eyes and placed my phone face down.
"Don't you have a blowout right about now?"
"She canceled." Linda ambled in without invite and sat across from me, crossing her long legs. She indicated to my phone. "So?" she pressed. "Was that him?"
I rolled my lips in, attempting to keep the smile threatening my face from blooming. "Yes. And for the hundredth time, I didn't get laid."
"So you're still looking like that after one lunch? Like you're walking on a cloud of sunshine and unicorns?"
"That does not sound appealing. Sounds hot and pointy."
I swiped my phone out of reach when Linda's sticky fingers moved closer to it. She pouted at me.
"So what's got you smiling like that, then? Please tell me it was Brian."
I didn't need to say a word. The blush building on my cheeks spoke volumes.
"He was confirming our date next Saturday." My stomach fluttered again just thinking about it.
"Oooh, where's he taking you?"
I bit my lip, bracing myself for her reaction. "Da Vinci's Grove."
Eyes widened comically, and blonde brows shot up. "Holy fucking shit! I've been dropping hints for my husband to take me there for ages."
This time, I couldn't stop the pleased smile from crowding my face. "It's pretty fancy, right? I mean, I like Brian, but this feels like more than a casual date."
"My cousin's husband took her there for their tenth anniversary. It's definitely a big deal." She clapped her hands together in glee. "He's catching some pretty strong feelings for you."
The urge to clap my own hands in joy was strong, but I managed to pull myself together. What were the chances that I manifested personal changes and installed boundaries on my future relationships, only to meet the seemingly perfect man practically right away? It felt too good to be true.
"You'll have to put out," Linda teased. Her eyebrows wiggled suggestively.
The dreamy smile dropped from my face. I turned my attention back to my computer screen as I attempted to ignore the gnawing drop to my stomach. I knew Linda was saying it in jest, but I also knew she wouldn't be surprised if I’d already fucked him.
When you had the reputation of being the town bicycle, it came with preconceived notions attached. I loved sex, but it was no longer enjoyable for me. It was transactional; a means to keep a guy around, and I inevitably ended up feeling like shit about myself and my personal choices. Linda didn't know that I was choosing to remain celibate, but her comment hit me at my core all the same.
The memory of that scorching kiss Brian initiated at the end of our date flickered in my mind. I hadn't planned on kissing him. The day was too bright, and the sidewalk was filled with people milling about. A chaste kiss on the cheek and a hug was the most I was willing to offer.
But then Brian cupped my face between strong, calloused hands, and I was immediately ensnared in his searing gaze. The way he looked at me, so tender yet drowning in desire, caused a bubble of lust to build low in my belly. I couldn't remember the last time a man had stared at me with such heavy longing. I couldn't remember a time when it was genuinely reciprocated by me.
When his lips touched mine, I had to clench his waist to keep from mauling him. His firm yet surprisingly soft lips moved expertly against mine, and my mouth had welcomed his tongue. It wasn't a kiss that should've happened at 3 PM on the sidewalk of a busy street, but I found it impossible to pry myself away.
Only when he backed me against the car and I felt the telltale sign of a growing male arousal did I push back. I panicked. I didn't want to give Brian the wrong idea, even though my body felt cold without his touch.
Did I want to fuck Brian? Of course. But I needed more than that. I wanted to be desired. Adored. Respected. Loved . All without having to use my body first to receive them.
Then he called me sexy, and it triggered a slideshow of memories. Men calling me hot, sexy, or a mixture of adjectives, none of which were meant to sound complimentary. Like an idiot, I hurriedly drove away, probably giving him whiplash with my behavior.
During the short drive back to New Haven, doubts started to crowd, and I was beginning to second-guess my actions. What if he thought I was a tease? What if he had another woman on speed dial to fuck because I got him all hot and bothered?
I had to take several deep, cleansing breaths to talk myself down.
Maria, if that's what Brian thinks, or if that's what he ends up doing, then he's not the guy for you.
You deserve better.
You deserve better.
I'd repeated the mantra until I pulled into the carpark at my apartment. Even though I was embarrassed by my flighty performance after our date, I knew I’d made the right choice.
It was further cemented when, an hour later, Brian made good on his promise to call. Not only did he call to check I got home okay, but he also texted me goodnight. I went to bed that night in a dreamlike state.
After Linda left my office, the day quickly became busy. Toni fell sick mid-shift, so I stepped in to handle the rest of her bookings. I stayed later to get on top of my paperwork, including booking our hotel in New York for the Sassoon seminar. I couldn't wait to tell Charli and Gail.
By the time I made it home, it was well past eight. I was tired but still looking forward to a relaxing soak in my bath before collapsing into bed. As I stepped off the elevator onto my floor, I immediately skidded to a stop. My fingers tightened on my keys.
Simon and his now fiance, Sofia, were kissing and giggling as she fumbled to open her door. His back was to me, leaning one arm against her door jamb, essentially caging her in. His dark head was buried against her neck as she fought with her door. Although, it didn't appear she was making much effort to try to open it.
It was terrible luck that I had to live practically next door to Sofia. So far, I avoided any awkward run-ins with them since they became engaged, but it looked like my luck had run out. I did look into moving, but there were no open apartments in my complex, and anything else was outside my price range.
They were so engrossed with each other they hadn't noticed me, and I prayed they wouldn't. Thankfully, Sofia managed to tear herself away from Simon long enough to open her door. The two went stumbling in, slamming the door behind them. My tense body relaxed.
If I’d witnessed that scene a year ago, I would have ordered my weight in Chinese takeout and downed a bottle of wine. Now, all I felt was a heavy sadness for the time I lost, not to mention the emotional and physical effort I put to entice Simon into falling in love with me.
Even though I no longer believed myself in love with him, seeing Simon—the eternal fuckboy—so happy and in love was a stab to the heart. Not a sharp blade like it used to feel, more like a dull ache.
Feeling more blue than I already was, I stripped out of my clothes and turned on the taps to my bath, wiggling my fingers under the stream until the temperature felt just right. It wasn't until I poured my bath salts in that I remembered I’d yet to reply to Brian's text. I’d left my phone in my office when I was covering for Toni and then put my phone on silent to avoid distractions as I finished my admin work.
Cursing, I quickly turned off the tapes and swiped my phone up, pausing my playlist so I could concentrate.
Brian: Can't wait for next Sat x
Brian: How's your day going?
Brian: Just got home. Haven't heard from you, so assume you're buried under a mountain of paperwork :P
Brian: Everything OK?
Shit.
Instead of texting, I called him immediately. I sat on the tub's edge, my body tense until I heard Brian's deep, honeyed voice.
"Hey, beautiful. Is everything okay?"
He didn't sound annoyed or pissed off. A calm settled over me, and my dejected mood lifted.
"I'm so sorry," I fretted. Goosebumps tickled my skin even as steam rose from the bath. I quickly explained my busy day.
"That's okay, sweetheart."
Sweetheart. My heart soared.
"Sorry if my texts were incessant," he laughed.
My heavy eyes crinkled at his words."No, you're fine." A growing yawn came over me and I smothered it.
"You're tired." His voice rumbled soothingly in my ear. "You about to head to sleep?" I heard him shift around and wondered if he was lying in his bed. Did he sleep naked?
An image of sweat-soaked limbs tangled in sheets filled my head. My eyes shifted to the bubbles in my bath and then to my naked body. My pink nipples pebbled as I thought of how easily I could lure him in. The scene was set—me naked, about to hop into a warm bath. Him possibly shirtless in bed, maybe with half an erection just from talking to me.
I stared at myself in the fogged-up mirror. My eyes roamed my naked form as I clenched my dampening core.
"Maria?"
My hand tightened on my phone as I reached down and silently swiped at a bubbled foam. "Yes," I murmured. "I'm just about to collapse into bed. I'll text you tomorrow?" I blew the bubble away.
"Yes, sweetheart."
There went those butterflies again.
"Have a good night's rest. I'll text you in the morning."
"Bye, Brian," I whispered.
"Night, sweetheart."