CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Freya
My chest feels heavy as the lift descends. Mark and I have done nothing but argue since the day we met, and a few sweet gestures and kind words made me fall for his act. I’m letting a man get to me, a man I’ve only really known for a few days.
I let out a bitter laugh. “Fucking hell. Get it together,” I grumble.
The doors open and I step out, dodging a few drunken men stumbling by. “Watch it,” I snap.
“Love, come back up to the party with us,” one slurs as his mate tries to reach for me.
I move my hand aside. “No thanks.”
His mate pushes him inside the lift. “Stop hassling women, asshole.”
I make my way down the hallway that leads to my cabin, freezing when I spot Lily sitting on the floor, her legs curled up. Rose is clutched to her chest.
I sober up quickly at the tears streaking her cheeks. “Lily,” I call out.
I kneel down when I reach her, placing my hand on her shoulder. “Lily, are you okay? Has someone hurt you?”
The baby begins to fuss. “Please take her,” she pleads, her words breathless.
Her complexion is pale; so pale it scares me.
Her breaths come faster, deeper, and my heart aches for her when I realise she’s having a panic attack. I gently push her forward from the wall, coming in around her until she’s between my legs. I hold her, pressing my chin to her shoulder.
“Rose is a beautiful name,” I begin, hoping my words distract her. “She looks like you, but I see Jaxon too. Do you want more children?”
“I… yes,” she rasps.
“How many do you want? Personally, I would like three. Three’s an unlucky number for some, but not for me.”
“I want two. Jaxon wants four,” she answers, her tone steadier now.
“I bet you want a boy,” I muse.
She nods. “I want him to look like Jaxon,” she whispers.
When Rose begins to settle, I run my finger along her cheek. “I’ve never seen a more content baby. Has she always been like this?”
“Yes. Aiden hates it because Sunday cried a lot as a baby.”
“I bet. He seems like someone to keep a chart,” I tease.
“I think I’m going to pass out,” she rasps. “I don’t feel good.”
“I’ve got you,” I assure her, tucking one arm under Rose just in case. “I had panic attacks as a kid. We were broken into whilst we were asleep upstairs. Every night after, I would have nightmares. Every noise scared me and I would have panic attacks. My sister thought it was funny and would purposely try to scare me. And believe it or not, if we went away, it triggered them even more. New places, new scenes, they can unsettle the mind.”
“I was going to find Jaxon. He went to get me some anti-sickness meds, and then Rose began to cry. I stepped out to check if he was outside because I started to feel dizzy, and the door closed behind me. Then…” She gulps, her eyes closing. “I really need you to take Rose now.”
As she drops back, her body dead weight, I reach for Rose. “Somebody help!” I cry. “Help!”
Doors open along the corridor, and people stick their head out being nosey, but it’s the voice behind me that has my attention.
“Lily!” Jaxon roars, dropping to the floor next to me. Her brushes her sweat-stained hair from her face, his eyes wild. “What happened?”
“She was having a panic attack. She said she wasn’t feeling good,” I explain, tears in my voice as he lifts her up.
I grab the medicine box he dropped from the ground as I stand, grateful I no longer have my sandals on. I follow him into his cabin, watching as he places her down on the bed.
“Can you get her mum and dad for me, please?”
Rose begins to fuss, and he glances over, torn between the two as I drop the medication on the bed. “I will take Rose with me. I promise she will be in good hands. I swear.”
He nods, and I speed-walk out of the room, making my way back to the lift. Inside, I press the floor I need and step back. “Come on, come on, come on,” I chant, breathing out a sigh of relief when the doors open seconds later. I move to the stairs, racing up them to the deck.
Soft, warm air greets me and I see Teagan in Maverick’s lap, next to the other adults. All the composure I tried to keep dissipates at the sight of them.
“Teagan,” I call out, tears in my voice.
She sits up, her eyes drawn to Rose. “Why do you have Rose? Where is Lily?”
“It’s Lily. She, um…” I glance around, realising there are people here who aren’t family. Lily wouldn’t want people knowing her business. “You need to come.”
Teagan and Maverick are already up before I finish my sentence. I turn, nearly bumping into Mark. “What’s going on? Why do you have Rose?”
“It’s Lily,” I whisper, continuing past him.
“Do you want me to take her?” he offers as we move down the stairs.
“No, I’ve got her,” I promise.
Two minutes later, we are outside Lily and Jaxon’s cabin. I slowly follow them inside. Lily is up, her hands clutching Jaxon as she sobs. When she spots me, her shoulders drop and a puff of air slips past her lips. “She’s really okay.”
“She is,” I assure her.
“I told you, baby,” Jaxon soothes.
“What happened?” Teagan asks, running her hand down her daughter’s back.
Jaxon glances at Teagan. “She’s been sick all evening. I think it’s something she ate at lunch. I went upstairs to grab some medication because we gave ours to Faith. I shouldn’t have left.”
“It’s not your fault,” Lily whispers, reaching for him. “It’s mine. Rose began to fuss and I didn’t trust myself to hold her. I came out to check if you were there, but then the door closed behind me. I had left the key on the bed. There were a few drunken men passing and I just panicked.”
“Did they do something?” Jaxon grits out.
Tears spill down her cheeks. “No. I overreacted as usual. I could have dropped Rose,” she cries, her shoulders shaking.
I step closer until I’m in front of her. “You didn’t overreact. They were loud and intimidating. I saw them,” I reply softly. “And you wouldn’t have dropped Rose. You are so acutely aware of your body, you knew what you needed to do. You were already on the floor when I arrived, and I bet if I hadn’t shown up, you would have placed her down. Just like you warned me you were going to pass out, giving me time to take her. Jaxon was there seconds later. I’ve never seen anyone react like that during a panic attack. You were remarkable and strong.”
“I thought they had stopped,” Lily rasps. “My worst fear was blacking out during a panic attack and it’s happened.”
“Lily,” I call out. “You didn’t pass out because of the panic attack. Your breathing had already become controlled by then. I think the panic was brought on because you aren’t feeling well. If this is a fear of yours, then your body most likely struggled to compartmentalise what was going on. One part of you was fighting to keep Rose safe, whilst another part was feeding your fear, all the while your body was overworked with being sick. Add in the heat tonight and probably being dehydrated, passing out was your body’s way of shutting down.”
Teagan runs her finger across her daughter’s shoulder. “Honey, she’s right. You’ve also been so stressed about being present all the time that you haven’t relaxed yet.”
Lily’s eyes meet her mum’s. “I want to be able to take my daughter places. I want my husband to be able to drink with my family. I don’t want people to keep working around my insecurities.”
“Fuck other people,” Jaxon growls. “You do take our daughter places. And why the hell would I want to drink with your family when you are the person I want to be with.”
“I’m not going to take that personally,” Maverick mutters. “I think what Jaxon is trying to say, is that you don’t hold him back. He wants to be where you are.”
“Damn straight,” Jaxon grouches.
Her tear-filled eyes meet her husband’s. “I want you to enjoy this holiday. You have so much going on at work. I wanted you to relax and have fun, but I’m holding you back. I’m boring.”
He lifts her chin. “Babe, this is my ideal holiday. When we are at home, we have Maddox constantly popping in. If it’s not him, it’s one of our family members. Then there’s my work hours. My only regret is that we didn’t do this sooner. I don’t care if we don’t leave this room again for the entire trip. This is the most uninterrupted time we’ve spent together since we got married. If that makes you boring then I’m worse because, babe, you have more time for people than I do.”
“You mean patience,” Mark butts in.
“Will you promise to relax?” Maverick softly demands. “You are so busy trying to be the perfect sister, mother, wife and daughter that you are missing a key point. You are already perfect. No one but you judges what you can and can’t do. You are feeling sick, hot and tired, which heightened your stress when you stepped outside to seek help. It’s like Freya said, your brain was struggling to compartmentalise what was going on. You were around drunk people at the reception earlier and didn’t balk. I truly believe if you weren’t feeling so sick, you wouldn’t have been triggered earlier either.”
She nods, but then clutches her stomach. “I’m going to be sick.”
Jaxon quickly snatches the bin from the floor, holding it up. “Here you go, angel.”
“We will take Rose for the night so you can get some rest,” Teagan offers.
Lily wipes her mouth with a tissue. “No.”
“Honey, we are in the adjoining room right next door. We will keep it unlocked so if you feel better in the night, you can come in and get her.”
“Angel, let them,” Jaxon pleads. “As much as neither of us are ready to spend a night away, you aren’t well. Let them take care of Rose so I can take care of you.”
“We’ve not been away from each other,” she whispers.
“We are right next door,” Teagan assures her. “It will be just like her sleeping in her room at home.”
She nods. “You don’t mind?”
“Not at all.”
As Lily begins to vomit in the bin once again, voices echo from outside the door. “She’s my niece,” Max growls.
“She’s my sister,” Faith argues.
I turn and notice every single member of the Carter family are blocking the doorway. My heart melts at the sight. I’ve never met a family so close-knit. It’s like their bond is cemented together. Aside from my nanna, none of my family are like this. My mum didn’t even visit me in the hospital when I had my appendix removed.
“She’s my best friend,” Maddox growls, moving into the room. He practically shoves Teagan out of the way to sit down next to Lily. She was clearly expecting it because she rolls her eyes and gets up.
“Guys, she’s fine,” Maverick calls out. “Go back to the bar.”
Faith steps further into the room, her eyes welling up with tears. “Did I do this? Did I make you panic again by asking you to come?”
“Sweetheart, she’s sick. It has nothing to do with anything else,” Teagan promises, rubbing her daughter’s arm.
“I want…” Lily vomits again. “To be here.”
Retching echoes behind me and I turn to see Max struggling to get back out of the room he fought so hard to enter. Mark snorts. “He could never handle people being sick.”
Retching fills the air again, and my lips twitch when I hear Hayden. “My god, you are so weak.”
“God, I can smell it,” Max moans, retching again.
“Can you all piss off? She doesn’t need an audience,” Jaxon growls.
Suddenly, Aiden is pushing his way through, panting heavily. I hide my amusement at the boxers he’s wearing. They are covered in love hearts. “Are you okay?”
Lily groans over the bin. “Oh my god, I’m sick. Not dying.”
Aiden’s brows pinch together. “Landon said you passed out. Should we call the onboard medic?”
“Aiden, she’s sick. I already checked her over earlier,” Hope declares.
My brows lower. I didn’t know she was a doctor.
“She’s a nurse,” Mark whispers, reading my expression. “You okay?”
“I’m not the one with a stomach bug,” I state as I gently rock Rose side to side. “Lily, I really do think you have a perfect baby. My best friend’s nephew took hours to calm down.”
Lily forces a smile and drops back down on the bed, completely spent. “She is perfect.”
“Do you want me to stay with you tonight?” Maddox asks.
“She has a husband,” Jaxon snaps.
“I’m her best friend.”
“Don’t give a fuck,” he bites out.
“I’m okay, Mads. I promise,” Lily whispers. “I am never eating again.”
“What did you have for lunch?” Teagan asks. “Because you didn’t eat at dinner.”
“She had a salad from the salad bar,” Jaxon immediately answers.
My eyes widen. “No. You need to stay away from foods rinsed in water.”
“I ate it and I’m fine,” Mark points out.
I roll my eyes. “I think your stomach is made out of steel. You don’t count.”
“Freya is right. They have some salad tubs that are not rinsed with tap water. It’s what I put on Sunday and Mark’s sandwiches yesterday.”
“I ate from the salad bar too,” Maverick points out. “I’m okay.”
Teagan snorts. “Lily doesn’t have the same stomach you lot were born with. You ate bad sushi and were fine, whereas I took weeks to recover,” she reminds him.
“I’m so tired,” Lily whispers. “I don’t want to be sick anymore.”
“Take these,” Jaxon orders, holding out two tablets.
“Come on, guys, go back to what you were doing,” Maverick orders, his tone stern. Reluctantly, everyone begins to file out, clearing the doorway.
“I’ll come and check on you after breakfast tomorrow,” Faith promises, then meets Beau at the door.
“I can stay until you—” Maddox begins.
“I will throw you out myself,” Jaxon warns.
“I’m fine, Maddox. I have Jaxon.”
“All right. I’m going. I’m going,” he declares, getting up.
I gently pass Rose to Teagan since I should leave too. “Here you go.”
She squeezes my hand before I can step back. “Thank you for helping my daughter and granddaughter.”
“Yes, thank you,” Jaxon adds, meeting my gaze.
Lily peels open her eyes to look at me. “You talked me out of my panic attack.”
“Your mind just needed to concentrate on something else. I knew the subject of Rose and Jaxon would distract you.”
“It did. I didn’t think something like that would work. But it was also feeling you hug me. You are quite soothing.”
I smile. “Thank you. I’m glad it worked. My friend Summer used to wrap herself around me like an octopus. She never spoke about something that made me happy. She would talk smack about people I disliked so I would focus on doing the same. It always worked.”
“I’m so glad you were there. Thank you. And thank you for taking Rose when I really needed you to.”
“You are welcome. Get some rest,” I reply softly, before turning to the others. “Hopefully I will see you all tomorrow.”
I can’t look at Mark as I make my way out. I just want to go back to my cabin. Being near him is… it’s embarrassing. I’m not going to be another notch on his bedpost. I can keep things platonic.
I jerk to a stop when I spot most of the Carters still outside, my thoughts of Mark pushed aside. Hayden grins at me and reaches for my hand. “You are officially one of us. You are coming with us.”
“I was actually going to bed,” I reply.
“Nope. Carters aren’t quitters,” she announces.
Liam grins, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. “Sleeping is cheating.”
“I really would like my bed.”
“Nope. We are doing shots and getting wasted,” Ciara orders.
Imogen hiccups. “Yep. We are going to get wasted.”
Ben reaches for her when she goes to topple over. “Babe, you are already wasted. The only thing you will be doing is going to bed.”
Hayden glares at him. “Don’t order her around.”
Ben holds her glare, unflinching. “She’s going to bed.”
Imogen clutches her stomach. “Why is the room spinning?”
Ben lifts her up and carries her away. I turn to Hayden. “I want my bed.”
“Nope. Come on.” I let her drag me away, but I don’t do it quietly. I huff and stomp my feet, which makes her smirk. “Don’t pretend you don’t want to hang out with us.”
She’s right. I do love hanging out with them. I get why my nanna wants to let them adopt her. They are a pretty awesome family.
I mean, what’s the worst that could happen?