Chapter Thirteen
Sailor
Benito looked so much better when I went to visit him that I understood why Noah had questioned me about his health.
His dress shirt was crisp, his suit dark blue with black pinstripes.
The chain around his neck was different than before, but still made of thick silver.
His white hair was perfectly slicked back, and the color in his cheeks was robust.
A stark change from the day I met him.
“I still hear a faint rattle in your lungs,” I said as I draped my stethoscope back around my neck. “Apart from that, you’re the picture of perfect health.”
“I feel strong. Walking doesn't steal my breath anymore.”
“That’s good. I would say you can stop using the spirometer, but keep up with the antibiotics until the prescription runs out.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
I couldn't help smiling. “Now, do you have any questions for me?”
“I’d love to know why you only stayed here for one night.”
Frowning sternly at him, I bit back a sigh. I’d set that trap on myself, hadn’t I? “Because it felt inappropriate to be here with two single men.”
Benito’s smile was huge when he responded. “You don't have to worry about me, cara mio. I’m too old for you.”
As though that would stop him from pursuing anyone he was interested in. “Now that you’re back to your usual self, age is just a number.”
“I’ve never found the right woman to fill the empty spot my dear wife left behind. Maria would have loved you, Sailor, and treated you like a daughter.”
My face flushed. “Vicki would probably have disemboweled me if her mother treated me as her equal.”
Benito chuckled. “Maybe she’d have tried, but I would've stepped in. She only needed time to get to know you, much like Noah.”
The mention of his son only made my heart gallop in my chest. His visit yesterday had come as a surprise, and so had our interaction in the hallway. I’d wanted him to follow through on the promise in his eyes, and that was not allowed.
“Are you sure he even likes me?” I said casually, putting away the tools of my trade.
“Oh, without a doubt. He made sure I knew I needed to treat you properly.”
“When have you ever not?” I asked, surprised that Noah would warn his father about me. “You’re a gentleman.”
“Not everyone would agree.”
He’d always treated me with respect, but I could see how someone else might only see him for the criminal mastermind he once was.
Or still was. I couldn't even tell anymore.
Which only served to remind me I hadn't heard any interesting news about them that I could pass on to Lauder. She would pop up unannounced again if I didn't at least give her a hint of information. Unfortunately, the men were well aware that loose lips sink ships.
“Some people only see what they want to see,” I told him.
“That's one of the things I like about you, dear. You’re nonjudgmental.”
I smiled gently. “It’s part of our code of ethics, Benito.”
“Some doctors apply it sparingly, such as Dr. Hofstadt.”
That made me frown. “What did he do?”
“He’s the reason I left your hospital AMA, cara mio. I couldn't abide his superiority complex and refused to listen to his instructions after he spoke down to me.”
“I had no idea.” Sitting beside him, I took his hand unthinkingly.
“I was glad he wasn't your physician when you were admitted the last time because I think he skates by on old practices. But he’s very much part of the foundation of our hospital, and nothing I’ve ever reported has gone high enough to make a difference. ”
“Do you not confer with Dr. Hogan?”
As often as they invoked his name, it was clear this family was close to Grandview’s CMO. “No. As I told Noah, I answer to the Chief of Staff, Dr. Johnson.”
“So which one of them sent you my way?”
Pinpricks danced over my nape. If I didn't tread carefully, I might trip up on my answers. “Dr. Johnson.”
“I was under the impression it was Dr. Hogan who assigned you to me.”
I shrugged. “Perhaps he ordered it, and Johnson was just the messenger.”
Benito smiled at me, but for the first time, it didn’t reach his eyes.
I shivered.
“Well, fate was good to me in the end, wasn't it? You healed me, and we became friends.”
“Yes,” I responded, relief rushing over me. “Absolutely.”
“Now, wouldn't you like to be Noah’s friend, too?”
Oh, for crying out loud. “Why do you push me toward him so frequently?”
“I want you both to be happy. He’s spent too many years doing my bidding to find a good woman to make a family with, and you’re all alone.”
Swallowing, I tried to find tactful words. “I’m not sure how old he is, but men have more time than women to worry about that sort of thing.”
“He’s thirty-six. By his age, I had two beautiful children and more than a decade of marriage under my belt.”
Nodding, I squeezed his hand. “I’ve been too focused on my career to worry about dating.”
It was true, but it wasn't the entire truth.
I had nothing but work to focus on because I was too broken to make connections.
Most nights, I awoke screaming from nightmares.
Every few years, I had an impromptu visit from the feds.
As a result, I was scared to let anyone into the fucked up parts of my life.
It had never been my own, not since that fatal night when the course of my future had been irrevocably changed for the worse.
“You’re a well-established doctor now, though. Surely, making friends isn’t too big an ask for yourself.”
When Benito cared, when he gave me those big, dark, sympathetic eyes, was when I caved the hardest. He was way too kind to someone like me.
“Sometimes, I wish I’d had the choice to trade with my parents. I would have done it without hesitation. Then maybe my entire existence wouldn't be so pathetic.”
“Oh, Sailor.” Benito held his arms open, and I leaned over to let him pat me on the back. “Parents should never outlive their children. They would have chosen to die for you, of that I’m absolutely certain.”
I felt tears leaking onto his expensive suit jacket, and I pulled back. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.
“Don’t apologize for opening up. I appreciate the trust you’ve placed in me.”
The word trust gutted me. He shouldn't trust me, and I shouldn't trust him. Under any other circumstances, we would be mortal enemies. I saved lives, while he took them. We were entirely incompatible.
“You and Noah should go out somewhere. It doesn't have to be a date, cara mio, just a friendly outing. Try fun on for size, see how you like it.”
Wiping my eyes again, I laughed. “You just want to set us up and hope we’re meant for each other.”
He held his hands up. “Can you blame me?”
“You think I’m good enough for your son?”
“Better than he deserves.”
“I don’t know about that.”
Benito reached out, briefly cupping my cheek. “You've said it yourself; you’re a world-renowned thoracic surgeon. He’s a businessman training to take over my position one day. You’d mesh well.”
A weird thought flashed through my mind. If I were to marry Noah, no one could compel me to testify against him. My deal with the assholes who hounded me would be null.
But that would mean they’d no longer investigate the catalyst for my continued heartache. Not that they seemed too keen on finding the answers right now, but they’d give up completely, and I'd be left without answers again. I couldn't withstand that outcome.
Besides, the wishes of an old man meant nothing in comparison to Noah’s feelings. He’d made it clear more than once how much he disliked me. I was just another pretty face to him—someone to kiss and then dismiss.
“I haven’t heard him asking,” I said, immediately regretting it. Knowing Benito, he’d convince Noah to ask me out and turn it into an obligation.
“Perhaps he’s scared.”
I laughed way too loudly at that. “I’m sorry, but Noah Costa isn’t scared of anything.”
“He’s scared of hurting you.”
That stopped me in my tracks. “No.” I shook my head. “You’re mistaken.”
The main door opened, and Noah came in with a file box in his hands, stacked with manila folders on top.
“Let’s find out,” Benito said as Noah dropped the box on the coffee table.
“God, no,” I protested as I stood.
“Sailor, I didn't realize you’d be here.” Noah looked at his watch. “I guess I took longer than I’d expected to.”
“I was just leaving,” I replied with a glare at Benito meant to warn him into silence.
“Don’t leave on his account,” Benito protested. “We were having a lovely conversation.”
“It took an odd turn at the end. We should drop it.”
Passing by the table on my way to the door, I glanced down at the picture sitting on top of a manila file folder.
Two men had their arms around each other’s shoulders, and one of them looked familiar.
It wasn't the man Lauder and Berkshire had warned me away from, but someone else.
His hair was a similar shade of blond to mine, but darker.
Before I could place him, Noah spoke from beside me.
“Dad is still progressing?”
My gaze snapped to his face, feeling guilty that he caught me being nosey. “Practically one hundred percent.”
“Good. Thank you.” Shoveling his hands through his hair, he added, “And I'm sorry about yesterday.”
Refusing to look at Benito when he coughed, I merely said, “No apology necessary. Let’s just agree not to make it a pattern.”
“Of course.”
“I need to remain professional at work, that’s all.” I felt myself rambling, but I couldn't find any sense of calm around Noah. “Or we'll create more fodder for gossip.”
A large part of me wanted to know what it would feel like to be loved.
It had been years since I’d been wrapped up in the warm embrace of someone who gave a shit about me.
But I was also afraid I’d grab onto the smallest facsimile of a connection because I was so desperate for the attention, and then I would turn it into a disaster.
It was an accident that I’d come into these men’s lives, and my purpose here was to ruin them.
I was missing the most vital parts of a normal human being, and I couldn't let that rub off on them. My demons followed me wherever I went, ready to pounce without notice. Sometimes I felt like I died with my parents that night, and I’ve just been a ghost standing on that road all alone ever since.
“I have business to discuss with my father,” Noah said, interrupting my thoughts. “But if you’re on your way out, I’ll walk you down.”
I was weak enough to agree, though I knew I’d regret it. The hallway had never felt so narrow, and the elevator car never felt so tiny.
“I would like to clarify something,” he said, and though his voice was low, it startled me out of my attempt to remain aloof.
“Okay.”
He moved forward, and I moved back. Instinct told me being alone with him was bad for my health. My medical bag dropped to the floor when my fingers went numb.
“I wanted very badly to kiss you yesterday.”
My heart thumped in my throat, and I stared up into his whiskey eyes, so similar to Benito’s. But Noah’s held something much different.
Lust.
“I know,” I whispered.
He boxed me into the corner, and my acute stress response tried to kick in. My pulse pounded in my ears, but I wanted to let him. I needed to see what it would feel like to drown while someone set me on fire.
His scent enveloped me, permeating the air until all I knew was him. Warmth spread from him to me, heating my icy veins. Anticipation thrummed in the air, making goosebumps rise on my arms. His suit jacket rustled when he finally closed in, framing my face in his large hands.
Noah stared down at me for so long I thought I would combust before he touched his mouth to mine.
Our eyes remained locked until the very last second, when mine fluttered closed.
I felt his exhale right before my heart exploded with the pressure of his lips.
Like an idiot, I moaned and opened my mouth.
Taking the advantage, Noah swept his tongue over mine before retreating to gently caress my lips with his. My breathing came out sharply between us, and I feared my neuroses would ruin the moment.
Instead, he thrust his hands in my hair, mussing up my bun. I lurched toward him, finding myself clinging to his lapels as he consumed me entirely. Our bodies bumped, and for the first time, I knew what it meant to want someone beyond the limits of sanity.
The elevator dinged its arrival on the lower level, and Noah backed up. He dragged his hands away, trailing one down my arm until he could link our fingers and walk me out to the shiny lobby floor.
“Have dinner with me.”
The word no was on the edge of my consciousness, but instead, I replied, “Okay.”
He grinned. “Is tonight too presumptuous?”
“No, I’m free.” I was always free. “But, um, I don’t own any fancy clothes, so nothing five-star.”
“That’s not a problem.”
All I could manage was a nod.
Noah lifted our hands, kissing the back of mine. “Thank you.”
Was it stupid to reply with you’re welcome?
“I’ll call you later.”
Nodding, I watched him get back on the elevator and disappear from my sight.