Chapter Seventeen
Sailor
Noah continued to surprise me with his thoughtfulness.
I was positive he had only been on superficial dates in his lifetime, the type that ends in uncomplicated sex followed by never seeing each other again.
Yet, he went out of his way to think about what I might like at the end of a hard day.
It felt good to sit snuggled into his side with a warm drink in my hand and a roaring fire to stare into.
Shutting off my brain was difficult for me, but I’d managed to do that for an entire hour, including when we browsed the bookstore together.
He even grabbed a few paperbacks for himself, which I was certain he wouldn't read any time soon.
But when he walked me to my car, my brain couldn't remain dormant any longer. Not when he caged me against the driver’s door, bracing his hands behind me so the cold of the metal couldn't penetrate my skin. He looked at me for a long time, simply looking, until I couldn't contain my squirming.
“You’re not just beautiful,” he said as he lowered his head. “You’re so intelligent, so strong.”
As though my heart hadn't already caught fire from the longing I saw in his eyes.
As though I hadn't already sensed that we were heading down a steep incline, the path veering sharply to the side at the bottom.
Part of me was afraid of crashing, but another part of me wanted to know what free-falling would feel like.
Opening my mouth, I grabbed his shirt collar and brought myself to his height.
He accepted the offer, tangling his tongue with mine as he breathed heavily.
Bringing me closer to him, he pressed our bodies together and lost his usual restraint.
I felt his erection straining between us and knew that was the trajectory we were heading toward.
I couldn't help moaning, desperately clinging to his breadth to keep myself grounded.
“I want things I’m not sure you’re ready for.”
Blinking rapidly, I gazed into his dark eyes. “I’m not that far behind you, Noah.”
Shaking his head slowly, he said, “For once in my life, I want to wait until it’s the right time.”
“That’s important to me, too.”
His hands wandered, slipping under the back of my sweater to run across my spine. When he moved his hands to the front, I couldn't help flinching and pulling away.
“Sailor?”
I hated the confusion in his voice, hated even more the insecurities I couldn't shake. “I’ve got—”
But I broke off, unsure how to continue. My breathing accelerated, and Noah tucked his hands in his pockets.
“If you don’t want me to touch you, I won’t.”
He could so easily make it sound like an insult, but he didn't. He was so damn patient.
Sucking in air like I was drowning, I put my palm out when he frowned. “Sorry. One second.”
I was not having a fucking panic attack just because someone touched my stomach. I simply wasn't.
“Scars,” I managed to wheeze out. Breathing deeply, I tried to force myself not to hyperventilate.
“Oh, baby.” Gathering me in his arms, Noah hugged me tight and kissed the top of my head.
“I’m sorry.” Hiccuping, I buried my face in his coat. “I’m sorry.”
“Please don’t apologize.”
“I’ve always felt like fate marked me that night. Never able to move on, never able to forget.”
Instead of speaking, Noah stroked my hair.
“I had to crawl out through the broken sunroof, and the glass cut me. But we were upside down, and there was no other way out.”
So much blood, it coated me in its viscosity. Dark red, obscuring my vision.
“You’re safe, Sailor. You’re here with me.”
Inhaling his cologne, I forced myself to come back to reality.
“Do you want me to drive you home?” he offered.
I shook my head. “Then how would you get back?”
“Call someone to get me.”
I wanted to decline automatically, but then I stopped to think about it. My hands were shaking so badly, my fingers had gone numb. My brain was scattered between the past and the present. Though my secrets could spill more easily when I was in such a state, I needed his help.
“You know what? I would like that.”
“Good.”
I gave him my keys, and he settled me in the passenger seat before getting in beside me. Closing my eyes, I rested my head on the seat and tried to come back to the here and now. Reaching blindly, I groped for his hand and smiled when he covered mine with his. I needed the security he provided.
When we got there, he unlocked my apartment door, kissing my forehead in a gesture that no longer made me panic. Instead of feeling like I’d ruined this thing between us, I felt that we’d surmounted a hurdle. We’d come closer to something special.
With a shaky breath, I said, “Thank you.”
“I can see how hard it is for you to ask for help.”
Raising my brows, I said, “You too.”
With a small smile, he went on. “So thank you for letting me help.”
“Well, then, thank you for realizing I needed it.”
He hugged me close again, and I nestled into him. “I’ll call you.”
“Okay.”
When he did, it was to invite me ice skating. It seemed harmless enough, but I had never tried it, unless it was buried in pre-ten-year-old-me memories.
“You’ve never gone ice skating?” Noah asked incredulously.
“Nope. I guess it wasn't high on the priority list for my foster parents.”
He picked me up again, and I found I enjoyed riding beside him when he drove. His profile was too pretty not to stare at, even when his mouth curved up and he looked over.
“See something you like?” he teased.
“Most definitely.”
But all banter went out the window when I had to try standing on the skates he’d helped me lace up.
Noah stood gracefully in front of me, while I stumbled like a newborn giraffe unused to the length of its legs.
He had to hold onto me as we hobbled over to the ice, and then I grabbed onto the wall for dear life.
“I thought I had more coordination than this.” With envy, I watched young children floating across the ice as though they had spent their whole lives on it. On the other hand, I couldn't even stand upright without clutching Noah’s arms.
“Maybe this isn't your thing,” he suggested gently when I staggered like a drunkard and nearly fell.
For some reason, the patience I recently admired was pissing me off. “No, that’s not possible. I’m not a child, for God’s sake.”
“Here.” Stepping back a little, he held both my hands in his, skating backward so I could glide forward. I had to lean toward him to keep my balance, but my feet seemed to want to go in separate directions. When I did a poor imitation of the splits, my thighs burned, and I lost his grip.
“This is stupid!”
But my outburst was my undoing, and I fell face-first. Noah tried to grapple with me, but I was down and out before he could. Humiliation poured over me as some nearby kids laughed. My nose hurt, my knees were probably skinned, and Noah was there to witness my ignominy.
He leaned over, shielding me from the mean kids, and then picked me up as though I weighed nothing, wrapping my legs around his waist as he skated toward the exit. He set me on a bench and leaned over me again, running his hands up and down my legs to make sure nothing was broken.
“I’m sorry, this was a dumb idea. Let’s get something warm to drink and forget we tried it.”
Staring at his bent head as he examined me, I felt my mouth go dry.
“Did you hear what I said?”
He straightened, and I had to swallow hard at the sight of his gorgeous face so close to mine.
“Sailor? You didn't hit your head, did you?”
I had to stop him before he checked me for a concussion. “Take me home.”
“Yeah, okay. Again, I’m sorry.”
“No.” Grabbing his face so he would be still and look at me, I repeated, “Take me home, Noah.”
“Oh.” Recognition dawned on his face, his eyes going wide. “Wait.”
“I’m done wasting time.”
“But—”
“I surrender.”
He blew out a breath. “Are you sure?”
“Absolutely.”
It was now or never. Otherwise, it was possible I’d lose my nerve, and it might never happen.
The security system was newly installed, and I typed in the code to turn it off after we went inside. Noah stood awkwardly in my living room, so I took off my coat and hung it in the front closet.
“Drink?” I offered, suddenly unsure of what to do.
He nodded, so I went into the kitchen to get a bottle of wine.
“Sorry, I don't have bourbon.”
“You’ve already figured out what drink I prefer?”
He followed me, standing entirely too close, and I saw my hand shake slightly as I pulled out the cork. “Yes.”
Reaching for the wine glasses, I got two down and felt the way he watched my every move.
Trying to infuse enthusiasm into my voice when it wanted to shatter, I said, “Here you go.”
He took the glass but didn't drink, just stood watching me.
My neck prickled with awareness. “At least take off your coat, Noah. You wearing it indoors makes me feel like you’re about to bolt.”
Setting the glass down, he stripped off his coat and his suit jacket. He’d worn a blazer over a long-sleeved Henley, and the casual look suited him.
Now I wanted to see what he looked like without any of it on.
Quickly drinking about half of my wine, I watched him as I kicked out of my shoes. My pants were still damp from the ice when I shimmied them off and reached for the hem of my sweater. Once it was gone, I was left in a cami, underwear, and uncertainty.
When he didn't make a move, I hesitated. “I need you to help me out here.”
“You’re doing just fine,” he said hoarsely.
Biting my bottom lip, I moved closer to him and tugged off his shirt. His torso moved rapidly up and down as he breathed heavily, and I saw his bare chest for the first time. Running my fingers through the hairs over his pecs, I looked up at him.
His gaze was fierce as he stepped out of his loafers and unfastened his pants, leaving them on as he gathered me against him.
“My bedroom is—”
“Shh.”
Noah held me, not moving, not speaking. At first, it felt weird, but then I sank into him as I relaxed. Of course, he was anything but relaxed. His muscles were rigid, his cock waiting for me to do something.
“I almost slept with a coworker in the on-call room once,” I blurted.
His back stiffened under my hands.
“He was brand new, and he’d been flirting relentlessly, making it sound like he couldn't wait. Like he wanted me so desperately, it had to be right then and there. No date, no tender words. No give a damn. But no one had ever lusted after me before, and I was stupidly flattered.”
“What happened?” he managed to say.
“I couldn't go through with it.” Taking a deep breath, I continued, “He was about to take off my scrub top when I stopped him.”
He made a sound like a half groan, half growl.
“After that, he told everyone I was an ice princess.
As though I didn't already get made fun of for everything else, I had to endure the embarrassment of almost letting some asshole doctor talk me into fucking him at work like some careless animal.
I was so dumb I didn't realize he wanted to sleep his way through the entire female workforce where possible.”
“I’m glad you didn't go through with it.”
Releasing me, Noah took my hand and led me to my room.
The lights were off, but the glow from the living room was enough to see by.
I knew deep down that this was the man I was meant to find to stand beside me.
God knew it wouldn't be easy, for more reasons than I could count, but I wasn't easy to be around either.
Standing at the foot of my bed, Noah ran the backs of his fingers over my cheekbone, his gaze tender enough to steal my breath.
“I don't know how to express my feelings to you,” he said quietly.
“For the time being, please don’t.”
Though he frowned for a second, he nodded.
I didn't want him to confess he loved me at that moment. It would feel too clichéd, too forced, even if it might be true.
But, Jesus, if it were true? What did that mean for us?
“I can’t handle too much too fast.”
Dipping his head, he kissed my neck. “What if I start here?”
“That works.”
Once again, I had to grab onto him to keep from falling on my face.
My knees went weak when he sucked along the side of my throat, running his hands over my back and down to cup my ass.
I moaned into his skin when I returned the favor, finding the places that made him breathe harder and paying extra attention to them.
His shoulders were broad under my seeking fingertips, the curve of his hips feeling so different from mine.
Kissing me deeply, Noah kept up a constant rotation of touches.
We’d been slowly headed in this direction for a while, and I wanted very much to find out what the night would bring.
Nobody had ever gotten this close to me before, and that was by design.
But with him, I wanted the closeness, the intimacy, I’d never found to be comfortable with anyone else.
He shifted his legs, bringing his cock in contact with my underwear, and I gasped. The next few moments would change everything between us, and I was both excited and terrified for that to happen.