Chapter Twenty-two
Noah
As I raced back to the Ritz, my thoughts scattered into a million different directions.
I had to talk to my father immediately, especially if we could identify the man who was working with the Lombardis.
I’d been told the Franco family line ended with Carmine, so unless he somehow survived the hit, then who the fuck were we dealing with?
And, worst of all, absolutely worst of fucking all, was knowing what would happen if Sailor ever learned the truth about that night.
I hated leaving her abruptly in her time of need, but I couldn't sit there and play devoted boyfriend, not with the revelations going on inside my head, and not with the huge effort it took to keep it all off my face. If she saw my inner turmoil, she’d know before I had the chance to do damage control.
I didn't even know how I felt about it. Sad, angry, disbelieving, all that and more flew through me as I tried to concentrate on the road.
Dad and I had been having a celebratory dinner with Leo Russo, thanking him for his help in proving the Lombardis had gone back on their word.
The Russo family had guaranteed they’d back us up on any war that came about as a result of our upcoming revenge, and I didn't even care if that was simply because they would gain more territory with another family down.
I hit the preset number for my father and listened to the ringtone over the car’s speaker. It rang too many times, and I hung up in frustration. He must still be in the dining room downstairs, most likely getting drunk with Leo.
The valet took my car from me, and I barely spared him a thank you as I sprinted into the lobby. Several heads turned to stare at me as I moved too fast for decorum, but I pushed past the greeter at the entrance of the restaurant to locate the table I’d just left not even an hour ago.
“Dad,” I said as I approached.
“Son,” he responded, holding his glass up to me in a mock toast. “Sailor must be okay, then?”
Not even close. “Sort of. I need to speak to you urgently.”
“Can’t it wait until we’ve finished our drinks?”
I was right. His words were a tad slurred, his eyes red-rimmed and glassing over. He hadn’t been drinking while he was sick, but now that he was better, it was game on.
“We were making up for lost time,” Leo joked. “It’s fine if you need to end the evening. I enjoyed myself at your expense, but now it’s time for me to retire.”
I wanted to push the old men out of their chairs to get them moving, but instead, I had to bide my time while they went through the motions of saying goodbye. Patience had never really been my strong suit, and pretending I didn't want to wring their necks was not an easy task.
Finally, I was alone in the elevator with my father. “Sailor had some interesting information to share with me tonight.”
Dad leaned against the wall, completely unaffected by my agitation. “Oh yeah?”
I stepped over carefully, getting close so I could watch his eyes. “She told me her real name, and she recognized the man we’ve all been scrambling to identify.”
And there it was; his pupils dilated, and he no longer appeared drunk. Glancing up at the cameras, he shook his head. I hadn't planned on saying more yet anyway, but I did move back to the opposite wall.
The second his hotel room door closed behind us, I lost the thin control on my temper. “You told me Carmine Franco was the sole occupant of that motherfucking car.”
Dad walked to the corner bar a little too casually. “That was the intel we had at the time.”
His betrayal burned a hole in my gut. “And afterward, you just never heard otherwise, huh? That’s what you're telling me?”
“Nero—”
“Don’t you fucking dare,” I lashed out. “I knew you were lying to me about something when all this mess started, but I never considered it was about something this major.”
He poured himself a drink and downed it. “It was my fault, and I didn't want you to blame yourself.”
“That’s the same line you use about Mom, and it’s getting old.”
“I would like to know what Sailor told you,” he said calmly.
“You mean Sara Franco?”
“Yes, that’s what I mean.”
A searing headache roared at my temples, forcing me to stumble back. Throwing out my arm, I managed to catch myself before I fell. “How the fuck did you know that?”
“I’ve kept an eye on her from a distance, just in case her memory ever returned.”
Finally, I had to sit down. My legs were simply giving out. “If you knew she was a Franco, then why have you pushed us together so hard?”
“Because—”
“You wouldn't let me do a background check on her!” I exploded, surging back to my feet. “I knew there was something familiar about her that first day, and you told me to back off. Were you merely covering your own ass?”
Dad poured another drink, holding it in his hand and staring down at it. “When Grandview told me I needed a visiting doctor, I asked Hogan to assign her to me. I needed to know she was still in the dark.”
My heart thundered in my chest, ready to rise up and choke me. “And you thought insisting I marry her would somehow absolve me of my sins?”
“I thought you two were well-suited, and it seems a kind of kismet that you love each other.”
“There’s no going back from this.” Breathing became harder, and I sat back down. Sucking in air, I said, “I can’t marry the woman whose parents I killed.”
“She doesn't know,” he insisted.
“How could I possibly keep it from her?” Tugging at my tie, I ripped the stupid thing off my head and tried to breathe. “In just the last hour, the knowledge has brutalized me. I can’t lie to her face and pretend I’m not a monster.”
Dad rested his hand firmly on my shoulder, a gesture that I was learning to despise. “You can’t tell her.”
Unable to form words, I merely shook my head. I hated myself, so how could I expect her not to feel the same?
“You only pointed at the car and pulled the trigger. I told you Carmine was the only person in the vehicle. You had no way of knowing his wife and child would be with him, and neither did I.”
“You told me he needed to die because he was a vicious enemy, a threat to our family. You told me this was what I had to do to make my bones, but I never signed up to murder an innocent woman and endanger a child!”
“He was vicious, Nero. He plotted to kill us all, including your mother and sister.”
“You damn well better have proof of that.” Not that it would make a difference anymore.
“I did.”
“Decades later, his family member is trying the same.”
“It can’t be the Francos,” he insisted. “Their line died out with Carmine.”
“Clearly not!” I shouted. “It’s all clicking now. Why the fuck do you think we all thought the guy looked so familiar? He could be Carmine’s twin.”
“Carmine didn't have a brother.”
“Doesn't matter. Have the investigators look into the family tree. There were clearly more men in that family than you assumed.”
He released my shoulder. “It would make sense why a relative would target us, but they sure took their time.”
“Just like the fucking guard who let himself go fully under before he made his move. He was better able to blindside us that way.”
“That man was related to Sofia Franco—he was her brother—but I didn't know that until it was too late.”
“And all the secrets come out.” Lifting my hands, I dropped them back to my lap with a thud. “Mom’s death was ultimately my fault, then. The brother took her life in revenge for what I did to his sister.”
“We’ve both paid a high price for the actions we took that night. We operated on the intel we had, but the orders came directly from me. You merely did what you were told.”
Rubbing my mouth, I stared unseeingly at the wall. “You've tested my worth with my own blood before, and just when I thought I could finally learn what it feels like to be mended, the world has come crashing down on my head.”
“You have to move past this, son, so that you can be happy.”
“How can I move past such an egregious betrayal?” And how much did it hurt to realize I meant both his and my own? “Do you realize what she went through because of me? Not just losing her parents, but losing herself. Losing her childhood.”
Finally, he drank the bourbon he’d held onto. “The best way to atone for your sins is to give her a happy life.”
“That’s the real reason you thought we’d make a good match, isn’t it? You think I can heal her when I’m the cause of her trauma?”
“As long as she doesn't know the rest of the truth, yes. If you tell her, what’s to stop her from going to the police?”
My stomach twisted. “I haven't even thought of myself in this scenario.”
He sighed. “This is what I’m telling you. The only way forward is to continue as you were. Otherwise, you could find yourself in prison.”
Which was where I belonged. I’d never felt much remorse for my actions before, but the playing field had just shifted under my feet.
My phone pinged, and I took it out of my pocket. With a knot in my throat, I opened the text from Sailor.
It’s okay to let me go if that’s what you need.
A sob broke from my chest, startling me.
I hadn't even realized how much I loved Sailor until the idea of losing her became a reality. She was the balm for all the bad I’d done, for all the heavy decisions I made on a daily basis.
She was the soft place to land at the end of the day, and I’d somehow fucked that up at the ripe age of eighteen.
“What is it?” Dad asked.
“She’s already sacrificing herself on her sword.” Standing again, I paced to the window and looked out at the lights of the city. “She thinks I’m pissed at her for not telling me her true identity sooner. She has no idea I’m over here having an existential crisis.”
“Get your damn self together and reassure her, then.”
I laughed bitterly. “You can’t order me to get over this. That’s not how it works.”
“The alternative is that you lose her and possibly your life.”
Though my hands shook, I had to reply. I told her it wasn't what she thought, and apologized for leaving abruptly.
“How do I reassure her when I’m falling apart?”
“You become a better actor.”
Dropping my phone on the console table, I said, “Instantly? That’s your plan?”
“Again, think of the alternative.”
“I’m on borrowed time now, Dad, and I can’t repay it. I’m screwed.”
“Once you’re married, she can’t be compelled to testify against you.”
“As though that solves everything!” I wish I had something to throw. I needed the satisfaction of breaking a glass. “Especially knowing that she’d be more than happy to throw me to the wolves if she knew what I’d done.”
Remorse didn't even begin to cover it. I’d never known the outcome of my actions that fateful night, except for my father telling me Carmine was successfully eliminated. I killed an innocent woman, and even if I didn't mean to, the thought still stabbed me in the heart.
Another text came through.
I don't want to be an imposition. Don’t fake it for my sake.
Clenching my eyes shut, I tried to figure out how I could fix this. She was already in her head, already dooming us before I’d told her anything. Already so positive that she was the one to fuck up instead of me. She had no clue how epically I’d fucked up.
I know ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ is too cliché, but I mean it. It’s not your fault, Sailor.
At the last second, I added I love you, hoping she wouldn't spend the rest of the night in agony. One of us was enough.
There was no reply.
“We’re fucked, Dad. All of us.”
“Over an eighteen-year-old mistake? Don’t be a fool. I raised you to stand tall, be strong, and always move forward.”
“You raised me on lies and deceit!” I shouted, turning to face him.
He looked old again, and that hurt my heart, but I couldn't let myself be swayed by it.
“I did my best to rectify my mistakes. I never meant to put them on you, but to carry them around myself.”
“You’re not the one who can fix this, though. It has to be me, but I don’t know how.”
“Treat her the same as you have been. Love her and protect her.”
“Only now, I have to protect her from me.”
I asked her if it was too late to come over, and I didn't even know if I meant too late at night or if I was simply too late.
She told me it was okay, and I blinked back tears. “How am I supposed to convince her everything is fine?”
“Find your inner strength. She deserves what you’re able to give her, so don’t fuck this up now.”
No, she sure as shit didn't deserve me, a man full of self-loathing. The man who murdered her parents when she was only ten, and caused her to have to grow up in the foster care system. I took everything from her, and it was much too late to give it back.