21. Monroe #2
“Okay,” he says softly, stroking my cheek with his thumb. He drops a kiss to my lips. “I promise, Tokki-ya.”
The next morning, Jin announces he has to leave me alone for the first time since the fire. He senses the tension that immediately fills me and promptly clarifies no cuff will be involved.
“I trust you, Tokki-ya,” he says gently, placing a kiss on top of my head. “You’ll stay put and wait for my return.”
I smile a little and nod. “I won’t go anywhere. But… um, how long will you be gone?”
“A few hours. I’m leaving you with this.”
He withdraws a handgun from the waistband of his pants, holding it out in his palm. It’s a small weapon, almost comically child-sized.
My eyes round at the sight of it. Possession of firearms is illegal in South Korea. Though it shouldn’t be surprising Jin has these kinds of weapons—he’s a captain in a violent crime syndicate, after all.
But never did I think he’d hand me one.
“I don’t…” I swallow, then shake my head uncertainly. “I’ve never shot before. I’ve never even held a gun…”
“There’s a first time for everything. I’ll show you. I want you to have a means to protect yourself while I’m gone. Not that I anticipate anything will happen. I have a friend watching the house for me.”
“A friend? Who?”
“You can call him Han. He’s keeping watch from a distance. But close enough to be here in seconds if anyone turns up. Here, let me show you the pistol.”
Over the next half hour, Jin shows me the ins and outs of how to hold and load the gun. Then he briefs me on how to aim and fire. He offers to take me onto the beach for a few practice shots, but I turn that down.
“Nothing will go wrong,” I say. “You said your friend is looking out. And you’ll only be gone a few hours.”
Jin presses his lips to my cheek. “The pistol makes you uncomfortable.”
“A… a little. I had a cousin in Philly lose his life to gun violence.”
“An unfortunate tragedy,” he says in his usual candid manner. “But if you must, Tokki-ya, use it to defend yourself, alright?”
Jin leaves shortly after.
I try to make myself comfortable, though it’s an adjustment.
Jin’s family home is a traditional Korean hanok, which means it had very little furniture even at the time it was occupied.
Sleeping on the bedding mats was fine, especially nestled close with Jin, but reading with my legs folded on the floor isn’t as comfortable.
Still, I focus on the book I’m reading and urge myself to ignore the clock. Jin’s left me with a burner phone—again, under the trusting guise that I won’t use it to call anyone I’m not supposed to—but I can’t help checking the hour.
After the first three he’s gone, I clap shut the book and stand up to stretch my legs.
Today isn’t as gloomy and overcast as yesterday. I step toward the back door and breathe in the fresh sea air.
The area really is so peaceful.
The narrow strip of land stretches out toward the sea.
Sand has been swept smooth by the tide, littered by the occasional piece of broken driftwood or dark, sea-glossed stones.
The waves roll in slower and gentler than before.
Farther out, a line of jagged rock juts from the water like broken teeth, where seagulls gather and squawk into the wind.
I meant it when I told Jin this would be a nice, calming, secluded location to raise a family.
Staring at the sandy coastline, I can envision small children giggling and splashing into the water before running back to safety. I can see myself laughing with them as I supervise, then Jin walking out to put his arm around me.
On one hand, it feels so silly to imagine these things. Jin and I have only known each other for a few weeks. We’ve only connected in the way we have for even shorter. He’s a stoic and withdrawn man who probably doesn’t want marriage, much less a family .
But… I can’t help the longing in my heart. I can’t stop my imagination from showing me what I desire.
A gentle sigh soughs out of me. What would Mom think?
She wanted me to move on from Eli. I’m not sure if she had Korean gangster in mind. More like Korean schoolteacher, Korean banker, a safe and mild-mannered man of any background really.
Anything but a man like Jin, who lives a violent, dangerous life. But she would want me to be happy too. And, in the most unexpected way, being with Jin does make me happy.
There’s a thrill that being with him brings me. Unpredictability and excitement, but also intensity and passion. He can be so soft and caring, so perceptive where I’m concerned. Then there’s the other side of him, which is brutal and dominant. Terrifying.
Jin is gone for almost five hours.
The entire time he is, I’m alert and watchful. I’m thinking about him and our relationship.
When he finally returns, he’s dressed in different clothes than when he left. A dark crewneck shirt and pants with a leather jacket similar to the one that burned down in his apartment. He carries a duffel bag with him.
I don’t wait for him to reach the front door. I spring forward and launch myself at him, tossing my arms around his neck.
“You’re back!” I kiss his jaw, then go for a peck on the lips.
He squeezes me back before he sets me down on my feet. His hand scoops mine up and he leads me into the house.
“What’s the duffel bag for?” I ask nosily.
“For you.”
“More clothes?”
“Something like that,” he answers mysteriously. He sets it down on the low table and then turns to face me. “I’ve found a way to get you out.”
My brows knit. “Get me out of where?”
“The country.”
“But I thought we agreed… I mean I thought we were staying together.”
“We are,” he answers, then he reaches up to touch my cheek. “But for now, it’s best if you are safe somewhere else.”
“How will I be safe if I’m away from you? What if something happens?”
“Monroe—”
“You said we’d stick together.”
“Someone is after us. I haven’t figured out what’s going on yet. Which means every moment you’re with me, you’re in danger. I’m a Ho-gwi in the Baekho Pa. I’ve already been flouting my responsibilities the past few days. Eventually, I’ll have to return to work?—”
“So I’ll stay here. You gave me your gun.”
“And if someone discovers you? My friend can’t watch over the house all day every day. He’s a police sergeant with a strenuous work schedule.”
“You want to return to your old ways,” I say, turning my head to break away from his hand on my cheek. “I’m a burden and this is how you get rid of me.”
“Tokki-ya, I’m not getting rid of you. I’m sending you away for now.”
“For now,” I whisper. “Got it, Jin. I’ll just keep putting my life on hold for you. Because you haven’t taken enough away already.”
He calls my name, but I rush past him and escape out the back door. I’ve never felt more foolish in my life.
Here I was, envisioning a future with Jin, while he was plotting my exit. I sigh, folding my arms in front of myself, realizing I couldn’t have misread the situation any more wrongly.