4. Lumi
Chapter 4
Lumi
I stare at the maps pulled up on my phone, clueless as to where to search next. It’s been over a month, and we are still no closer to finding the Moonlight wolves. All we’ve done is find a whole bunch of places they aren’t.
We’ve searched southern British Columbia near Vancouver, Seattle, most of Washington, and Portland. We haven’t found so much as a paw print to tell me we’re searching in the right places. No fearful whispers at the local stores about the wolves that run through the woods at night. No sign of a wolf pack nearby or anywhere.
And as Kael and I are the only ones searching, it could take us months or years to find even a trace of them existing at all. Unless, they want us to find them.
But why would they? Why would any of the packs want to be found by us or know who we are?
In their eyes, we’re just members of the lowly Wintermoon wolves—the outcasts, better off dead than alive.
Tears well in my eyes at the thought of my pack. For all we know, we might be the only two surviving members. But I can’t accept that, not until I know for sure. I have to believe they are alive. I have to believe that when I break the curse, I’ll have a pack to come back to.
There is no way for us to know if the pack survived unless we go back. My messages have gone unread, but that doesn’t mean they are dead. It could just be that my father was absolute in his decision to cut us off from the pack.
Kael looks across the room at me from where he’s sitting on the tiny, full-sized bed we’ve been sharing in this Seattle motel. He flips mindlessly through the channels while his eyes never leave me. I beg the maps to give me some clue, some gut feeling that will tell me where the other wolf packs are. Finding them and breaking the curse is the only way I’ll be able to go back and find out the truth of what happened when we left.
I quickly wipe my tears before I think he notices. We haven’t talked about our pack, our family, since we left. It wouldn’t do us any good—we can’t go back.
Unfortunately, I know very little of the other wolf packs. The things I do know feel more like fairytales my father told me to get me to sleep than reality. The Silvercrest wolves are the only other pack I’ve met in real life, and their customs were mostly hidden from me. I don’t know what is normal for the other wolf shifters.
Do they live as humans most of the time and travel into the forest when they want to be in their wolf forms? Do they have cabins or tents and live in the woods full-time like we do? Are there markers or scents I should be picking up to find them?
There is so much I don’t know, so much I realize now that my father hid from me.
As I search for some hidden clue in the maps of the vast forests near Seattle, my frustration grows, and I start muttering. “The Moonlight pack has to be here. And if not them, then some pack that would know where they are. We have to keep searching here in Seattle until we find them.”
I say the words more for myself than for Kael. He’s been mostly silent this whole time. He started off very supportive, making it clear he’d follow me anywhere. He went along with me when we traveled long days and spent our nights wandering dark forests, but I can tell he’s getting antsy.
“I think we should go back,” he says solemnly.
“What?” I drop my phone on the couch I’m sitting on and lift my head to stare at him. He slouches against the headboard, his long legs stretched out. His wound has finally healed, but now there’s a darkness that shades his features I’m not used to seeing on him. His shaggy hair has grown longer over his hazel eyes, which also have changed. His hazel eyes now glow with a soft streak of silver as he stares at me. It’s a glow I’ve only ever seen in the shifters in our pack.
“Kael…?” I whisper in a warning. A warning of what exactly I’m not sure, but something is changing in him.
He sweeps his muscled legs over the edge of the bed, and then he’s staring at me down, a mere five feet from each other.
“This is pointless. We’ll never find the Moonlight wolves, that is, if they even exist at all. For all we know, they were killed off when the curse swept through our kind.”
“We can’t go back,” I whisper even softer.
He stands.
I rise, not liking the power imbalance if I were to stay seated. Still, Kael towers over me, and a thick tension fills the air.
“We need to go back. There is nothing for us here. At least back home, we have family. We have our way of life. We have a chance to learn how to shift into our wolves.”
“They’re dead!” I scream, releasing the truth I know deep down inside me. The truth that I’ve been desperate to ignore.
He blinks, the hazel in his eyes vanishing with a blink until all that remains is a bright silver. “No.”
“They’re dead,” I say, calmer, the reality hitting me like a freight train. We have to both accept it. “They’re dead. They were weak before we left and under relentless attacks. We’ve tried contacting them time and time again, and they don’t answer. The alpha command is gone. Our alpha, my father, is gone. Your aunt and uncle are gone. We can’t go back. It would be a waste of time. There is nothing to go back to.”
He shakes his head, and his hands grip my shoulders, shaking me. “No, no, no…”
“Kael.” I reach my hand up to brush his scruffy cheek. I don’t know why he’s reacting so strongly. He’s been fine with our mission to this point but suddenly has this urge to go home.
I whisper so softly and gently, “It doesn’t matter if they are alive or dead; we can’t go back. They don’t want us to.”
“No, they want us to move on. To live as humans. To get jobs. To buy a three-bedroom house. To fuck. To have human babies that won’t even have the tiniest spark left of their true heritage. I can’t do that!” His eyes turn bright silver now, the glow filling the room as his grip on my arm tightens. Still, he continues to yell.
“I’m not a human! I don’t have any skills. I can’t just get a job. I can’t play the part of your live-in boyfriend. And I sure as hell can’t keep following you around endlessly, living out of cheap motels, searching for something that doesn’t exist.”
“Kael.” I try to move my arms, but I can’t. His strength is far superior to my own, especially when he’s angry. Although, I’ve never seen him this upset. The anger doesn’t even make sense. It’s like a rage has been building uncontrollably inside him, and he has no choice but to unleash it to survive.
For a moment, I think this is what is going to finally set his wolf free. My father said strong emotions are a common way that we shift for the first time. A strong tantrum at three years old. An unrequited crush at thirteen. An encounter with a bear in the woods. A nightmare. A first love. Any strong, heavy emotion can unleash the wolf.
It’s almost unheard of not to have had a strong enough emotion to unleash your wolf by our age. Teenagers are usually the oldest to receive their wolf. Maybe this emotion Kael is feeling is his body’s way of forcing a strong enough emotion to unlock his wolf. Maybe this isn’t really how he feels.
Whatever the reason, it doesn’t matter. If he shifts, while I’ll be incredibly happy for him, I’m a goner. Shifting in this hotel room is less than ideal. He’ll tear me apart, along with the rest of the room, and threaten human authorities trying to tame him.
As it is, with his strong grip on my arm, I fear for my life. He’s not in control of himself.
I have to think fast and find a way out of this. I do the only thing I can think of that might knock him off balance enough to free myself.
I slam my mouth over his, and he gasps. A second later, I feel his claws forming where his fingers once were, digging his razor-sharp tips into my bicep. This time, I won’t get away completely unscathed.
I deepen the kiss, trying to lock into his primal urges or at least dampen his rage.
I lean into him like I’m enjoying kissing a man who I now think of as a brother. His reaction isn’t the real him. I’ve already forgiven him for this moment, but I still have to find a way to survive.
When I kiss him harder, he pushes me away. A small sliver of consciousness returns to his body, and his claws loosen on me.
“Run,” he croaks out. “Now!”