25. Lumi
Chapter 25
Lumi
R owena approaches me and we don’t have to be able to speak mind to mind for me to know what she’s asking me. Do I need her help when it comes to Ambrose?
Yes and no.
He’s such a contradiction that I have no idea what to think or feel about him. The connection I share with him…there’s just something there that I can’t explain other than saying we are mates. I don’t need her saving me. I have to learn to deal with Ambrose on my own.
With determined eyes, I smile gently at her.
She smiles back, looping her arm in mine as she whips her long golden hair over her shoulder. “I’ll walk with you back to Ambrose’s place; then you can tell me what the plan is to save Kael.”
I nod, still feeling the stares of the entire Moonlight wolves on me. The looks I get from them are varied—from admiration to fear to anger. I haven’t won them all over as much as Ambrose tried to convince me that I did.
Emeric joins Ambrose, and then wordlessly, they take off through the village. I have no doubt they won’t rest until they’ve ensured every pack member is accounted for and on their way to healing. Ambrose doesn’t look back, but Emeric keeps glancing over his shoulder at me with concern in his eyes as I lean against Rowena’s shoulder until they finally disappear from view.
“Thank you for helping me. Kael has been my only friend for so long. It’s nice to have another friend.”
She squeezes me harder against her. “We are going to get Kael back.”
My lips curl up as she says the word ‘we’ like we are a team, like she’s invested in this too.
“How are you feeling about Ambrose being your mate?”
She says it like it’s a fact, like it’s already been determined.
“I haven’t fully accepted that I have a mate, let alone that it’s Ambrose.”
She opens her mouth like she wants to say more but then thinks better of it. Finally, she says, “Ask him. Ask him all the questions you have. Ask him everything.”
She stops walking, and I realize we’ve made it to the door of Ambrose’s house.
“I will,” I say, even though I have no idea if Ambrose will answer any of my questions.
Rowena hugs me and then slides a phone into my pocket. “My number is already programmed in. Call me if you need anything. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“You don’t need to worry about me. I can handle Ambrose.”
She smirks. “I know—we all saw that tonight. If anyone still doubts that you are his mate, his equal, they won’t after tonight.”
I shake my head. “I still can’t shift. How can I be his equal when I can’t even shift?”
“You will, you’re so close. You just have to tap into that last little bit of yourself that you have yet to fully discover.”
“How?”
“It’s different for everyone. For me, it was about accepting my beauty instead of fighting it. I used to hate that people only saw the beautiful golden-haired woman when they looked at me. They didn’t see more—that I was intelligent and brave and strong. Once I accepted my beauty as a positive thing and not a negative, once I fully accepted myself, I was able to shift.”
I frown, unsure what parts of myself I have and haven’t accepted yet.
She squeezes my hand. “They’re inside.”
I raise my eyebrow, not expecting them to have beat us to the house. I thought I would have a few minutes on my own to collect myself.
Rowena studies me for a minute as if she’s able to read my guilt. “It’s not your fault that we were attacked. The Moonlight wolves are stronger than Nyx or the vampires. No pack member died. Ambrose being our alpha makes us all stronger than the other packs.”
I don’t respond because there is nothing I can say that would stop the guilt I feel for distracting Ambrose. If it wasn’t for me, Nyx and the vampires wouldn’t have attacked. Ambrose would have stopped the attack before anyone was hurt.
Rowena doesn’t say anything else as she starts walking down the path from the front door down to the street, while I open the front door to face Ambrose.
Emeric spots me first.
“He send you to lock me up again?” I fold my arms across my chest, while staring him down with a look that dares him to try it and see what happens.
Emeric’s face drops. “No. I was going to stand guard outside and give you two some privacy, unless you don’t feel safe with him.”
I scoff. “I feel perfectly safe with him. But I’m not sure how safe he is with me.”
Emeric rubs the back of his neck as if unsure how to respond to my comment.
“I’m fine; go outside.”
He nods and is gone before my eyes can even track his movements.
“I’m glad you aren’t afraid of me,” Ambrose says, appearing in front of me as if out of thin air.
I blink, annoyed that my vision isn’t as good as I thought it was. And I do everything I can not to shiver at his unexpected presence in front of me. Despite my visceral reaction to him, I’m not full of bravado. I’m truly not afraid of him.
“We need to talk. And we’re not going to stop talking until you answer every question I have.”
He stares back at me with his piercing gold eyes before gesturing for me to follow him into the living room. As he walks, my eyes lock in on his broad back, rippling with every step. I want to run my tongue all over him and…
“You could put a shirt on,” I mumble under my breath.
“Why? I know you like ogling my body.”
“I can’t focus when you’re shirtless.”
He smirks, and his eyes twinkle as he lowers himself onto the couch. “I like seeing your attraction for me. I need that reminder when you’re angry with me.”
I sit on the other end of the couch and whip my tank off, until I’m sitting in my bra and jean shorts. I watch his reaction, and I swear I see his golden eyes swirling as he takes in my body. For a second, I consider taking more clothes off, but his reaction would distract me more than him. And as much bravado as I appear to have, I’m not as comfortable in my bare skin as he is.
“Tell me what happened between you and Nyx.”
“Nyx killed someone I loved. Someone so powerful that I didn’t think they could be killed. And it changed the trajectory of my life forever. I became alpha and, ever since, have had the weight of keeping my pack safe and trying to find a way to break the curse on my back. I never wanted this responsibility, especially at twenty-two, but I knew that I was the only one strong enough to defend against Nyx and eventually kill him.”
His father—he’s talking about his father. I have the urge to move across the couch and hold him as I see the tear drop down his cheek, but I force myself to stay, at least until he’s answered all my questions.
“I should have never let Kael go with him, even to save Freya.”
I frown, my heart torn in two. “You saved that little girl’s life; no one can fault you for what you did.”
“You do.”
I bite my lower lip, “I don’t. Not anymore. Not now that I know the truth.”
“Do you love him?”
I blink, my mouth drying. I wasn’t expecting that question. “Yes, I love Kael, but as my best friend. He’s the only family and friend I have.”
He’s silent for a moment. “Rowena seems to be growing close to you. I hope soon that you don’t think of Kael as your only friend.”
“What happened between you and Rowena?”
He stills to the point of not blinking, not breathing.
I hold my breath as well, preparing for his answer.
“Everyone thought we were mates. They were wrong.”
He says the words so nonchalantly that I know it wasn’t that simple, but I don’t prod. I wait, hoping the silence will drive him to speak more.
“Rowena is the strongest female in the Moonlight pack, so it was natural that everyone thought she was my mate. But we knew even without exploring it that we weren’t mates.”
“Did you date?”
“We did go on a couple of dates to appease the pack. They needed to see us trying after everything they’ve been through. And I was willing to do almost anything to try and save them. But I wasn’t willing to kill Rowena just to prove that she wasn’t my mate.”
He runs his hand through his hair. “But some in the pack didn’t want to let it go. They still don’t.”
I frown.
“It’s why Rowena entered the offering this year. She needed to prove to everyone that she wasn’t my mate.”
My heart jumps in my throat. I can understand why the pack would think that Rowena is his mate. She’s a better choice than me.
“She’s not a better choice. She’s not as fearless, deviant, or demanding as you are. She doesn’t have the natural leadership and protectiveness of the rest of the pack like you do. She wasn’t born to be an alpha, and you were,” he says as if he can read my thoughts. I’m sure I didn’t send them into his head.
“I wasn’t born to be an alpha,” I say. It doesn’t matter that my father was an alpha. Alphas don’t always follow family lines.
“You broke free of my alpha command.”
“That’s because I’m not part of your pack—”
“No, it’s because you became the alpha of a new pack that you and Kael created when you were on your own. I’m strong enough to command every wolf shifter, even those not in my pack. I can even command alphas, but only alphas are strong enough to break free of my commands. You’re an alpha.”
I suck in a breath, and his eyes roll down my body, taking in every inch of my flesh.
“She’s not as beautiful. My body doesn’t ache for her with raw, uncontrollable desire like it does you. I don’t crave her like I crave my next meal. And she sure as hell isn’t as brave as you, my queen.”
“I’m not brave, and I’m not your queen.”
“You’re brave. You’ve stood up against me multiple times now, and you most definitely are my queen, my mate, my equal, my future everything.”
I shrug. “Well, maybe you aren’t as much of a big bad alpha as you let on.”
His eyes alight at my words. And suddenly, he’s sitting right next to me on the couch with that predatory stare that says I should be very afraid of him.
When I don’t react in fear, his eyes fill with lust as if my lack of fear turns him on.
I run my tongue over my lips in anticipation. Ambrose watches every second of my movements with a stillness that I didn’t think was possible.
“I want to kiss you. I want to shred every drop of clothes from your body and fuck you against every surface of my house.”
Yes, I think, but I’m not sure if I actually send the word to him or not.
His eyes peruse up and down my body as he inhales me. I know he can smell how wet I am, how badly I want him, too.
“I need to tell Emeric to come back into the house first so he can ensure I won’t hurt you.”
I frown. “You won’t hurt me.”
He shakes his head. “You’re my unmarked mate. I’m struggling more and more not to lose myself around you, and I’ve barely touched you. If I do more than kiss you, I’m not sure I’m strong enough…” he trails off.
I raise my hand to his warm cheek, which feels like I’ve touched fire. He’s burning up.
My eyes widen as I slip my hand around his neck, pulling him toward me. But he’s still strong enough to resist my tug and stops an inch from my face.
“I already sent a team to ensure nothing happens to Kael. I don’t want you worrying about him. Or hating me…”
My heart sputters. Oh, this man. How could I have ever doubted his feelings for me? How could I have ever doubted that he’s my mate?
“Thank you. When I talked to Nyx—”
I fly across the room until my back is pinned against the large window, and Ambrose’s entire body is flush against mine, holding me in place.
“When and why did you talk to Nyx?” his anger is palpable as he speaks into my mind.
I glare at him defiantly. “I talked to him when I went to find Kael.”
“You have no idea who Nyx is or how terrified of him you should be. But you’re about to learn how much of a big, bad alpha I can be, my brave, foolish queen.”