37. Lumi
Chapter 37
Lumi
T hey die…
His words settle into me like ice, spreading until it’s invaded all the comfort I felt seconds before.
I have so many questions. So many things to ask, but I don’t know where to start.
“I know because it’s happened before. I loved someone, and they died because of it,” he says into my head.
I look up at him with wide, sad eyes, still unable to speak.
“When you realize what your curse is, you’ll know deep in your soul the truth of it. There is no doubt. You feel it in every bone of your body. So, saying your curse is that you can’t shift isn’t true. You would have no doubt if it were.”
I rake my teeth over my bottom lip, wanting to find the right words.
“I’m sorry.”
I frown. “For what? It’s a curse. You didn’t ask for this.”
He pauses as if waiting for me to figure out why I should be angry with him. “For wanting you. For letting things between us get this far. For letting you in. For giving you hope. For wanting you despite never being able to give you more. For not telling you my curse from the beginning.”
“You still think we are mates?”
He nods.
“I do, too. There was nothing you could do to stop this. Nothing. We were predestined. If I have to die—”
“NO!” he growls aloud. “No, you won’t die. I won’t let you.”
“But that means…”
“I’ll never let myself love you. I’ll never fall fully for you. I can like you. I can fuck you. I can be a good mate. But that’s it. I won’t allow myself to love you, to kill you. Not until we are successful in breaking the curse.”
I hold my breath at his words. “Can you really do that? Not fall in love with your mate?”
Moisture fills his eyes. “I’ll have to. The alternate is more than I can bear.”
What is the line between caring about someone and loving them? And how close is Ambrose already to that line?
I can’t think about that. I can’t think about the fact that this man holds my fate in his hands. That if he can’t stop himself from loving me, I die. And if he succeeds, then I spend a lifetime with a man who can never love me, unless we break the curse.
“What happens if I fall in love with you?” I ask quietly out loud.
“Nothing. You’d make me the happiest man on earth, despite the fact that I don’t deserve to be loved.”
I let out a rattled breath. That was what I was most afraid of, I realize. Not him loving me, but me falling for him.
“Who knows your curse?”
“Just you. No one else knows what my curse is.”
My eyes widen at that, but his hand strokes my cheek, touching me for the first time since he started this conversation.
There’s a tenderness, a vulnerability in his eyes. “I should let you go.”
“Impossible,” I say.
The corners of his mouth lift. “Probably, but I should still do it.”
I shake my head. “We will break the curse. Us being mates and completing the ceremony will break the curse. We won’t have to live like this for long.”
“You’re incredible, my queen. Even when I can fall in love with you, it won’t be what you deserve.”
I let my forehead rest against his. “It will be more.”
And then I catch his lips with mine before he can stop me.
“I’m not afraid of this,” I tell him.
He shivers at my words but doesn’t stop the kiss. He keeps to his word. He won’t be the one to stop this—not anymore. I have all the control. And there is nothing that is going to stop me this time.
I release his lips long enough for us to catch our breaths, when he says. “I’m terrified.”
He doesn’t speak the words into my head. It’s one of the only words he’s spoken out loud since he brought me here. I don’t know if he speaks them to get me to reconsider, to try and save me, or if he says them simply because they are the truth.
“I’m not,” I say, and I mean the words more than I’ve meant anything I’ve ever spoken to him. I can’t explain the connection I have to this man. I can’t explain why my heart beats only for him. I can’t explain why I’m not afraid of his curse or my own.
His lips hitch up as he realizes through his wolf senses that I’m telling the truth. I’m not afraid of this, not when I’m with him.
When I reach up, he lowers his head and engulfs me in a kiss that is full of all the heat and passion we’ve had since the second we laid eyes on each other.
We both moan in unison as if, with this kiss, we are finally giving in. Nothing is going to hold us back anymore.
“I need you, all of you,” he whispers into my ear before tracing his tongue over the sensitive flesh there.
I tremble in his arms. “I need all of you now, or I just might die.”
There’s a twinkle in his eyes at my words. Then he looks around at where we are and frowns.
“What?” I ask.
“I should have brought you back to my house, not the middle of the forest.”
I chuckle lightly, stroking his bicep. “I don’t care where we are. I don’t care if you take me against that tree or on the ground with a stick digging into my back. I just want you.”
“We could run back to the house.”
I growl. “No, I can’t wait. You’ve made me wait far too long already. And after Isolde did her little spell on me, I’m horny as hell and will curse you myself if you make me wait any longer.”
He grabs my hips at that and yanks our bodies flush together until I can feel every bit of him. He’s so fucking hard against my softness.
He runs his hand through my hair, pulling it loose from the ponytail it’s been in all night. “You’re so beautiful, my queen.”
I swallow down the lump in my throat as warmth spreads once again throughout my body, just from how he’s looking at me.
“Touch me,” I whisper.
He laughs. “So demanding, my queen. I’m not going to rush this.”
“You couldn’t possibly move any slower than you already are.”
He smirks, and I feel like I’ve just issued a challenge that he’s more than happy to accept.
“No,” I growl, but it comes out as a whimper as he takes the opportunity to kiss my neck. So. Fucking. Slowly. But gods, does it feel good. I melt into his kiss, unable to think whenever his lips are on me.
“I want you spread before me so I can worship every part of your body before, during, and after I fuck you.”
I grin. “Yes, please.”
Before the words leave my mouth, I find myself on the ground with Ambrose hovering over me with a vicious smile on his lips as his eyes glow bright again. The ground is hard beneath me, the soft moss we are lying on is not doing much to warm or soften the ground. But I could care less where we are or how uncomfortable the ground is. All I want is him. Now.
“Fuck, I can’t believe you’re mine.”
I blush. “Technically, I’m not yours yet. Not until that monster cock of yours enters me.”
“So impatient.” He kisses me tenderly as our fingers interlink, and he stretches my arms over my head, exposing all of my body to him. Starting at my neck, he kisses down until he reaches the swell of my breasts, where the glowing rune is inked into my flesh.
Shadows swell in his eyes as his body hardens on top of me. His tongue laps over the marks as his hair brushes over my skin. I expect them to be sensitive, like a tattoo fresh on my skin. But the marks aren’t a tattoo; they’re magic. His tongue sends a rush of hunger over my heated skin.
I bite my lip, trying to stifle my moans as his tongue sweeps down over each nipple. Wetness pools between my legs, and I know he can feel it dripping onto his cock, as it’s pushed hard against my opening without entering me.
“Please,” I whimper, not sure I’ll survive if he doesn’t fuck me soon.
He responds by moving his lips lower down my body until his cock moves from the sweet spot where I’ve been aching all night for him. Our fingers are still linked as he kisses over my mound, and I willingly spread my legs for him.
He breathes over my clit, and I shiver despite not being the least bit cold. And then his tongue licks over the sensitive bundle of nerves. With that simple sweep, I feel like I’m about to combust. Shockwaves shoot through my body.
“Ambrose, I can’t…”
“I know.”
And then I feel him at my slick entrance, and suddenly, there’s a drop of fear. I squeeze my eyes shut, terrified of what’s about to happen, as memories of earlier tonight start flashing through my thoughts.
Hands, so many hands are gripping me. I’m not on the forest floor but held in the air. A rougher tongue is licking me. And…
“Look at me, Lumi.”
I take a deep breath, and then I open my eyes, hating that he can see the fear that decided to make a reappearance at the worst possible moment.
“I’m sorry—I’m so sorry about what happened to you. I didn’t have any control over what your initiation would be, and if I had known, I would have never allowed you to initiate. I hate that you went through that. We don’t have to do this—”
“Yes, we do. I want this. I don’t know why the thoughts flickered into my head. It’s not like anything really happened. I broke free of the spell before anything could.”
Concern fills his eyes. “Don’t do that. That wasn’t nothing. If I could take the memory away, I would.”
“You can. Replace it with you. Make everything we went through worth it.”
“Are you sure?” He studies me closely, like my body might betray me despite what I say.
“Yes.”
“Is this your first time?”
My mouth falls open, shocked that he knows that. I’m twenty-one, and I’ve never been fucked. Never had a one-night stand. Never had a real lover. But I can’t hide that fact from him.
“Yes,” I breathe, my voice trembling.
He releases one of my hands long enough to stroke his thumb across my lower lip. “You have nothing to be afraid of. I won’t hurt you.”
I blush. “I’m not afraid of the pain of fucking a man for the first time. I’m afraid of what it means. What if we realize we aren’t mates?” What if the thoughts of what happened earlier tonight flood my head again?
His eyes widen in shock. “Not possible. We are mates. Sexual compatibility won’t change anything. And even if the first time isn’t as magical as I know it will be, we have time to practice and make it better. And I plan on practicing over and over and over until I learn every erotic place on your body.”
I smile up at him.
“And trust me, you’ll only think of me when I fuck you.”
I gasp as I realize he heard my thoughts.
“I’ll be gentle. I won’t hurt you.”
I shake my head. “Don’t. Fuck me like you want me. Like you wanted to before you found out I was a virgin.”
He doesn’t respond. But as his lips press against mine, I feel him entering my body in one hard thrust, giving me exactly what I asked for.
I’m flooded with feeling as I’m stretched so much that I don’t know how he fits inside me. The sound that leaves my mouth is a mix of a gasp and moan and scream. My eyes water and then squeeze shut. My body tenses. My nails dig into his back. I can’t move.
“Open your eyes, my queen.”
I do, obeying him even though I’m terrified he’ll see how much pain I’m in and stop. But when I look into his eyes, all the pain I was feeling disappears. The doubt vanishes. All I see is the eyes of the most caring man who’s ever wanted me.
His eyes say what his mouth can’t. That he’d love me if he could. That he’d give me the universe.
And then suddenly, he’s moving inside me. Rocking so gently as he caresses every muscle in my body until the tension melts away. He angles our bodies together so that his lower abs rub over my clit as he pushes deeper and deeper into my body. But this time, as he goes deeper, I don’t tense. I don’t feel anything but the pleasure he’s giving me.
And then, he changes. Not physically—physically, he’s still the gorgeous man that I’m addicted to in every way. But he unleashes a little of the wolf that’s inside him.
I bite back a grin, knowing that, in this moment, everything is about to change.
His thrusts change in urgency and need. He becomes ravenous in his kisses as he dips deeper into me.
“You’re so beautiful,” he says, showing me that he’s still in control of himself.
I groan into his mouth, unsure of how he’s able to speak as I’m completely ragged and at his mercy.
He grips my waist, and I get a twinkle of warning before he rolls us, and I’m suddenly straddling him. He lifts me up and down on his thick length as he marvels up at me.
He opens his mouth to speak, but it seems he’s finally speechless.
“Gods, you feel incredible. You squeeze me so tightly.”
I rock down over his cock, letting my instincts take over as my nails sink into his firm chest.
He gasps as I do.
“I’ll never get enough of this, Ambrose.”
He rolls us again, filling me in such a hard stroke that I’m going to feel it for years.
“Me neither.”
His lips capture mine, and all thoughts vanish as he thrusts faster into my body. Faster and faster and faster we rock together on the floor of the forest. I should feel every rock and stick in my back. I should feel the cool breeze. But all I feel is him. His hard cock filling every inch of me. His fingers rubbing on my clit. His other hand wrapped behind my neck as his kisses sweep me into another dimension.
We roll again and again, each taking a turn at riding the other. But I want more. I want it all.
Heat sweeps through me, giving me pause. It’s the same heat I felt the last time I was with Ambrose. I’m too hot, but I can’t let this end.
Desperation cracks through me. As much as I want to shift, this isn’t the moment. I need to finish this with Ambrose as myself.
If he notices the heat overwhelming my body, it doesn’t stop him.
“I can’t stop.” There’s a slight panic in his voice.
Well, that answers that question.
“I don’t want you to. I don’t need you to.” I frantically kiss him, afraid my words won’t be enough. That he’ll find a way to stop this. And that might just kill me.
“Let go.” His voice is a gentle caress in my head, sweet and comforting.
“I can’t. I’ll shift and hurt you.”
“You could never hurt me.”
“If I shift with you still inside me, I will.”
A glint of amusement flickers in his storm-filled eyes. “Let go, Lumi.”
I squeeze my eyes shut, holding on to the thin line of control I have left as sweat beads across my forehead.
Ambrose doesn’t ease up; he thrusts harder as he strokes my clit with his thumb. His lips continue to kiss me in a punishing rhythm. There is no escaping this, no stopping it.
“Let go, Lumi. Trust me. Nothing bad will happen. I’ve got you.”
A power ripples through me, squashing any control I have left, and I do what Ambrose says, I let go.
A beautiful torrent of pleasure cascades through my body in pulsing waves. I scream his name as my body feels like it’s being ripped apart in the most wonderful way as he continues to sink into me over and over. I ride my orgasm into blissful aftershocks that do nothing to dampen the heat in my body.
And then, he unravels inside me. I clutch onto his neck, holding on as he spills more and more of himself into me.
Our lips part as we pant into each other. The world stills, and I realize I didn’t shift. That the intense feeling wasn’t me about to shift; it was me about to come.
“My beautiful queen.” He grins down at me as he strokes his fingers through my hair.
“What did you do to me?” I mutter, barely able to speak.
He grins. “Gave you everything I can. For now, at least.” There’s a hungry promise in those words that he’ll find a way to give me so much more.
“It was more than enough.”
“Are you okay?” I hear Ambrose’s worried voice.
“More than okay.” My grin spreads wide across my face as my cheeks heat in a steady blush.
He’s my mate. I’m sure of it.
And I can shift; I know it.
Given the right circumstances, I’ll be able to shift. I felt her, my wolf, during that orgasm. She’s finally ready. She was just waiting for the other piece of my soul.
I open my mouth to speak, to tell Ambrose about what happened. To tell him everything.
He shakes his head. “Don’t—don’t tell me. Not yet. Not until I can share the feeling.”