42. Lumi
Chapter 42
Lumi
“ I don’t love you. I don’t love you. I don’t love you. I don’t love you. I don’t love you.” The words repeat over and over in my head, growing louder and louder and louder. “Please, please. I didn’t mean it. I don’t love you, Lumi.”
“I know you don’t. I’m alive,” I whisper with a smile on my lips. I expect to be lying on the ground in the forest, but when I open my eyes, I’m lying in Ambrose’s bed at his house. Rowena and Emeric are here, along with another woman I recognize but don’t know her name.
Before I can say anything else, Ambrose engulfs me in a bone-crushing hug. “You’re alive. Oh my gods, you’re alive!”
“It appears that way,” I laugh uneasily as Ambrose continues to hold onto me, as if he thinks I might slip away at any moment. My body feels like it’s been through hell and back. Everything is sore, and my head quickly begins to spin.
“How are you feeling?” the woman asks me.
“Lightheaded, dizzy, sore, tired.”
She nods. “That’s to be expected after everything you went through. I’m Serenai. Can I examine you?”
I nod, and Ambrose gently helps me lay back in bed while she does a quick examination. All the while, Ambrose never lets go of my hand.
She frowns a few minutes later.
“What’s wrong?” I ask.
“Nothing. Within a couple of days of rest you’ll be back to yourself. Your body went through a lot. You lost almost every drop of blood in your body. Shifting into your wolf form saved your life, but it also took an incredible toll on you. We tried giving you a blood transfusion earlier, but your body rejected it. So, unfortunately, there isn’t much to do but wait for your body to heal itself.” She looks to Ambrose. “There is nothing more to do but wait.”
She squeezes his shoulder and then walks out of the room.
Silence stretches between the four of us remaining. There’s something I’m missing. None of them should be this quiet about taking a couple of days for me to heal.
“What aren’t you telling me?” I ask.
Rowena steps forward. “You’ve been out for almost a week.”
“What?” That can’t be possible.
She’s almost in tears, so is Emeric.
A week. I’ve been unconscious for a week. How did I not die? Does Ambrose really love me, and I’m never actually going to recover? Is my body going to continue to slowly decline until I finally die?
I turn to Ambrose, knowing if anyone is going to tell me the truth, it’s going to be him.
“Tell me,” I say.
He opens his mouth but then closes it.
“Tell me,” I demand into his mind.
“Tonight is the full moon,” he finally says.
It takes me a second to process what he’s saying. Tonight is the full moon. Tonight is the marking ceremony—our only chance for another month to cement our bond as mates. To break the curse.
And I see it in all of their faces. They don’t think I’m strong enough.
“I can do it. I proved that I can shift. I—”
“We know that you can, but you don’t understand how close to death you were and still are. It’s suicide if you try to complete the marking ceremony in this state. You need to be at your strongest,” Ambrose says.
I frown. “I thought I just had to be able to shift. I’m sure I can…” but that pull to the wolf inside me is weak, just like my pulse. I close my eyes, trying to connect to her—that part of me deep inside that saved me, that part that I barely know. But the connection feels severed, like it was never there in the first place.
When I open my eyes, I see them all looking at me with pity.
“I can still do this whether I can shift tonight or not. That was the plan all along anyway.”
“That was when you were at full strength. In this state, you won’t survive. I know things are rough between the packs, vampires, and witches, but we can all survive another month. Just postpone one month. You shouldn’t die breaking the curse,” Rowena says.
I look from her to Ambrose, then Emeric. Emeric looks away, and I know he knows what Ambrose’s curse is. How could he not when his own curse ties him so closely to Ambrose’s feelings? Rowena is the only one that doesn’t know the cost. That I’ll die either way. If I can’t survive the marking ceremony, I’ll die. But if we wait a month, Ambrose’s growing feelings will ensure that I die from his curse. My only chance is to try to break the curse tonight.
“I know you’re worried about me, Rowena, but I can do this. I have to.”
She shakes her head with tears in her eyes. “You don’t.”
“I do.” I try to make her believe me, but her eyes widen in disbelief.
“Are you two not going to say anything? She shouldn’t do this. It will kill her!” Rowena shrieks.
“It has to be Lumi’s decision,” Emeric says.
Ambrose looks white as a ghost, and I’m not sure how much he’s recovered from losing so much blood. But it’s our only chance. He knows it. I know it. Emeric knows it.
“How much time do I have?” I ask Emeric, who seems like the only one who might answer me at the moment.
He glances out the window. “The sun will set in the next hour. The packs and witches have already gathered. The vampires weren’t invited after what happened last week. Isolde has gathered the witches that will lend their power to the ceremony. It seems like everyone truly believes this will work tonight. Isolde has been studying any texts she can find about the curse and how to break it. It seems this ceremony will be more in-depth than initially thought.”
“Great,” I mutter under my breath, focusing on Ambrose and how healthy he is or isn’t. I have to do this. For him. For me. For Kael—Nyx will kill him if I don’t. And for the rest of the wolf packs. They don’t deserve to live another month with their curses.
“Don’t do this,” Rowena says again. “It doesn’t matter that everyone has gathered. We will protect you for another month.”
I look at her with a serious expression. “And how many Moonlight wolves will die trying to protect me? I’m not willing to let anyone die for me. Not when I can end this tonight.” I turn to Emeric. “Tell everyone the ceremony goes on as planned. Ambrose and I have made a full recovery, and we’re ready.”
He nods and then leaves the room.
Rowena grinds her teeth together.
“I know you think I shouldn’t do this, but like Emeric said, it’s my decision to make,” I tell her.
“I’m not going to watch you die,” Rowena says with tears in her eyes.
“I’m not asking you to.”
“Aren’t you?”A heavy exhale heaves from her chest as she casts her eyes downward in defeat. “I’ll go see if Emeric needs any help.”
“Thank you,” I say, choking back my own tears as she leaves.
Ambrose looks over at me. “You don’t have to do this. We’ll find another way. A way to protect the pack for another month. You and I will spend the month apart. That way there is no way I’ll fall in love with you.”
Our eyes connect, and he feels it just like I do—it doesn’t matter if we spent the entire month apart or not; his feelings would only grow. I don’t know if he has to actually confess the words out loud for the curse to trigger or just feel them, but either way, I’m not taking a chance with the curse.
And he doesn’t know the other reason I have to break the curse tonight. He doesn’t know about the deal I made with Nyx. I have to break the curse for Kael, too.
“Just hold me until we have to go. Just rest and recover with me. Give us both the best chances of surviving.”
He frowns as he climbs into bed with me. “We’ll survive. We’re both strong, even if we aren’t at our strongest. You’re my mate.”
“And you’re mine.”
He kisses my temple as he wraps his arms tightly around me, promising to never let me go. “You’re my queen. And you shifted! I’m so fucking proud of you, so incredibly…” his words drift off as he realizes talking about what happened might trigger his feelings for me.
But I don’t need to hear the words to know how proud he is. How strong he believes to me. And how close he is to loving me.
I close my eyes as he begins to speak into my mind. Words to settle me. Words to join us. Words that relax me and words that terrify me. But his words only cement my choice even more.
We have to break the curse tonight.