Chapter 13
Three days later, Mark had to go furry or kill something.
He was sitting slumped on Julie’s couch.
His eyes were bleary, and his shoulders ached.
Usually, he reached for food or caffeine at this point, but he hadn’t the strength.
Plus, his stomach rebelled at the idea of more carrots and dip, to say nothing about that disaster called store-bought hummus and crackers.
He used to think exhaustion was the best cure for his twitchy growly side. No such luck. It just brought his bear closer to the surface. He could step outside and smell the clean Michigan air, but he feared he’d sprout a snout as he did it. So he waited, trying to ride out the violent impulses.
Then he glanced across the room to Julie, who was sitting at the kitchen table. She was taking notes as she scrolled through God only knew what on her tablet while slamming back crap coffee like it was a protein shake. Which it definitely wasn’t.
Focus on her face. On the human details.
Sloppy ponytail and peanut butter smudge at the edge of her mouth.
Stale coffee on her lips and grizzly hunch that wasn’t really grizzly.
Her shoulders would ache, and he prowled forward to rub them.
To rub her. Without even seeing her eyes, he knew they were tinged with red and that she was developing a permanent line between her brows.
Human details. Human life. How far away it felt and yet every moment, so precious.
Mate. Now.
They had been. Every night in a frenzy of coupling that was the only reason his bear tolerated three days of research.
Outside. Run free.
Simple choice. Mate or run wild. She was the only thing keeping him from going feral. She was his only touchstone to keeping him sane.
The phone rang, startling her and making him growl deeply. She glanced at him as she grabbed the phone, then kept her worried eyes on him as she chatted casually with her family. Her father was doing fine, but his continued fever kept him in the hospital.
Reassure her. Smile.
He did, though he had to remember how. She nodded, accepting the lie. And while he focused on the tension in his body, he realized she’d out-endured him and that was freaking impressive. He also saw what his friends did when they looked at him.
He, too, had gone through bouts of intense concentration.
The drive to the find an answer had consumed him.
He didn’t eat, didn’t sleep, and never spoke without a growl.
He’d coded his first program in that state.
He thought if he could create a computerized hunting simulation, it would ease that ants-under-his-skin need to get out and go animal.
It had worked…for a time.
He’d slept and eaten. He’d believed in a happily-ever-after. Until it had stopped working. It was all a lie. He’d never find relief. God hated him.
Eventually he tried again. Next came DNA studies. Carl’s research into magic. Maybe the answer was in fairy tales. Magic potions? Elation—depression—intense work—elation. A never-ending cycle. Highs were fragile. Lows got deeper, blacker. And always the temptation to surrender to the beast.
Take her. Now.
His dick was thick and hot. In a minute, he’d give in to the need.
He’d stumble to the bathroom and flip on the shower.
And while the hot water pounded his body, he’d imagine mounting Julie.
She’d be a large, healthy brown bear, and he’d take her over and over until he growled and released.
He didn’t do this with her. The need to be fur and claws as he spurted was too much, and he was ashamed.
So he hid in the bathroom and found relief.
For a time. Until the need tore at him again. How long did he have this time? A few hours? A day? How long could he hold off until he lost control, became a bear, and took from Julie what she wasn’t willing to give?
He focused on her face again. Human.
He saw panic in her eyes. A desperation that told him she was on his same merry-go-round of hope, desperation, and despair. It was consuming her, and it would kill him to watch it.
He rolled his neck and flexed his fingers, feeling the grizzly reassert itself with every rumbling breath. He watched her eyes widen and she ended her conversation. He hadn’t the human ability to hear what she said. He managed one word.
“Julie.” And then he was on her.
She was used to it by now, but he still despised himself for it. No words, no tenderness, just need—raw and animal.
She put the condom on him.
He bent her facedown over the table.
If he went furry, then thank God she couldn’t see it.
Mate.
He poured himself into her.
And when he came back to himself, when words formed and his hands were hands not paws, he found himself kissing her back, licking her shoulder blades while he stroked her clit. No danger of too long a claw now. And he rode out her orgasm while still embedded within her.
Mate.
And he exploded again.
* * *
“As long as we’re taking a break, I have questions.”
Mark grunted, his focus already dwindling now that he couldn’t directly see Julie. She was in the kitchen and he could hear her readjusting her clothing. He was in the bathroom, making sure that all parts of his mind and body were human again.
“Do shifters react especially strongly to any type of food or metal or something? Silver? Gold?”
“Frankincense and myrrh?” he asked as he stepped out from the bathroom.
Damn, she was fully dressed again, a light sundress that even a grizzly could shove out of the way. Any hint of their antics were in the flush to her cheeks and the open space on the table. “Yeah. Do they—”
“No. And lead bullets kill as easily as silver. But we do have stronger systems, heal a little faster, are a bit harder to take down.”
“That doesn’t help.”
“It does if you’re being chased by a hunter with a shotgun.”
She stiffened, and he regretted his words immediately. “I’m teasing. That’s never happened to me.”
“Liar,” she said, though the word was muffled as he pulled her against his chest. He hadn’t even consciously crossed the room, but now he was nuzzling into her hair and filling his mind with her scent.
“No, really,” he said as he licked the curve of her ear. “It was a pistol, not a shotgun. And he was a terrible shot.”
“Not helping.”
“Tell me what you need, baby,” he said, though the words sounded more like a rumble of vibration than words. “Anything. It’s yours.”
She straightened slowly, pushing away from him with a steady hand. He had to consciously relax his muscles to give her six inches of space. “You have to stop, Mark. I’ll never get any more work done and there’s a ton—”
“Good. Because we’re done for the night.”
Every inch of her body stiffened. “This is your life, Mark—”
“I know what’s at stake. Better than you.”
She nodded, her eyes too wide in the early evening shadows. “Yeah,” she grudgingly admitted, “I guess you do.”
“I’ve been facing this for a very long time.”
“I’m not giving up.”
He could see that. It was written boldly in every line of her body. “Didn’t ask that. But we’re taking a break.”
She grimaced, but eventually nodded. “Okay. Is there a pizza delivery place nearby? Let’s order—”
“No.”
She arched a brow. “Hate pizza?”
He chuckled. “I spent at least a month eating only that.”
“So now you’re sick of it?”
He almost laughed, but the sound stuck in his throat. “No,” he said softly. “I’m sick of just surviving. Pushing hard on adrenaline and determination. That’s no way to live, Julie.”
“But—”
He caressed her jaw, holding her gaze with a ferocity that he feared would frighten her. “I don’t want to die. I don’t want to go bear and never come back.”
“So let’s keep working—”
“But I won’t spend my last days working and eating crap. If I’ve only got a few more sunrises—”
“Don’t say that!”
“Then let me spend this sunset having a wonderful dinner with a beautiful woman.”
She blinked quickly, but not before he saw the sheen of tears in her eyes. Then she released a low snort. “I’ll need a shower and some serious makeup before I even approach beautiful.”
He studied her face, memorizing every glorious feature including the acne scars and the furrow between her brows.
He saw the mole near her hairline and the extra fullness to her mouth.
And every imperfection added up to the most beautiful face he’d ever seen in his life because of all of it was her. Fierce, determined Julie.
“You’re beautiful,” he said, meaning it to the depths of his soul.
“You’re hallucinating from malnutrition.”
He laughed. “Carrots and hummus do not sustain a guy like me.”
“Don’t forget the Ho Hos.”
Oh, yes. Those were great, but those ran out hours ago. “A mere bite.”
“Exactly—”
“Julie, I need you to hear this, okay? You are so beautiful, I can’t even express it.
I like how you look. I like the way your hair curls around your ears.
I like the full hourglass figure. I love the large breasts and hips.
And I—” He cut himself off before he said the rest. Before he admitted to himself and her that he was falling in love.
Because that spelled disaster to a doomed man.
And it meant even worse things for the woman he’d leave behind.
So he swallowed that part and substituted something vastly less real.
“And I need to take you out to an expensive dinner and dessert. Right now.”
Her eyes shone bright, but she didn’t look away. “No shower?”
“Can I join you in there?”
She snorted. “We’d never make it out of the house.”
“Oh, well in that case…” He let his voice trail off suggestively.
She wasn’t having any of it. She pushed away from him and he counted it a huge victory that he let her go. “Ten minutes,” she said. “Well, maybe twenty.”
“Fifteen. And I’ll shower in your father’s bathroom.”
She was already halfway up the stairs. “Good idea.”
He frowned. It was hard to focus when her ass moved like that. “Are you saying I stink?”
“Does a grizzly shit in the woods?”