2. Lexi
2
LEXI
I ’m waiting for him to answer me, and for all appearances, I seem cool, calm, and collected even though I’m not any of those things.
My heart is racing, my nipples are hard, and there’s a pull in my lower belly. Why? I want to scream it at the top of my lungs. Why am I still attracted to him? I should hate him and want nothing to do with him, but every time I see him, my body betrays me.
I’m determined to keep up my aloof, indifferent front even if it kills me. I’m not sure what Boss Dalton is doing here, but I do know that I cannot show him any weakness. I may not be a virgin, but if you compare my experience with his, it’s laughable.
I wait for him to answer me, and when he doesn’t, I put a hand on my hip and impatiently point toward my dorm. “Are we done? I’m supposed to be studying.”
He steps up onto the sidewalk, halving the distance between us. He smells of leather and that scent that I can only describe as him, and his voice drops a whole octave. “Studying with him? Mr. Khaki?”
I lift my chin at him, ready to tell him it’s none of his business, but I’m silent as I look at him. And this time, I look past the cocky biker that most people are scared of. This time, I measure him with a look, and he’s practically begging me with his eyes. I stutter and instantly regret that he has this kind of hold on me. “Yes, I’m studying with Carl.”
He grits his teeth and leans his head down so we’re eye to eye. “Do you let him touch you?”
With possession in his eyes, I’m scared to answer him. He looks almost unhinged as he waits for my response. “Do you let him touch you?” he repeats, enunciating each word.
I refuse to back down or show any kind of weakness. “It’s none of your business what I do and who I do it with. I’ve eased your conscience—yes, you hurt me, but I’m fine. I’ve moved on, so can you leave now?”
“What if I haven’t moved on?”
I’m stunned by his confession. I open my mouth to argue with him and then slam it shut. For just a second, I let myself imagine dating Ben and spending time with him, and then it hits me. I glare up at him. “You want to fuck me.”
I don’t ask the question, I say it plain and simple. He wants to have sex with me, that’s all this is. This isn’t about relieving his conscience; it's about sex. Before he can say a word, I hold a hand up. “At one time, I would have taken you up on it. Heck, I dreamed of having you bend me over your bike…” I let my voice trail off and then catch myself before I get too caught up in the past. “But not now. I don’t do one-night stands, booty calls, or whatever it is you want.”
He takes the last step, and he’s towering over me. My heart is racing, my breath hitches, and I have to force myself to focus on anything except his lips. He doesn’t touch me, but he might as well. He’s so close, it’s like I can feel him everywhere. “We would be explosive together.”
I could kiss him. I’ve had dreams about kissing this man, and I could give him my mouth right now and see if the real thing feels anything like I imagine it would, but before I can act on it, my sense of survival kicks in. Kissing Ben is not something I will recover from. He has the capability to destroy me, and if I give in to him, he will. He will not only fuck me, but he will break my heart in the process.
I take a huge step backward, and only then can I breathe normally. “At one time, I would have agreed with you. Now I know better. I’m not interested in being your plaything.”
When he doesn’t say anything, I know I can’t stand here under his glare a second longer. “Bye, Boss.”
I turn on my heel and practically run from him. It’s not until I’m back inside that I start to rethink everything. Am I going to regret walking away from him? I haven’t been able to get him off my mind, and maybe I need to have sex with him just so I can forget about him. I lied when I said I moved on because how does someone move on from a man like Ben Dalton? Heck, we danced, but we never kissed or anything. Why and how does he still have this hold on me?
“Are you okay? What did he want?”
I’d forgotten that Carl was waiting for me, and he was probably peeking through the windows to see what was going on. “Nothing. He was here to see someone else.” I lie to him because I don’t really want to get into it with Carl. He’s a new study partner that is part of a group in class. There are no feelings between us, at least for me.
“If he’s bothering you….” Carl starts but then trails off. I’m not sure what he’s thinking, but he surely doesn’t believe he’s any match for Boss. I appreciate the thought, but there’s no way I would put Carl in the path of him.
“No, he’s not. He’s fine. Should we get started?”
I gesture to the study room that our group is already getting set up in. Carl opens the door for me, and I sit at the chair that has my stuff. I’m opening my text book, pulling out my pen and paper to get ready, but my thoughts go to Boss and that first night I met him.
I was with my best friend, Tara and her then boyfriend, Grant. Grant wanted to take her to meet his brother, and I tagged along. I thought we were getting dinner or something at Red’s Diner in town. I had no idea we’d be going to some motorcycle clubhouse. Thinking back, it’s obvious we didn’t belong, but everyone was nice enough. Some nicer than others.
As soon as Grant introduced us to his brother, Boss, he stayed with us the whole night. At first, I wondered if I was imagining things or if there really was something happening between him and me. I felt his glances, the way his thigh brushed mine at the table we were sitting at.
He was completely focused on me, asking me questions one right after another. And when he asked me to dance, I thought I might melt right there on the dance floor. I wanted him to kiss me more than anything, but we were interrupted by one of the guys, and then he disappeared for the rest of the night. I couldn’t get him out of my head, and I was stupidly na?ve when I showed up to Heat & Ink to see him.
Big mistake. Huge.
He was tattooing some woman, and right in front of her he told me that he didn’t want me chasing him and that he didn’t fuck virgins. It was mortifying to say the least, and I left there without a second glance. Since then, I’ve tried to push Boss out of my head, but I can’t forget the way he made me feel in his arms that first night. I could have talked to him for hours if I’d had a chance, and I really felt like there was a connection. I was so na?ve.
“Lexi… what do you think?” Chelsey, one of the girls in the group, asks.
I look up, and I have four pairs of eyes staring at me, waiting for a response. “Uh, I’m sorry. I was reading the passage. What was the question again?”
For the remainder of the study session, I try to stay focused, but my mind keeps trailing back to Boss. I should have let him kiss me. Maybe then I could have gotten him out of my system.