Chapter 1 #2
“Your fucking brother, that’s what’s up.
G’s gonna be going mental that I haven’t phoned and it’s all because he suddenly thinks he’s God and can tell us when we can make fucking phone calls.
I’m not a fucking child and I won’t be treated like one.
Between him and the label saying she can’t come backstage, I’m just about ready to fuck off home and fuck the lot of them. ”
My stomach churned as I listened to his words. I looked over to Rocco who was shrugging his shoulders and shaking his head in an ‘I warned you’ gesture.
“That’s a lot of fucks you just threw out there. Drink your beer and try one of Rocco’s party smarties. They’ll make you feel better, I promise,” I told him.
Rocco, listening to the conversation, unwrapped Haley from around him, calling Maca and me over to the bar.
“You need to chill out and enjoy the party, man,” Rocco said.
“Your girl loves you, right? She’ll understand when you explain that Lennon had you all on a curfew, surely?” Maca shrugged.
“Well, if she don’t, then you two are gonna have some serious issues in the future.
Like I told Marley earlier, you guys are heading for the big leagues.
You’ll be playing in places where trying to get a call out is impossible and life’s gonna get so crazy, you’ll barely have time to take a dump.
So, she best get used to going a few days without talking to you.
” He patted Maca on the back as he spoke, coming across all brotherly and caring.
“Now, try one of these and enjoy your night off. In fact, take two and a couple lines of this. I promise, life will feel good again, my friend.”
Maca looked at me, “What you had?” I shrugged and smiled as I danced to Dead or Alive’s, ‘You Spin Me Right Round.’
“What’ve I had? A good fucking time, that’s what I’ve had. All while you’ve been running around, trying to find a payphone so my sister doesn’t kick off when you eventually speak to her.”
I watched him as he looked at the drugs lined up on the bar―two E’s and two lines of coke. He shook his head, bent down and snorted the coke, then washed the two pills down together with a swig of his beer.
“Shit,” I exclaimed, “you should’ve done those pills a couple of hours apart, not together like that.”
“You just told me to chill so bring it on, I’m ready to party. I’m sick of feeling like I’m being pulled in every direction.” He wiped his mouth on the back of his hand. “I’ve asked G to marry me,” he announced out of nowhere.
I closed my eyes for a long moment. Everything was tilting sideways around me and I felt panic rise in my belly. It was all gonna come true … everything Rocco said would happen was gonna happen. I took a deep breath in through my nose and looked at my best mate.
“You must want your fucking brains tested.”
“I love her, and I want her with me. I knew you wouldn’t get it.”
“Why, Maca? Why do you want her with you? So she can witness all this?” We both looked around the pool area.
Everyone from the tour had taken over the space, from roadies, technicians, riggers, even backing singers.
Tears for Fears, ‘Everybody Wants to Rule the World’ started playing and everyone joined in, apparently knowing the words to the song.
We were a collective―a group of strangers that had bonded after travelling, living, and performing together, and for once, I felt like I was a part of something.
I didn’t feel like a loner or the odd one out, and I didn’t want it to end.
At that moment, I realised how much I truly loved my job, my band, and being on tour.
We had a whole day and night off, spending it in a hotel and not on the road, so everyone was making the most of it and partying hard.
“Well, you gonna answer the question? What d’ya think George would say to all this?
” I gesture with a nod of my head to the scene unfolding around us.
“There’s topless women, for fuck’s sake.
Maca, some of them are naked. There are girls kissing each other, girls kissing boys, and I swear there are at least two couples over in the middle of the pool having sex.
Everyone is either drunk, stoned, high or like me, a combination of all three.
” I made sure to point out everything that would make George hate it here.
“If she sees this first-hand for herself, she will never trust you when you’re on tour again,” I told him straight.
I knew my sister. I knew exactly how she would react to what was going on around us that day.
“She won’t have to worry if she’s with me. Your mum and Dad are never gonna let that happen unless we get married, or until she turns eighteen.”
“Then fucking wait―wait until she’s eighteen. Let her finish her education so we can enjoy these next few years on the road.” He raked his hand through his hair as I spoke.
“Marls, I can’t. I need to have her near. What if she goes off to college and meets someone else? What if she decides that this isn’t the life she wants?” Was he serious?
“Maca, I know she’s my sister, but Georgia’s a good girl. She’s only ever had eyes for you since she was eleven-years-old.”
“What if you propose and she is allowed to travel with us? She’s gonna see shit like this happening all the time. What if she still decides that this ain’t what she wants, that this life isn’t for her? What’ll you do then?” He closed his eyes and tilted his head up to the sky as I spoke.
“I don’t know … I don’t fucking know. She’s so young, Marls. She thinks she knows it all, but she has no idea. She’d hate this, and she’d hate knowing I was around this shit.” He gestured with his chin towards the debauchery going on all around us.
“You need to let her go, Maca. I know you love her, but you need to let her finish her education, and you need to concentrate on the band. Then, in a coupla years, maybe think about settling down with her. We’ve got plenty of time for wives and babies.
Let’s just focus on making Carnage the biggest band ever first―that, and enjoying what it brings with it. ”
“I can’t let her go and I won’t … not for the band, not for anyone. I’ll tell you straight up, Marls, if it comes to the band or G, she’ll win every time … Every. Fucking. Time.”
My heart rate accelerated. I needed to do something to make him see that the band was more important than the fucking fairy tale he thought he had going on with my sister.
Please bear in mind I was eighteen, stupid, and selfish.
We’d worked so fucking hard to get the band to where it was and we were so close to seeing all our dreams come true.
I just couldn’t see beyond that. I’m not trying to make excuses for how events unfolded that night or the part I played in them, but I was manipulated as much as Maca was.
I may not have been innocent, but I was set-up the same as he was, and I’ve never forgiven myself for what happened over those next few hours.
If I hadn’t behaved like a selfish little prick, I have no doubt that Sean and Georgia would’ve been happily married with a family, years before they ever were.
Everything would’ve been different. They would never have been out on that icy street on that freezing cold December afternoon, and I sure as shit know that my best friend and my nephew would still be alive today.
I live with this every single day of my fucking life, but being the wanker that I am, I will never let my sister know the part I played in changing the course of her life.
I lost her once for a few years, and if she knew the truth, I know without a shadow of a doubt that I would lose her forever.