Chapter 9 #4
To my immense relief, we win immunity that day, along with a reward of tins of coffee and tea and a couple of ceramic mugs. I’m excited for the tea, but everyone else seems to prefer coffee, especially Rhonda and Cole. More for me, I guess.
Even more than just the material rewards, the fact that we won again brings our spirits back quite a bit.
While this win only means that we’re tied with Sika again, rather than having an advantage over them, it still feels good to know that nobody from our tribe will be going home tonight.
Jing seems especially relieved, but all of us are walking a little bit lighter that afternoon as we go about our daily chores.
It’s a good feeling, to say the least, and I savor it while I can.
Something tells me that feelings like this one are going to become few and far between as we get closer to the merge.
That night finds us sitting around the fire, celebrating the fact that we don’t have to attend tribal council for what feels like the first time in forever.
Well, all of us except for Rhonda, who went to bed just after sunset.
Now that Beck is gone, she claims that she actually has a chance to get some decent sleep since she doesn’t have to put up with his snoring.
“I swear, that man could knock the shingles off a house,” was the way she put it.
Jing follows her a short time later, leaving me, Marina, Cole, and Katie to our own devices.
As the sky darkens and the stars come out, the conversation trails off, and we sit in silence for a little while, enjoying the view.
The moon is a barely-visible crescent just above the western horizon, so the only light is from the fire and the stars.
If I didn’t know better, I’d swear the stars are brighter out here.
More likely, they just look that way because there are no streetlights and buildings to hide them and dim their light.
Whatever the reason is, the effect is spellbinding.
My train of thought is interrupted when Katie abruptly clears her throat. “I want us all to be friends when this is all over,” she says, her knee bouncing. “No matter what happens in this game, I mean.”
Marina scoffs lightly and nudges Katie’s foot with her toe.
“Of course we will be,” she says. “I, for one, am going to blow up all of your phones. Especially you, Cole—now that I’ve seen what you can do with a few coconuts and some white rice, I’m coming straight to your restaurant as soon as we get back home. ”
“Sounds like a great plan to me,” Cole says, flashing that easy smile that I’m finding more and more difficult to ignore. “You’re all invited to brunch as many times as you like. I’ll make sure there’s a table for you, even if we’re all booked up.”
“And you’re all welcome to visit me in D.C. any time,” I add. “I’ll show you all the tourist sights. You’ll love it.”
“Thanks, guys,” Katie says, laughing. “I appreciate it.” Her laughter turns into sniffling, and she puts her head down.
“Oh, hey now, what’s wrong?” Marina moves closer to Katie, wrapping an arm around her and gently massaging her shoulder. “Is it something we said?”
Katie looks up again, tears in her eyes, and gives Marina a watery smile.
“No, of course not,” she says. “I’m just happy to have people like you around.
It … hasn’t always been easy for me, especially right after I transitioned.
My parents were supportive, but my extended family—and a few people I thought were good friends—didn’t really react well.
And it’s not like I had a ton of friends at the time to begin with.
I was a stereotypical engineering nerd. More comfortable with books than people and all that.
” She shakes her head. “I don’t know what I would have done if I hadn’t met Rachael.
And … I guess things haven’t been as bad as they could have been, not really.
But sometimes it feels like … like people just don’t want to be me because of who I am, you know? ”
“Well, I think you’re wonderful,” Marina says, giving Katie a one-armed hug while Cole and I chime in to agree.
“And I’m glad you have someone you can count on, tata.
When I met my husband, it was love at first sight.
I didn’t tell him right away, but I knew we were meant to be together after five minutes.
But when my parents found out that I was dating a Black man…
” She frowns at the memory. “Well, let’s just say they weren’t happy about it, if you know what I mean.
They treated him like he was something they scraped off the bottom of their shoe, right up until our son was born.
He put up with all of it because he loves me as much as I love him, but if he’d been a lesser man …
” She pats Katie on the shoulder, her expression distant.
“What I’m trying to say is, I’m glad you found your girlfriend.
We all need someone in our lives who will back us, no matter what. ”
“For me, it’s my mom,” Cole adds quietly.
“When my dad left, she could have given up and left me to my own devices, but instead she did everything she could to make sure I’d have a normal life.
I may not have realized it at the time, but she really sacrificed a lot to raise me.
And when I graduated from culinary school, she was there in the first row of the audience, with the biggest smile I’ve ever seen in my life. Everything I have, I owe to her.”
“She sounds amazing,” Katie says. Cole nods his thanks to her, and she turns to me. “What about you, Ryan? Do you have someone who’s always there for you?”
I nod. “My sister, Arielle. Our parents died when I was sixteen, and she was twenty.” I push down the pain that the thought of them always brings.
Now is not the time to mourn. “We don’t have any aunts or uncles, and our grandparents were all long gone, so she really was the only family I had left.
There’s no way I would have been able to go to college, let alone law school, if she hadn’t pushed me. And then when she—”
I abruptly stop talking, catching myself just in time.
I can’t tell them about Arielle’s cancer, about how terrified I was when she was diagnosed, how helpless I felt as she went through treatment, how we’ve barely made a dent in the bills even though we’ve pooled both our salaries for the last year.
I can’t tell them all of that, even though I trust them, because if I do, then they’ll know just how badly I need the money, and then they might not trust me.
So instead, I just finish by saying, “When she wanted to go back to grad school and become a teacher, she had to scrimp and save for years to pay for it. But she took it in stride.”
Thankfully, even if anyone noticed my slip, they don’t question me further. “I’m sorry, guys,” Katie says, rubbing at the back of her neck. “I didn’t mean to kill the vibe.”
“No worries, tata,” Marina says. She starts to say more, but interrupts herself with a wide yawn. “I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m beat. I think it’s time for bed.”
“Me too,” Katie adds. “Good night, everyone.” She pauses, then looks at the three of us, her eyes glowing softly in the light of the fire. “And … thanks to all of you. I really appreciate it.”
“Of course,” Marina says, favoring Katie with a smile before turning to Cole and me. “How about you boys? You gonna stay out here, or come to bed?”
I shake my head. “I’m not too tired yet,” I reply. “I’ll be there soon, though.”
“Same for me,” Cole says. His eyes flick to me, then back to Marina. “You ladies go ahead.”
Marina nods, and she and Katie share a brief hug before going off to the shelter to join Rhonda and Jing.
Cole watches them go, his brows knitted together, then turns to look at me. “Can I ask you something?” he says, his voice low.
I nod, my heart suddenly in my throat. Maybe someone did notice my slip when I was talking about Arielle. “Uh, yeah, sure. What is it?”
He doesn’t say anything for a few seconds, giving time for my anxiety to build. “Feel free to tell me to fuck off,” he finally says, “but … when you came out, was it anything like Katie’s experience?”
I let out a relieved breath. “No, it wasn’t.
I never told my parents, but I think they knew anyway.
At least, they never mentioned it to me.
Meanwhile, when I told Arielle, she just rolled her eyes and said ‘Really? I’m shocked,’ so she could obviously tell.
Most of my friends didn’t really care—or, at least, they didn’t treat me any differently, which was good enough for me. ”
“I’m glad to hear that.” He slumps his shoulders and leans back against the log. “Really, I mean it. Nobody should ever be treated differently just because of who they love, or what gender they are.”
I nod my agreement; I just wish everyone felt the same way. “Why do you ask?”
For a moment, he just stares at me, his eyes burning with reflected firelight.
“I guess I wanted to—” He seems to catch himself, coughing into his hand.
“I was just curious, I suppose.” He gives me a smile that would have made me weak in the knees if I wasn’t already sitting down, but it fades away a heartbeat later.
“By the way, I appreciate your honesty. You’re a great guy, and I really am looking forward to getting to know you better once all this is over. ”
I look away before he can see the tears that have come to my eyes. “Thank you,” I tell him, my voice wobbling a little bit. “I’m looking forward to getting to know you too, Cole.”
When I look up again, his smile has returned. “Anytime,” he says. “I guess that’s really all I wanted to say, so I might as well go to bed too.” He stands up and brushes sand off his legs before walking over to me, pausing long enough to gently squeeze my shoulder. “Good night, Ry.”