Chapter 5 #3
“You’re right, and I know that. I was trying to be understanding and supportive, so I didn’t say anything at first. With everything he went through with losing his dad, and then Grady’s death so soon after that…
” My voice trailed off as tears clogged my throat at the memory of that horrible time.
“It just hit him so hard – all of us, really – and he was still reeling from it all when Mitch moved back. I thought it would be good for him to have an old friend in his life again, especially one who shared his memories of Grady and Phil, even if that friend was Mitch the Bitch.”
Jen snorted when I used the nickname I’d come up with after a cookout last summer when Mitch had been in a particularly bitchy mood, making snide comments to me all day – always when no one else was within earshot, of course.
“When he started going out more and ignoring the boys and me, I talked to him, but it didn’t help.
Things would improve for a few days and then he’d be right back at it, and it just kept snowballing until I shut up about it so we wouldn’t have to argue all the time.
I just never dreamed that he would change so much.
He’s become someone I barely recognize, caught up in the throes of a major midlife crisis. ”
“I really wish he would have agreed to some grief counseling when you suggested it back then.”
“I know, but he didn’t want any part of it, and Garrett and Tanner weren’t thrilled about the idea either, so I didn’t push. Maybe if I had insisted, he wouldn’t be spiraling or whatever the hell he’s doing right now.”
“Do you think he’ll be open to it once he realizes how close you are to giving up on him?”
My heart stuttered at hearing it stated so plainly, but she was right. I was close to giving up on him, even though it would hurt like hell to walk away.
“I would hope so, but…I’m afraid to give him that ultimatum, honestly. I’m afraid he won’t pick me, that he won’t fight for me…fight for us.”
Jen’s breath caught and she sounded near to tears, just as I was.
“For all his recent faults, that man loves you, Melanie. He’s just forgotten to show it, which hurts and isn’t fair and totally sucks, but the love is still there.
It’s just buried under grief and selfishness and bad decisions right now.
He will pick you, and when he does, you make him fight like hell to win you over again. ”
“He needs to fight like hell to find the man he used to be first, because I don’t know if I can live with the man he is now.”
“That’s fair,” she admitted, then sighed. “I have to believe this will work out. You two were too good together for too many years for it to fall apart now.”
“I wish I had your faith.”
“I’m here anytime you need to borrow some, hon. Now, you need to take some control over your life instead of living life on Ryan’s terms. Your wants and needs are every bit as important as his are. Remember that.”
“Yes, ma’am,” I joked, then paused for a moment. “Thanks for the tough love, Jen. I think it’s just what I needed.”
“Good. Now, what are your plans for tomorrow? I think Mark and I are going to that new Thai restaurant for lunch, and then maybe to the art museum afterward. You’re welcome to come with us.”
I’d almost forgotten that Neela had given both of us the day off tomorrow, since we’d put in so many hours over the past few weeks in an effort to secure the Godwin Group contract.
“Whether we secure the contract or not, you two have worked your tails off for this presentation. Take the Monday off after our meeting. Do something fun and relax, just forget about the office for the day,” she’d told us weeks ago.
I’d worked on her team for years, and her consideration for those working under her and her respect for work-life balance were the main reasons I’d stayed with her all these years. With the turmoil from the weekend swirling in my mind, I was especially thankful to have such a terrific boss.
Mark had arranged to take the day off from his job once he’d heard that Neela was letting us off, so that he and Jen could spend the day together.
Once upon a time, Ryan would have done the same thing, but he hadn’t offered this time when I’d mentioned it, and I hadn’t had the nerve to ask outright.
I’d just added my day off to our shared calendar and left it at that.
“Thank you for the offer, but you two go and have fun. I think I’m going to do some research on counseling options that accept our insurance plan, so that I can present Ryan with some hard facts when he gets home from work tomorrow night.”
“Good plan,” she said, then wished me luck. “Call me if you need anything, and I mean anything. A shoulder to cry on, bail money, a shovel to bury someone with…whatever.”
I chuckled, as she meant for me to, and we ended the call a few seconds later.
My mind was clearer after talking with her and I decided to capitalize on that by doing what I did best. Plans, research, detailed lists.
I knew most people considered that to be mind-numbingly boring, but I enjoyed the feeling of knowing exactly what I needed to do, and how to do it.
It gave me a sense of control in the midst of chaos, and that was something I desperately needed right now.
With that in mind, I fired up my laptop and began to make a list of the issues that were paramount to saving my marriage. Ryan had better be prepared to hear some hard truths tomorrow night, because I was done holding back.