Chapter 13
Melanie
“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay?”
I plucked yet another tissue from the box on the coffee table and dabbed at my eyes as I waved off Jen’s question.
“No, I appreciate it, but I think I just want to be alone for a while. It’s been a long day.”
That was the fucking understatement of the year. I’d been near tears when I left the therapy office, feeling emotionally wrung out even though we hadn’t even really delved into the hard stuff yet.
I’d driven to the clinic immediately afterward and suffered the indignity of not just having blood drawn and peeing into a cup but also getting a complete gynecological exam to check for signs of any sexually transmitted infections.
It had been even more humiliating than I’d remembered, probably because I’d been crying the whole time.
After discovering Chad’s infidelities, I’d been strong and fierce, filled with righteous indignation and plenty of anger.
Today, I just felt foolish, pathetic, and heartbroken as I lay there on the cold, hard exam table wearing a paper gown, with my feet in the stirrups and my hoo-ha on full display.
Luckily, there were no obvious signs of disease, and the clinic offered rapid HIV testing, which came back negative. I’d have to wait on the results of the other blood work, though, which wouldn’t be ready until Friday. It was going to be a long three days.
The nurse at the clinic had been kind and nonjudgmental and had offered me a hug after I broke down during the exam. By the time I’d made it back to my car, I was full-on ugly crying, and I knew I was in no shape to drive, especially since I was heading to meet with a lawyer.
So, I’d called Jen, who’d left work early to come pick me up, and had not only driven me to the attorney’s office but had gone in with me to offer moral support.
Early this morning, Stallard, Abner, and Lowe had been the first attorney’s office to respond to my inquiry about consultations.
Gwendolyn Abner had an opening at two-thirty, and I’d snapped it up.
After our thirty minute meeting, I’d paid the consultation fee, which would be applied toward the retainer should I decide to proceed with filing for divorce.
“If you let me know by tomorrow, he’ll be served on Friday,” she’d promised, and I’d snorted at the irony. Friday had the potential to be one hell of a banner day. STI results and divorce papers. Woo-hoo.
Jen gave me a hug and left a few minutes later, leaving me alone with my misery, just the way I wanted it.
I had dinner delivered from the Chinese restaurant a few blocks away and managed to eat half of it before my stomach tried to stage a revolt. It clenched and heaved, and I had to practice some deep breathing exercises to keep the nausea at bay.
Mark called shortly after that, wanting to check on me as well as fill me in on his visit to Ryan.
I listened as Mark shared Ryan’s side of the story, steeling myself to hear the details.
“He seemed sincere, Mel. He definitely fucked up, but I’m not sure he actually cheated,” he offered hesitantly.
I shook my head, even though Mark couldn’t see me.
“You didn’t see the guilty look on his face when I told him the thong wasn’t mine.
It’s a good story, but I don’t believe it.
Besides, even if he didn’t have sex with her, he broke his promise to me the minute he stepped foot in that place.
The fact that he was in a place where a lap dance was even possible was a betrayal of the boundaries we have in place.
Boundaries he set, if you’ll remember. He knows that strip clubs are a deal-breaker for me, and he went there anyway. ”
A deep sigh came through the phone, then Mark replied, “I know, Mel. It’s just…
divorce is a big step. Don’t you think you might be rushing into it, in the heat of anger?
I’m not saying your anger isn’t justified,” he clarified hurriedly.
“I just think you should talk to the guy yourself before making any decisions.”
“You think I owe him that much?” My voice was filled with every ounce of snark I could muster. “I think he owed me loyalty and fidelity, and to keep the promises he made, but I sure as hell didn’t get that.”
“That’s a fair point,” he conceded.
“Besides, it’s not just the cheating, or the fact that he betrayed me by going there in the first place.
I don’t like the man he’s become. Ryan is nothing like the man I fell in love with anymore.
He might as well be a stranger who treats our house as if it’s a bed and breakfast, and I’m the innkeeper he either doesn’t notice or bitches at, unless he’s horny of course.
Then, I could be a blow-up doll for all the care he gives. ”
Mark cleared his throat, and his discomfort was so obvious I had to chuckle.
“Sorry about that. I forgot I wasn’t talking to Jen for a second.”
“That’s OK. I’ll just bleach my brain later. It’ll be fine. And I understand if you’re done with him. I told him as much, right after I almost punched him.
I pulled the phone away from my ear to check the screen, to make sure I was still talking to my easy-going brother, who gets perturbed or even irritated sometimes, but never truly gets pissed off about anything.
“You what?” I asked in disbelief.
“I almost punched him. He deserved it,” he rushed to explain.
“I’m sure he did,” I murmured, then sighed.
“I’ll talk to him before I go through with filing.
Not that I owe him anything, but I owe it to myself, and to Garrett and Tanner, to be sure.
Hell, I didn’t even buy a new coffee maker without doing the research and considering all the options.
I should give at least that much thought to ending my marriage. ”
Mark chuckled. “I think that’s the right choice, and if you still decide to go through with the divorce, I’ll drive you to the attorney’s office myself the next time. Then, I really will go punch that asshole for hurting you.”
“I love you,” I said softly.
“Love you, too, Melly,” he returned gruffly before hanging up, and hearing one of the nicknames from my childhood made me smile.
When we were kids, I’d been Melly, Melly Belly, Melly Bean, and when he was being a pain in my butt, Smelly Melly.
That last one usually resulted in him being grounded for the day, but he’d always claimed it was worth it.
My head was hurting a bit – not my usual migraine pain, just a run of the mill headache, likely from all the crying I’d done – so I decided to make it an early night.
I had just taken some Tylenol and slipped into bed when my phone rang again.
Seeing Garrett’s name on the screen, I hesitated for a second, then took a deep breath and answered as cheerfully as I could without arousing suspicion.
“Hi, Gare Bear! What’s up?”
“Mom, Tanner’s with me. You’re on speakerphone.” Garrett’s voice was quiet, and he sounded upset.
I could hear road noise in the background and asked if they were driving.
“Yeah, we’re…uh….” Garrett stopped talking, and Tanner chimed in. “We’re headed home to find out what the hell is going on.”
Shit. Shit. Shit.
“Cody called us about twenty minutes ago, really freaked out. He…uh,” Tanner paused, then Garrett finished, “He told us that Dad fu – screwed up and you left him. He heard Uncle Mark and Aunt Jen talking about you going to meet with a lawyer today.”
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
I dropped my head back on the pillow and squeezed my eyes shut, praying to the universe that I could get through this conversation without inflicting lifelong trauma on any of us.
“What’s going on, Mom?” I could hear the fear in Tanner’s voice, and I wanted to smack Ryan for causing it.
“First of all, I don’t want you to driving all this way tonight, especially if you’re upset.”
“It’s only an hour’s drive, and I’m fine to drive,” Garrett declared.
“But – “
“Mom, what happened?” Garrett groaned in frustration. “What did Dad do? Cody wasn’t sure, but he said something about Dad going to Las Vegas this weekend?”
“Did he really forget your birthday?” Tanner interjected, sounding pissed.
“Look, boys, it’s complicated,” I began, and Garrett blurted out, “There’s nothing complicated about remembering your birthday, Mom. We managed it just fine.”
“OK, here’s the deal. Yes, it didn’t help that he forgot my birthday, but that’s not the real problem.
Your dad and I…have grown apart over the last year or so.
We’ve hit a rough patch, and that’s not uncommon in a marriage.
We haven’t decided anything yet, and we won’t until we carefully consider every option. ”
Neither of them said anything, but I could still hear the road noise through the line, so I knew the call hadn’t disconnected.
“I’m serious about you guys not driving all the way here tonight. I’ll just worry myself sick about you, and there’s nothing you can do anyway.”
“We can give you a hug,” Garrett offered quietly, and the tiny little corner of my heart that had still been intact shattered into a million pieces at those words.
“Oh, my sweet boys,” I said, trying desperately to keep the tears at bay. “I love you for that, I really do, and if you need a hug, then come on over to Grandma and Grandpa’s condo and I’ll be waiting with open arms for you. Just please drive carefully.”
“We’ll be there in forty minutes,” Tanner promised, and Garrett corrected him. “Forty-five…Mom will have a fit if we speed.”
I laughed, although the sound didn’t have much humor in it. “Yes, Mom will have a fit, so watch it, bub.”
After the call ended, I got up and put a cold cloth on my eyes to try to get rid of some of the evidence of today’s crying jags. The boys didn’t need to see that.
They arrived exactly forty-five minutes later, and I resisted the urge to ask if they’d waited in the parking lot so I wouldn’t know they’d gotten here quicker than they should have.
Tanner was first through the door, and he picked me up off my feet and gave me a huge, bear hug before setting me back down.
Garrett was a little more reserved, which was odd because normally they were both very outgoing. He pulled me close and buried his face in my neck, much like he had done as a little boy, and when he let go and took a step back, he surreptitiously wiped a tear from his cheek.
My own tears had started flowing as soon as I’d opened the door, although I’d tried to hide mine, too.
They each had a backpack slung over one shoulder, and neither were dressed appropriately for the weather.
Tanner had on jeans and an IU basketball sweatshirt.
Garrett was in track pants, and an IU football hoodie.
No coats, no gloves, no hats. I resisted the urge to scold them, especially given the fact that they’d taken such a long drive without proper clothing.
I’d have to remember to ask if they at least had coats in the car.
If not, I’d make them take something of my dad’s back with them.
Tanner slung his arm over my shoulder and guided me into the living room, then let go of me so he could plop down on the couch. Garrett followed and settled into the opposite end of the couch, leaving me to sit in one of the recliners.
They had questions, most of which I didn’t answer. I just repeated my excuses of “we’d hit a rough patch”, and “people change”, and “couples don’t always grow together, they grow apart.”
“Boys, I understand that you’re upset, and worried, and probably a little angry right now.”
Garrett scoffed and Tanner scowled, but neither one interrupted me. “But here’s the thing. What’s going on between your dad and me isn’t something that we should be discussing with you. It’s private, and it’s personal.”
“Mom, we know Dad fucked up,” Tanner said, and Garrett reached over and shoved his shoulder, causing Tanner to apologize. “Sorry, we know Dad screwed up. You don’t have to cover for him anymore. You’ve done that long enough, but we’re big boys. We can handle the truth.”
My mouth dropped open in shock, and Garrett sat forward and reached for my hand, giving it a comforting squeeze. He looked so much like Ryan that I wanted to cry.
“Dad’s been screwing up for a while now, but we didn’t realize how bad it was until we started talking on the drive here.”
Tanner leaned forward, too, resting his forearms on his knees as he looked at me sadly. “We started comparing notes, and we realized how often he’s missed stuff, how much time he’s spent hanging out with Mitch or whatever, instead of spending time with you, and with us.”
Garrett added, “We also realized that you’ve been picking up the slack, which is probably why we didn’t notice that Dad wasn’t around much. You were always there for whatever we needed – “
“Handling shit like a boss,” Tanner interrupted with a hint of a grin.
“But you’ve changed. You’re quieter.” Garrett’s voice turned solemn, and he suddenly looked like the scared little boy I’d met thirteen years ago.
“You don’t smile as much,” Tanner pointed out, swallowing hard, his anger apparent in the stiff line of his shoulders and his clenched jaw.
I bit my lip to keep it from trembling and blinked rapidly to clear the tears welling in my eyes.
“We were so busy with school – homework, baseball practice…” Garrett explained, and Tanner added, “drumline and soccer,” causing Garrett to nod in agreement. “We just didn’t notice, until now. We’re sorry.”
I shook my head and stood up to give both of them a kiss on the cheek. “Neither of you have anything to be sorry for. I’m your mom. I’m the one who’s supposed to look after you two, not the other way around,” I chided.
I turned the conversation toward their classes, and Tanner sheepishly admitted that he was planning to skip his morning biology lab.
“Tanner Joseph, I have both of your schedules memorized, and that lab isn’t until eleven-thirty. You’ll have plenty of time to make the drive back in the morning.” I arched a brow, and he ducked his head and grinned.
“I wouldn’t dream of skipping my English lecture,” Garrett gloated, causing Tanner to make kissing noises and call him a “kiss ass” under his breath. Garrett flipped him off, and I pretended not to notice any of it.
By the time I got them settled with the spare pillows and blankets – Garrett on the couch in the living room and Tanner on the futon in the third bedroom, which also served as Dad’s study and Mom’s craft room – my headache from earlier had morphed into a pain in my temple that radiated behind my left eye.
I popped one of my migraine pills, then settled back into the bed in the guest room. It didn’t take long for the pill to work its magic and put me to sleep.