Chapter 21 #2
“Was” being the operative word, and Ryan knew it. He stared at the hands he had folded in his lap as I spoke and didn’t look up until Kim asked him the same thing.
“The very first thing I noticed was how gorgeous she was. I wasn’t sure how I was going to take my eyes off her long enough to keep track of the kids I was supposed to be watching.
Then I saw how loving and patient she was with Tanner, and then how natural she was with Garrett and the other kids.
She was smart, and sexy, and genuine, and sweet, and I couldn’t believe my luck when she agreed to go out with me.
I remember that I called Grady as soon as I got off the phone with her that night and told him all about her. ”
“I didn’t know that little tidbit until Grady mentioned it in his best man’s speech at our wedding.” I smiled at the memory of Grady’s depiction of Ryan as a love-struck fool during their conversation. He’d had everyone at the reception roaring with laughter, including Ryan and me.
“He yanked my chain for years over that phone call,” Ryan chuckled, then sobered as he whispered, “God, he’d beat me senseless for the shit I’ve pulled since he’s been gone.”
I didn’t say anything, because he was probably right.
“Aside from the last two years or so, have you had any previous difficulties within your marriage, any rough patches or substantial disagreements?”
Ryan immediately said no, and I echoed it.
“We’ve had petty squabbles and arguments, or course, the normal stuff couples go through about finances, or household chores, but nothing major that I can think of. Certainly nothing that lasted more than a day or two,” I elaborated.
“Except when we remodeled the kitchen, remember? We argued about the appliances, and whether to go with granite or quartz countertops for well over a week.” He snorted softly. “I ended up sleeping in the guest room for two nights before we called a truce.”
“Well, there were extenuating circumstances, if you’ll recall.
The contractor bailed on us after busting a pipe and flooding half of the first floor while he was tearing out the old kitchen, and you and Grady ended up doing the clean-up and the remodeling yourselves at night and on the weekends.
I was trying to cook dinner for all of us using a microwave, a crock pot, and a single hot plate, and washing dishes in the utility sink in the laundry room for almost a month.
Nerves were frayed, and tempers were running high. ”
“True,” Ryan conceded with a wry smile. “God, that was rough. It was worth it in the end, because the kitchen is perfect. You did a fantastic job designing it.”
I smiled in acknowledgement of the compliment, and Kim agreed that remodeling a house was one of the most stressful tests of a marriage.
“That and moving,” she said, then paused before asking, “Melanie, if someone had asked you to characterize your relationship with Ryan three years ago, what would you have said?”
“Happy. Strong. Intimate. A true partnership,” I said after a few moments.
“And if they asked you a month ago?”
“Frustrating. Lonely.” My answer was immediate this time, with no thought needed.
Ryan cursed under his breath.
“Ryan, I’ll ask you the same questions. Three years ago?”
“Damn near perfect.”
“A month ago?”
Ryan was quiet for several moments, long enough for Kim to repeat the question.
“Still pretty damned good, for me anyway,” he rasped.
“For a while, Mel and I were arguing more than we used to, usually about Mitch, or me being gone, or me buying the Corvette, but things calmed down over the last six months or so. We weren’t as close, physically, as we used to be, but I just figured we were in a rut.
It happens sometimes with long marriages, so I wasn’t too worried about it. ”
“So your sex life was suffering?”
I huffed under my breath, and Ryan shot me a quick glance before answering her.
“I wouldn’t say it was suffering. We just didn’t…connect as often as we used to, and it was usually quick. Still very satisfying, but rushed,” he clarified.
“Melanie?”
I took a deep breath, trying to decide how honest I could be with an audience. Ryan noticed.
“Mel?”
Unable to look at either one of them, I stared at my hands that were clenched in my lap. “I think I would be more comfortable discussing that with Ryan privately, if that’s OK.”
Kim immediately assured me that it was fine. “You never have to discuss anything in front of me that makes you uncomfortable.”
“I just think it might be better to keep that between Ryan and me.”
“That’s fair,” Kim said. “Just remember that I’m here to help facilitate those tough discussions, so you can always address this at a later session if you change your mind.”
I looked up and noticed Ryan pinning me with a worried, questioning look. I shook my head slightly, and he exhaled heavily and looked away.
Thankfully, our time was almost up anyway, so Kim changed the subject to scheduling our next session.
“Ryan, we have another grief counseling appointment next Monday. When would you two like to schedule your next joint session?”
“Is it possible to meet with you again this week?”
I was surprised by Ryan’s question, and he gestured to me. “That is, if Melanie agrees.”
I nodded, and Kim told us she had an opening on Thursday morning. We made the arrangements, and as we headed out to the parking lot, Ryan once again walked with me to my car.
“If you’re up for it, I thought maybe we go back to the house and talk a little more? I can make us some dinner, or we can order something if you want to.”
I stumbled on a cracked patch of concrete, and Ryan’s hand shot out to steady me. “Careful, sweets.”
My heart ached at the casual use of the endearment. He’d called me sweetness, or just sweets, since our third date. He’d told me then that it was because I was full of sweetness and light, and I’d melted a little inside.
“Sure, we can do that. I’ll meet you there.”
Before he could say anything else, I opened the door and slipped into the driver’s seat. The drive back to our house was entirely too short. I knew what Ryan wanted to talk about and I still hadn’t figured out what to say.
How do you tell your estranged husband that while he may have been satisfied, you think your sex life has sucked for well over a year?