Chapter 24 #3
She leaned forward in her chair with an earnest expression as she continued, “You also had to adjust to the fact that your mother, as you’d known her, was already gone even though she was still living.
You had three years to adjust to her precarious health, and the possibility that she could have another life-threatening incident.
You started grieving for her before she died, Ryan, and as you mentioned in our first session, because she hated being incapacitated, it was almost a relief that her suffering was over.
All of those things changed the grieving process substantially from the other losses you’ve had. ”
“My brother Derek took her death the hardest. He was only thirteen, and he went off the rails for a while. He gave Dad hell for a few years, but he joined the Navy after he graduated, and they straightened him out.”
“He’s several years younger than you, if I remember correctly, and you’re not particularly close?”
“Five years younger, and no, we aren’t. We never really were, because of the age difference, I guess.
Then, after his stint in the Navy was over, he stayed in Texas, where he’d been stationed.
He’s been in San Antonio ever since. We talk once a month or so, and he and his wife would come visit Dad every couple of years.
Now that Dad’s gone, I don’t know if we’ll see much of them anymore.
He’s my brother, and I love him, but we don’t have a lot in common and his wife can be…
” I trailed off, unsure how to describe Lindsey.
“Opinionated,” Melanie offered diplomatically.
“A complete bitch,” I corrected under my breath, and she shot me a glare. “Oh, come on, you don’t like her any more than I do,” I protested, trying not to chuckle at the look of chagrin that crossed her face.
“She can be difficult at times,” Mel conceded primly, as she tried and failed to hide her smile.
I snorted at the understatement. The woman had thrown a fit worthy of a toddler three Christmases ago because Derek had the nerve to book a surprise vacation in Aruba for them, when “he should have known that she would have preferred to go to St. Barts because that’s where all the celebrities go, duh.
” She’d refused to join us for Christmas dinner until Derek had cancelled their reservations and rebooked everything for St. Barts, at almost twice the expense.
Dad had rolled his eyes so hard he’d probably caught a glimpse of the inside of his skull.
Mel had just ignored her tantrum and started dishing up the food.
I’d had to nudge Garrett’s leg under the table because he’d been staring slack-jawed at the spectacle as if they’d both lost their minds.
Melanie had given Tanner a pointed look and all but shoved a dinner roll in his mouth to stop him from snickering.
“Sure, let’s go with difficult,” I said with a grin. “Regardless of what we’re calling her, no, we aren’t particularly close.”
Kim shrugged as she agreed that just because you share DNA with someone it doesn’t require you to have a close bond.
“As for dealing with your grief in more positive ways, I would encourage you to continue your workouts and physical activity and perhaps look for activities that your entire family can participate in together. Don’t hesitate to talk about those you’ve lost. Remembering happier times may be difficult at first, but it will get easier and will ultimately help you process your grief.
It may be a cliché, but time does heal most wounds, at least. Give yourself permission to be angry, or sad, or any other emotion that grief may bring out.
They are all healthy, valid responses. Ignoring your grief – as you learned – is not. ”
She cocked her head and studied me closely as she asked if I felt any sadness over the loss of Mitch from my life.
“Fuck, no,” I said harshly.
She raised her hands in a placating gesture.
“That’s understandable, especially given how fresh the rift is.
However, I would like you to keep in mind that we don’t just grieve when someone dies.
An estrangement can be just as painful and even when we know that cutting off contact is the right thing to do, it can still hurt.
You may find that it’s difficult to separate Mitch from the memories of your teenaged and college years, especially those memories you shared with Grady.
Just know that it’s OK to grieve his loss, too, or at least the loss of what he represented at that time in your life.
He was someone you considered to be a friend for many years. ”
I cocked a brow, not believing for a second that I would ever miss that asshole after what he’d said and done.
Kim chuckled at my skepticism. “I’m just saying, give yourself grace if you find that your anger mixes with sadness at some point.”
Once the session ended, I walked Melanie out to her car. I asked her if she’d go to dinner with me, but she declined.
“I’m sorry, Ryan. I made plans to go out with Jen tonight.”
“Don’t apologize. You two have a fun time and stay safe, and maybe we can have dinner tomorrow. Thanks again for coming with me today,” I added.
“I don’t know that I really helped. I don’t think I even said a dozen words in there.”
I smiled down at her and cupped her cheek. “Just having you there helped. I’ll see you back here tomorrow at four.”