Chapter 38
Thirty-Eight
RAASHI
People believed your wedding day is the most important day of your life. Raashi believed it was an important day but only because it was the start of a whole new life for her. Not in the traditional sense but in a far more fundamental, freeing sense. Raashi Kodela would do everything Raashi Gadde never could. She watched her reflection in the full-length mirror as her sister leaned in to put a black dot on her cheek, to ward off people’s evil eye.
She wondered if the warding off could be customized. The scene from the previous night played like a broken reel in her head. From the ugly scene with Harsh to the uglier one with Anant. The second man had not taken well to her ultimatum or to the threat it came with. Anant didn’t like being threatened. He liked being the one to do the threatening.
A shiver ran down her spine. There was a storm coming. Raashi could almost taste the electricity in the air. She tipped her chin up, studying her reflection. She saw a pale, bloodless creature wrapped in a deep red and gold saree, wide, blank eyes and an unnatural stillness to her body.
An antique gold choker wrapped around her slim neck, huge gold jhumkas hung from her ears, dangling almost to her shoulders. Her mother had the taste and sensibility to always stay on the cutting edge of fashion.
Raashi had never looked better and never felt worse. She’d known she wasn’t marrying for love. But she’d hoped for friendship. Especially in the last few weeks with Harsh. And now, that hope was gone.
There was no friendship left. She’d trampled all over it with her betrayal. His assumption of her betrayal. She pressed her hands together in her lap to conceal their tremors from the women chattering away around her.
She hadn’t betrayed him. Not the way he thought she had. But wasn’t what she’d done a betrayal too? She’d hidden something so large, so vital from him in the hopes of dealing with it herself.
Veda leaned in from behind, wrapping her arms around Raashi and hugging her tight. Raashi didn’t move to hug her back, her eyes on the stranger she saw in the mirror.
Why did it matter to her that she dealt with it on her own? Was it only because she’d always dealt with it on her own? She’d had no champion when she was younger. So, why did she need one now?
Liar.
Her inner voice taunted her, mocking her delusional internal monologue. Raashi watched a slight flush tint her cheeks. She was a liar. She didn’t tell Harsh the truth because she didn’t want him to think poorly of her. She’d been enjoying their new relationship too much to allow for a fall of grace in his eyes.
Sure, the truth didn’t show Anant in a good light. But neither did she shine in that story. And she didn’t want that. She wanted the warmth in Harsh’s eyes when he looked at her to stay. She wanted him to laugh with her, to tease her, to bicker with her… she wanted what they’d shared for a few short weeks to last a lifetime.
A single tear escaped her right eye, sliding down the curve of her cheek and landing in her lap. A dark stain formed on the silk saree, her hand instinctively going to cover it. Veda gently wiped the trail of the tear from her cheek, leaving her hand to rest on Raashi’s shoulder in comfort.
“Harsh is a lovely person, Raash. It’s going to be fine. You’re going to be fine.”
Yes. He was a lovely person. But there were two people in a marriage, in any relationship…And the other half of this one, Raashi herself, wasn’t quite as lovely.
“It’s time.” Her mother appeared behind the two of them. “Let’s go, Raashi.”
They waited for her to rise but Raashi couldn’t move. Her feet seemed to have become blocks of concrete welded to the floor.
“Raashi?” Veda’s hand tightened on her shoulder, an unspoken question hovering.
“You’ll have your Akka in the same house with you.” Her mother spoke, her voice cool and detached as always. “You couldn’t ask for a better situation than that.”
There was so much truth to that statement.
“Raashi?” Veda knelt before her, not bothering about her expensive saree or the innumerable creases she was putting in it. “If you don’t want to do this, you don’t have to. No one will force you.”
“Of course she has to do it,” their mother interrupted, her voice brisk as ever. “It’s too late to back out now.”
“You’ll come to the mandap willingly or I’ll drag you there, kicking and screaming.”
She closed her eyes, his voice echoing in her head.
“The shame to the family if this doesn’t happen is too great. Your father and his will not allow it.”
Raashi forced herself to her feet, not for fear of shame but because Raashi Gadde did not renege. Broken as the friendship might be, she wouldn’t do that to him. She may not be the best that humanity had to offer but she would do her best by him. Harsh had stood for her when no one else had. She would not leave him hanging.
“But once all this drama is done.” Her mother adjusted Raashi’s saree pleats, not meeting her eyes. “If you want to come home,” she looked up now and cupped Raashi’s cheek. “I will bring you home myself.”
Now the tears wouldn’t stay contained, flowing freely down her cheeks and ruining her carefully applied makeup.
“Your brother will break the door down to get to you,” her mother smiled, even as she dabbed at the tears streaming down her daughter’s face.
“He won’t need to,” Veda added. “I’ll unlock it from the inside.”
Raashi laughed, a small, broken sound but a laugh, nonetheless.
“But today,” her mother said, grasping her shoulders and forcing her to stand straight. “Get through today for everyone.”
“And for myself.” Raashi took a deep breath. “Let’s go, Amma.”
Her courage stayed with her, strong and unbroken, as she went through the many, many rituals. She stared now at the white cloth that separated Harsh and her, willing it to fall so she could look at him. So, she could look into his eyes and see what she hoped to see, the friendship they’d forged and maybe even, dare she hope, something more?
But when the sheet finally fell and she looked into the eyes of her bridegroom, all she saw was rage.