Chapter 15
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Alice almost regretted kissing Frederick the moment his lips pressed against hers. Not because she didn’t want to—on the contrary. The reason she regretted it was because she wanted to far too much, and the press of his mouth felt good.
Too good.
Good enough that she could forget all the ways he had hurt her and all the ways she had sworn never to forgive him.
She’d intended the kiss to be an act of gratitude—even though she knew nothing could make up for what he had done to her, Fortuna had made her feeling beholden to him—but she had not known what it would do to her in turn.
Desire, red-hot and needy, spilled down her limbs. His hand was on her waist, fingers flexing but not bringing her forward, so she was the one to step into him.
Clumsily, her bad leg not prepared for the step; she crashed into his chest, and he caught her, his mouth not leaving hers for an instant. She kissed him like she was declaring war, rough and angry, and he kissed her back like a victory.
In offering herself to him like this, hadn’t she lain down her weapons?
This kiss was a demonstration of all the ways she wanted him—no matter what now, she could not deny it.
He would be able to taste it in the flick of her tongue against his, would be able to feel it in the hungry press of her mouth.
Lust sizzled between them, heating the air. Both his hands were on her, drawing her into his body, and she sank her fingers into his hair, clutching at him, ensuring he couldn’t break free. Not even for air. They were greedy in this stolen moment she’d allowed them.
But no matter how much she did her best to convince herself that this was all for him, she could not deny to herself how much she wanted this. More of it. His hands everywhere, his mouth following. The feel of his touch against her bare skin.
She’d never allowed herself to think about what intimacy with Frederick might be like, but now she wondered with heady intensity—and as though he knew the direction of her thoughts, he teased her tongue with his own.
Pushing inside, retreating, the rhythm mimicking what he might do with his body.
And when he flattened a hand against the small of her back, drawing her against him, she felt a hard ridge against her stomach.
The feel of it shocked her enough to draw back, gasping a little. He steadied her, his eyes dark and hungry, and she recalled where they were. In the courtyard, in full view of the house, though she had to hope no one was watching. And beside her, the new mare he had gifted her.
“I…” She pressed a finger to her lips as though she could keep his kiss there a little longer.
Foolish, but she’d never felt less sensible in her life.
Where was her composure now?
Frederick ran a hand through his hair, looking back at the house as though he, too, was remembering where they were. “Would you like to—”
“I should ride Fortuna,” she said, a little too loudly, in case he was about to suggest they return inside.
His lips twitched, and she felt certain she had been wrong and he wasn’t about to suggest the consummation of their marriage. Abruptly, she felt foolish.
“An excellent idea,” was all he said, and without any more warning, he took hold of her waist and lifted her up.
Alice scrabbled for purchase with her hands, but before she had time to panic, she was in the saddle, secure on Fortuna’s back. Fortuna, evidently accustomed to such things, barely moved underneath her.
“Oh.” Her heart pounded in her chest. “I—thank you, sir.”
“Here.” He took her leg and placed it carefully in the brace that had been built into the saddle for her, wrapping two large, stiff leather wings around her ankle and fastening it with straps and buckles.
With her leg in place, carefully supported, and her other foot finding the stirrup, she clutched the reins.
“Thank you,” she murmured again, not looking at him.
He stepped back and gestured for her to trot around the courtyard. Although his every manner was of a gentleman, the bulge in his breeches hadn’t yet assuaged. She wondered if it would before they returned inside.
Surely it would…
Even so, even as she urged Fortuna into a walk, she couldn’t stop herself from stealing glances at him. For all they had kissed so urgently, so passionately, he now looked as though it was a distant memory. But his hair was mussed, and his breeches could not lie.
She reached for her composure, finally able to find it, and squeezed Fortuna’s side with her good leg. The horse launched into a trot, and the support in the brace allowed her to glide with the motion without pain.
“You look at home up there,” Frederick smiled, his hands now tucked behind his back. “Would you like to go riding in Hyde Park?”
“With you, you mean?”
He shrugged. “If you’d like. But so long as you take a servant, I have no objection to you going out alone.”
“Oh.” That was unexpectedly generous of him. “Thank you. Again.”
“It’s nothing.”
It was more than nothing—a part of her freedom back.
Something she had dreamed of since the accident, but had never believed could happen.
Her aunt and uncle had never considered it might be possible, and certainly never given it any real thought.
In their opinion, young ladies should not have the freedom she had regardless.
Her cousin certainly didn’t, and so giving her access to that sort of freedom had never been a priority.
She slowed the horse, coming to a stop beside Frederick and looking down into his face. She’d already repaid him for the gift, a kiss that still sank into her bones, but she felt as though he needed to understand what this meant to her.
“You should know,” she said stiffly, “that you are the first person to consider my wishes in all of this. My aunt and uncle considered it… unnecessary.”
His brows rose. “For you to ride?”
“For provisions to be made for such an event, given my… situation.”
“I see.” He stuffed his hands in his pockets as he looked at her steadily. “You always deserved that, Alice. Whatever they thought of your version of freedom.”
She nodded, and unable to hold his gaze any longer, urged Fortuna into another loop of the courtyard.
“We’ve been invited to a soiree next week,” he spoke after her. “I thought I might accompany you there.”
She could think of no reason to refuse aside from pettiness, and while any other day she would resort to pettiness, today did not feel like the best moment for it.
“Very well,” she said over her shoulder. “If you wish.”
His teeth flashed as he smiled. “I do wish.”
The first time Alice went for a ride in Hyde Park, it was the day after she had received Fortuna, and she felt confident in her ability to control the animal.
There had been nothing greater in her mind than the feel of the wind in her hair and the knowledge that she could go wherever she wished.
Frederick had also commissioned a new riding habit for her, so she wasn’t forced to go out in something five years out of fashion.
And she rather fancied the finely spun green wood that complemented her complexion rather nicely.
She didn’t ask Frederick to go with her, and when he saw her call for the horse to be brought around, he made no comment except to ask if she would like his help getting into the saddle.
It said a lot for the state of her pride that she agreed to this; she preferred his hands on her than those of a servant, although she would prefer to mount without help.
Before, she was able to do it with the step, but she didn’t trust her strength, even if she thought it was improving.
He looked up at her, an oddly serious expression on his face. “Stay safe,” he said, and stepped back, letting her ride out.
The next time she ventured out—the next day—she invited Helena to join her. When she’d first met the girl, she’d assumed it was some kind of ploy to persuade her to forgive Frederick, but now she understood better.
It was not what Helena could do for Frederick but what she could do for Helena.
“Thank you so much for inviting me,” the other girl murmured, flushing a little as they entered Hyde Park and reached Rotten Row. “My brother is very kind, but he doesn’t think about these things, and I could never go alone.”
By alone, Alice knew she meant with a maid. She studied the young girl’s face, the shy way she averted her gaze from everyone who might be passing.
Shyness was not a trait Alice had ever been afflicted with, but she could understand how that might make things especially challenging for one attempting to navigate London Society.
“Well, I wanted company that wasn’t my husband tagging along,” she said, smiling at Helena. “And as we met the other night, I thought I wouldn’t be overstepping.”
“Not at all,” Helena assured her. “It is nice to be outside.”
“Do you spend much time in the country?”
“Not often. After our father died, my brother decided to spend most of his time in London, and it’s easiest for me to do so, too.”
“What about your mother?” Alice asked.
“Oh, she doesn’t mind too much as long as I don’t bother her overmuch.” The girl flushed. “She finds it very trying, you know, to have to escort me to places. That’s why I’m so grateful to my brother whenever he can.”
“Is he kind to you? Your brother.”
Helena gave a soft smile. “Oh, yes. But escorting one’s younger sister to events he doesn’t want to be seen at isn’t precisely fun for him, I think.”
“He doesn’t want to marry?” Alice guessed.
“Not yet. He is not like the Duke, who has always been a bit of a romantic.” She sighed, her eyes going a little starry.
Alice scoffed before she could help herself. “The Duke? Romantic?”
“Oh, yes. Of course, his first attempt at marriage was largely for the sake of his reputation, but I’ve seen the way he looks at you.”
Alice’s stomach lurched and she told herself it was from the rocking motion of her horse. “And how does he look at me?”
Helena wrinkled her nose as she thought. “As though you are a fascinating puzzle he is trying to unlock.”
Alice laughed uncomfortably. “Well, that’s what he gets for marrying a woman he knew nothing about.”
“But he wants to,” Helena said seriously, and Alice’s stomach clenched. “I think he wants to know you. And…” She sucked on her lip, her eyes going distant. “I think he wants you to know him, too.”
If Alice allowed herself to get too close to this man, she risked being drawn to him, and she could never allow that to happen.
“You’ll have to tell me a little more about your beaus,” she said, changing the topic of conversation. “Do you want to marry, Helena?”
“For love, only,” Helena nodded, her eyes shining. “If I fell in love, I wouldn’t mind marrying him at once.”
“Well, then I suppose we should find you a husband. Do you have your eye on anyone?”
Helena blushed. “I don’t know that my brother would approve,” she mumbled.
“Why is that? Is he ineligible? Too old? Too young?”
“Um.” Her blush grew, fiery across her face. “I suppose he’s…”
“There has to be a reason, otherwise surely your brother wouldn’t want you to be unhappy.”
“He is the younger son of an Earl,” Helena confessed. “Mr. William Kingsley. He says he’s going to take a commission. But he’s only young and I know it will take him some time to distinguish himself. And my mother would prefer me to marry sooner rather than later.”
Alice glanced at the other girl. She’d never been in love, so she didn’t know precisely how it felt, but she did know how it felt to lose something, and the prospect of Helena losing someone she loved made her heart squeeze. “Do you love him?” she asked abruptly.
“I… I think I do.”
“And do you believe he will distinguish himself?”
“He says when he is a captain, he will return, but he knows it’s unlikely I’m still unmarried by then.”
Alice pursed her lips as she thought. “Why not marry him before he leaves?”
“Marry him?” Helena’s voice was more of a squeak.
“Well, it won’t be an easy life, to be sure, but if you know yourself and your heart well enough to want this over marrying another gentleman, then whyever not?”
Helena stared at her hands on the reins. “My brother—my mother—they would never approve. And I am not of age yet, you know. They have every right to refuse the marriage.”
“Hmm.” Alice thought back to the Earl of Denshire, and the friendship he had with Frederick. Perhaps she could leverage some kind of influence there. “If I can get him to agree to the match, would you want to go ahead with it?”
Helena cast her a quick, nervous glance. “You would… do that?”
“Well, I should meet him first, to ensure he is the right fit for you,” Alice decided. “After all, I wouldn’t want to throw you away on a scoundrel.”
“He is no scoundrel, Your Grace.”
“Call me Alice, dear. Now, the Duke told me about a soiree in two days’ time. I can’t remember whose, but if Frederick is going, I imagine your brother is, too.”
“Oh, yes,” Helena chimed. “So will I.”
“Excellent. Make sure your Mr. Kingsley is there.” Alice winked. “And I shall do what I can.”