Chapter 13
13
T he last thing Neil wanted to do was drag his sorry arse to the village for the festival. Granted, it was important for the Laird to show his support, but this was usually the sort of thing that he was able to send his brother off to so that he wouldn’t have to worry about it.
Now, with the additional obligation that his wife had placed on him and his daughter’s pleas, he had no choice but to attend the blasted festival. It was always so loud. There was so much talking that it was almost impossible for him to find one thing to focus on. At least there was Ceana’s rapidly wavering resolve.
Perhaps tonight would be the night. He had truly thought that it would take him a little bit longer to wear down her pride, but they both had nearly failed last night. He had felt it. There was no way she could deny it.
He tied his hair in a low knot at the base of his skull and then turned his attention to his kilt. Wrapping the thick, patterned fabric was nearly second nature by this point. It was easy enough to manage and secure. He sat down and reached for his boots when a knock sounded at his door.
“Enter,” he called, not caring that he wasn’t wearing a shirt or that he was in the middle of getting dressed. He didn’t care much who it was either, as he was leaving shortly anyway.
The door creaked open and Ceana walked inside. Her cheeks were flushed from her walk, it seemed. He had thought that she would be in the village all day with Jeanie. Had something happened to her?
He was on his feet immediately. “What happened? Is Jeanie all right?”
Ceana shook her head and raised her hand. “She is well. I’m nae here because of her.”
Neil sat back down heavily, reaching for his boot again. He watched his wife out of the corner of his eye as she took in his room, very deliberately not looking at him in his half-dressed state. He couldn’t help but smirk a little at that. He wondered if it affected her at all. What if he flexed his muscles a little bit? Would her eyes linger on his bare skin? Well, he would deny it if she called him out on it.
“It’s rather bold of ye to come into me bedchamber, ye ken?” he drawled as he straightened up. But she only stared at him in response. “If nothing is wrong, why did ye come?”
It took his wife a beat too long to answer him. Almost as if his words didn’t register right away.
“Unless ye have come here with a certain mission in mind? Are ye ready to ask for what ye want, wife?”
Neil rose, leaving his shirt on his bed as he walked over to her slowly, relishing the way her eyes kept flicking to his chest and the way her breathing quickened despite her obvious efforts to keep her composure. His hand rose, curling around a loose strand framing her face, but it seemed that was the wrong move to make because it snapped her out of her daze.
Ceana swatted his hand away with more force than he had expected. It actually stung a little. “Ye one-track-minded fool, do ye nae think I have anything better to do with me time?”
Neil shrugged. He couldn’t think of a better way to occupy his time at this moment. “Ye do ken that the month of performin’ yer wifely duties hasnae started yet. Otherwise, it would be cheatin’,” he said with a wink.
“I ken that!” Ceana looked like she was three seconds away from stomping on his foot to make sure that he backed up and gave her room to breathe. It was just incredibly difficult to do when she smelled so damn delicious. “That isnae the reason why I’m here, and I willnae say it again!”
Oh, he could never get enough of the defiant gleam in her eyes when she jutted her chin. She reached into her bodice and pulled out a slightly wrinkled envelope.
“What’s that?” he asked, more curious as to why she had tucked the letter in her dress.
“It’s from Blaine,” she said plainly.
Suddenly, Neil felt the need to sit down. Whatever was in that letter, he was not going to like it, and he knew it.
Why would Blaine write to her and not his own brother? His Laird? What could have made him switch his loyalties so swiftly? His brother was sworn to him, and he had just tucked his tail and turned his coat overnight? It only further proved that his suspicions about what had been going on between them were correct.
“I ken that ye are as worried as I am if nae more,” Ceana continued, turning the letter over to show him the unbroken seal on the back. “I want to trust ye, so I need ye to trust me too.”
She thrust the letter toward him once more, waiting for him to take it from her.
But he didn’t know if he could.
He hesitated for a long moment, waiting for the other shoe to drop or for her to say something else that might make everything make sense.
If this was a love letter, and he was forced to read it, he wasn’t sure what he might do. He eyed her warily as he took the letter and broke the seal, not sure what to expect.
Ceana closed her eyes, her arms folded tightly across her chest as she shifted her weight from one foot to the other anxiously.
“Could ye at least put a shirt on?” she huffed, turning her head away.
“Ye really think that ye can come into me chambers and order me around? I think nae. I’m perfectly comfortable like this,” Neil said, waiting for that lovely pink to bloom on her cheeks.
The instant gratification that he got every time she blushed was intense.
“This is a serious situation!” she hissed. “It would be a lot easier for me to focus properly if ye were fully dressed.”
“Are ye sayin’ that I’m distractin’ ye, wife?” Neil teased, but his apprehension about the contents of the letter was growing with every passing minute.
“I said nay such thing,” she huffed. “Are ye goin’ to read it or nae?”
He was stalling, and he felt no shame about it. He unfolded the letter, careful not to read it too quickly.
“Me dearest Ceana,” he started, and stopped.
He didn’t like the way his gut twisted at even the smallest words. What right did he have to care? Theirs was a marriage of convenience, after all.
He cleared his throat pointedly and continued. “I apologize for the trouble I’ve caused ye. I couldnae condemn ye to a life with me.” His eyes flickered to Ceana, who was swaying on her feet. He had expected to find some sort of explanation on her face, but there wasn’t. “Once I’ve settled, I will let ye ken so ye can visit.”
He folded the letter more deliberately than he needed to, his jaw clenched so tight that his teeth might crack. Ceana wasn’t reacting at all. Other than stopping her swaying, she was otherwise the same.
“But he doesnae say where he is?” she asked, her eyes still closed.
“Nay,” he sighed.
Her hands dropped to her sides, and she hung her head. For a moment, Neil was acutely aware of her slow, steady breaths.
“And he doesnae say when he will come back?” she asked, a desperate edge to her voice.
“Nay.” Neil’s jaw tensed. He wanted so badly to be wrong, to take this at face value. He set the letter down beside him and ran his hands down his thighs to steady himself. “Listen, if ye think?—”
“This is what happens when ye force yerself to marry someone ye dinnae want,” she cut him off with a shake of her head.
She fidgeted with her hands as if she needed to keep moving to keep her head clear enough to think. He could understand that impulse.
“I ruined his life,” she hiccuped. “He’s on the run because I asked him to help me. If I had found a way to manage on me own, if I had another option, then he would still be here… He…”
Neil’s eyes widened, and he was halfway across the room before he could even consider what he was doing. His arms wrapped around her before a single tear could fall. The maelstrom of emotions that suddenly kicked him right in the gut was almost too much for him.
He rubbed awkwardly between her shoulders, trying to comfort her when the act itself was so completely foreign to him. He had no idea if it was working, or if there was something better to do.
Despite her fire, Ceana was so kind, so soft… He didn’t know how to be soft.
“It’s all me fault,” she gasped as she struggled to hold back her tears.
Neil did not know how to deal with crying women, and yet he patted her back lightly, trying to offer comfort that he was not used to giving.
If he took her at her word, then she and his brother weren’t in love, after all. If that was true, then a whole world of possibilities had just opened up for him. But it also meant that Blaine’s escape made even less sense.
Thinking about it now, Neil had never seen his brother with a woman. Blaine had never spoken about taking lovers, and Neil had never truly had any reason to believe that he was hiding his affection for somebody else.
It felt impossible that Blaine had jilted Ceana at the altar, at the mercy of public opinion, just because he had suddenly changed his mind. The more Neil learned, the less it made sense.
“He’s a grown man, Ceana,” he murmured, hoping to soothe her. “He makes his own choices. The man gave ye his word and then broke it.”
Ceana nodded once, seeming to realize that she had allowed him to pull her into his arms. Her hands were cold as she flattened them against his chest, pushing him away softly with a gentle smile.
“Thank ye, M’Laird. I didnae mean to make a fool of meself, blubberin’ all over ye…”
“Nay, I didnae think ye were, Ceana,” he assured her.
She wrapped her arms around herself, as if she needed to keep herself together in one piece. She wouldn’t meet his gaze as she turned to the door, not bothering to take back the letter.
“Jeanie’s waitin’ for me—I should go get her ready.”
Neil nodded, even though he didn’t want her to go. “Unless ye wish to call off our arrangement?”
“Impossible man.” Ceana rolled her eyes.
Neil watched her leave, but it was getting harder and harder to keep letting her go.