Chapter 4
Ash
The morning air is foggy and cool but dashed with sunlight. One of those bright winter days that tricks you into going outside. Then you do and it’s freezing and your brother locks you out until the next morning and you nearly die from hypothermia. Yeah, exactly that sort of morning.
My lips part as we pause in front of the entrance to the arcade Hype recommended. She says this is the place to do business. Bohnes must agree because this is the spot they set up together. The girl refused to return to the house until we cut a new deal. Can’t say I blame her.
I tuck my hands into the pockets of the jeans I borrowed from Alexei. They’re good quality, but the style is wrong. I wore them with one of his cashmere sweaters and a pair of pale blue sneakers. They’re a half-size too big for me and fuck, I’ve never been happier.
I’m still alive.
I was certain the mob was going to kill me. Absolutely certain. How the hell am I standing here right now? I wonder as Scarlett gently takes my hand and tries to pry the sword from it.
“You can’t take this in. It’s too conspicuous.” Scarlett gives me a look when I refuse to release the blade. “Can we trade this for a gun today?”
“It’s an arcade, Scarlett. There could easily be plastic swords on the prize wall.” I’m reaching here, desperate to keep hold of my new favorite weapon. I can deal big damage with this thing. It’s perfect for crowd control.
“It’s not that sort of arcade,” Bohnes tells us as he turns and uses his back to push the doors in.
The chill ease of the morning is broken up by bright lights and flashing colors. There don’t appear to be many visitors at this hour, but it’s overwhelming anyway. Places like this are dangerous. It’s much easier to hide in chaos than to hide in darkness.
I release the sword and let Scarlett switch me out for the Ruger.
Aspen’s Ruger. I lift it up, wondering how and when this got here. I give her a look and she shrugs.
“When we kidnapped you, someone thought to grab this, too. Where was it?” she asks as I shake my head with a smile, tucking the loaded weapon into the front of my jeans and covering it with my hoodie.
I feel like I’m from Prescott all of a sudden.
I’ve barely lived in Oregon let alone the United States let alone… Prescott.
“It was in my nightstand drawer,” I admit, shrugging. “But I do appreciate it being returned to me. Using Aspen’s gun to blow my father’s brains out would be cathartic.”
“I’m going to carve out one of his eyes,” she replies cheerfully, reminding me all over again why I fell in love with her. Thinking back, it probably was at first sight. I looked into her eyes and saw the exact opposite of my brother and father.
Scarlett and I slip into the arcade together, Bohnes in front of us, Widow and Alexei behind.
The employees ignore us as we weave through the machines. This isn’t a Prescott establishment. We’re in the middle-class neighborhood of Fuller. It’s casual and relaxed in here. Absolutely nothing dramatic going on. The gun seems like overkill. The sword would’ve been fine.
But Scarlett has a point. The sword is very messy and we’re in a public place.
I need to think differently now that I’m considering the possibility that I’m going to keep staying alive.
But Jonas. He was Aspen’s god, the thing he aspired to be—but only until the day he could best that god and take his place.
If Jonas somehow gets a hold of me, I’ll wish the mob had killed me first. A rat in a bucket will sound like a quick, peaceful end.
“You’ve been in your head a lot since we kidnapped you,” Scarlett says as we continue our maze-like pathway through the building. Seems like this isn’t a normal arcade but one entirely populated with claw machines. We pass by one with an oversized green plushie frog inside it.
In a different life, I win that plushie for Scarlett.
I bite my thumbnail and she slaps my hand away.
“In your head,” she repeats and I sigh, looking away from her and across the arcade toward the cafeteria.
Nisha and Bastian are seated beside the hacker girl, Hype. She’s drowning in plushies and blushing, a milkshake in front of her with chocolate-tipped Pocky sticks and whipped cream and sprinkles.
“This is what hell looks like,” Bohnes whispers to me, sliding onto the bench across from the other three. He gives Hype an odd look. “What happened to you?” he asks, and it’s an insult without really being one at all. Underhanded. Kellin could handle himself in a wealthy crowd.
Scarlett sits on the bench next and I take the end, so that I can be closer to her. Widow and Alexei seem fine with standing behind us, the former with his arms folded and the latter twitching his gloved fingers. There’s a decent amount of chewed gum squished into the floor. Not sure he likes that.
“What do you mean by that?” Hype demands, sitting back and folding her arms. She’s swimming in far too many yards of hoodie fabric. Her lipstick is as purple as her hair. She looks like an angry anime character. My gaze moves involuntarily back to Scarlett.
Somehow, she’s staring directly at me.
Peering into my soul.
I reach down to scratch at my already bloodied forearm when Scarlett’s eyebrow goes up, daring me to go through with it. She’s the only person allowed to hurt me. I am not allowed to hurt myself. I force my hands to be still in my lap.
“You look deranged, surrounded by all that.” Bohnes leans away from Hype and wrinkles his nose. “Never mind. Tell me. What do we know?”
“Deranged?” Hype demands, looking over at Nisha.
She then turns her attention to Scarlett and realizes that her new boss is paying more attention to me than to the conversation at-hand.
“Nisha won these plushies from the machines and gifted them to me. This is what a person should do when they’re trying to impress someone else.
” Her hand flies out to gesture and knocks several of the stuffed animals onto the sticky floor as Nisha scowls at me.
“Scarlett Force, what the fuck?” she demands. “Keep your eyes off them boys and pay attention.”
I stiffen up, expecting a similarly angry response from Scarlett. All she does is laugh, slapping Nisha on the shoulder. Her eyes though, they only leave mine for a few seconds.
“Bohnes has got this shit handled. I’m dealing with something else.
It’s called delegating.” Now Scarlett is smiling at me.
The immediate urge hits me that I should run away.
I think about Aspen. I even see Aspen, lurking as an undead ghost in the corner.
He’s rotting all over the floor, but he’s still watching me.
“Are you having a good time right now? How am I supposed to have a good time then? I’m only happy when you’re suffering. Don’t be selfish, Ash.”
Scarlett slides into my lap and causes Widow to inhale a little sharply.
He doesn’t say anything about it. I don’t think he will because he feels bad for me.
I don’t understand that either. He hates me, doesn’t he?
He should. We both want the same girl. It only makes sense to try to kill one another.
And yet…Widow feels sympathetic toward me anyway.
I imagine having a brother who doesn’t actively work at trying to destroy my life.
Aspen’s non-existent ghost lopes forward and I flinch.
“Shit. Come here.” Scarlett gets up and takes my wrist, dragging me away from the table as Nisha protests.
We move around the corner and I find myself thrown into the wall.
She’s kabedon’ing me. Scarlett slams her palm into the wall, getting right up in my face.
“Ash, you survived the mob. You survived. Why do you still look like you want to die, huh?” Her voice is strong and bossy until it gets to the end there.
A crack sounds in her words. Sadness. For me. Because of me.
I put my hands on her shoulders, leaning closer.
Scarlett’s skin is dashed with brightly colored lights. A splash of pink here. A bright blue there. Some yellow. Silver etched across her dark lashes. The game machines around us are brightly lit and flickering, filled with colorful trinkets that I shouldn’t care about but that I do.
I’ve never come into a place like this. I never would go into a place like this. If Aspen found out…
My eyes are wide when I meet Scarlett’s gaze again.
“I have no idea who I am, Scarlett. No clue.” My words are even, steady. It’s not at all how I feel inside. I’m struggling because if I admit how excited I am to still be alive, then I’ll have to admit that I want to keep on living. If I want to keep on…and Jonas… “I want to find out. With you.”
My throat dips, an obvious display of my nerves.
Being this vulnerable around other people has always resulted in the most horrific pain.
My wife is different. She’s different. I can trust her.
Scarlett squints at me, considering her words.
“Doushiyo?” I ask before she can figure out the right response.
I reach for my hair to yank on it and Scarlett stops me again.
My rapid breathing slows. The violence twisting me up from the inside unwinds.
Exhale. “I’m…having a good time with you.
I always have a good time with you. Whether it’s stabbing pedophiles in my living room or standing in a place with toys and milkshakes, you make me want every possible second of life that I can get. ”
“What’s the problem then?” she asks me, furrowing her brow. Scarlett leans forward, plastering her body up against mine. She’s wearing one of those high-necked blouses she likes, white with red polka dots. The skirt is viciously short and the heels put her much closer to my height.
I should’ve just told her I was upset about having to give Alexei a blow job—then let her blow me to make up for it. That’d be a lie though. I can’t do lies with Scarlett Force, not ever again. She never bought the villain act.