Chapter 12
L ife was an odd thing. It carried on in the same fashion for months and years on end, yet when that path altered, the change was never a mere deviation but a complete redirection, leaving little of the former life intact. And as startling as such shifts could be, it was remarkable how quickly one adapted to a new state of being.
Four weeks ago, entering a gathering with a lady on his arm would’ve been a startling occurrence. Yet now, Eddie strode into the market hall with Joanna at his side, feeling entirely at ease.
Great wooden beams crisscrossed the ceiling like a grand cathedral of wood, and each was festooned with flowers and the trappings of spring. Through the great windows on the far side, the Maypole was on display, all wrapped in ribbons and bedecked with blossoms, and just inside the great expanse of glass sat the May Queen upon a throne of woven willow branches, a wreath of blossoms atop her head.
Lanterns swayed gently from iron hooks, casting a soft golden light across the stone floor of the market hall, which had been swept clean for the night’s revelry. Shadows flickered in the corners where the lanterns didn’t reach, but the center of the hall was alight with motion and warmth. The air smelled of fresh greenery, its sweet, sharp fragrance mingling with the faint, earthy scent of the market that had filled the space earlier in the day.
Laughter and conversation echoed off the walls, filling the hall with a joyous energy that made the very air hum with life. The band struck up a lively tune, the sound of fiddles and flutes sharp and crisp, punctuated by the rhythmic thud of heels on stone as dancers twirled in the makeshift ballroom. The great wooden doors stood open, allowing the crisp spring air to cool the gathering.
“This is lovely,” said Joanna, glancing around him to see Mother and Father. “Positively delightful! I haven’t been to many May Day celebrations, and the whole day has been magnificent. I cannot imagine a better day or a better dance. I simply love to dance. Don’t you?” But she didn’t pause long enough to allow the others to answer before adding, “I do hope they will have a polka or two. I absolutely adore the polka. And a gallopade, of course. But then, I enjoy any dancing to be had.”
Eddie held back a wince and prayed Joanna would stop, but her lips continued to babble about the gathering and the evening’s entertainments, speaking so fast that it was a miracle her tongue didn’t tangle. He tried to squeeze her arm to reassure her, but Joanna was already clinging so tight that she was practically fused to him and couldn’t feel the difference.
Father’s brows rose the slightest bit as Mother glanced at Eddie from the corner of her eye, but dear Sadie seemed genuinely interested, nodding at all the appropriate times. When Joanna paused long enough for anyone else to speak, they gave their farewells, dispersing into the various corners of the gathering and leaving Eddie and his wife to themselves.
“I cannot feel my fingers, Joanna,” he whispered. With an apologetic wince, she released his arm, but Eddie tucked it right back into place. “I only meant you needn’t squeeze it so. They shan’t eat you alive.”
“This is our first public appearance as husband and wife,” she whispered back, her brows twisting together. “This will establish our place in Thornsby for some time to come.”
“It isn’t as though we’ve been hiding,” he chuckled. “We’ve attended church and met most of the parish—”
“That is not the same!”
Pausing just inside the door, Eddie turned to face her. “Do not work yourself into a dither, Joanna. You are quite charming, and I am certain you will win them over.”
Joanna let out a sigh, her shoulders falling. “Like I have won over your family? Gregory has hardly said a word to me—”
“Gregory is a grump, and he hardly speaks to anyone but Mother.”
“Speaking of which, she looks at me like I am a particularly odd specimen of insect, and your father is kind but quiet. Sadie seems to enjoy my company, though it is difficult to tell.”
Joanna’s brows furrowed as she laid bare all she’d tried to do and all she wished to do to win their approval, and though her fretting was entirely unnecessary, Eddie couldn’t help smiling to himself because of her determination; this wasn’t some whim but a bone-deep desire to bind herself to the people he loved most in the world, and having seen others marry and the family clashes that often ensued, it warmed his heart that Joanna yearned to gain their good opinion.
“Firstly,” he said, jumping in when granted the opportunity, “my family are all quiet sorts. I am the aberration—”
“Where did you come from?” she said with an exasperated huff.
Eddie chuckled. “You haven’t met Uncle Isaac. Mother often says he and I are more like siblings than the two of them. But my point is that my family isn’t unkind or cold. They are simply soft- spoken—unless you wish to talk about medicine. Otherwise, they keep mostly to themselves.”
Drawing in a deep breath, Joanna calmed. A little.
“And secondly,” he continued, “they like you well enough. You are just trying too hard to please them.”
“Is this where you tell me that being true to myself will gain me their admiration and affection?” she mumbled.
Eddie shrugged. “I had intended to say it in a much more dashing manner that was bound to make you swoon, but that was the general meaning of my message.”
Leveling a hard look at him, she sighed. “I am nearly eight and twenty, Edward. I have a wealth of experience ingratiating myself—or attempting to, at any rate—and I can say without fail that my skills are abysmal. I had hoped by now that your family and I would be great friends, but I feel I am forever misstepping. It is difficult enough to face Thornsby without that worry lingering over my head. I am fretting enough about tonight—”
“What about tonight?” he asked with a frown. “I grant you that settling in a strange place and making new friends and acquaintances can be harrowing, but what is the worst that can happen?”
Joanna’s expression slackened, her eyes widening as she stared at him as though he were the greatest of dunces to even think such a thing, let alone voice such a question.
“I could call a lady by the wrong name and offend her,” she said. “Or tread on my dress and tear a hem or spill a drink on my bodice and be stained for the rest of the evening; then everyone will just think of me as that disheveled and unkempt lady from the May Day party.”
Drawing in a deep breath, Joanna rattled off a dozen more ways in which she could ruin the evening, and Eddie’s eyes widened as the words came faster, spilling forth like water from a broken dam. He didn’t know how she managed to say so much in a single breath, but those fears flowed out of her.
“I could make a fool of myself and be labeled the ‘odd’ wife of Dr. Vaughn, which would reflect poorly on you, which would damage your reputation and make people think twice before engaging your services, which would impact our income and threaten our livelihood. Everything you’ve built would crumble, and I would be the cause of it!”
One more sharp breath, and she added, “And if that isn’t enough, I haven’t a friend here, and I may be relegated to standing on the side of the gathering, all alone. And I know everyone else is going to be asked to dance, and I will be left without a partner because you are the only gentleman who ever asked me of his own free will, and you cannot do so now because it isn’t polite for a husband and wife to dance together, which is just the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard!”
Heaving, Joanna paused, her eyes finally focusing on him as though just realizing how much she’d said. Cheeks coloring crimson, she swallowed. “And now I have frightened you. Haven’t I?”
Eddie tried to soften his expression, but there was no point denying the truth at this juncture. Joanna had seen the terror in his eyes, and placating her would only bruise her trust. Humming to himself, he considered how to answer.
“I will admit that I hadn’t anticipated such a…thorough and…creative answer,” he said slowly. Shaking free of that surprise, Eddie winced. “You do realize that even if all that were to happen, you wouldn’t be destroying ‘what I built.’ Thornsby has only one family who sees to their medical needs, and even if all your dire predictions came true, it wouldn’t impact my profession in the slightest.”
“I know most of my fears are irrational, so rationalizing them away doesn’t help a bit,” she said, her shoulders falling. “I do not want to cause you or the family trouble, and though I hope that my life will be different here than it was in London, I know too well how…” she swallowed, “…how rarely people enjoy me. I try so hard to ingratiate myself, but it never seems to work.”
Eddie’s brows rose of their own accord. He recognized the opportunity before him, yet that awareness offered no clear solution for broaching such a delicate subject. For a long moment, he pondered it before tiptoeing into dangerous waters.
“Perhaps that is the trouble. You try so hard to make yourself agreeable, and you are charming when you are more…composed. I like you far better when you are comfortable and being your true self.”
Joanna stiffened. “You do not like me at times?”
“That isn’t what I said—”
“No, you said that I am off-putting when I am discomposed—”
Eddie scoffed. He couldn’t help it. The great leaps in her thoughts and the ability she had to connect the unconnected through twisted words was incomprehensible. But when she visibly bristled at the sound, he rushed to salvage the situation before it spun out of control. As Joanna had proven a moment ago, her mind was quite quick at taking a difficult situation and making it far worse.
Hang it all.
“Do not put words in my mouth, Joanna. That isn’t what I said nor what I meant.”
Placing his hands on her arms, Eddie held her gaze, though he didn’t know what to say that mightn’t be interpreted poorly. In the past few weeks, he’d learned to be cautious when she was in such a mood, and the thought of managing her once more bore down on him. It wasn’t unbearable as much as it was fatiguing. It was as though Joanna viewed the world through a warped lens, giving her a skewed vision of reality, and any effort to correct her sight was batted away.
But as quickly as that thought came, Eddie swept it away. Was it any wonder that she was out of sorts? Entering into a forced marriage would be unsettling enough, but she was trapped in a new home and family, far from anyone who called her friend. And as it was Eddie’s fault, it was his duty to help her through it.
He had chosen this, after all. And moping wasn’t going to help matters.
*
Something in Edward’s expression shifted. It was a faint little twitch at the corner of his lips that always accompanied a jest. It was an old friend of Joanna’s, and though she wasn’t entirely in the mood for teasing, a happy little flutter in her chest testified that she eagerly awaited what was to come. Edward always knew how to pull her from her doldrums, and she needed that so very much.
“I don’t know if I will ever forgive you for that affront on my honor,” he said, lifting his nose with a prim little sniff.
“And what affront is that?” she dutifully asked.
“That you claim not to have a single friend in the company.” Placing a dramatic hand to his chest, Edward gazed at her plaintively, looking as though genuine tears might spring forth. “My dear lady, surely you count me amongst your friends. As such, do you think I could abandon you to the hordes when you are so certain they will tear you to shreds? I couldn’t bear it!”
Lips pinching together, Joanna tried not to laugh. “And risk looking like a lovesick fool who lives in his wife’s pocket?”
“Is there any better place to be?” he asked with a waggle of his brows. “And though I am certain there are others who would enjoy standing up with you, I promise we shall dance every set if you wish.”
Joanna’s brows jerked upward in earnest. “We cannot do that. What will people say?”
The jester dropped from his expression, and Edward dismissed the question with a wave of the hand. “What does it matter if they think us rude for ignoring the other guests and keeping our own company? Besides, people expect a little lovesick ridiculousness from the newly married, so why not use that to our advantage? If nothing else, it ought to be compensation for the litany of innuendos we’ve suffered. Every word of congratulations is followed by at least one.”
Cheeks heating, Joanna looked around at the gathering as though they had overheard Edward’s heresy. One did not spend the evening with a spouse; one was expected to mingle with others. To do otherwise was the height of rudeness. Yet before she could mount any protest, Edward had her by the hand, dragging her toward the dancers.