Chapter 12 Matty
MATTY
Ivy was nestled against my chest like she’d always belonged there.
Her arms were looped around my neck, soft and warm and trusting, her little fingers tangled in the back of my shirt like she didn’t plan on letting go.
As I walked, she hummed, a quiet, tuneless sound that vibrated through my collarbone and down into my chest. Every few steps, she’d swing her legs like she was riding an invisible horse and pat my cheek with one hand.
Pat. Hum. Pat. Hum.
God, she was cute.
And I was so screwed.
After everything with Hudson—after the lake, after what we’d done—I’d told myself I’d made a huge mistake.
I’d driven out of town to a last-minute cattle auction to clear my damn head.
But the first thing I saw when I came back into Bristlecone Springs?
Hudson, walking into the supermarket with Ivy’s tiny hand curled in his.
I should’ve turned around. Walked the hell away.
But instead, like a goddamn idiot, I followed them inside.
Minutes later, I’d found Ivy alone, staring up at the candy dispenser with the intensity of someone making a wish. The second she spotted me, her whole face lit up—like I was something special—and I couldn’t walk away from that.
Didn’t even try.
I’d sighed, dug out a couple of quarters, and bought her the ring pop.
And now she was here. In my arms. The daughter of the woman who took my man away. But also a part of him, and because of that, I couldn’t hate her. Even if I still wasn’t clear about where I stood with her father or what I wanted from him.
Hudson and I had had sex, but what now? He’d asked me that question after, and I was no closer to knowing the answer.
While waiting for Hudson, we strolled past the bakery section, and she perked up immediately, nose twitching like a little bunny as her wide eyes locked on the rows of cakes. I slowed, shifting her a little higher in my arms, and she leaned forward, fascinated, ring pop no longer in her mouth.
“You like cake, Ivy?” I asked.
She nodded. “Bakin’ cake. Not eatin’.”
I chuckled. “You like making a mess, huh?”
She tapped her nose. Then mine. “Daddy makes meth.”
Haha, she was sure to get Hudson into trouble one day. I’d noticed she had more trouble pronouncing some words than the average three-year-old, but it wasn’t so bad I couldn’t understand her.
I choked on a laugh. “Your daddy makes a mess, huh?”
She grinned. “He make very big meth!” She flung her arms wide like she was describing a natural disaster.
Ronnie, one of the workers who’d been a year ahead of me in high school, caught sight of Ivy and waved us over. “Hey, Matty, couldn’t help seeing her eyeing the cakes. Would she like a sample?”
Ivy leaned forward.
“You wanna try a bite?” I asked.
She made a face.
“If you don’t like it, you can spit it out.”
“Kay, Matteeee,” she sang, drawing out my name like music.
“Which one would you like?” I turned toward the glass. “Go ahead. Choose.”
I held her close as she twisted, eyes scanning the rows like she was choosing treasure. Chocolate swirl. Strawberry shortcake. Lemon drizzle with a rainbow of sprinkles.
“Hmm… thinkin’.”
She was so damn cute.
“Take your time.”
She pointed. “Dat one.”
“The sprinkle one?”
She nodded firmly. “’Prinkly one.”
Ronnie handed over the napkin, and I offered it to Ivy. For a second, I hesitated. Should I even be giving her cake? What if Hudson didn’t want her eating sweets? But he hadn’t protested the ring pop. Ivy grabbed the cake and took a bite.
I held my breath.
She blinked.
Chewed.
Swallowed.
“Yum,” she whispered.
Relief flooded my chest so hard, I nearly staggered.
I hadn’t even realized I’d been holding on to that tension, waiting for her to spit it out or cry or push it away. But she liked it. She really liked it. And my heart cracked open right down the middle.
“You like it?” I asked softly. “Would you like some more?”
She nodded, licking a bit of frosting from her thumb.
“Matty! Woohoo, Matty!”
The screech of my name like nails on a chalkboard made my shoulders go tight.
I turned. Rowan was gliding down the aisle like he was on a fashion runway, all glittery nail polish, glossy lips, and sunglasses perched like a tiara on his head.
Bristlecone’s new wedding planner and resident chaos magnet.
He’d made it clear he was looking for a husband, and no swinging bachelor in Bristlecone Springs was safe.
He was harmless. Flamboyant and loud, but not mean. We’d talked a few times. He’d asked me out once, and I’d turned him down. To his credit, he hadn’t let it ruin anything. Still said hi. Still sparkled like he’d swallowed a disco ball.
Today was no different.
He must’ve caught the flicker of “what the fuck” on my face because he laughed, a little breathless. “Okay, maybe that woohoo was a little too much, huh?”
“Definitely, but glad to see the town’s rubbing off on you.”
“Well, I wouldn’t mind some of its menfolk rubbing off on me a little more.” His gaze dropped to Ivy, and he blushed. “Oops, sorry. Have to keep it PG, but whose gorgeous baby girl is this? She’s got the most pinchable cheeks I’ve seen today.”
“This is Ivy.” Ivy shrank back from Rowan when he stepped closer.
“Didn’t know you had a kid, Matty.”
“She’s actually the daughter of a…?”
Friend?
Foe?
Fuck buddy?
None of them rang true.
“Of a friend,” I said. “Just keeping Ivy entertained until he’s finished with his shopping.”
“Well, you two make an adorable picture. You should drop by my studio sometime for a proper shoot with this little miss cutie patootie.” Rowan reached out and patted my arm, all friendly-like. I’d noticed before that he was a toucher, so I didn’t think anything of it.
Ivy’s little arm shot out. She made a cry of protest and shoved at Rowan’s hand. “Noooo. My Maaaah”
Stunned, I stared at the little girl in my arms who clutched my neck like she was afraid Rowan might take me away.
My heart twisted. She didn’t know me at all.
We’d met on a handful of occasions. I hadn’t taken her refusal to go with Hudson earlier to heart, as kids sometimes wanted to be away from their restrictive parents. But this… I was speechless.
Rowan laughed, stepping back with his hands raised. “Someone’s a little territorial. Isn’t that cute, though?”
“Sorry, Rowan. I’m not sure what’s up with her.”
“It’s fine. I’d get territorial too.” He winked at me and gave me a little wave. “But seriously, think about it. A shot of her and you would be amazing. Toodles!”
Rowan left in a flurry of perfume and good intentions, and I exhaled, my cheek to the crown of Ivy’s head. She was an angel. Did she cling to everyone like that?
“Looks like you scared him off,” I murmured to Ivy.
She smiled like she knew exactly what she’d done.
Still holding her, I grabbed a slice of the sprinkle cake she’d liked, thanked Ronnie for the sample, then made my way toward the front of the store, where Hudson was unloading groceries onto the conveyor belt.
“There you are.” He reached to take Ivy. “I was getting worried I’d need to call the sheriff’s office.”
Ivy tucked herself tighter into my side, arms locking around my neck like a stubborn little koala.
Hudson blinked. “Hey, Bug, come to Daddy. I’m sure Matt is quite busy.”
She shook her head, one fist tightening in my shirt.
“Took the day off.” I smiled at the child wedging her way into my heart. “It’s fine. She’s not doing any harm.”
“I’m sorry. She’s not always this clingy with strangers.”
Strangers.
The word hit me like a slap. It shouldn’t have mattered. Hell, it was true. But this was the life I’d wanted. The man I’d wanted to tie down. The child I’d hoped we would have together, but now we were three strangers.
Damn, knowing it was the truth didn’t sting any less.
“I got her this.” I offered him the slice of cake to cash out as well.
“Thanks, but Ivy doesn’t eat cake.”
“Really? She ate the sample and liked it. Didn’t you, Ivy?”
Ivy nodded. “Cake yummy, Daddee.”
“You got her to eat cake?” Hudson’s eyebrows shot up, and he huffed out something between a laugh and a sigh as he retrieved his wallet. The four-year-old wallet I’d given to him. “Remind me to bring you home with me so you can get her to eat her vegetables too.”
He said it so easily, as if it were nothing. As if we were still us. As if he hadn’t married someone else, had a whole damn family.
And yet… he still had the same wallet. Still looked at me like I was the only thing in the room worth staring at. Still touched me like he knew my body better than his own.
None of it made sense.
It was before I realized what we’d become.
Like that made it better. Like it didn’t still gut me.
Was he telling the truth? Back then, he’d resisted me at first before we kissed and fooled around some. Our affair that summer had been hot and heavy and fast. And I always knew since the first time we met that he would be my something big. It gutted knowing he hadn’t felt the same.
It just took me a little longer than you to get there, and by then, it was too late.
A loud beep snapped me out of my thoughts.
“Sorry,” the cashier said, not looking up. “I ran it again like you said, but it’s still declined.”
I looked over to Hudson’s face pale. He was still holding the card she’d given back to him. His jaw tensed. Shoulders pulled tight. His eyes met mine, and I caught the panic in them.
This was the moment I should have felt glee that he was worse off than I had thought, but as I looked over the groceries in the bag and saw they were mostly Ivy’s, I only had a sick feeling in my gut.
“Do you have another card I can try?” the cashier asked.
“No, sorry. Just the one.”
A flush crept up his neck, and he shoved the card back into his wallet like it had personally offended him.
“I’ll get it,” I said quickly, shifting Ivy to my other hip and taking my wallet out.
Hudson stepped back like I’d slapped him. “No. I-I’ve got it. I just—I’ll transfer from my savings or—”
I tapped the card on the machine, and the screen flashed transaction approved.
“Relax. It’s groceries, not a prized bull.”
I tried to keep it light. But inside? It pinched like hell. I hadn’t really seen how close to the edge he might be living. Not until now. The way he’d gone quiet. The way his hand tightened on that battered old wallet, like he was trying to keep it from falling apart along with everything else.
“I’ll pay you back,” he muttered, not looking at me.
“Sure,” I said, just as quietly. Pretending it didn’t sting.
He grabbed the bags, shoulders stiff as he hefted them, then led the way toward the automatic doors. I kept Ivy in my arms, her little body resting easily against mine, one hand still clutching the edge of the napkin from the cake sample like it was a treasure.
Outside, the air had cooled. Gray clouds gathered in the distance, promising rain. At least it wasn’t as hot as earlier.
We walked together in silence toward the parking lot, the sound of our footsteps mingling with the crinkle of grocery bags and the hum of distant engines.
“I want cweam now, Daddee,” Ivy said, her voice soft and sweet against my ear.
Hudson didn’t answer, but I saw the slight hitch in his step before he spoke.
“Another time, Bug. You already had cake and candy, so no more sweets. We have to get some of these groceries into the freezer.”
“But you pwomised,” she whined.
“I know, sweetheart. Just… not today. I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to you.” His voice was rough. Like it hurt to say no to her.
She didn’t throw a tantrum. Didn’t cry or kick. But her bottom lip trembled, and when I adjusted her higher on my hip, she laid her head on my shoulder like the world had betrayed her.
God, it felt awful.
I wanted to take her for ice cream, but knowing Hudson, he would say no. That he’d allowed me to pay for his groceries spoke volumes. He’d been backed into a corner, and Ivy’s well-being was more important than his pride, but ice cream wasn’t a necessity.
Hudson walked ahead, fumbling for his keys with one hand while the bags rustled in the other. He opened the passenger door of his truck and stepped aside so I could load her into her car seat.
I hesitated, brushing her hair from her face.
“Come.” She beckoned me inside the vehicle with her.
“I can’t, Ivy. Not today. Your daddy needs to take you home now, but I’ll see you soon.”
“Maah.” She fisted my shirt, and her face turned red. Tears filled her eyes and spilled down her cheeks.
“Bug.” Hudson hurried over to us. “Hey, it’s okay. You’ll feel better once we get home and you take a nap.” He turned to me. “She hasn’t napped at all today, and she gets cranky when she doesn’t.”
Oh. So much for missing me already, then.
Hudson kissed her temple. “Ivy, I promise you’ll see Matt tomorrow when you stay with Ozzie at the ranch.”
I leaned into the door. “That’s right. Do you like horses, Ivy?”
Her sobs hiccuped to a stop, and she rubbed at her eyes. “Hawses?”
“Yes, you go with Daddy, and tomorrow I’ll show you the horses. How about that?”
She gave her head a hard nod. “Wanna see hawses.”
“Great, then it’s a date.”
I stepped back, rubbing my palms on my jeans. The world suddenly felt too quiet. Too sharp. Too lonely.
Hudson double-checked I’d buckled her in carefully, the lines of his body curled in tight.
Then he looked up.
He looked exhausted. Circles framed his eyes, which were bloodshot. Maybe I should follow to ensure they got home safely.
“Listen, thanks—”
“Don’t mention it,” I said, my voice gravelly as I shoved my hands into my pockets. “She’s a lovely child, Hudson. I can tell she means the world to you.”
For a few seconds, he stared at me, searching my face as though there was a hidden meaning in my words. But I truly meant it. His lips twitched but didn’t quite form a smile.
“She does. I need to take her home for a nap.”
“I’ll see you around, then.” I reached inside the car, took the little girl’s hand, and squeezed it affectionately. “Bye, Ivy. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Bye bye, Maaah!”
She blew me a kiss. I caught it like I did in the bakery and made a show of pocketing it. She giggled. Hudson made a sound, and when I looked at him, he averted his gaze, but not before I saw the sheen in his eyes.
“I didn’t deserve you then,” he whispered. “And I still don’t today.”
I didn’t mean to stand there and watch them go. Not to stare after what could have been, leaving me behind again.
I didn’t deserve you then.
He was right. He didn’t, and if I had a lick of sense, I would leave Hudson Granger and his little girl alone.