Chapter 14 Matty
MATTY
He’d kept it.
Hudson had kept the bear.
I’d had it customized and had given it to him the night before I left to start the new semester at college. Hudson had laughed, taken it to be ridiculous at first, until I set the bear next to us on the bed and reached for him.
“It’s yours to cuddle with when I’m not around.”
I shoved his legs apart and rubbed my cock over his hole. A moan spilled from his throat. I would never get tired of that sound.
And he’d thought he was an exclusive top before we met. Not anymore. He was so greedy for it that he spread his legs the moment I reached for him.
Hudson clutched my hips, pulling me closer. “Matt, fuck. Why do I always want you inside me?”
I slid a hand around his neck, anchoring him to the bed.
With a single movement of my hips, I drove into him, and his lips parted in a silent gasp.
Pleasure wrecked him. He was beautiful, with his flushed face, heavy eyes, and trembling fingers digging into the sheets.
He grabbed me by the wrist, not to pull me away, but to press me harder into his throat.
He nodded, his eyes glazed like he was high, but all we’d done earlier was share a cigarette between us. “Fuck me. Yeah, just like that. Just like that, Matt.”
God, his whimpers were sexy as hell. Not for the first time, my chest swelled with the need to possess him.
“You only sleep next to this bear while I’m gone,” I rasped, pulling out slowly, teasing him with the tip, then sinking back inside him. “No one else, Hudson. No one else gets to see you like this. No one else gets to be inside you like this. No one else gets to know what a slut you are in bed.”
And he’d kept the bear.
Not stuffed it into a drawer. Not boxed it up with the rest of our past. He’d kept it out in the open. Given it to his daughter.
If it—I—hadn’t meant anything to him, he would’ve tossed it years ago. Burned it. Buried it. But instead, it sat beside her dinner plate like it belonged there.
Ivy’s halting words broke through my thoughts, and I smiled at her absentmindedly.
I’d had no idea what my intentions were when I followed them inside the supermarket, but as I watched them leave, I knew I was already in too deep.
Had been since I caught his daughter’s blown kiss in the bakery and kept it.
Still, I hadn’t acted right away. Even though I’d wanted to go after them and convince Hudson to let me buy her ice cream, I’d needed some time to think. To make sure whatever decision I made came from what I wanted and not a gut reaction after seeing his struggle to buy groceries.
So I’d gone home. Saddled up Junebug. Rode hard across the back end of the ranch until my lungs burned and my thoughts slowed. The wind in my face. The steady rhythm of hooves beneath me. Junebug had always been good at grounding me.
By the time the sun sank and the ranch was bathed in that gold I always loved, I knew.
I couldn’t ignore Hudson. Or his child.
Did I forgive him? Hell no. My heart still dragged every time I looked at him. Still bruised from the betrayal.
But Ivy, the way she’d clung to me… she’d softened the edge of it. Lightened something that had stayed dark and heavy for far too long.
So I’d taken a shower. Thrown some clothes on. Bought the little girl her ice cream, sprinkles and all.
And then I showed up at his door.
Because this thing between us, this constant fighting, the never-ending push and pull, was driving me insane.
But maybe the real war hadn’t been with Hudson at all.
Maybe it had always been with myself. With the part of me that still ached for him.
That still wanted to believe he was worth the hurt. That still couldn’t let him go.
I wanted the truth.
All of it.
For once and for all.
Hudson slid the ice cream into the freezer without a word, but he didn’t sit. Didn’t relax. His shoulders stayed tense, jaw ticking as he wiped his hands down the sides of his jeans and hovered.
“You eaten yet?” he asked.
I shook my head, leaning back in the chair a little. “Nah. Wasn’t hungry earlier.”
That was a half truth. I hadn’t been hungry because I’d been spiraling in my head since leaving the grocery store. Since watching Ivy cry when I didn’t go home with them. Since realizing I couldn’t keep pretending that Hudson meant nothing to me.
I could still be angry with him and still want to protect him, couldn’t I?
I glanced at his side of the table. A plastic bowl of instant ramen.
That was what he’d made for himself?
“I can wait till I get home,” I said. “Not a big deal.”
Hudson didn’t answer. Just moved around the kitchen with quiet purpose, pulling a few containers from the fridge.
I opened my mouth to argue, but he was already heating the food—real food.
Chicken thighs, grilled vegetables, a scoop of something that looked like rice pilaf.
He slid the plate in front of me without a word.
“It’s not much, but it tastes half decent, or Bug wouldn’t eat it,” he said, voice low, no room for argument.
I looked down at the meal. Then back up at him.
“You not having any?” I frowned.
He shook his head. “I’m fine.”
The ramen sat in front of his chair, the steam already fading. Just noodles. No protein. No veg. Just salt and water and whatever barely passed as sustenance.
Something in me twisted.
This was what he’d been living on?
How the hell had he managed to work the ranch on this? Long hours. Heavy lifting. Dust and sweat and burning sun. I knew what it took out of a man. I damn near inhaled my food after a long day, and I was younger and fitter than him.
I reached across the table and switched my plate with his noodles.
“Matt, what are you doing?”
“Eat,” I said firmly, grabbing the plastic fork and slurping up the cold noodles he’d planned to eat.
Ivy thought it was funny and laughed when I got noodle soup all over the table. Her laugh was infectious.
“Eat, Daddy!” she cried. “Then we can have i’cweam.”
Hudson hesitated, uncertainty swirling in his eyes, like he was contemplating putting the food back in the fridge so it could last another day.
“You already heated it, Hud.”
“Because I thought you were going to eat it,” he grumbled, but he lowered himself into the chair and picked up the fork.
Something about the scene felt intimate. Domestic. Right. Like this could have been us for the past four years, having quiet dinners at the table, feeding a daughter we both cared for.
But Ivy wasn’t my child, and I didn’t even know what Hudson wanted from me—if anything. He seemed so guarded against me, and I couldn’t blame him. Not after every name I’d called him. Every vile thing I’d said. All the accusations I levied at him.
I watched him as he took slow bites of the chicken, like he wasn’t sure he was allowed to enjoy it.
Jesus.
What had he been going through all this time?
And how had I not seen it before?
Blinded by my own rage.
Hudson caught me staring and raised an eyebrow. “What?”
I shook my head. “Nothing.” But inside, everything was shifting.
Because this man who used to be mine—maybe still was, in ways I didn’t want to admit—was barely holding it together.
After dinner, Hudson dished out the ice cream.
Two scoops with sprinkles on top for Ivy.
She grabbed my hand and tugged me toward the living room.
I sat on the one decent-looking couch, and she climbed straight into my lap like she belonged there, melting into my chest as if this had always been our routine.
She pointed at the TV and requested some cartoon I’d never heard of.
“All right, sweetheart. Here you go.”
A domestic Hudson was never something I’d thought I would see, but he was so patient with his daughter. He found the cartoon, hit Play, tucked a bib into Ivy’s shirt, and gave her the bowl of ice cream.
“Does this bother you?” He gestured to Ivy sitting on my lap.
“No, she’s good. I don’t mind watching cartoons.”
“She’ll get ice cream all over you.”
I shrugged. “So?”
“Umm, all right, then. I’ll wash up. Call me if you get bored of entertaining her.”
He looked reluctant as he walked out of the living room. I wouldn’t be surprised if he kept poking his head in to check on us.
“Look, Maaaah!” Ivy grabbed my face with a sticky hand and turned it toward the TV. She launched into chatter about the cartoon, and I understood maybe half of what she said while sweeping my gaze over the living room.
The space wasn’t a mess, not by a long shot.
It was tidy in the way a space was when someone took pride in what little they had.
But the wallpaper was peeling in one corner, and the paint above the window frame was cracked, like maybe there’d been a leak.
The rug was fraying at the edges. The couch groaned every time I shifted.
And the TV… damn. Did they make that model anymore?
But Ivy? She looked happy. Safe. Like she didn’t care that the place wasn’t fancy. She giggled and leaned into me with her sticky fingers, and I could see how hard Hudson tried. She was obviously well loved.
Ivy finished her ice cream with a triumphant slurp. Hudson wasn’t wrong. We were both sticky from the sweet treat.
“Let me bring this to Daddy.” I took the bowl from her and placed her on the couch. She was so focused on the cartoon that she didn’t register me leaving.
Hudson was at the sink, wiping down the counters with a dishrag, methodical and quiet. But the way he paused midswipe and pressed a hand to his lower back told me enough. He was tired.
I stepped into the doorway. “You always eat like that?”
He looked up. “Like what?”
“Ramen.”
A small, crooked smile. “It’s cheap. Fast.”
“You gave me the better plate.”
“Yeah. So?”
I let the silence settle for a beat, then asked gently, “Why did you do that?”
“Because you’re a guest.” Hudson’s eyes darkened. He leaned against the counter, arms crossed. “Why are you here, Matt?”
I blinked, fumbled for a response. “Ivy deserved her ice cream.”
“Bullshit.” His voice was quiet, but his face was tight.
“You’ve been circling me for days. One day you’re mad at me, and the next, you’re climbing on top of me.
You come close, then you back off, and I don’t see you for three days.
I don’t know what the hell you want, and I know I shouldn’t make demands of you, but this back-and-forth is killing me. ”
My heart clenched. “I want to talk about everything. Starting with what happened four years ago. I’m ready to listen.”
Hudson stared at me like I’d knocked the wind out of him.
For a beat, he didn’t move. Didn’t blink. Just stood there with the rag hanging limp in his hand, like his brain couldn’t process what I’d just said.
“You…” His voice cracked slightly, and he cleared his throat. “You want to listen?”
He said it like it was a foreign concept. Like no one ever had. Like maybe he didn’t think he deserved to be heard anymore.
His jaw flexed, lips parted, and for the first time since I’d stepped into his house, his mask slipped. He looked ready to cry.
“Ivy’s missing her mom.” He exhaled deeply.
“I’ve been racking my brain to figure out why she’s latched on to you, and that’s the only thing I can come up with.
She’s using you to fill that void left by her mother.
Matt, please, you have to keep your distance from us unless…
It’s not fair to her to get attached to you. ”
The words hit like a punch I hadn’t seen coming.
My throat tightened. I hadn’t even thought of that.
Not really. Not beyond the fact that she was cute and liked me, and I liked her right back.
I hadn’t stopped to consider what my presence meant to her, what kind of space I might be occupying in her tiny world. A space that maybe didn’t belong to me.
A flicker of fear rippled through me. Panic, even. What if I was making it worse for her? What if I was messing up something delicate, something still healing? What the hell was I even doing here?
I opened my mouth—maybe to apologize, maybe to backtrack—when small feet pattered into the kitchen.
Ivy.
She came barreling in, cheeks sticky from ice cream and eyes wide as though she thought I’d left. Her whole face lit up when she saw me. She gave a little hop right over to me.
“Maah!” she squealed, grabbing my hand with both of hers. “Come. Let’s watch!”
I looked down at her, at the joy in her eyes, the way her fingers curled tight around mine, and something in my chest cracked wide open.
I glanced up at Hudson, who looked like he was bracing for me to pull away.
“Later,” I told him quietly. “We’ll talk later. Stop worrying. It’ll be fine.”
Then I let Ivy lead me back to the living room, her tiny hand warm in mine, and… I let myself stay, knowing it might mean the beginning of forever despite the ugly truths we would have to face that night.