Chapter 20 MATTY #2
The heat outside did nothing to cool the fury simmering in my chest. My boots hit the church steps with suppressed anger.
I was already halfway across the gravel parking lot before I realized I’d clenched my fists so tight, my knuckles ached.
I flexed them once, twice, like it might release the tension still coiled inside me.
By the time I got to my truck, I felt sick to my stomach.
I climbed in, slammed the door, and sat there for a second, gripping the steering wheel. “Fucking hell,” I muttered, chest rising and falling like I’d just run a mile uphill.
The truth was out. I had the answer. Hudson wasn’t pretending. He had no idea that he’d never married Heather.
I started the engine and pointed the truck toward the town square to do something—anything—to distract me from the lingering taste of that office, that man, his goddamn lie. I still had to confront my mother and find out how much my father knew about the part she’d played in my breakup with Hudson.
My gut wanted me to drive back to the ranch immediately, but I couldn’t leave town without collecting our mail, and since we had a box, the trip to the post office would be quick anyway.
I pulled onto the side of the road, jogged up the short steps, grabbed the ranch’s mail from the letter box, and left while checking each envelope.
We were supposed to get a check in the mail to support our Reins of Hope Foundation to gentle and rehome abused horses.
I bumped into someone and dropped the letters. “Fuck.”
“Whoa—” Grant steadied me with a hand on my arm. “Matty, gotta be careful where you’re walking.”
I stepped back quickly, my spine snapping straight as alarm bells went off inside my head, the way they always did when I ran into Grant. Goose bumps took over my skin, and my heart thumped hard.
“Sorry.” I grunted and bent to pick up letters, then walked around him.
Grant grabbed my arm. “Really? That’s everything you have to say?”
“You and I have nothing to say to each other, Grant.”
“It’s been several years, and this is the most words you’ve said to me since.”
“Just fuck off already. No one in town likes you anyway. Why don’t you just pack up and leave with your two-bit whore?”
“Is that jealousy I sense still?”
“Keep dreaming. Now let me go if you don’t want me to cause a scene. I’m sure everyone will be curious why I knocked you out cold in the middle of the street.”
He dropped his hand instantly. “It’s been years. Why do you still resent me?”
My boot hit a loose stone, and I almost tripped.
If he’d been anyone else, I’d have punched him clean in the mouth.
But Bristlecone Springs was too curious for its own good, and it wouldn’t be long until someone poked beneath the dirt and discovered things that were best left buried.
If he’d left town, things would’ve been simpler.
Instead, his face was a splinter under my skin, and every glance dragged the old hurt up like it hadn’t been tamped down at all.
At least half the town hated him for his loan practices.
He stuck to the bank and skipped the socials, so I didn’t run into him that often.
I kept walking.
“You wanted it too, you know. Would I have done it if you didn’t?”
Didn’t look back.
Climbed into the truck, slammed the door, and hit the gas a little too hard as I pulled out of the lot. My tires squealed as I peeled off toward the ranch.
Fucking Grant. I had enough on my plate to deal with his bullshit, so I pushed him from my mind as easily as I’d been doing over the years.
My brain spun with thoughts of Hudson. Of how he’d sat on that battered old couch last night and begged me to forgive him.
How soft his voice had gone when we were kneeling on that floor and he told me he loved me.
And now I knew it was true.
I pressed a hand to my chest, over the thud of my heart. He and Ivy deserved better. From what I understood, he’d been a wild child, had a prison record, and was trapped in an unlawful marriage for four years. He deserved so much more than the life he had, but would he let me give him that life?
They couldn’t keep living in that little cottage.
The wiring was old, the plumbing creaked, and I was sure the roof leaked.
All the furniture was well loved but outdated.
His kitchen could use a refurbishment, and the walls needed fresh paint and wallpaper.
Ivy deserved a bedroom with mermaid motifs and all the toys she could play with.
But would Hudson ever agree to move to the ranch?
Doubtful.
He was too damn proud. Wouldn’t even let me stock the pantry without making a fuss. I’d have to find another way. Subtle. Quiet. Maybe start by fixing the small things around his house. Preferably, when he was at the ranch, so he couldn’t say no.
I’d always planned to build my own house on the ranch eventually. Carter and I had both picked out our spots years ago, though I doubted he’d ever use his. And I just hadn’t felt the urgency until now. But with Hudson and Ivy in the picture… I couldn’t afford to wait any longer.
Maybe I was moving fast, but dammit, when you met the right person, you knew he was the one.
It would take work, money, and patience to build a home, but I had all three. Hudson and Ivy deserved a good home.
By the time I pulled up to the ranch, the sun had shifted in the sky, casting long shadows across the fence posts. I cut the engine and climbed out, brushing dust off my jeans. I wouldn’t have much time to talk to Dad before I had to head back to Hudson’s to watch Ivy while he went to the clinic.
I’d told him he didn’t have to, since I believed him that he hadn’t slept with anyone else, but he’d insisted. Said he wanted no doubt in my mind. So I’d shown him my latest results too, which I’d done after breaking things off with Todd. It was only fair.
I was halfway to the porch when a slender figure descended the steps.
My mother.
She smiled like it meant something. Like she had any right to smile at me after ruining my life.
“Matty, darling, I was hoping to catch you before I left.” She tucked a curl behind her ear. “Didn’t want to leave town without seeing you.”
I stopped at the foot of the porch steps, arms crossed, jaw tight. “When did you get here?”
“A couple of hours ago.”
“What are you doing here?” The last time she’d been with Carter, they’d been horrible to Ozzie and Dad. Fuck. Just like I had been to Ozzie. I really owed him an apology.
Her smile faltered. “Matty, this is my home too. Regardless of who’s living under this roof, I’ve got as much right to come here whenever I want.”
“You remember that? Because before this thing with Carter and Ozzie, you only recognized Denver as home.”
“Honey, where’s all this hostility coming from?”
“You know what you did.”
She blinked. “I-I don’t understand.”
“We need to talk.”
“I thought we were talking.”
“Inside.” We’d given the ranch hands too much gossip to bring into the town lately.
She followed me inside, her heels mute against the carpeted floor. The screen door creaked shut behind her.
I turned to face her. “Why did you do it?”
“Do what?” She looked confused again, like she was trying to read my mind. “If this is about Carter using Ozzie to get his inheritance, I had no idea—”
“What?” I stared at her. “That’s not what I’m talking about.”
She hesitated. “Then—”
“I’m talking about you interfering in my life four years ago. About you threatening Hudson into breaking up with me.”
She opened her mouth, closed it again.
I stepped closer, fists clenched at my sides. “Did you think I’d never find out?”
“I… He told you?”
“He showed me everything, Mom. What right did you have to interfere in my life like that?”
“It was for your own good.”
“I’m twenty-three years old. That excuse does not fly anymore, so try again.”
“All right, it was you who drove me to it!” she cried. “Why couldn’t you be more like Carter?”
“You mean the son who treats people like shit? That’s the son you want me to be like?”
Bright red spots appeared on her cheeks.
“All I wanted was a little affection from you, some sign that you cared. It was such a fight getting you to visit me at first during the summer, but then you caved in and didn’t argue anymore when it was my time to have you.
Then, for the first time in years, you refused to visit me.
All in the name of infatuation with a convicted felon and a prostitute! ”
“You had no right to judge him!”
“I am your mother, and by God, I refused to watch you ruin your life by being with an opportunist. Your father wouldn’t do anything about it and fire him, so I took matters into my own hands.”
“Did you ever stop to think that I really loved him?”
“You were nineteen years old. He was twenty-five at the time! He had no business spreading my teenage son’s legs open!”
“I was the one spreading his legs open! Not that it has anything to do with you. We were both consenting adults, and you crossed the line.”
I knew what it was like to be taken advantage of by someone older, and that hadn’t been Hudson.
At nineteen, I’d been fully capable of running my life and the ranch.
Hell, he’d been the one who was wet behind the ears when I was hitting on him.
I’d been the one in control of us until she interfered.
Tears filled her eyes, and her hand flew to her mouth. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I did what any good mother would have done to shield you from a predator.”
“Oh, please, Mother. You were years too late for that, so don’t even.
” I took a step back to avoid the hand she stretched toward me.
“At nineteen, I could have married him if I’d wanted.
He was just six years older than me, and I was the more experienced one.
You told him he wasn’t good enough for me.
You waved money in his face and dared him to walk away from me.
And he did. Do you know how tough the past four years have been for me because of this? ”
“But I was right. Didn’t he cheat on you and get someone pregnant? That is hardly my doing.”
“Still, you complicated matters by threatening him with his past when all he wanted was to move forward with his life.”
“You deserved better,” she whispered.
“No, I deserved to be with the man I loved! I loved him, Mom. It wasn’t infatuation, which you would have known if you had asked me. He was the first and only man I’ve ever loved, and you helped to take him away from me.”
“I thought you deserved better.”
“No. You thought I deserved what you wanted for me. The life you imagined. An obedient gay son you could show off like a prize ribbon.” I laughed, bitter and broken.
“God, you were thrilled when you found out both your sons were gay. Not because you understood us, but because you could turn it into something fashionable. Dress us up. Match us with men who fit in with your cocktail parties and your snooty friends in the city. Paraded us around like we were proof of how cultured, how progressive you were, while you never once valued the people who built that lifestyle for you. The ones who work long hours under the sun, in bad weather, who put food on your damn table with their hands and sweat. Well, that’s the kind of man I like, Mother.
I like a man who knows the value of hard work.
A man who can build a home beside me with his own hands. ”
“Matty!”
“Enough.” My voice was hoarse. Shit, I’d been shouting. So much for a closed door between us and the outside world. “Is it any wonder Carter turned out the way he did? I actually feel sorry for him because he looked up to you, but all he’s learned from you is how to manipulate and scheme.”
Mom smacked me hard across the face. Tears streamed down her cheeks. “I will not have you talk to me that way. Maybe I messed up, but all I wanted was the best for you.”
I touched the spot that stung. “What’s sad is that you actually believe that. You should go.”
“You’re going to kick me out because of a man?”
“No, because I’m tired of begging you to accept me the way I am—without the fancy clothes. This is me. My father’s a rancher. I’m a rancher, and the man I love is a rancher. Half the time, we stink from sweat and have dirt under our nails, but I’d never give up this life for anything else.”
“Matty, I—”
“Just be happy that four years later, I got him back, but for God’s sake, stay out of my life. If you can’t understand what I have, then you don’t deserve to be a part of it.”
She pressed her hands together. “I’m sorry. I know you don’t believe me, but I didn’t understand how much he meant to you. ”
“It’s good you’re sorry.” My voice cracked. “But I don’t know how to forgive you. Not right now.”
Her face crumpled. “Matty…”
“I mean it. You don’t get to come in here and pretend like everything’s okay. You destroyed something I loved. Someone I loved. And you did it for appearances. Now go. We are happy the way we are. Without you.”
For a moment, she didn’t move. Just stared, like the words had struck her across the face.
She opened her mouth as if to argue, to beg, but nothing came.
Her throat worked, swallowing down whatever defense she might have had.
Her eyes glossed over, wide and wounded, and for the first time, I saw her vulnerable.
Not polished. Not untouchable. But a woman standing in the ruins of her own choices.
Her shoulders gave a violent tremor before she finally nodded.
A shuddering breath left her, broken, and she pressed her hand to her mouth as if to hold in a sob.
When she walked past me, it wasn’t with the poise she’d always demanded of herself.
It was unsteady, almost collapsing under the weight of my rejection.
But I didn’t say anything. Didn’t call her back. Just stood there in the doorway, staring at the gravel drive until her car disappeared in a cloud of dust.
Then I shut the door. Locked it behind me.
And let myself break.