Chapter 32 Matty
MATTY
“You can still be angry. Just don’t shut her out completely. Listen first.”
I’d merely nodded when he said it that morning, but he was right.
Hell, I’d nearly bled out under a barbed-wire fence.
The thought of dying without at least trying to mend things with my mother gnawed at me worse than the healing wounds.
I didn’t have forgiveness in me yet, not all the way, but I didn’t want to waste whatever time we had left either.
I felt guilty leaving the ranch, even for half a day.
The storm had blown through only two days ago, and the land still wore the damage like the bruises on my body.
Fence braces tilted at wrong angles. Twisted wire in the ditch.
Cottonwoods had shed limbs as thick as my waist. Out in the south pastures, we’d lost a few calves, and half a dozen waterers were smashed.
In the north fields, shingles lay scattered all the way to the creek.
Hudson’s house took it hardest. The roof had already been on my fix-it list, and the hail punched through in three places. Two windows had blown out on the west side, and the wind had driven rain across the floors like we’d left the hose running indoors.
By the time the sky cleared, the rugs were sponges, and the couch smelled like a pond.
We’d tarped and bucketed and mopped, but the damage was already done.
Ivy had cried when she saw her room flooded, and Hudson had reassured her that we would replace everything, but I saw the set of his jaw, the way his shoulders rounded like he was bracing for another of life’s hits.
That night, we moved into the ranch house. Hudson and Ivy had a safe, dry place to live where they were comfortable. Still, when I thought of Hudson standing in his living room, mopping the floors alone because I was incapable of helping due to my hand, I got that tight, useless ache in my chest.
Hudson wasn’t fully comfortable living under the same roof as my father. Said it crossed professional boundaries. He’d even suggested he sleep in the bunkhouse, but I’d forbidden it.
If only I’d pushed harder to build on my parcel of land. We’d have had a place of our own to fall back on. That would change. As soon as the fences were back up and the herd settled, I would be on it. No more waiting.
Along the interstate, the foothills were a blue smudge, and Denver sharpened out of the haze ahead.
The traffic thickened the closer I got to my mother’s condo, which was the sort of place that got photographed for magazines.
My name was on her list of guests, so I parked without issue and headed up to her condo.
Outside the door, I paced. I never called to let her know I was coming. Maybe because a part of me had hoped that she wouldn’t be in. Then I could have copped out with a valid excuse. But they would have informed her that she had a visitor, so there was no turning back.
Before I could ring the doorbell, the door opened.
I blinked at a couple of women I recognized as my mother’s longtime friends, Judy and Verona.
Behind them, my mother appeared in a soft gray pantsuit and diamonds.
Even at home, she never looked quite relaxed but was always putting on a show.
Hell, some of the clothes Hudson and I wore around the house had holes in them.
Just a few days ago, he’d poked a finger through the hole in my shorts to grab my balls.
“Matthias!” Verona said, her lipstick shining as bright as her eyes. “Goodness, we haven’t seen you in quite a while.”
“Looking even more handsome than the last time I saw you,” Judy said, her hand fluttering against her pearl necklace like she’d just spotted an old movie star instead of a ranch hand who hadn’t shaved in two days.
I looked a bit rough, but Hudson didn’t mind it, and each time Ivy ran her hand over my stubble, she giggled, said it was prickly, but did it again.
“Why, if you weren’t gay, I’d have no shame in being a cougar. ”
Heat crept up my neck, but I’d learned from past experiences that these socialites were lonely women who didn’t mind squeezing a nice-looking ass because they thought their husband’s money could buy anything—even young gay men.
I gave them a polite smile. “Sorry to interrupt your afternoon. I didn’t realize Mom was entertaining. I can run my errand and come back later if you’d like to finish.”
“Oh no, sweetheart.” Verona waved a manicured hand and shuffled outside, Judy in tow. “We’ll take our leave. We can have tea anytime. Plus, we’ll see each other tomorrow at the wine festival.”
Of course. There was always something going on in their circle.
Judy leaned in with a stage whisper, “She’s been missing you something terrible. It’s good you’re here.”
I bit down on my answer and managed a quiet, “Good to see you both.”
I stood awkwardly until they disappeared down the hall toward the elevator. Mom stepped aside. “Come on in. I’m so happy you’re here.”
“It was a last-minute decision.”
The door closed behind me. “Your father told me you had an accident. How bad is it?”
I frowned. “It felt worse in the moment, but as you can see, I’m fine. You still talk to Dad?”
“Of course. How else would I be able to learn about everything happening in your life?”
But was that a good thing? The last time she learned what was happening in my life, she ran off the man I loved.
I held my tongue and followed her out onto the balcony, where she’d indeed been entertaining. Tea turned out to be champagne and sushi.
“So you’re here on an errand?” Her voice was carefully even, but I caught the edge beneath it. “Does that mean you didn’t come to see me?”
I shifted my weight, the envelope in my jacket pocket burning. I took a seat, snagged one of the sushi pieces, and popped it into my mouth. “You were one of the reasons,” I said honestly.
“Are you hungry?” she asked. “There’s more food in the fridge. You don’t have to eat the leftovers.”
“It’s fine. I’m not that hungry.” Just needed something to do with my hands.
“Something to drink, then?” She gestured at the half-empty champagne bottle.
I shook my head. “No, thank you. I’ll have to drive back.”
She poured herself a glass and settled into the chair opposite mine. The stem of the glass glinted as she turned it in her fingers.
“I’m glad you came,” she said softly.
I didn’t know how to respond, where to start, so I fell silent.
She drew a breath, lifted her chin, and met my eyes.
“Matty… I owe you an apology. A real one. Not the kind with reasons attached. What I did four years ago was wrong.” Her voice shook.
“Paying Hudson to leave you—interfering at all—I thought I was protecting you from a mistake. I wasn’t.
I was protecting what I wanted your life to look like, and that was never my decision to make. I’m truly sorry.”
I reached into my jacket and set the envelope on the glass table between us. It made a neat little sound, a tap that felt louder than it should have.
“What is this?” she asked.
“The money you gave him. He handed me the envelope this morning and asked me to return it.”
She lifted the flap like it might bite, looked inside, and set it back down very carefully. “He didn’t use it?”
“He didn’t. Not a cent. That’s not the kind of man he is, Mom. He’s good and kind, and he made a mistake, but he loves me. And I love him in return.”
My mother pressed her fingers to her lips, her eyes brimming with tears.
“That’s good, then. I know you don’t believe me, Matty, but all I ever wanted was for you to be happy.
I was foolish to think that my way would do that.
When I found out he married another woman and had a child, I thought I’d made the right decision for you. Thought I helped you dodge the bullet.”
“Hudson has his reasons for marrying her. Reasons we’ve already worked out. You had no business interfering the way you did. It complicated matters for us.”
“I know that now.” She inhaled slowly and let out a deep breath.
“Matty, baby, I think I’ve misunderstood you your whole life, haven’t I?
” She took my hand. “I wish that we were closer. A part of me was always terrified that the older you grew, the more I’d lose of you.
I figured if I found you a husband among the people I know, I’d probably see you more, but that decision was never mine to make.
I just wish you looked at me the way you look at your father with such adoration. ”
“Mom, Dad never pushed me to be anything but myself.”
“I understand that now. A little too late.” She squeezed my hand. “Now, because of all my mistakes, I feel like I’ve lost both my sons. Carter won’t return my calls. I don’t even know where he is. All I want is to go back and to fix the damage I’ve done to this family.”
“You haven’t lost me,” I said softly. “I’m here, aren’t I? Still trying. You’ll always be my mother, and I will always love you no matter what you do, but for you to be a part of my life, I need you to accept the choices I make. To accept the man I choose to love and his daughter.”
She nodded. “Okay, I understand that. I just want to be a part of your life. For you to maybe visit me without me having to ask or your father having to beg you. Maybe call me every so often. I miss my boys so much.”
She was right about that. Because I hated the city, I rarely visited, but I needed to compromise if I wanted to improve our relationship. “I can do that. I promise to be in touch with you more.”
“Good. That’s all I want from you, and Carter… Maybe in time he’ll come around.”
Hopefully. He had millions of dollars of disposable money courtesy of our dad’s guilt about Ozzie. Dad should never have given him the money. Carter was foolish enough to attract the wrong crowd and get himself killed.
“Maybe.” I let out a breath. “There’s another reason I came. The errand I mentioned.”
Her eyebrows lifted. “Go on.”
“I’m going to ask Hudson to marry me.” Saying it aloud warmed my chest. “He already said he would if I didn’t change my mind in forty-eight hours, but I want to do it properly. Ring and on one knee.” I cleared my throat. “You have great taste. I could use your eye, but only if you want.”
Mom smiled, her eyes radiating happiness for the first time since she opened the door. “I would like that very much. You’ll make a wonderful husband, Matty, and I know the perfect jewelry store to get your boyfriend’s engagement ring.”
We drove to a jeweler she knew in Cherry Creek North.
The owner greeted her by name and did not blink at my boots.
He asked me what my boyfriend was like and listened when I told him Hudson works with his hands, that reins and wire and tools weren’t forgiving, that the ring had to be low and strong and not flashy but unique.
I said he loved swimming in the lake, riding horses, and smelled like cedar. I said he had the best smile and was kinder than the world deserved but stubborn too. The words surprised me as they came, a catalog of the man I wanted to spend my life with spoken to a stranger in a quiet store.
“You really love him, don’t you?” Mom whispered.
“Yeah, I can’t imagine life without him.”
Not again.
We looked at bands in brushed platinum and palladium. My mother held one to the light and frowned at a polished edge. “Too shiny,” she said, and I almost laughed. She was right. We tried a signet. Too heavy. A plain band. Too plain.
“What about a stone?” the jeweler asked. “Small. Set flush so it won’t catch.”
A tray appeared, blues and greens winking like sun glinting off our lake. I pointed straight to a Montana sapphire, the color of dusk, blue with a breath of green when you turned it. It was set against a brushed platinum band, simple and solid, a star-set stone sunk low so it wouldn’t snag.
We finalized the size, finish, the sapphire star-set, the engraving, and the owner promised to rush it for later that evening. Costly but worth every penny. My mother insisted on paying for the engraving, and I let her, the tiniest of bridges built and crossed in the space of a signature.
When we stepped back out into the afternoon, we didn’t make it to the curb before another of my mother’s friends intercepted us, sunglasses perched like a crown.
“Emma!” She took dainty steps in her stilettos and air-kissed my mother. “Is this your son you’re always talking about?”
“Yes, Bev, this is my younger son, Matthias,” Mom said.
“Such a handsome young man.” She air-kissed me the same way she had my mother. “It’s such a delight meeting you. Are you here for long? Because it’s such a lovely coincidence that my son Bennett is visiting me.”
I should have been used to the setups, but it irked me every time the way these women treated me like a prized bull.
“Oh, that’s not necessary, Bev,” Mom said. “I don’t think my son’s boyfriend would appreciate that very much. They’re about to be engaged.”
Bev blinked. “Oh.” She recovered with country-club speed. “Well. Wonderful news. Congratulations. Is your other son here as well, Em? Didn’t his engagement fall through?”
“My days of fixing up my sons are over.” Mom threaded her arm through mine. “We’re off now, but we’ll talk soon.”
“Of course. There’s the wine festival tomorrow.”
Air kisses again, then she drifted away, tottering in her heels.
“Oh gosh, was I that pushy about fixing you up with someone in the past?” Mom asked.
“Worse.”
She groaned. “Well, consider me retired. You don’t need me at all.”
“That’s not true, Mom. Of course I need you, just in a different way now that I’m grown.”
She smiled, and for a moment, she looked softer than I’d seen her in years, like she finally realized she didn’t have to try so hard.