Chapter 8
EIGHT
BEGGING FOR CRUMBS
Gordain
“I was found in a darkened room in a bar on the base,” I said, my voice coming out in a rush and the gravel under my boots grinding where I forced myself to stand my ground.
“There was a half-dressed woman draped over me, and it was her father, the wing commander, the most senior officer there, who walked in on us.”
Ella scrunched up her nose, the excitement in her eyes dialling back.
“All of which is behaviour not becoming of an officer, especially not a young one who fought every step of the way for recognition of my strength of character and not my age. That’s why they revoked my award of the search and rescue training.”
Silence held between us, then, “I’m so sorry, G. You don’t deserve that.”
I was a dog begging for crumbs. I lapped up Ella’s words, half afraid that she wouldn’t give an opinion, seeing as I’d snapped at her yesterday.
She continued, her expression neutral, the light summer breeze playing with her hair. “Why is it such a big deal that you were hooking up? Why would they let you go because of that?”
“I wasn’t hooking up with her.” There was no way anyone would believe the next part, but I had to say it anyway.
I desperately wanted Ella to accept what I was saying as true.
“To this day, I have no memory of that part of the evening. I remember the training mission we went on in great detail, the fucking greenhouse the heli turned into in the hot sun, my pounding headache when I hit the bar, and the single, cold pint I drank. I didn’t even finish it.
The woman in question talked to me, and I walked away.
Next thing I knew, I was in the middle of that scene. ”
Horribly exposed, I braced myself against the low stone wall of the bridge and stared up at the sky.
“Then that wasn’t your fault.”
I glanced down, and Ella bit her lip, her cheeks pink again.
“You fought it, right?”
“I did. I assumed it would go away.”
“But it hasn’t.”
“And it won’t.”
Understanding dawned in her gaze. She raised a finger. “Answer me this: Do you want to stay in the military?”
I squinted at her. “It’s been my life for six years. I started out at sixteen. Callum had to sign my papers—he was my legal guardian after Da died. The RAF invested so much in me…” And yet they were turning their back on me.
“Would you stay if you couldn’t fly helicopters?” she pressed.
“Not for a second.” Was that true? Christ, it was.
Ella brushed her hair from her eyes. “Isn’t that the answer? You’re sure they’re going to kick you off the course, then fuck them. Quit. Take the training course Lachlan talked about. Fly private helicopters. Take back control.”
“You don’t miss a thing, do you?”
“I could see you thinking something over. That was my guess.”
It was a real option, as I could let my RAF contract expire. Jump before they pushed. But the wrench of saying goodbye to my military career cut deep, even merely considering it. I swung around and walked a few steps away, my hands linked behind my head.
Accepting this made me a failure.
Nothing like the man I was supposed to be.
“Gordain?”
“God knows what you must think of me right now,” I said as I turned back, but then I stopped because she wasn’t looking at me like I’d let her down.
Her gaze held hunger, alongside care and all the fucking things I wanted to see when her eyes were on mine.
“Don’t assume anything. And don’t walk away.”
“Tell me what you’re thinking,” I urged, my muscles going rigid where I clamped down the impulse to grab her.
“That there’s a pull between us and it’s only getting stronger.”
I stood there like a fool. “Yeah?”
“And I really want to kiss you. Or for you to kiss me. Either’s good.”
An engine sounded behind me, then a car horn blared. I leapt forward and grabbed Ella, pushing her against the bridge wall.
A familiar beat-up old Land Rover careened down the road then stopped alongside us.
Ally, alone in the car, heading in the direction of home.
“What are you doing here? Did you break down a hundred yards from the door? Ooh!” He waggled his eyebrows, his elbow resting on the open window. “Is this a lover’s tryst?”
“Shut up, Alasdair,” I grumbled, releasing Ella.
“Your secret’s safe with me. But Els? James is trying to get hold of you. He texted me to see if I was with you. Maybe you should give him a call.”
“Oh! I haven’t checked my phone for hours.” She patted her pockets. “I must have left it in my room.”
“Let’s get back,” I said, my mind scrambled but the interruption definitely unwelcome.
Inside a minute, I dropped Ella at the front of the castle, my smirking brother too close for us to continue our…conversation.
One thing was for sure, I’d do anything Ella Fitzroy wanted. She’d asked me for a kiss. It would be rude not to deliver.