Chapter 4
FOUR
MAKE IT COUNT
Taylor
“Fuck,” I said to my reflection in the lobby’s mirrored door. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”
In his cab, William couldn’t see me now, but I watched him until the last second. His car drove away, and a kind of angst rose in me. A desperation to run, to do something crazy like follow him. A feeling not dissimilar to when I’d first found out about Charity’s illness.
Some things you couldn’t fix.
Some people you couldn’t have.
Some lives weren’t meant to be lived like others.
In my hotel room, I curled up in the centre of the bed, inhaling the scent of William from his borrowed shirt. From my skin.
I breathed in and out and thought of nothing.
Then, at nine-thirty, I showered, dressed carefully in a respectable but attractive skirt and blouse, pinned up my hair—it looked best when down, but for some reason, I associated that with William, and wanted to keep it as his—and got in my father’s car.
“Were you near to the blast last night, miss?” Terence, Dad’s driver, asked me, taking the car out into the busy Midtown street.
“Luckily not. But it scared the heck out of me.”
“I bet. We heard about it on the radio just after we left La Guardia. I can’t tell you how relieved I was to hear you answer your father’s call.”
I didn’t ask if Dad had worried for my safety. After all, he’d called only after remaking his plans for the evening. But it was nice to know that Terence cared. I changed the subject and asked about his new grandson, and we settled in for the short journey.
Outside the Four Seasons, I took a second and prepared my face. In my compact mirror, I looked the part, my makeup covering the dark rings under my eyes, but no amount of makeup could conceal the odd sense of grief that swamped me.
“I’ll keep your luggage. Where am I taking you after the meeting?” Terence enquired, holding my door.
A cold breeze wrapped around my legs—spring had not yet warmed Manhattan.
Dad would tell me where to go. After the formalities were done, I was a possession once again. Just like being a child at boarding school. Waiting to be told my next move. “I’m not sure yet.”
“Just give me a call when you’re done.”
I thanked him and entered the interior of the hotel. Dad’s assistant, Pippa, leapt up from a chair and bounced over to greet me. Her blonde bob—so similar to the style Mom used to wear—swung with her enthusiastic moves.
“Good morning! Governor Vandenberg has asked me to step in this morning. He’s tied up at present so won’t be available to see you.”
“Hey.” I gave her a short smile. It wasn’t her fault Dad was an asshole. “Is the meeting still on?”
“Yes, indeed! You are to see Theodore Miller in his room. I’ll take you there now.”
In his room? Like a brood mare to be inspected? I masked my surprise and trailed Pippa to the elevators.
“Your father and Senator Miller had a late meeting last night and came to a decision. You kids can make your plans yourselves. They both feel you’re more than capable of arriving at a sensible arrangement.”
“Uh-huh.” This didn’t sound like Dad. He needed control. The senator had made that decision, I was certain. “Am I to call Dad the minute it’s done to check my sensible decision is right?”
“Of course!” She happily tapped in a code, and the elevator rose.
At the penthouse, the doors slid open, revealing a corridor. Two men stepped towards us and did their duty with brief questions and bag searches. Seemed the Millers were fancy. Once married, this would be my life. Security. No freedom.
I’d never felt safe. Never been safe. Now I never would.
No, my brain whispered. Because I had felt safe with William. Except that had been a temporary sensation. No doubt brought by the blissed-out post-sex haze we usually had going on.
I blanked out the thought that the same feeling had happened last night, yet we hadn’t slept together. Not in the sense I’d wanted to, anyway. Maybe safety was a kind of muscle memory or a learned response. That was why I’d felt it with William.
“Irene, come on through. I’m on a call,” Theo’s tones found me, and I followed his voice.
I rounded the corner to find him arguing into his phone. He paced away from me, his other hand pulling at the knot on his tie. I swept my gaze over the living room.
Dad liked fancy hotels, but this place took posh to another level.
An assortment of white couches and glass coffee tables sat in little clusters in front of a sweeping view of the city. The floor-to-ceiling windows let in the morning light and, to the right, a man and a woman sat at a table, typing into a laptop. Both glanced up, but only the man smiled.
Theo walked the floor. On his return circuit, he raised a hand to me and gestured for me to sit.
I perched on a chair at the dining table at the other end of the long room, under an enormous teardrop-shaped chandelier. Pippa hovered at my elbow.
I smiled politely at her. “I’ll call you if I need anything.”
“Oh, but your father said—”
“That Theo and I were permitted to make our own plans. You told me so.”
Dad’s assistant opened and closed her pink mouth. Then she formed a smile, dipped her head, and left.
Along the skyline, a bird dove from a rooftop, speeding, chasing something down the staggering fall. Some kind of hawk maybe? Who’d have thought they could survive here in the city.
“I apologise for that. Busy morning. Now, let’s talk.” Theo took a seat opposite me and turned on his tablet. He paged through a diary, every date stacked with lists of meetings and activities.
We’d met a handful of times, even danced together once at a country club. With his neatly combed mid-brown hair, super-white teeth, and all-year tan, he was handsome enough, but we didn’t know one another. He muttered to the device, and I stared at him, trying to imagine him being my husband.
We’d probably go well together. Maybe that was why his dad had agreed to my dad’s proposal. My looks really were my only appealing feature.
“Here it is. My assistant made a list of possible engagement dates and then wedding dates. Dad’s election manoeuvrings have mostly dictated the wedding date, but the engagement date is up to us. We can also put forward a limited number of names to be considered for the invite list.”
Finally, he glanced my way. Brown eyes, inoffensive and utterly unremarkable, blinked at me.
Panic struck me. For Charity’s sake, I had to do this. For my own sake, I wished I’d been born into any other family than mine.
“I need time,” I blurted, finding my voice.
“Time to…?” Theo rolled his hands, prompting me to continue.
“I have a friend who is overdue a visit, and a couple of places I want to go.”
He mock-wiped his shiny brow. “I thought you were going to say you needed to spend time with me.”
I spluttered a laugh. So did he.
Theo put the tablet down. “I launched into that, didn’t I? I apologise for being insensitive. I’ve been in meetings since five this morning, and this is a business deal after all, so excuse my lack of feelings over it.”
“Feelings aren’t a problem,” I said. “I’m not all that sensitive. It’s just…”
How the hell did I explain what I didn’t understand?
“You need some space before being dragged into the mad house?”
I exhaled, some small relief filtering through my layers of armour. “Something like that.”
“It actually suits me to have more time to tie off…a few loose ends.” He glanced across the room to the people sitting behind me.
A fleeting glimpse, but I noticed all the same.
“How about a month? If we both tell our dads that the other needs the time, we’ll be in the clear for a little breathing space.
Dad will be winding up to announcing his bid for the presidency and your dad as his running mate, so it’ll be a nice boost for their campaigns.
” He went back to his calendar. “May twenty-third is the last date on the list. Dad is in California for a trade deal, and there’s a party planned for the evening.
There will be a lot of big names there, and the traditional press will be present. We can tip off the others. Sound good?”
A month. There was a lot I could do in a month. I dipped my head, my mind filling with possibilities.
“Done. We’ll say I did the whole down-on-one-knee thing earlier in the evening and Dad had time to organise the band to play our favourite song, the flowers for you etcetera etcetera. Send my assistant your ring size. He can pick up something of the right value.”
“What’s our favourite song?” I felt like laughing again, but this really wasn’t funny.
Theo flipped a hand, no longer looking at me. “Someone will choose it for us. Now, I’m free for a phone meeting on the twentieth at four PM. We can make any last-minute arrangements then. Is there anything you need to cover now?”
I felt like a pleasant, preppy boy-shaped steamroller had flattened me. Why, I had no idea. I’d been preparing for this role for years. “Nothing.”
“Wonderful. My assistant will give you my office number. Carl?” he called.
The waiting man appeared beside us at the table.
“See Miss Vandenberg to the elevator.” Theo came back to me. “Irene, it was lovely seeing you again. Until next time.”
With that, my engagement was arranged.
In the airy lobby, after dispatching a far too nosy Pippa, I called Dad. He blustered about the date but settled when I explained that Theo needed the time. I guessed the senator’s son could do no wrong in Dad’s eyes.
“Now this has been organised, I would like the money for Charity to be put into a trust,” I said carefully. I never made direct demands of my father.
“After the wedding,” he replied.
“But that could take a year. I’d be much more comfortable if I knew she was taken care of.” Then I took a risk. “A happy bride makes for a happy husband.” What bullshit, but my meaning behind it was clear.
There was a pause. “Her next year will be paid for upfront. After the engagement is announced. The trust will be established after the wedding. Will that please the bride?” Sarcasm leaked into his tone, but I didn’t care.
“The year now. Then the trust after.” I held my breath at my recklessness. But Dad had everything to gain from this, and I had nothing left to lose. This was his blackmail. Caused and delivered. I had only ever tried to find the best path.
“Fine.”
He’d agreed? Inwardly, I cheered. “I’m going to the UK to visit Mom,” I added before he could give me a new instruction. Another day, another lie.
Dad snorted. “Give her my best, won’t you? See you in a month.”
I hung up the call and wrapped my arms around myself.
“Miss?” Terence approached, two coffee cups in his hands. He passed one to me.
“Life saver.” I grinned at him then took a sip.
“Have you eaten?”
“Um…” I hadn’t eaten since mid-afternoon yesterday.
Terence rolled his eyes and turned, heading back to the restaurant. Unlike Dad, I never sent him to fetch and carry things for me, but he’d always looked out for me. Far more than my actual parents ever had.
I trailed after him and finished my drink. The much-needed caffeine fuelled an instant and wild plan. I had a bag of clothes. I had an excuse to put a plane ticket or two on Dad’s credit card.
Terence reappeared with a sandwich bag and a smile. Together, we left the hotel and emerged into the daylight.
“Where would you like to go?” Terence guided me by my elbow, and I grinned up at the white-haired man I’d known since I was a little girl.
If I had only a month left, I was going to make it count.