Chapter 29
CHAPTER 29
NICK
M y breath gathers around my head as we step out of the bakery. I can’t feel the cold air because I’m a Kringle, but I don’t think I’d feel it even if I was regular-old Nick because I’m so happy.
Hazel was right—giving a thoughtful gift broke through Penelope’s tough candy shell. I watched it crack open, her eyes soften, her shoulders go down, her weight shift from both feet to one as she relaxed. It was more than I dared hope for.
The best part? She looked at me like she used to. She looked at me like I’m not a threat to her. She looked at me like she cares for me. That’s why I said I’d go skating with them. I mean, I would have said yes for Noelle, that little girl has me wrapped around her finger like a piece of tinsel. However, knowing that Penelope wants me on the pond with them is a whole new level of incentive .
Heaven help me when these two team up against me. I’m a goner!
We set out on foot. That’s one thing with the people of Founder's Grove, they like to walk. It doesn’t matter what time of year it is, or what the weather is like, they’re hearty folk. The pond is about a mile north-west of Waterfront Street, which gives me all that much more time with Penelope and Noelle.
Noelle bounces between us as we make our way down the snow-dusted sidewalk, her excitement infectious. I can’t help but grin as I watch her, so full of life and joy. “Remember how we used to carry her everywhere?” I ask without thinking. As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I wish I could take them back. I’m not here to drag up the past.
Penelope laughs. “I think I’ve lost muscle since she grew too big to carry.” She feels her bicep.
I smile, thankful that she didn’t snap into her shell once again.
“Do you know how to twirl?” Noelle asks, looking up at me with those big hazel eyes that are so much like her mother’s.
“Twirl?” I chuckle. “Do I look like an ice fairy to you?” I tickle her side. I’m actually not bad on skates but I don’t want to brag.
“No!” she squeals and dances away. “I want to learn to twirl. Hannah can twirl.”
I chuckle, adjusting the strap of the bag slung over my shoulder. It’s heavy with their skates, but it’s a weight I’m happy to bear. I’ll rent a pair when we get to the pond. “ Well, ice princess, let’s start with skating backward and we’ll go from there.”
I sneak a glance at Penelope and catch her smiling at our interaction. There’s a softness in her expression that makes my heart skip a beat. For a moment, I allow myself to imagine that we’re a family—just the three of us, out for a day of winter fun. It’s what I wanted and the dream that’s kept me from moving on over the last three years. No wonder Christmas Magic thinks my heart bounces back and forth between being a Kringle and being with these two.
As we round the corner and pass a crop of trees, the frozen pond comes into view. It’s a scene straight out of a Christmas movie. The bare branches of the surrounding trees are dusted with snow, and the ice gleams in the winter sunlight. A few other families are already there, their laughter and the scrape of skates on ice filling the air. Benches, spaced at even intervals, line one side of the pond. There’s a bright red trailer to rent skates with smoke coming out the stovepipe through the roof. Another trailer sells hot chocolate and cookies. I can smell the sugar from here.
“Wow,” Penelope breathes beside me, her eyes wide as she takes in the scene. “I’d almost forgotten how magical this place can be.”
I turn to her, drinking in the wonder on her face. She looks younger somehow, and the weight of her worries momentarily lifted. “When was the last time you went skating ?
She nods, and I see a flicker of something—sadness? Regret?—in her eyes. “It’s been too long,” she finally says.
I touch her arm and she leans into my touch. It’s a small movement, but one that speaks of her acceptance of me being here. Maybe there’s more to it but I’m afraid to hope for that.
Noelle tugs on my sleeve.
“Come on, slowpokes!” she urges, practically dragging us towards an empty bench.
I get them settled on the bench and head over to rent my skates. There’s not a line and the teenager working the register has a book open on the counter. I hurry back, offering her a “Merry Christmas,” as I rush away. I don’t want to be apart from my girls any longer than I have to be.
I land on the bench next to Noelle and help her lace up before putting my skates on. I can feel Penelope’s eyes on us, and I hope she’s okay with me and Noelle. Noelle is happy to have me here. She talks about school and her Christmas crafts and her sight-word books and all the things that make up her little world.
I LOVE it!
I could listen to her talk about things all day long. She has an unusually adult sounding cadence to her sentences that belays the fact that she’s an only child in a house of adults. She’s also confident talking to me. She looks me in the eye and she holds herself tall. I hope she never loses that.
Finally, we’re all laced up and ready to go. I step onto the ice. First, the familiar feel of the blades beneath my feet brings back memories of countless winter days spent on frozen ponds just like this one. I smile.
“What?” Penelope asks, looking at me with interest.
“I have a lot of fond memories of ice skating.” I push off and do a circle around them as easily as a cartoon character in a Christmas movie. “The Kringles enjoy all sorts of ice sports.”
“Like curling?” Noelle asks as she shuffles along.
I burst out a laugh. “Where did you hear about curling?” The Olympic sport isn’t well known in Massachusetts.
“Grandpa watches it.” Her eyes are on her skates, and she throws her arms out to stay steady. Her legs go in opposite directions, and I scoop an arm under her arms to keep her from falling over. She giggles. “Thanks.”
I share a look with Penelope. This child is adorable.
“We’ve played curling, but not many of us enjoy using brooms, so we do other things too,” I tell her, happy to talk about my family.
“Like what?” Penelope asks.
I don’t look at her. If she doubts me, I don’t want to know. “Ice climbing is our most popular pastime.” I pull Noelle around and take her hands. I’m skating backward and trying to get her to push her feet in longer strides rather than pick them up and walk.
“Of course it is,” she says sarcastically. “Because there’s nothing better than facing death on a vertical sheet of ice.”
I laugh. “Lux and Quik are certified in everything and act as guides. You wouldn’t know it to look at her behind a computer screen, but she’s so agile. ”
“Guide who?” Penelope asks. As Noelle gains her balance, Penelope lengthens her stride to match her momentum.
“All of us. Anyone who wants to go.”
“Even kids.” She looks at Noelle, and I can tell she’s thinking that she would never allow her to ice climb. I’m fine with that. It’s not a deal breaker for me.
“There’s a place in Park City, Utah, with instructors, where we take the younger teenagers for their first time. They listen to the guides there more than they ever would their parents. Why is it strangers have more credibility than the people who brought them into the world?”
Penelope laughs. “I don’t know. I’m not at that stage yet.”
I grin at her as we pick up a little speed. Noelle keeps her skates in contact with the ice. She’s grinning.
“That’s it,” I encourage.
I glance back at Penelope. There’s a mix of emotions playing across her face—joy, pride, and that tender look she used to give me when Noelle would fall asleep on my chest.
Keeping one hand on Noelle’s arm, I stretch out my other hand to Penelope. “Trust me?” I ask softly.
For a heartbeat, Penelope just looks at my outstretched hand. Then, with a deep breath, she places her hand in mine and falls into stride with us.
The touch of her hand in mine sends a jolt through me, even through our gloves. Noelle’s giggles fill the air as we glide along, and I can’t help but join in her laughter.
As we make our way around the pond, I steal glances at Penelope. The winter air has brought a flush to her cheeks, and her eyes are bright with exertion and, I hope, enjoyment. She looks beautiful, and the sight of her makes my heart ache with longing.
We complete a full lap of the pond, and I can feel Noelle getting more confident with each glide. “Ready to try on your own?” I ask her.
She nods eagerly, and I slowly release her hands. For a moment, she holds her arms out for balance. Then, with a look of determination, she pushes off and glides forward.
“I’m doing it,” she cries out in delight. “Mom, Nick, look at me,”
“We see you, sweet pea,” Penelope calls back, her voice filled with pride. “You’re doing great.”
I watch as Noelle makes her way across the ice, her movements a bit wobbly, but adorable. Pride swells in my chest.
Beside me, Penelope lets out a soft sigh. “She’s growing up so fast,” she murmurs.
I nod, understanding the bittersweet tone in her voice. “She’s an amazing kid, Pen. You’ve done a wonderful job with her.”
Penelope turns to me, surprise in her eyes. “Thank you,” she says softly as she hugs herself with her free hand. I’m still holding her other one and have no intention of giving it back to her any time soon. “I guess I needed to hear that.”
I grin. I’m just so pleased with myself that I helped her feel good about what she’s doing and who she is.
For a moment, we just look at each other. Her gaze is exploratory, looking for the man I was three years ago. He’s right here; I want to tell her, still loving you with all of him.
I want to tell her how much she means to me, how I’ve never stopped thinking about her all these years.
“Mom! Nick! Watch!”
We turn just in time to see Noelle attempt a twirl. For a split second, it looks like she might pull it off—but then her skate catches, and she starts to fall.
Without thinking, I push off hard, racing across the ice towards her. I reach her just as she’s about to hit the ground, scooping her up in my arms and twirling to absorb the momentum.
“Gotcha, ice princess,” I say, setting her back on her feet. “You okay?”
Noelle nods, her eyes wide. “Do it again?” she asks.
I laugh. She’s not at all scared. “Try skating all the way around the pond one time, and then we’ll work on tricks, okay?”
“That’s a good idea,” Penelope adds.
She starts off. I’m worried about letting her go off on her own. I never thought of myself as a helicopter parent, but I want to catch her every time she falls. I want to make sure she never feels a bump or gets a bruise.
I want to be her dad.
The weight of that knowledge settles over me, and I’m swallowed up by it.
“Nick?” Penelope asks. “You okay? You look lost.”
I turn to look at her. “Not lost. Found,” I reply. I know where I want to be, but I can’t just take what I want. Penelope holds the key to all my happiness. I’m not even sure she understands the power she has in my life. I can’t explain it to her; she’d freak out.
I clear my throat. “How about we take a little break? I’ll get the hot chocolate.”
Noelle’s eyes light up. “With marshmallows?”
I grin. “Of course, with marshmallows. What’s hot chocolate without marshmallows?”
We make our way off the ice and back to the bench we started on. I put on the skate guards and go to the hot chocolate trailer and return with three Styrofoam cups.
I watch Penelope help Noelle remove her skates, her hands gentle as she massages her daughter’s feet.
“Here you go,” I say, handing them each a cup. “Careful, it’s hot.”
We sit on the bench, sipping our drinks and watching the other skaters on the pond. The sun is climbing higher in the sky, casting a golden glow over the scene.
“This is nice,” Penelope says after a while, her voice soft. “I’d forgotten how much fun skating could be.”
I turn to look at her, taking in the relaxed set of her shoulders, the small smile playing on her lips. “We should do it more often,” I say, testing the waters.
Penelope meets my gaze, and for a moment, I see a flicker of the old Penelope—the one who used to look at me with such warmth and affection. “Maybe we should,” she says quietly.
“Can we go back on the ice now?” Noelle asks.
Penelope laughs, the sound like music to my ears. “Alright, sweet pea. ”
As they lace up our skates again, I can’t help but feel a sense of hope blooming in my chest. Seeing Penelope relax, watching Noelle learn and grow, and being a part of their world even for just a few hours, is like a dream come true.
We step back onto the ice, and this time, Penelope takes my offered hand without hesitation. Her grip is firm, confident, and I have to remind myself to breathe. When this woman wants me, I’m powerless to stop her.
“Ready for round two?” I ask, grinning at both of them.
Noelle nods enthusiastically while Penelope gives me a small smile.
And so we skate, the three of us, as the afternoon light fades into evening. We practice turns and stops. I show Noelle how to skate backward (much to her delight), and we even attempt a whip, holding hands and gliding in a line.
The tension that Penelope always seems to carry has melted away, replaced by a lightness that melts away the years. She laughs freely, her eyes sparkling with joy as she watches Noelle’s antics on the ice.
At one point, Noelle convinces us to try a spin together. We form a small circle near the edge so we don’t run into anyone else, hands clasped, and start to rotate. As we spin faster, Penelope loses her balance, stumbling into me. I catch her instinctively, my arms wrapping around her waist to steady her and fall backward into the snow.
We land in a puff of snow and laughter. Her weight on top of me is intimate and comfortable. Our faces are inches apart and I can see the gold round her irises. I’m overwhelmed with the urge to kiss her. It wouldn’t take much. Just a few inches and we’d be connected in a way I’ve dreamed about for years.
I brush my nose against hers and she gasps. Her eyes fall shut. I can’t tell if she’s giving into the feelings or if she’s trying to fight them off. I brush my cheek on her cheek. “Penelope,” I whisper. “I will kiss you.”
“I know,” she replies, her eyes still shut.
Noelle lands in the snow next to us. “We are not good at twirling.”
I swallow, my throat thick with desire. Kissing Penelope in front of Noelle for the first time in three years is a bad idea. I know it’s a bad idea and I still want to do it.
Penelope presses up and creates some space between our mouths. “I thought it went rather well,” she quips before rolling off of me and sitting up. “How about you, Nick?”
My head whips around. Is she? Her eyes sparkle. She’s flirting with me.
Game on.
“I don’t know. You could have stuck the landing better.” I move to my feet and offer her a hand up.
“Me?” she blinks innocently. “You missed your cue.”
Holy holly, I’m going to explode. My heart is racing so fast I could beat Santa around the world.
I grab her around the middle and she squeals. “I’m teasing!” she gasps between laughs. I set her down, but I don’t release her. Instead, I hold her against me and lean down to tell her. “I won’t miss next time.”
“See that you don’t.” She gives me a saucy grin and reaches a hand out for Noelle. “Save me!” she cries playfully. Noelle, thrilled to be included in our game, grabs her hand and pulls her out of my grasp.
I tag Noelle and say, “You’re it,” and we’re off in a game of tag.
As the sky begins to darken and the first stars appear, we reluctantly decide that it’s time to head home. Noelle protests at first, but I can see she’s getting tired, her movements on the ice becoming less coordinated. We’re all starving. It’s only early afternoon, but we skipped lunch.
We make our way off the ice and change back into our boots. As we walk back towards Penelope’s house, Noelle between us, I feel a sense of contentment I haven’t experienced in a long time.
“That was the best day ever,” Noelle declares, swinging our joined hands. “Can we do this again soon?”
I look at Penelope, letting her take the lead. She hesitates for a moment, then nods. “I think we can arrange that,” she says, and the smile she gives me makes my heart soar.
As we reach the bakery, I find myself reluctant to say goodbye. The day has been magical in a way that has nothing to do with my Kringle heritage and everything to do with the two people standing in front of me.
“Thank you for today,” Penelope says softly. “It was... really nice.”
I nod, struggling to find the right words. “I’m glad you enjoyed it. Both of you.”
Noelle throws her arms around my waist in a surprise hug. “Thanks for teaching me to skate, Nick,” she says, her voice muffled against my coat.
I hug her back, feeling a lump form in my throat. “Anytime, ice princess,” I manage to say.
Noelle releases me and heads inside. “Grandpa, I’m starving!” she yells.
Penelope rolls her eyes. “She is so spoiled.”
“She’s perfect,” I say happily.
Penelope lingers in the doorway. There’s a softness in her expression that gives me hope, and I’m watching for that cue that tells me I can kiss her goodnight.
“Goodnight, Nick,” she says, taking a step deeper into the bakery. “And thank you again for the gift. It means a lot to me.”
I resist the urge to tell her everything I’m feeling. “Merry Christmas,” I reply. I stuff my hands in my pockets and keep walking, my heart full of memories of the day we’ve shared.
I find myself smiling. Today was a good day. A great day, even. And for the first time in a long time, I feel truly hopeful about the future.