11. Gracie
The next evening, at dinner with some of Trevor’s teammates, Trevor is quiet most of the time. We haven’t said a word to each other since the brief kiss in the kitchen last night, and the tension from that encounter still zaps through me.
The clink of silverware against each other reminds me of dinner with my parents and Trevor when we were younger. Those dinner times were, however, full of laughter and joy. I used to enjoy being around Trevor so much. It felt like he was family. And I started to fall for him.
How did I let this happen?He turned me down eight years ago, and I should know better than to allow him to kiss me and sway me with words. Trevor’s not the kind of man who’ll love me. I knew that before I agreed to help him with this scheme.
So why isn’t my heart complying?Even though I know harboring these feelings for him is useless, I can’t help myself. With a sigh, I focus on my casserole again, and try to ignore the jolts of adrenaline spiking through me and awakening every nerve in my body.
I’m aware of Trevor’s eyes on me most of the time, and it doesn’t help me feel relaxed at all. I’m wound up like a bow on a string, and I hate the feeling because it reminds me of my last argument with Jace.
He knew this would happen. He knew I would start to feel something for Trevor again, and he tried to warn me.
His teammates are all chirpy around the dinner table while enjoying my pasta dish. It’s the one recipe from my mother’s collection I’ve perfected over the years, and I prepare it for guests most times to impress them.
Trevor glances at me from where he’s seated, and I offer him a fake smile, ignoring the tension rising in my veins.
“This is the best pasta I’ve ever tasted,” Trevor’s teammate Billy says as he looks at me.
“It was my mother’s recipe,” I answer, then glance towards Trevor again to find him staring at me, his meal untouched. Our eyes stay locked, and the air around us is tense before someone clears their throat and sparks another conversation.
“What do you think about the recent Harper Cory scandal?” one of them asks and glances at the faces of everyone at the table.
I quietly pick up my half-empty plate and head for the kitchen while they continue their discussion about the actor caught cheating on his wife with a colleague.
The news has topped the gossip columns all week, alongside news of my marriage to Trevor. So far, the paparazzi haven’t been able to get any good information about me from anyone.
The pictures of me circulating the media were from Golden Bay and a few pulled off my social media pages. Trevor’s life here in New York is completely different from what it was like back home in Golden Bay, with the press hovering around every second and even though it’s not entirely as peaceful as being in the beach town, it still doesn’t suck.
I’m lost in thought while doing the dishes, and I completely zone out from the voices coming from the large dining room a distance away. The boys seem to be having a swell time as they discuss the scandals, and I wonder if every night is like this with them.
After drying my hands on a towel, I head back to the dining room to clear the rest of the dishes and slow in my tracks when I hear Trevor speaking to his friends.
“Yo! That’s not a big deal. I mean, every guy cheats on his wife in Hollywood, don’t they? There’s no loyalty and most guys certainly want to get away with almost everything. Anyone who believes otherwise is living in a fantasy, man. It ends with one person getting hurt most times.”
“Not all relationships end that way,” I mutter from the doorway without thinking, and all five men sitting around the large dining table turn to look at me.
Trevor’s blue eyes hook on mine, and it feels like I can’t breathe as I shake my head. “My parents had a great love, and it lasted them a lifetime. Neither of them got hurt because the other party was unfaithful. I believe in a love that lasts forever…I want a love that lasts forever, and I think anyone who doesn’t should do so because love is beautiful. It’s the best thing that can happen to anyone if you ask me.”
Trevor clears his throat when I’m done, and he smiles at me before excusing himself from his friends. He curls his fingers over my arm and leads me away from the others into the kitchen.
After Trevor closes the door behind us and faces me, he shakes his head and asks, “What was that about?”
I arch a brow before tilting my chin to stare at him defiantly. “You’re in the best position to answer that. You’re the one who’s faking a marriage and being in love and yet you go around making statements like that? What would they think? How do you sell being in love when you’re telling people you don’t believe in the concept of love?”
“I wasn’t talking about myself, Gracie,” he says as he towers over me, then combs his fingers through his hair.
“But you were,” I cut in desperately in a hoarse voice. “You don’t believe in love, Trevor. You’ve made that abundantly clear to me before. We both know you meant every word you said out there.”
“I did,” he answered in the same edgy tone. “I meant every word, Gracie, because it’s the truth. Love only exists in fantasies and the books you write. In the real world, when you love someone, they hurt you. They cheat till you’re broken or try to control you and beat the living lights out of you when you refuse to do what they want.”
Tears brim in his eyes as he speaks, and he lets out a pained sigh before backing away from me. “My father beat my mother so bad, sometimes she couldn’t see when she ended up in the hospital. He was never faithful, he never cared about me or her…and when he finally left, I thought it would be better. She was too broken to even realize she was wasting away in his absence. She loved him that much, Gracie. She loved him to death, and it ruined her!”
His chest assumed heavy breathing, and watching his expression crumble as he withdrew from me sent a searing ache right through my chest.
I move to him without hesitating, wanting to only comfort him.
“Trevor…”
“I never talk about this,” he says as he squeezes his eyes shut and lets out another deep breath. “Jace’s the only one who knows about this. He knows me better than anyone. He knows why I’ve vowed to never let myself love anyone and be weak.”
My arms move around his body before he can withdraw from me completely. Trevor stiffens as I envelop him in a warm hug. I smooth a hand down his back to comfort him.
“Love doesn’t make you weak, Trevor,” I murmur as I pat his back. “It makes you stronger.”
“I can’t ever go through that, Gracie,” he murmurs against my neck as I hold him close.
This insight into his soul helps me understand him better, and in that moment, there’s nothing I can say to Trevor. So I hold him tight against me and savor the warmth of being in his arms.
***
Later that night, after dinner, Trevor and his boys are hanging out in the living room while I get on a video call with Natalie. Her eyes sparkle with excitement, and she’s grinning wide the entire time as she grills me about New York.
“The entire town’s raving about you two. They say you’ve been in a secret relationship with the basketball star for years, and the paparazzi won’t stop dropping by to take pictures of Espresso Books.”
“How’s the shop doing?” I haven’t had the time to worry about the bookstore in the past week, and I’m hopeful that Natalie will keep things running in my absence.
“We’ve had way more sales in the past week than we’ve had in years, Gracie. Everyone’s suddenly interested in our coffee and books. Guess what… Jace’s back in town for the weekend and he’s thinking of hiring a new manager. Did he tell you about it? I put him in charge of the store to handle things and he can’t be there all the time, so he needs someone to keep an eye on things.”
I shake my head as a sinking feeling weighs down on my heart. My brother and I haven’t spoken since our last argument at the bookstore. Jace is pissed at my decision to help with Trevor’s ruse.
“He’s always been protective of you,” Natalie answers with a light chuckle. “He’s probably worried that you’d run off into the big city and fall for the jock while forgetting that all of this is fake and it’s not going to last.”
Natalie’s laughing while speaking, but her words are so true. It leaves an unsettling feeling in my gut and makes me shift restlessly on my bed.
She notices my silence and arches a suspicious brow. “No way,” she gasps, her eyes widening into round saucers.
“What?”
“Oh my…You’re falling for him,” she squeals.
Heat flushes down my neck and steals my breath away with a force that I’ve never felt. “Don’t be silly, I’m not,” I deny fervently, shaking my head to buttress my point. “Trevor’s a friend in need and nothing more.”
“Yeah right,” she says. “That flush on your cheek tells me otherwise, Gracie. Have you two kissed yet? How steamy have things gotten between you two?” She starts making smooching sounds with her lips, and I burst into laughter alongside her before she settles down again.
“Don’t fall for him, Gracie,” Natalie says after some time. She sounds more solemn now and the look in her eyes is serious. “He’s not the kind of guy you fall for. He’s just like candy. You can have a bite and let go because you can never get enough, even though it’s bad for you.”
“I know,” I say to my best friend with a sigh that renews the hollow depth in my heart. “That’s what makes this so hard.”
My smile turns wistful as I replay Trevor’s earlier outburst in my mind. All I knew about his parents before now was that his dad left when he was thirteen and his mom was rarely ever around to care for him.
I suspected in the past that he’d been hurt before, but I could never have imagined that his wounds ran so deep. Deep enough to make him swear off love forever.