Chapter 33
CHAPTER 33
SPENCER
I stood stunned, my insides quivering as Louise’s heels pounded out of my house, the door slamming behind her, making me jump.
I’d expected her to be upset about our scam dating, but this…this I hadn’t expected.
None of it.
I glanced down at my feet, the two rings laying haphazardly there. I stooped to scoop them into my hand, their cold weight surprisingly heavy.
Louise’s words echoed in my mind. You deserve to end up miserable and alone.
My eyebrows knitted as I skirted the couch and sank onto the edge. That hadn’t been all she’d said that had caught my attention. You broke her heart .
My features scrunched. I couldn’t have done that. Eve wasn’t in love with me.
But Louise seemed to think differently. She claimed Eve was in love with me, that she genuinely cared.
I closed my fingers around the rings Louise fired at me as my mind searched for details that fit the story Louise spun.
I recalled our first date, the fateful moment when I’d made the offer. She’d agreed. Had there been something else in her eyes then? Had she shown signs of disappointment in that moment when she’d agreed to help me?
I fluttered my eyelashes, shifting on the cushion that had suddenly become uncomfortable. I had literally sat across the table from a woman on a first date and asked her to help me–to fake date me–so I could wimp out on any future dates my friend wanted to set me up on.
Louise wasn’t right, though. I wasn’t just a coward. I was a selfish jerk.
Eve couldn’t possibly like me. There was no way. What kind of woman fell in love with a man who treated them that way on a first date?
My mind went over the details of subsequent dates. We’d spent a lot of time together in the pursuit of making our relationship look legitimate. We’d connected easily most times.
Our time at the arcade had been fun…fun enough for Eve to fall in love?
Eve’s eyes had lit up when she’d beat me at the racing game, her laughter echoing above the electronic buzzes and beeps. That moment, genuine and joyful, now haunted me.
My stomach clenched as I recalled the moment we’d won Street Fighter together. We’d come dangerously close to kissing then.
I’d shied away from the moment, and we hadn’t repeated it for the rest of our dates, however, they had all been pleasant. My mind reached the unexpected moments of connection like our date on the beach as we spied on Louise.
My protective instincts had surged that night when I’d met her sister, Audrey. I’d wanted so desperately to defend her, to support her, that I’d done something I’d never expected of myself.
I curled my fingers into fists as I recalled the tender moments during our amusement park adventure. Eve had been so sweet about the disastrous ride that I’d insisted on winning her that bear. And then we had shared a kiss–forced but still a kiss.
But that had been nothing compared to the kiss we’d shared in Vale. I slid my eyes closed as my insides melted as I recalled our lips pressed together.
She’d made my heart race, but we’d quickly pulled away. It had been then that I’d really felt our connection, though it had been building for a long time.
It had been in Vale that I’d realized a relationship could be nice, that the right woman wouldn’t ruin my life, but enhance it.
I shook my head as I opened my eyes, a flash of lightning illuminating the sky over the turbulent sea and lighting the truths I was now forced to confront. The water churned like my roiling emotions.
Had Eve experienced the same connection? Had I broken her heart?
Louise insisted I had, but I couldn’t believe that.
My mind swirled as I scrubbed my face with shaky hands. How had I missed her genuine interest?
“Because you’re an idiot, Spencer,” I murmured.
My heart plummeted as I went over the conversation and my actions earlier this evening. I’d acted so cavalier, terrified that she’d see through me, that she’d know that I was upset.
I’d been so focused on myself, I hadn’t considered Eve at all.
“You don’t deserve her,” I mumbled.
With my lips tugged into a firm frown, I slouched down on the couch, wrapping my arms around myself. As the shock wore off, my senses slowly returned.
Even if Eve had feelings for me, it didn’t mean things were going to last. In fact, one sure-fire way for me to have ruined this relationship was to have engaged in it.
Without fail, once we’d swapped the fake for real, Eve would have grown tired of me, sick of my weird quirks, my penchant for working long hours, my overall lack of desire for social settings.
She’d go to parties alone, dragged by Louise, and then resent me for it.
I bobbed my head as though it would lend some credence to my internal thoughts.
“She’d leave you,” I said aloud, allowing those words to echo in my living room as thunder punctuated them.
I leapt to my feet as the storm closed in around me, both physically and emotionally, pacing the floor. “Yep, she’d leave you. She’d get frustrated and leave. She…might have liked you a little. But she won’t. She doesn’t know you.”
I rubbed my chin as I nodded again. “Yeah, once she gets to know you better, she’ll fall out of love with you.”
With myself convinced that what I’d done was absolutely correct, I settled onto my couch again. Rain pelted the windows as the storm finally made landfall.
It echoed in the empty house, reminding of the empty rooms, the quiet solitude I’d surrounded myself with.
I snatched the television remote and toggled it on, grabbing my game controller and firing up Mystic Realms . Whenever I felt alone, I always had my virtual world to immerse myself in.
I’d never had a problem that I couldn’t play away.
I smiled as the familiar title loaded on the screen before the thunderous drums pounded to announce success, and my world filled in around me.
My breath caught in my throat as my on-screen avatar opened his eyes. I still sat in Eve’s living room, on the couch I’d gifted her the night we’d built this house together.
Next to me, a sleeping Eve sat, her little avatar like her in so many ways. Every memory of her smile, her laugh, the way her cheeks reddened when I complimented her, that slight shrug she’d give when she was embarrassed, it all came rushing back to me the moment I spotted that pixelated image.
I realized I’d pushed her away, and it was like someone had plunged a knife into my heart. I switched off the television, unable to bear even my own game–one that had so often been my reset button for the world so many times in the past.
Instead, I sat alone, in a darkened room lit only by the occasional flashes of lightning as the storm raged on outside, mirroring the turbulence that reigned inside me.
I sank my head into my palm, grabbing my phone. As I toggled it on, I realized there was no one to text, no one to call.
I’d isolated myself. I couldn’t text Eve. I’d pushed her away in a desperate attempt to protect myself from the one woman who had genuinely cared about me.
And I couldn’t contact Louise. My heart pinched as I recalled her angry words, her pinched features.
“You are a coward, Spencer Whitaker,” I said, my voice breaking a little. “And you do deserve to end up alone.”
I sucked in a sharp breath as a shiver snaked down my spine. With a glance around, I realized that this would be the rest of my life. I was staring at the inside of my own tomb, quiet and empty.
A shaky hand rose to press against my lips as the ominous sound of thunder rumbled overhead, taunting me.
The knock on my door barely registered over the deep rumbling. My stomach jumped, and I sat, wide-eyed, for a moment, until the pounding sounded again.
Could it be Eve? Or Louise? I’d take either at this point as long as I still had a friend and a shot at redeeming myself.
I raced to the door and pulled it open, my heart racing with anticipation.
I froze as I spotted the figure hovering on my doorstep. Theo, his shoulder-length hair dripping from the rain, glared at me.
“Theo?” I asked, wondering if I was seeing things. Was this some sort of A Christmas Carol-like experience? Was Theo the ghost of girlfriends past?
“Spencer,” he answered, rain dripping off his chiseled chin. “Can we talk?”
“Uhhh, I don’t know.” I really had no desire to visit a crying Eve or go back over all our dates. My mind had already put me through this torture. Or maybe Theo was here to show me that Eve would go on to become a scrubwoman after she fell apart from my bad treatment.
Theo’s eyebrows shot up as he studied me. “You’re seriously going to leave me standing out here in the rain? Lou may have a point.”
I creased my forehead.
“Yeah, she told me,” he added. “And I’m here to tell you that you’re a complete fool.”
I stood, my fingers still lingering on the door handle until I finally snapped out of it and stood aside to let him in. “Sorry, I, uh, I didn’t expect you to drop by. And I was wondering if maybe I was imagining you or if I was having a supernatural experience a la Charles Dickens.”
I offered him a weak smile and a chuckle as he strode into my foyer, his wet shoes squeaking on my marble and his wet clothes dripping on my floor.
“What?” he asked, his features squashing.
“You know, ghosts of girlfriends past type of stuff? Never mind.” He had clearly never read the classics, nor seen any of the movies based on them.
“What are you doing, man?” Theo asked, his arms stretching to the sides.
I winced, knowing I deserved the harsh words that were about to flow my way. “Making a mess of things?”
“This isn’t a joke,” he answered.
I stared down at the swirls in the black and white floor, my cheeks burning. “I know.”
“Lou is beside herself with upset, over you, over Eve. And don’t even get me started on the women you…fake dated, or whatever you did.”
“I…” I couldn’t finish the statement because I had nothing to say.
“You what? You’re a fool? An idiot? I don’t know, Spencer. I mean, I don’t know you that well, but what I do know is that when I saw Eve’s tears, and then Lou’s, I wanted to smash you in the face.”
“That’s harsh,” I said, a little worried he may do it.
“It’s the truth!” he shot back with a sigh before he scrubbed his face. “Louise just…she keeps blaming herself for this, but it’s not her fault. I think you know that. This is all on you.”
“I know,” I answered with a bob of my head. “I know I lied and–”
“You broke someone’s heart. And it’s like you don’t even care. How can you not care? You think you’re protecting yourself by pushing people away, but what you’re really doing is ensuring you end up alone. Is that what you want?”
“I…” I shrugged. “Maybe. I don’t…do well with people.”
He pulled his chin back, his eyebrows shooting up. “Seriously? Do you actually think that’s a good thing?”
“Well…I mean…it’s better than getting hurt, right?”
“Is it? Have you truly escaped that? Or are you sitting here alone in the dark being completely happy with this outcome?”
The words stung me, striking a cord deep within me. In the process of protecting my heart, I’d been the one to break it.
Every hurt I felt was at my own hands.
My gaze sank to the floor again as I realized I’d ruined so much for nothing.
Theo frowned, stepping closer. "You're hiding, Spencer. From Eve, from Louise, from everyone who cares. What are you so afraid of?"
I looked away, the truth stinging like the rain against the windows. "I'm afraid of being seen, Theo. Really seen. Because what if they see me…and then leave?"
"But what if they stay?" Theo challenged, his voice soft but firm.
Silence stretched between us for another moment.
“You need to fix this, Spencer,” Theo said, jabbing a finger at me. “I don’t want to see Lou like this. She’s hurting, and I can’t help her.
My features melted. “I don’t know where to start.”
“Maybe try being honest,” he suggested with a shrug.
The simple statement sliced at me as he pushed past me, pulling the door open. The rain pounded against my driveway as he stepped into it.
“Hey, Theo?” I called.
“Yeah?”
“Thanks,” I said with a nod. “I needed someone to tell me what a fool I’ve been.”
“Sometimes we all do,” he answered before he disappeared into the rain.
For a moment, I wondered if I’d imagined the entire thing until his taillights lit up the rainy night, and he pulled down my driveway.
I shuffled back into my living room, a new determination filling me as I grabbed my phone. My heart pounded with a mix of fear and hope. I had to face the consequences of my actions and try to rebuild the bridges I’d set fire to earlier.
My shaky thumbs typed out a message to Louise. Louise, I’ve messed up. I’m sorry. I’ve been so afraid of getting hurt that I’ve hurt everyone around me instead. I’m sitting here in this digital world I built, and it’s just empty without you, without Eve. I don’t know how to fix this, Lou. I don’t even know if I can. But I know I can’t do it without you. Please help me.
As I pressed the send button, my stomach clenched. Would this message matter or was it already too little, too late?