Chapter 19 #3
“Do ye even ken what it’s like?” Felicia continued, her voice breaking. “To lose everything? Me parents, dead! Me home, gone! And now Alexander is lyin’ in bed, poisoned and hurt because of yer kin! Because of ye!”
Helena’s throat constricted, tears pricking her eyes. “Felicia,” she began, her voice trembling. “I ken me family—me faither—has caused unimaginable pain. And I… I cannae undo what’s been done, but—”
“But what?” Felicia interrupted, her tone sharp and cruel. “Ye cannae undo it, but ye can move on? Ye can sit there and pretend yer hands are clean because ye didnae wield the blade yerself? How convenient for ye, Me Lady.”
The scorn in Felicia’s voice cut deeply.
Helena swallowed hard, her vision blurry with tears that spilled over despite her efforts to hold them back. She wiped them away quickly, refusing to let Felicia see her falter.
“I dinnae pretend that me hands are clean,” she said firmly, her voice gaining strength. “I dinnae distance meself from the sins of me family, Felicia. I’ve carried the weight of them since I was old enough to understand what they meant. And I’ll carry it for the rest of me life.”
Felicia scoffed but said nothing. Her grip on Alexander’s glove tightened, and her lip quivered again.
“I ken me faither has done horrible things,” Helena continued, her voice softer now. “And I hate what he’s done—what me family has done. But it’s nae just me kin.”
“What?” Felicia asked, her eyes narrowing.
“Ye ken it as well as I do,” Helena pressed. “Both clans, MacPherson and MacAllister, have killed many.”
“And that’s justice?” Felicia scoffed, her eyes becoming misty.
“Nay, it could never be. But I’m here now,” Helena assured her, squaring her shoulders. “And I’m goin’ to do everythin’ I can to make amends, startin’ with Alexander, and with ye, if ye’ll let me.”
Felicia stared at her, her tear-streaked face filled with doubt and anguish. “Why should I believe ye?” she croaked. “Why should I trust anything ye say?”
Helena took a step closer, her gaze steady despite the tears that continued streaming down her cheeks. “Because I care,” she said simply. “I care about Alexander, about this family, about ye. Ye’re part of his family, Felicia. That makes ye part of me family as well, whether ye believe it or nae.”
Felicia blinked rapidly, her anger seeming to drain away as she clutched the glove to her chest. Her shoulders shook as fresh tears fell, but she didn’t reply.
Helena wanted to reach out, to offer some comfort, but she hesitated, unsure if it would be welcomed.
After a long silence, Felicia murmured, “Ye’ll never understand the pain I’ve felt.”
“I ken,” Helena said, her voice still soft. “Me braither and me cousin, who was like a braither to me, a favorite braither… Ye think ye’re the only one who has lost her loved ones? I betrayed me faither, left me only home to live with me enemy. Can ye nae see the sacrifice I have made?”
“Ye cannae put yerself in me shoes, Helena. Ye cannae ken me pain fully…”
Helena nodded solemnly, understanding that Felicia had lost everything. “Ye’re right. I cannae. But I promise ye, Felicia, I’ll do everythin’ I can to make sure that nay one else has to feel that pain because of me or me family.”
Felicia said nothing, her gaze dropping to the glove in her hands.
Helena stood there for a moment longer, the weight of their exchange settling heavily on her. She had no illusions that she’d won Felicia over, but perhaps she’d planted a seed of understanding.
With a quiet sigh, she moved to the desk and gathered the ledger, the stack of letters, and some writing supplies. She turned to leave, pausing in the doorway to glance back at Felicia.
“I’ll leave ye to yer thoughts,” she said softly. “But if ye ever want to talk, I’m here.”
Felicia didn’t respond, her focus remaining on the glove.
Helena’s heart ached as she shut the door quietly behind her. She leaned against it for a moment, exhaling shakily. Her encounter with Felicia had left her feeling raw, but it had also strengthened her resolve. She would do everything in her power to make things right.
Pushing off the door, she walked a few steps down the corridor to Alexander’s dressing room. She pulled a clean shirt from the wardrobe, running her fingers over the soft fabric. Her thoughts lingered on Felicia’s anguish and how deeply the girl’s pain resonated within her.
As she left the dressing room with the shirt draped over her arm, she cast one last glance toward the study. The door remained closed, and she hoped that Felicia would find some solace in her grief.
Helena made her way back to Alexander’s chambers, her steps measured but purposeful. Her guilt over her family’s actions weighed heavily on her, but her determination to heal the wounds they’d caused burned brighter than ever.
“Helena,” Alice called as she emerged from Alexander’s chamber. She studied Helena’s face, her eyes narrowing. “What’s wrong?”
Helena just smiled sadly, not responding as she continued into the chamber to check on Alexander.