Chapter 3
CHAPTER
THREE
SAWYER
The spark that lights up in me whenever I set eyes on Preston is completely irrational and totally unfounded.
I’ve known him for over a decade. I’ve lived with him the entire time.
He’s never shown an iota of interest in me and if it hasn’t happened by now, it never will.
And yet, there’s still a tiny piece of my heart that continues to hold out hope.
It doesn’t make sense, but no matter how many times I’ve tried to get over Preston, I always keep coming back to him.
My feet eat up the distance between us like my body can’t stand to be any farther away from him than necessary. It’s only after a few steps that I notice he’s not looking at me. In fact, he’s glaring at something behind me—at Fitz.
I reach for Preston, placing my hand on his shoulder, and he automatically leans into the touch. He’s still glaring at Fitz, though.
“What are you doing here?” Preston can be a little too direct for his own good sometimes, but there’s something more in his voice than mere bluntness. There’s an edge that I don’t often see in him.
I glance quickly at Fitz who is hanging back and wearing a nervous smile. “This is Fitz,” I say as I gently nudge Preston in his direction. “He’s new in town and just signed up for a gym membership at Mars the other day.”
We also got fairly well acquainted, but I’m not about to mention that to Preston.
“I know who he is.” Preston inches forward. Almost like he wants to face off with Fitz, and I tug him back a little.
“You know each other?”
Fitz lets out a stilted sound that I think is supposed to be a laugh. “Yeah, we’re in the same department.”
“He’s in my department.” Preston corrects him.
Ah. That’s what’s happening here. Preston isn’t good with change and September is full of change in academia.
He always bristles when new students join his department and suddenly there are a bunch of unfamiliar faces around.
He’ll get over it, though, he always does. It just takes a bit for him to adjust.
“Cool!” I try to infuse extra enthusiasm into my voice. Maybe Preston will feel better if I show him that Fitz is a friend, not a foe. “You study neuroscience too, huh? No wonder you know a thing or two about brains.”
Fitz’s laugh is genuine this time as I mention the “examination” he gave me after I hit my head. A little twinkle appears in his eyes and my libido perks up at the possibility of a repeat performance.
Preston snaps his head around and now his glare is focused on me. The disapproval in it effectively demolishes whatever interest my dick was cultivating in Fitz and guilt trickles in instead.
That’s the thing about my one-sided love affair with Preston.
My heart belongs to him, but my body wants things he can’t give me.
There’s nothing technically wrong with fulfilling that need elsewhere.
Preston and I are best friends; we haven’t signed a chastity pledge or anything.
And yet, whenever I’m reminded of this disparity, I feel like I’ve let him down, like I’ve failed him, betrayed him.
“Um…” I shift uncomfortably and adjust the strap of my bag over my shoulder.
“Preston and I are going to get lunch,” I say and watch as the twinkle fades from Fitz’s eyes.
Crap. Fitz is genuinely a nice guy, and despite my inner turmoil, I still want to make him feel welcome in this new city. “Have you eaten? Want to join us?”
I catch Preston’s deepening scowl out of the corner of my eye, but Fitz lights up again at the invitation.
“I’d love to! If I’m not intruding, that is.”
“Nope, not at all,” I respond before Preston can mutter something that’s accidentally rude. “There’s a noodle shop nearby that we always go to. You’re going to love it. It’s really popular with students.”
I lead the way out of the quad, Fitz on my right and Preston on my left. An awkward silence settles around us as we walk. Am I imagining that Preston sticks a little closer to my side than usual?
We turn left when we get to the sidewalk and encounter a group of students coming from the other direction. The sidewalk isn’t wide enough to accommodate all of us and Preston is forced to fall behind me and Fitz. I swear I can feel the heat of his glare on my back.
“Are you sure it’s okay if I join you? I don’t want to butt in or anything,” Fitz whispers to me quietly.
“No! Not at all,” I whisper back at him, and then scramble for an explanation. “Preston just gets moody when he’s hungry.”
“Hangry.” Fitz chuckles. “I know the feeling.”
“Exactly. He’ll be fine once I get some food in him.”
Fitz makes an agreeing sound, but there’s still a hint of tension in his expression like he doesn’t believe me.
We get to the restaurant and I pull open the door, holding it for Fitz, then Preston, to pass through.
Fitz shoots me a flirty smile, complete with a dimple sighting, and a quietly murmured “thanks.”
Preston, on the other hand, still has that scowl firmly etched into his face.
The urge to take him in my arms and hug him until the scowl melts away is almost too strong to resist. I don’t like that he’s upset.
I want to fix it for him. But I can’t really bundle him up in my lap and cuddle him in public.
I settle for taking his shoulders in my hands and stepping in close enough to peer at him over his shoulder. “How about you grab that empty table for us?” I suggest.
Preston glances up at me and for a split second, I’m distracted by the sight of bright blue through long dark lashes.
My chest aches with want and I unconsciously drag him up against me.
The back of his head touches my shoulder and if circumstances had been different—if Preston and I were who I want us to be instead of who we actually are—I would’ve dipped my chin an inch and covered his lips with mine.
But I don’t do that. I draw on the self-control I’ve honed over the years and force myself to set him away from me. “Go on. I’ll get your usual for you.”
Preston shoots Fitz a suspicious look, then shuffles away, sulking. My hands stay on his shoulders until he’s out of my reach. I watch until he pulls out a chair and sits down.
“So, you and Preston are…?”
I drag my gaze away from Preston to find Fitz watching me with confusion. “We’re best friends. And roommates.”
He nods but the confusion doesn’t budge. “For a moment there it seemed like you were… more.”
I chuckle, or at least try to. “No, no, we’re just friends. Preston’s kind of a touchy guy and I’ve sort of picked up on it over the years.” It’s not a complete lie. Preston is much more tactile than anyone else I know, but my need to touch him back is all my own.
“Right.”
“Anyway, let’s order. Everything on the menu is amazing.”
The restaurant isn’t huge. It’s one of those order at the counter and bus your own tables kind of places. But the portions are big and the prices are low—two key requirements for any business catering to students.
The roaring gas fire and the clanging of metal utensils against metal woks bounces off the walls and the scent of garlic and fish sauce fills the heated air.
We’re a little early for lunch, so there are only two people ahead of us.
If we wait twenty minutes, the line will start spilling out the door.
I order the wide noodles with beef for myself and the crunchy noodles with seafood for Preston. Fitz goes with something called Singaporean noodles that I’ve never tried before.
“How long have you guys been roommates?” Fitz asks.
“Since high school.” A happy fluttering feeling dances in my chest at the memories of us in that room together.
Me forcing Preston to turn the lights off so we can sleep.
Preston helping me study for exams. “We went to Westbourne Academy. It’s a boarding school up in Massachusetts.
And then we moved to Brooklyn together for college. ”
Fitz’s expression goes a bit wistful. “Must’ve been nice having someone to get to know the city with.”
“You don’t know anyone in New York?”
He shakes his head. “Nope. My parents weren’t thrilled with the idea of me moving all by myself. But I needed a change of scenery and the program at Grantham is really good.”
“Will you be working with Preston at all?”
Fitz winces and sneaks a glance at Preston who’s slumped in his chair. “That’s the plan. Although, he doesn’t seem to like me much.”
“Preston’s not great with change,” I say with my voice lowered. “He’ll come around.”
“I don’t know about that. I get the sense he’s not easy to win over.” He smiles at me, left cheek dented with that dimple. “Maybe you can put in a good word for me?”
“Sure thing. I’ll tell him to go easy on the new kid.” I bump his shoulder with mine and Fitz’s dimple deepens.
“Order twenty-seven! Twenty-eight!”
We grab our trays from the counter and carry them to the table where Preston’s waiting for us. I set Preston’s plate down, then break apart a pair of disposable wooden chopsticks for him. He takes them and fiddles with them for a bit before poking at his food.
After a minute or two of this, I lean over and whisper quietly in the small space I’ve created between us. “Is everything okay?”
It’s not like him not to devour his food. He forgets to eat so often he’s usually perpetually hungry without realizing it. All I need to do is present him with something edible and he’ll gobble it down.
Preston’s gaze flits from his plate to Fitz, then back again. He gives me a stiff nod before stabbing his noodles with the chopsticks and stuffing his mouth. There’s definitely something going on with him, but it’ll have to wait until we’re home tonight before I can work out what.
Meanwhile, Fitz is watching us again, or more like observing us with a keen awareness I want to discourage. I don’t want him to get a bad impression of Preston. Preston could use more friends, especially ones he can connect with over his research.
“You mentioned you’ll be working with Preston?” I ask. “You know, I’ve never been able to understand what the hell Preston’s research is about. Something to do with brains and computers?”
Fitz straightens and lights up, kind of like the way Preston does when he gets to geek out over science.
“Yeah, it’s super cool.” Fitz sets his utensils down, noodles forgotten.
“We’re using the latest developments in artificial intelligence to study how the brain works.
The experiment that Preston’s been running is focused on visual processing.
Basically, we scan someone’s brain while they’re looking at a photo.
Then we feed the data into the AI algorithm and it tries to regenerate the image based on the data. It’s incredible. You wanna see?”
He’s already pulling out his phone and cueing up the photos. I take the phone when he hands it to me.
“The original images are on the left,” Fitz explains. “And the AI-generated ones are on the right. You can see the AI images aren’t perfect reproductions, but the resemblance is close!”
On the left side of the screen is a picture of a stuffed teddy bear and next to it is…
well, it looks like a badly decorated cookie where all the different colors of icing have melted into each other.
But I can still make out the ears, the mangled face, and the bow that’s tied around the bear’s neck.
I tilt the phone toward Preston so he can see the screen too.
He barely glances at it before turning back to his food. “I’ve seen those before. They aren’t new.”
Ouch. I flash Fitz an apologetic smile, then flip through a few more examples on my own.
There’s a clock tower that AI has turned into an impressionist painting. It’s a hodgepodge of colors, but they’re about the right ones, and the silhouette is the same. The next example of an airplane in flight is similar.
“Wow, that is cool.”
“Right?” Fitz is nearly bouncing in his seat. “If we can get AI to mimic the functioning of the brain, then we can better understand how the brain works.”
“It’s more complicated than that,” Preston mutters under his breath.
I reach over and rub the top of his back. “I’m sure it is, but hey, I’m just a jock. You’ve gotta dumb things down for me.”
Fitz’s dimple appears again. “Jocks can be smart.”
Under the table, a foot bumps into mine. I’m about to pull my foot back and apologize, but then Fitz catches my gaze. There’s an unspoken question there, a check-in to see if he’s okay to continue. His foot moves slowly, sliding forward so his ankle drags up my calf.
My body reacts physically to Fitz’s come-on, but my brain misfires as it tries to reconcile my response with the fact that Preston is sitting right next to me. I want and I don’t want at the same time. I’m stuck in between, pulled in opposite directions.
A cough breaks me out of my stupor. “Don’t you have to get to work?” Preston asks. His voice is laced with annoyance and… hurt?
My heart stutters at the possibility that Preston would be bothered by me hanging out with Fitz.
That he would care. That he would be jealous.
But that’s ridiculous. Our relationship isn’t like that.
I make no secret of having slept with other people.
I’ve brought people back to our apartment, and I’ve even dated a bit.
He’s never objected, never shown any signs he was upset.
It must be my imagination superimposing my own feelings onto him. At most, Preston’s merely frustrated with having to adjust to a new person in his life.
“Are we keeping you?” Fitz asks.
“Uh…” I check the time on my phone. I’m not late yet, but there are a couple errands I want to run before my shift starts. “I should get going.”
“You haven’t finished your noodles.” Fitz points to my plate.
“No worries. I’ll grab a to-go box.” I slip out of my seat to request one from the restaurant staff. When I get back, Preston’s staring daggers at Fitz, while Fitz has his head bowed, pretending not to notice.
Note to self: it’s too early to leave Preston alone with Fitz. Good thing I grabbed a second container for him.
“What time do you work till today?” Fitz asks as I dump my food into a box and then do the same with Preston’s.
“Till close. Will I see you there?”
He nods. “I’m planning on going in after my class this afternoon.”
“Awesome!” I rise to my feet, tugging Preston along with me. “I’ll see you later, then!”
With one last smile to Fitz, I push Preston out the door. Through the front windows of the restaurant, I spot Fitz following our progress down the sidewalk. He waves at me and I wave back. Then, with a burst of surprise, I realize I’m genuinely looking forward to seeing him again.