CHAPTER EIGHT
I t was dark when Kade arrived at the office of the Red and Black, Madison’s sanctuary on campus–which was precisely why he’d begged the school board to let him join originally. He paused in the doorway, taking in the scene. Madison sat at one of the computers, her fingers dancing across the keys. She was focused, her brow furrowed in concentration, and she hadn’t noticed him yet.
“You’re not getting a repeat performance if that’s what you’re waiting for,” she said, her voice calm and steady, without looking up from the screen.
He stepped into the room, feeling a rush of warmth despite the cool, industrial interior of the office. He hopped onto the desk, letting his legs dangle as he played with a pencil holder, twisting it in his hands.
The silence stretched between them, punctuated only by the soft click-clack of Madison’s typing. Kade took in her profile, the way her hair fell over her shoulder, the curve of her neck. She was beautiful, even when she was angry with him.
Finally, Madison spoke, breaking the quiet. “What you’re doing is shitty, you know that, right? Stopping this thing between us before it even starts.” Her voice was steady, but he could hear the hurt beneath her words.
The tension in the air heightened as Kade remembered the nights they spent together, the laughter, the study dates before classes, the long hours in this very office. But those were just memories now, tainted by the reality of his situation.
“I don’t know what else to do,” he replied, his voice rough. “I have to get away from the gangs, or I’m never going to. I don’t trust myself to stay and not get caught up in it all again. I can’t risk that.”
She turned in her seat to face him, her eyes searching his. “But next week, we’ll both be done with school. We could go somewhere together. Start fresh.”
Kade shook his head. “I could never ask you to do that. To just pick up and leave with me. You have your whole life ahead of you, Madison. You can’t throw that away for some runaway.”
“Don’t you dare decide what I can and can’t do,” she said, her voice rising. “I’m not some damsel in distress waiting for my prince to whisk me away. I make my own choices, and if I choose to be with you, that’s my decision. Besides, didn’t your brother’s girlfriend move back with him? They’re doing just fine.”
He held her gaze, seeing the determination in her eyes. “They’re engaged, actually. And what if I can’t give you the future you deserve?”
“That’s not your job.”
“Doesn’t matter,” Kade gritted out. “I couldn’t be with you and not want what was best for you. And what would your parents say?”
Madison sighed and looked away, eyes looking over the printers in the corner of the room. “My parents only wanted me around until I turned 18. I haven’t spoken to them since I got to school a few years ago.” Her sigh was sad, clearly remembering that she didn’t have any family waiting on her. That must have been why she was so close to her friends. Her anger flared again when she remembered the other part of his statement. “And I don’t know how you can say that after the shit you just pulled because clearly, you don’t give a fuck about what’s best for me; you want what’s best for you.” She cleared her throat but continued to look away. “But you’re not ‘with me,’ so none of this even matters.”
Kade swallowed, the words catching in his throat. “I’m sorry, Madison. That wasn’t fair. It wasn’t...”
“Just honest?” she finished, her voice flat.
He wanted to argue, to explain, but the words wouldn’t come. He knew she was right. His actions spoke louder than any apology.
Silence fell between them, thick and heavy. Kade hopped off the desk, feeling suddenly awkward and exposed. He paced, restless, unable to meet her gaze.
“Look, I’m not asking you to forgive me,” he finally said, his voice barely a whisper. “Just...understand. This isn’t easy for me either.”
“Easy?” Madison scoffed. “Easy? Kade, you’re running away. Again. Leaving behind everything, everyone, because you’re scared.”
“I’m scared, yeah. Scared of getting hurt, scared of hurting you. Scared of becoming what my father is.”
“Then maybe, just maybe, facing your fears is the only way to escape them.”
He stopped pacing, turning to face her. Her eyes, usually bright and playful, were dull, sad–disappointed. He’d done that to her and it made him want to gouge his own eyes out so he never had to see her like that again.
“I’m trying, Madison. I am. But sometimes, running feels like the only option,” Kade admitted, his voice filled with a desperation that made her draw back in her chair.
“Then run, Kade. Run. But don’t expect me to chase after you. Because I won’t.”
Madison turned her attention to her computer, and after a few keystrokes, the printer in the corner started coming to life and spitting out pages. She leaned over to grab her phone and walked past him without a second glance as she swung her backpack over her shoulder. Stopping at the doorway, she paused and took a deep breath. “The final columns are all sorted and printed. You’ll just need to box them up and turn them in tomorrow. Since the semester is over, I had to use a different column in its place instead of the Upcoming Events page.”
Kade nodded even though she couldn’t see him before whispering, “Okay.”
Madison seemed to visibly relax as she continued towards the doorway.
“Maddie.”
The sound of her name on his lips sounded pained and she paused.
“Did you know my mother passed away when I was only five?”
What? Why was he telling her this?
“No, I didn’t,” Madison admitted softly and clutched the green cotton fabric of her dress hem in her hands. “I’m sorry.”
“My father was a mess back then. The Rebels were a joke and it was all about drugs and stealing. Counterfeit money, even. But my mom...” Kade cleared his throat and Madison heard the screech of a desk move as he braced himself against it in her peripheral. “My mom was kind and beautiful and I think that’s why Jagger is so much better than me. Because he got more years than I did with her.”
“Kade–”
“Let me finish,” he interrupted her sharply. “I’ve never talked to anyone about this and if I hear even an ounce of pity from you then I won’t be able to get this out.”
“Okay,” she breathed and her hands tightened in her dress again, scared to move and distract him from what he was about to tell her.
“My mom didn’t work after she had us, but I think she was a nurse at some point or something. She used to heal the guys when gang stuff used to go south. She’d stitch them up in our cozy yellow kitchen. I watched her pull bullets out of a guy’s back once with salad tongs. Sometimes, she’d let me help her and I’d get to put her long black hair in a ponytail so I could see what she was doing. There wasn’t much I could do at that age, but that little job made me feel important. Jagger would boil water and bring rags for her, though. And then one night she...” He trailed off, the memories hitting him like a punch to the stomach. But he had to keep going, he couldn’t keep it in forever.
Madison held her breath and waited for him to continue.
“She couldn’t get ahold of my dad when someone showed up at our house asking for help. She didn’t recognize them, so she wanted to check with Warren to see if she should let him in. And I remember this fucker crying outside the door. ‘Please help me, they promised you could help me,’ he kept saying and my mom couldn’t take it anymore. She put me and Jagger in the kitchen pantry just in case and let the guy in. He was covered in blood and stumbled while she tried to lead him to a chair by the kitchen table to see where he was hurt.
‘Where are you hurt? Where is the blood coming from?’ I heard her ask him and Jagger kept pulling me away from the slats in the door that I was looking through. And then he said, “It’s not my blood.”
A gasp left Madison’s mouth and she lifted her hands to cover it, already sensing where the story was going.
“Jagger understood that mom was in danger right away because he wrapped his arms around me and clamped a hand over my mouth before she even started screaming. He followed a Rebel who was coming to my mom for help and stabbed him to death right outside before rubbing the blood on himself and guilt-tripping his way into our home. At least that’s what dad told us later.”
Kade pushed away from the desk and started stomping around the room as the words continued to pour from him like the memory was fresh.
“My mom was too good for the life my father had her caught up in. Jagger saved me that day because he kept us hidden, but he also changed because of the guilt he had for not being able to save her and choosing to protect me. Warren came home about two minutes too late and he lost his mind. Killed the man with his bare hands even though the guy tore at him with his knife. Like it was nothing because he was feeling everything in that moment. And that’s why I want to leave. I’m scared to get close to anyone because it just takes one crazy fuck and they could be taken like that. ” Madison jumped as she heard Kade’s fist slam into the wall beside her. She chanced a look at him as he went back to stalking around the room. “Warren has been trying to use the gang to take down cartels, drug rings that were selling to kids, he’s taken the heat for dismantling a lot of bad groups. But that only paints a bigger target on his back. And Jagger has always had a bleeding heart. Fuck me, he was basically out . I was doing the odd job so he could focus on the bar and his book and his girl. And now he’s getting involved in his own shit and I can’t be the reason you get hurt.”
His footsteps stopped somewhere behind her and she could feel him looking at her.
“I mean, really hurt–killed even. And it wouldn’t be by me but it would be because of me.”
“Kade,” she whispered, not turning around. She knew if she did he would see the tears in her eyes. He would see the pity she couldn’t quite keep from them because he was a boy who experienced too much. And that left him being a man with a lot of unresolved trauma. But now she knew where he was coming from. And she still wanted to be with him.
“If you were to ask me—just ask, I would run with you.”
Without thinking, Kade immediately reached out a hand to stop her as she started walking. But it was too late; she had already left and closed the door behind her, leaving him wrapped in the lingering scent of her strawberry shampoo and something he hadn’t let himself feel much of since he saw his mother on the kitchen floor… hope.