32. Chapter 32 Jack
Chapter thirty-two
Two years and there she is. I want to take her away and never let her go again.
What an idiot I was not to hold on to her in the first place.
For a while, every moment of silence I had would be spent thinking about her.
Until I couldn’t take it anymore. I put my head down and worked seven days a week to get Rendezvous Too up and running.
Whatever energy I’ve had left after a fifteen-hour workday, I’ve been burning off at the gym, making sure that by the time I get in bed, I’m too tired to let my mind wander to her.
Thankfully, most nights I’m even too tired to dream because when I do dream, it’s always of her.
When I do dream, I wake up with whatever bit of heart I’ve regrown ripped out all over again.
It didn’t take me long to realize the major mistake I made. I was in New York, Ledger was preoccupied with Sloane, and Blanche and Henry were too caught up in their own lives to make frequent visits. We were all scattered in the wind. And I missed them all, but none so much as Margot.
I realized all too late that she was worth it the whole time. That even if all she gave me was a month, it would be worth losing everything I’ve ever known and loved. I realized all too late that once I had her, living without her wasn’t life at all.
By the time I came to my senses, finally ready to sweep her off her feet, I found that she was living just fine without me . If her social media and updates in the family group chat were anything to go by, she was happy.
And that was enough.
So I let her chase her dreams. I let her live her life. Live our life. Because the only life I’ll ever have is her.
“Jack, dear, can you do the honors?” Blanche’s call for help brings me back to the moment.
Right, Ledger and Sloane’s gender reveal. I head into the kitchen to get the punching bag filled with either blue or pink powder and wheel it back to the expecting couple.
“We thought this would only be fitting, considering the night you, um, got married,” I say, glancing at where Sloane’s parents are sitting in the corner.
Being careful not to word vomit like I did the last time we were all together.
“Sloane, you’re welcome to do the honors, I suppose, but I think this was designed for our dad-to-be. ”
Fuck. My brother is about to be a whole-ass dad.
Sloane steps back, letting Ledger take the reins. “I haven't fought since that night either, but I’ll give it a go.” He rips through the material with one punch, sending blue powder flying into the air.
“It’s a boy!” the entire room screams in unison.
“Hey! A little Ledger!” I say, bringing the happy couple out of their little bubble of bliss after what I feel is an appropriate time to grope each other in celebration.
“Oh Lord, let’s hope not, for everyone’s sake,” Blanche responds, making her way over to congratulate her son and daughter-in-law.
She’s not wrong. The older I get, the more I realize how much trouble the two of us caused growing up. Ledger especially. A little boy. Wow, a little Ledger indeed . Poor Sloane really is going to have her hands full if he’s anything like his dad.
I look over to where Margot stands with tears welling up in her eyes.
With everyone preoccupied with the news of the baby boy, I allow my gaze to linger on my princess for the first time in two years, fully taking her in.
This is the longest I’ve gone without seeing her in her whole life, and she’s… changed.
She somehow looks both older and younger at the same time.
Although her skin glows and her features remain as youthful as ever, her style has matured.
Her long hair is pulled up in a clip instead of flowing down her back, her posture is more rigid, and instead of the pink frills she used to wear frequently, she’s sporting a charcoal pantsuit.
She’s still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.
I’ve done my best to get on with my life since leaving for New York. It took several months after realizing we were never meant to be, but I was finally able to numb the feelings down to a slight sting. Seeing her like this, though…they’re all flooding back in.
If I ever guessed Blanche would’ve approved of our relationship, maybe I wouldn’t have left. That wouldn’t have changed the fact that Margot would be sacrificing her dreams, but maybe we could’ve made it work long-distance until we could figure something better out.
We could very well be married by now. I certainly wouldn’t have needed time to figure out if she was the one .
She’s always been the only one. I don’t think she would’ve been ready to have a baby so soon, but what if she did?
Or even if it wasn’t planned, accidents happen.
This could’ve been us. I wonder if that smoke would’ve been blue or if we would be preparing for our own little princess.
One with her mother’s blue eyes and free spirit.
I’m lost in my thoughts about how it would feel to be celebrating our own child when her voice brings me back. “Soooo do you have any names picked out?”
“Well, I think Ledger Jr. would be perfect,” Sloane replies.
Wow, our baby boy would be a fourth if we went that route. Unless I took her last name and officially became a Sinclair.
“You know Henry the fourth is always an option,” Henry says, pulling me out of my fantasy.
“Ew, you weirdo, it’s not your son,” I remind him, honestly forgetting he’s not referring to Margot’s and my baby.
Henry uses his hands to massage his eyes. “It doesn’t have to be a direct father-son succession, you buffoon. But I doubt I will have any children of my own, and it would be a waste of a fourth.”
Blanche hits the back of Henry’s head. “Oh hush, you will absolutely have some of your own. All three of you will,” she says, pointing at Margot and me in the process.
Margot turns a deep shade of red as I choke on nothing, bringing Ledger’s attention to me. “You alright, man?” he asks, smacking my back.
“Yeah, yup…just all this talk of babies. I think I’m going to go get some air,” I say, before going to one of the farthest bathrooms in the house to ground myself.
I close the door behind me and try to calm down. This is all too much. After two years, I figured I could keep my feelings at bay long enough to celebrate my nephew without losing my ever-loving mind.
Ugh, I have to get a grip. I’m over here thinking about our babies, and she hasn’t said one word to me since I got here. Fuck, she won’t even look at me.
We’ve gone long periods without seeing each other before, and with every stretch, it would be like no time has passed.
Even when things started to get intense, we would see each other and everything would be fine.
I’m not sure exactly what I expected to happen after finally crossing that line in our relationship, but I expected something. Anger, regret, longing, something.
Honest to God, the way she's been carrying on with her life like that night was just a bump in the road, I half expected her to see me and not blink twice, just business as usual.
At least I know it won't be two years before I see her again. She’ll be in New York, working with me for the next two months.
Before I know what’s happening, the door is thrown open, and something crashes into me. No, not something, someone. “Jack!” Margot says, pushing away as soon as she realizes she’s pressed against me. “What the fuck are you doing in here?”
When I don’t answer and instead just stand there, dumbfounded, she turns to leave, and my brain goes on autopilot, grabbing her and squeezing as hard as I can.
“Ugh, let go of me!” she yells, squirming in my arms.
I can’t let her go. I have to tell her.
The words fall from my mouth in a blubbering mess. “Please don’t leave. Please talk to me. Please, please, baby girl. I’m so sorry. I’ve missed you so much, Princess.”
“ Don’t call me princess,” she says, stomping on my foot both for emphasis and to get out of my hold.
I let her go, turning first to block the door so she can’t escape.
“Margot. I thought I would lose everyone. I didn’t think your family would ever forgive me.
That even if they didn’t kill me the moment they knew what I was doing with their sister and daughter, that you would realize I wasn’t worth your time, and when you left, they would leave too.
I know I should’ve picked you, though. I realize that now, because my body’s been in New York, but for two years, you’ve had my heart with you in Paris. ”
She steps back, folding her arms across her chest in the process and huffing at me for blocking her exit.
There she is. There’s my princess. “You thought what? That you could just make the biggest decision of our lives by yourself? That you didn’t need to involve me in that?
That you shouldn’t at least tell me how you were feeling so that when I woke up without you in your bed after you spent the entire night making love to me , I would at least know why. ”
“Please, baby, I’m so fucking sorry. I thought you would always resent me if you didn’t chase your dreams. I thought I was doing what was best for you. I thought…”
She searches my eyes, and for just a moment, I can see past the hatred.
“Jack, you were my dream. You were all I ever wanted. My whole life. Everything else was just outside noise. Acting, piano, and design were all just hobbies. And if being with you meant I never got to do it again, I would’ve found something else to pour my energy into while I happily stood by your side. ”
That can’t be right. First, I learn that Blanche always thought I would be perfect for her daughter, and now I find out that instead of ensuring the absolute love of my life’s happiness, I ripped it away.
Someone please wake me up from this nightmare where I misinterpreted everyone’s intentions and, in turn, ruined my chance of ever being happy.
Ruined her happiness. I mean, sure, Henry and Ledger would still beat the shit out of me, but it would be worth it a million times over to have my princess in my arms again.
“I can still be that. Please let me be that again.”
“No.” She hesitates but denies me nonetheless.
I reach out to touch her, any point of contact at all, but she steps back, avoiding my touch. “Then at least let me be your friend. I’m still your family. Let me...”
“No, Jack, you aren’t anything to me. Now, can I go, or do you need me to write you a fucking five-line note to show exactly how little you mean to me?”
She goes to step around me, and I let her leave. Again.