Chapter 27 Mason #4
As Lee got out of the car, a part of me sighed in relief.
At least he hadn’t been one of the ones hurt.
As much as I wanted to run to him, seek the shelter of his arms and the warmth of his protection, I was frozen in shame and fear.
He deserved better than this, better than me.
He deserved someone who wasn’t… tainted… like I was.
That knowledge and shame, more than almost anything else that happened, kept me frozen in the dark, but Lee found us huddled beside the building. I could hear him and Tobi talking, but it was so far away I couldn’t understand what they were saying.
I blinked and somehow found myself sitting inside Lee’s car. I had no idea how I’d gotten there.
Two words ran through my head as I sat there.
“Don’t Tell. Don’t Tell. Don’t Tell.” Over and over, because I knew if I told Lee what had happened, I’d get everyone killed and I couldn’t be responsible for that.
It was already my fault someone, or two someones, were getting hurt tonight. I couldn’t be responsible for more.
My ass ached and burned like fire, I could feel my lip swelling and throbbing, but I didn’t dare let Lee see the pain I was in.
I knew what kind of a guy Lee was. He was a hero.
He was the kind of guy who would run into a burning building to save a puppy.
If he knew what had happened to me, he would lose his shit then run off and do something stupid, like confront Dreyven and Conyers. I couldn’t let him do that.
Despite the frozen disconnection between my brain and my body, I was frantic to reach my friends.
With my phone broken, I didn’t even know how I would reach them.
Who knew phone numbers, in this day and age?
They were all stored on my phone. I could try emailing, but what could I say?
Please run, please hide, because two of you are going to be attacked?
Or maybe already had been? And it was all my fault.
I couldn’t. So, I’d lied. I let Lee think tonight was “just” another panic attack. Not… not a… I couldn’t even say it to myself. Not rape. Not again, not after all these years of rebuilding myself. My self.
When we got back to his house, I grabbed my laptop and reached out to my friends before I did anything else, and demanded Lee do the same. I knew I couldn’t tell him or them what was happening, but at least I could put them on guard.
Emails sent, I made a beeline for the shower.
I knew, logically, I shouldn’t shower, that I should preserve the evidence, save the bits of the men who had violated me so that they could be brought to justice.
But I couldn’t. There was no justice here for me.
I didn’t dare go to the local police—that would just jeopardize more people.
All I could do was prop myself up under the hottest water I could stand, scrubbing my body, digging my nails into my skin, scratching away the cum, blood and the touch of sick, evil men that had soaked into my skin.
When I was done, I saw my clothes on the floor where I’d dropped them as I’d stripped.
The underwear and jeans were still wet and stained with blood and other fluids.
I knew I couldn’t let Lee see them, but there was no way I was getting them past him, either.
I did the only thing I could think of. I balled them all up together and stuck them under the sink behind some bathroom cleansers and a stack of toilet paper. I’d grab them before I left tomorrow.
Because I had to leave. I didn’t have a choice. There were no other options here, no escape from the things I’d set in motion.
I could see the questions in Lee’s eyes, hear the worry in his voice as he spoke to me, but he did what I asked, and touched base with all his family.
He reassured me everyone was fine, safe.
Lizzie, Ev and Zem let me know all was well with them, too.
Lee tried to talk to me about what happened, but the only way I could respond was to beg him to let me sleep.
I flinched when he got in bed and slid up behind me and I had to hope that he didn’t notice.
Then I smelled it, that same scent that had snuck its way into my living hell so many years ago, the sweet vanilla and amber scent that was uniquely Lee’s.
As he wrapped his arms around me and drew me close, I tried desperately to record the feel of his skin against mine, his amazing scent, the warmth of his breath on my neck.
I knew I would need these memories to survive the days ahead.
After a while, I was finally able to shove the horror of the day into a box deep in my brain and fall into the oblivion of sleep.
Lee’s thrashing woke me a few hours later.
My body still ached and sharp pains shot through me as I sat up too quickly, but Lee seemed locked in the nightmare that was riding him.
I sat there a moment and tried to figure out what to do.
He was moaning and I could see the tracks of tears running down his face as he thrashed.
I wondered if tonight’s events had triggered this nightmare, something about my weakness leading him back into hell.
I tried to remember what you were supposed to do with nightmare sufferers. Were you supposed to touch someone who was having a nightmare? Try to wake them? I didn’t think so. but I couldn’t bear to hear the sounds of his moans as he struggled with whatever nightmare he was trapped in.
“Lee,” I’d finally said, calling his name.
No response. I cupped his face with both hands as he continued thrashing, harder this time, his legs trapped in the sheets, his flailing.
“Lee!” I yelled his name again.
Finally, he sat bolt upright in the bed, his eyes wide with terror and screaming, “No!”
I wrapped my arms around him, trying to calm him.
“It’s okay! You’re safe. We’re safe,” I found myself lying to him over and over. I had to convince myself it was true, at least for the moment. The reversal of our roles wasn’t lost on me as I sat there comforting him for once.
I felt him heaving in my arms, struggling to catch his breath as he slowly came back to himself. Over the sound of his ragged gasps, I heard his phone ring. He reached out for it automatically, almost blindly.
The fear in his voice stole all the warmth away from us as I heard him talk to his parents.
We dressed in record time and headed to the hospital.
I’d never regretted not knowing how to drive, until now.
Lee was frantic with worry for his brothers, and his driving was less than focused.
Okay, he drove like a crazy man but luckily the highways were almost deserted in the very early morning hours.
We arrived at the hospital in record time.
The sight of Diana and Kyra Devereaux as they sat comforting each other in the Emergency Department waiting area caused the ache in my chest to tighten to the point I couldn’t breathe.
I knew why they were here. Why we all were here.
This was the cost of my defiance. Dreyven and Conyers had made me pay for my freedom, however temporary, with their blood.
The guilt and shame cut deeper as each member of the Devereaux family showed up. First Kaine, then Bishop, then a sleepy looking Nicki arrived.
There was a tense moment when Nicki walked in, as he and Kaine just locked glares for a moment.
It seemed like they were at some kind of impasse, then Nicki broke and quickly stepped forward to wrap his arms around the other man.
Kaine hugged him close then they both threw an arm around Bishop.
Mama K and Mama D had stood when Nicki walked in, the alertness of mama bears protecting their cubs.
Now the three friends turned and enveloped Diana and Kyra in their embrace.
Lee joined in and I stood there a minute, not sure what to do.
Then Mama K opened her arms further and gestured me in.
“Mijo, you belong in here, too,” she said, waving me forward, her eyes glittering brown with unshed tears.
I walked forward reluctantly, knowing I didn’t, in fact, belong in that circle of love and trust, but I felt her arm come around me on one side and Lee’s arm around me on the other.
Mama K’s voice whispered something in Spanish. I couldn’t understand her words, but I understood her prayer. It was a mother’s prayer for beloved, injured children, a voice thick with the fear of loss.
The feel of their arms clutching me tight was almost too much to take.
Tears stung my eyes as I looked within that circle of chosen family and realized, finally, what I needed to do.
I couldn’t just let this cycle continue, couldn’t let Dreyven and men like him continue to own me, continue to win. I couldn’t keep running.
But first, I needed to make sure these precious people were safe. I needed to get away from Lee, his parents and siblings so they wouldn’t be targets anymore. I had to secure my chosen family, then I'd makes sure that no one else paid for my sins.
We broke apart a few minutes later and I escaped down a side hallway after borrowing Lee’s phone.
I didn’t even have to come up with some lie, he just handed it over to me without question and went back to comforting his parents.
With my own phone still useless, I had to trust my memory as I dialed a number I hadn’t ever really thought I’d use, but was still engraved in my memory nonetheless.
“Milwaukee Police Department Confidential Informant Line. What is your message?” I heard the tin-can sounding voice on the other end of the line ask.
I swallowed hard, struggling to ready my response, dredging through years-old memories to remember the information the detective had hammered into my brain.
I whispered the words that would either save us all, or deliver me to hell.
“Mason Cameron Malone, Akron, Ohio heading to Seattle, Washington - Harem.”