Chapter 17 #2
“Fuck if I know, and I’m done trying to guess,” I snap. “He’s made it clear he doesn’t care about me like that.”
“Like what?” Raphael asks. “Like a man who would burn the world down to keep what‘s his?”
“I’m not his.” The words stick to my tongue, my instincts denying the truth I’ve finally accepted. “He made that clear when he chose not to Mark me.”
“Did he say why?”
The question hits a nerve, and I set the coffee down before I spill more of it. “He said he didn’t want to force it on me, which is bullshit. And that it’s complicated, which is more bullshit. He just didn’t want to hurt my feelings by outright rejecting me again.”
Raphael exchanges a look with Avery, who heads for the door. “I’ll give you two some space.”
Avery slides his hand across Raphael’s back as he passes, a casual touch loaded with meaning.
I wait for Avery to disappear down the hall before I turn to Raphael.
“He killed you to remove your Mark from his nape, and you did everything in your power to reclaim him. That’s love,” I say. “Aaiden had three days with me, willing and eager, and couldn’t bring himself to do the same.”
Raphael’s smile fades. “You don’t understand what was at stake.”
“Then explain it to me.” I grab the coffee again, needing something to hold on to. “Tell me why my Alpha, the man who fucked me through my Heat, who told me I was his, couldn’t bring himself to make it permanent.”
“Because Aaiden Rockford doesn’t do anything halfway.” Raphael moves closer. “And claiming you would have changed everything for both of you.”
“So?” The challenge hangs between us.
“So my brother has been planning for that change a lot longer than you realize,” Raphael says.
“What do you mean, planning?” I take a sip of my coffee, which has gone from scalding to merely hot, much like my anger.
Raphael joins me at the kitchen island and rests his palms on the cool surface. The tattoos on his forearms shift with the movement, leaving me to wonder at the story behind them.
“Do you remember when you presented?”
The memory surfaces without effort, the fever, the confusion, the excitement mixed with a darker, more primal hunger. I had been fifteen, gangly and awkward, caught between childhood and whatever came next.
“What does that have to do with anything?”
“Everything.” Raphael’s eyes, so similar to his brother’s that my heart aches, hold mine. “Aaiden went into a spiral that lasted months.”
The coffee turns bitter on my tongue. “What are you talking about?”
“My brother was thirty when you presented as an Omega. He’d watched you grow up. Your mother was more of a parent to him than our own mother ever was.” Raphael’s voice drops lower. “And suddenly, his biology was telling him you were his mate.”
I set the mug down before I drop it, coffee sloshing toward the rim. “He never said anything.”
“Of course, he didn’t. You were a child.” Raphael’s face hardens. “And he hated himself for noticing the change in your scent.”
“He pulled away,” I say, remembering the way Aaiden suddenly distanced himself back then, the way he threw himself into work, the cold formality that replaced the easy affection of childhood. “Not because he was disgusted by me, but...”
“Because he was terrified of what he felt,” Raphael finishes. “He leaned on me heavily during that time. As the closest to him in age, I was the only one he trusted with the truth.”
My mind races back through the years, reexamining every interaction through this new lens. The careful distance Aaiden maintained. The way his control would slip sometimes, a touch lingering, or his eyes tracking me across a room when he thought I wasn’t looking.
“But why not tell me when I was older?” The question burns in my throat. “Why wait all these years?”
“Because Aaiden Rockford sits at the head of a multi-billion-dollar empire.” Raphael’s gesture encompasses me. “And you are his housekeeper’s son. Fifteen years his junior. And a trained killer.”
I flinch at the brutal truth of our differences laid bare. I’ve always known these facts, but hearing Raphael, an outsider, state them so bluntly reveals the chasm between us.
“So what?” I challenge. “He was ashamed of me?”
“No.” Raphael‘s denial comes immediately. “He was trying to protect you from what being his mate would mean.”
“I don’t need protection.” The words are automatic, a reflex born from years of proving myself.
“Not physical protection,” Raphael clarifies. “But becoming Aaiden Rockford’s mate would strip away your anonymity. Your freedom. The press would dig into every aspect of your life. You’d be everywhere, on magazine covers, in the news, recognizable to anyone who might target the family.”
Aaiden’s words from days ago echo in my head. Once I start, I won’t stop.
“I would lose my job,” I realize aloud. “I couldn’t work as a hitman if everyone recognized me.”
“Yes. Caleb can only do the job because he has an identical twin to cover for him. You don’t have a doppelganger to throw off the media,” Raphael says. “And Aaiden wouldn’t claim you without ensuring you understood what that sacrifice meant.”
The coffee has gone cold in my mug, forgotten. My fingers trace the edge of the counter, needing something solid to ground me.
“He could have talked to me about this,” I say, anger threading through my words. “Instead of making decisions about my life without me.”
“He planned to.” Regret flashes across Raphael’s features. “But then you were taken.”
“He should have told me after,” I insist. “During all these months of recovery.”
“Would you have listened?” Raphael’s question cuts too close to the truth. “You’ve been on a killing spree, and he’s been dumping all of the family resources into covering your messy tracks. If he asked you to stop, would you?”
My silence answers for me.
Avery returns to the room and moves to Raphael’s side, stopping close enough for their shoulders to brush, and my chest aches with jealousy to have that same casual intimacy.
“Aaiden and I were working on contingency plans before your capture,” Raphael continues. “Different ways to bring you into the family.”
The revelation stuns me into momentary silence. “You’re telling me he was planning to claim me all along?”
“Yes.” Raphael’s certainty leaves no room for doubt. “But he wanted to do it the right way.”
“And without asking what I wanted.” Bitterness creeps back in. “These discussions were about my life, my future. I should have been included.”
“Welcome to the world of Rockford Alphas,” Avery interjects dryly. “They decide things for everyone else, convinced they know best.”
Raphael turns to him, one eyebrow raised. “And you poisoned me for it.”
“I did.” Avery’s lips twist in a smile that carries too many complicated emotions to name. “And you cut ties with your family as an apology.”
“Let’s hope Jade doesn’t demand the same sacrifice from my brother.” Raphael’s attention returns to me. “Aaiden wouldn’t survive it the way I did.”
I try to imagine Aaiden walking away from everything he’s built, everything he is, and the image won’t form. It’s not what I want from him. The Rockfords are my family. Their goals are my goals. But I want to be a part of it instead of being left standing on the outside.
“I’m not sure what I want anymore,” I admit, the confession costing me.
“You don’t have to decide now,” Avery says. “You have options.”
I look up. “What options?”
“Stay here as long as you need. No strings.” Avery leans against Raphael. “And if you decide you’re done with Aaiden for good, there’s a place for you on my crew.”
The offer doesn’t surprise me as much as it should. “You’re offering me a job again.”
“The offer never expired,” Avery says. “I always said you’d outgrow Rockford.”
Raphael stiffens beside him, fingers twitching at his side. “Avery.”
“What?” Avery shrugs. “I helped to train Jade at the beginning. I won’t turn away those skills now, if he wants a job.”
“And what happens if Aaiden comes looking for me?”
“He will come,” Raphael corrects. “The only question is how long you want him to wait.”
“You think I should go back.” It’s not a question.
“I think you deserve all the facts before you decide.” Raphael steps away from his mate to stand in front of me. “My brother loves you, Jade. More than he’s ever loved anyone. But he’s also stubborn, controlling, and convinced he’s right about what’s best for everyone.”
“Not selling his virtues,” I mutter.
“It’s the truth.” Raphael’s honesty is refreshing after months of careful words and hidden agendas. “You need to think long and hard about what you’re willing to sacrifice and what you won’t before you go back to him.”
Return to Aaiden, knowing now what claiming me would cost us both. Or walk away and build a new life from the ashes of what might have been.
“I need time,” I say at last.
“Take it.” Raphael steps back. “We’ll be here.”
Avery goes to the refrigerator, pulls out a bottle of water, and slides it across the counter to me. “Drink something besides coffee. You’re still recovering from Heat. Then, if you want to work, we’ll discuss how to make it happen.”
The ordinary concern in the midst of extraordinary circumstances catches me off guard. I accept the water with a murmur of thanks, twisting the cap off and taking a long drink to wash away the bitterness of regret and anger.
If only for a moment.