Chapter 23
twenty-three
LILIANA
Billie insists on showing me around the balcony. When I walked out of the bathroom, I briefly saw Grant in the living room before she pulled me to the side and asked if we could have a quick chat.
“Quick” is pushing it. There’s only so many times one person can describe how beautiful the Boston skyline is. She tries, though.
“I just love the way the city lights look from here.” Leaning against the cold metal of Keller’s balcony railing, the view of Boston is special. Something I haven’t seen anywhere else despite living in Massachusetts my whole life.
The observation would be more breathtaking, if it wasn’t Billie’s third time mentioning it. I reply the same way I did the first two times.
“Me too. It’s so pretty.”
“It is.”
From the minimal information I have about Billie, I perceive her as a natural mood maker. The person who commands whether it’s a good day or a bad one, because her energy draws people in and makes them listen. She’s loud, and brazen, and unapologetically herself.
The girl in front of me goes against every conception I’ve created. She’s stumbling for words, repeating herself, twisting the rose gold ring on her middle finger back and forth.
“Hey, Liliana?” She’s still turning the jewelry around her finger but looks up to address me. “I’m really glad you came tonight.”
Smiling, I pat her lightly on the arm. “Of course. Thank you for inviting me.”
Billie looks back at the city. We both know that it was really Keller who invited me with what Grant later called one of his “mind games.”
When it comes to my opinions on their dad, there’s not much I have to piece together a positive conclusion.
He’s a sensitive topic for Grant and isn’t the most patient with his kids.
And incredibly intrusive to first-time dinner guests.
As far as first-technically-second impressions go, he’s not doing great.
Her body turns to mine, sighing. “I’m really sorry about my dad.”
“Don’t be. It’s okay.”
“He’s horrible.”
“He’s not that bad.”
“He’s an asshole.”
Grant has emphasized his half-siblings hold little to no connection with him. He’s repeated to me numerous times they grew up differently, look differently, act differently.
But with Billie’s green eyes scrunched in disgust at the mention of their father, they look nearly identical. I chuckle at the uncanny resemblance.
“You sound like your brother.”
“Yeah, right.” She snorts and tilts her head to the side. “Locke’s too scared to criticize my dad with him one door over.”
“I was talking about Grant.”
“Oh.” Her tone raises, but not in confusion. It’s high pitched, like it’s teetering on amusement. She grins and nods. “You’re right. Grant’s not afraid to shit talk our dad, no matter where he is.”
“Trust me.” My breath comes out in a long sigh. “I know.”
We laugh together, and it’s the first time I’ve felt fully aligned with Billie. She’s not energetic to the point of shock-value and not strangely folding into herself. She’s just a girl.
It feels like I’m talking to my boyfriend’s relative—his sister—rather than a stranger, who he insists she is to him.
“He really doesn’t fear my dad at all, huh?” I shrug half-heartedly. Fear isn’t the emotion Grant’s shown when it comes to his dad, as far as I’m concerned. Billie smirks. “That’s why Locke idolizes him so much.”
I wait for her to explain and make sense of the sentence, but she doesn’t, so I clarify. “Locke idolizes your dad… because Grant doesn’t like him?”
“No.” She giggles again. “Locke idolizes Grant because he’s the only one who doesn’t back down in front of my dad.”
“Locke?” My voice lifts in surprise.
The same Locke that Grant told me has had a personal vendetta against him because he’s “Keller’s flawless minion son”?
Billie laughs louder, harder than I’ve heard her laugh all night. So loud that I glance at the glass door in case someone hears it, but all I see is Grant standing eye-to-eye with his dad. That’s not going to go well.
“Yes, Locke.” The sleeves of her large coat dab at the corners of her eyes where tears of laughter are forming. “Oh my gosh, it’s so funny how cool he thinks Grant is. Goes on and on about him every time after they see each other.”
I sway left to right, trying to get my footing back after the shock rocks through me. It’s hard to imagine Locke talking for extended periods of time at all. I think I could count every word he’s said to me on one hand.
Then to imagine him going off on tangents about Grant? In a positive light? It contradicts every mental image my boyfriend has painted for me about his half-brother.
I don’t really know his family at all. Neither does he, it seems.
“I thought-” I cut myself off to choose my words carefully. Nothing has pointed to Grant’s family recognizing how much he hates being around them, though from my viewpoint it’s more than obvious.
Do they know him as little as he knows them? Are they even able to read each other, their body language and interactions, to any point of understanding?
Carefully considered, I say, “I didn’t realize Locke thought so highly of Grant.”
“That’s because he’s too shy to talk. Especially to him.” Another round of laughter shakes her. “Why do you think he covered for Grant? He said you guys were horrible liars, and even worse actors.”
Billie’s still laughing when my brows furrow.
“I thought Locke told your dad about the café.”
“What?” She reels back, and now we’re both shocked.
“No, of course not. He would never. If he did, my dad would have shown up there and tried whipping Grant into shape like he does with everyone else.” Something close to a laugh makes it out of her mouth, but it sounds forced.
“Locke isn’t that type of guy. And he would never do that to Grant. Why would you think that?”
She’s smiling, but I have a feeling I’m walking a thin line with little balance. I mumble out, “I figured he would feel awkward, going from the only son to the youngest of the two. Maybe talk to your dad about it or something.”
It’s a good save. Doesn’t give anything away that will offend her or their family. And gets her thinking, from the looks of it.
Billie’s amused demeanor diminishes. She goes back to the timid shell that intensely contrasts her bubbly personality, wrapping her hands around herself.
“Well, yes and no. It was awkward. We knew our dad had another son but he was rarely mentioned. It was like he only existed in ideas or memories. Never physically, you know?”
She waits for me to relate to her, but I can’t. Never experienced someone being close by blood but never by heart.
When she realizes I have no two cents to add, she keeps talking.
“Years ago, dad randomly announced Grant is going to come around more often. Said we need to welcome him like he’s been here the whole time, because he’s our brother and that’s our job.”
“That’s a weird thing to say to your kids.”
“I know. My dad likes to remind us we have jobs to do as McCarthys.” She sighs, turning away from me and looking back at the city. “Do you know what it’s like being my dad’s kid?”
My vision bounces around. “Uh-”
“That was a rhetorical question. Of course you don’t.” Billie chuckles, quiet and hollow. “No one does, except for me and Locke. It’s not absolutely horrible. We’re spoiled rich kids who can buy whatever we want, and that’s nice. But it’s kind of… empty sometimes.”
Her voice drops and I lean in to hear her more clearly. The closer I get, the easier I can see the tears gathering in her waterline.
“So, yeah, it was awkward when Grant suddenly showed up. For our entire lives, Locke and I only had each other.”
“You guys do seem close.”
“We are. He’s a good brother. He was the oldest growing up, and he takes a lot of shit from my dad, and he’s so afraid of him.
And then in comes Grant, and now he’s the oldest, and he’s giving our dad attitude and getting an art degree which totally pisses him off, and-” When Billie turns to look at me, a single tear rolls down her cheek, but her face is bright with amazement.
“Even if he hasn’t been around for however many years, there’s finally someone else who gets what it’s like to be Keller McCarthy’s kid. It’s not just the two of us anymore.”
A distinct emerald green glints in Billie’s eye, one that’s become comforting and familiar. It occurs to me that the three of them, the McCarthy siblings, are bonded, regardless of the time they spent together or apart.
The muscles of my heart tighten. The lost expression Grant gets when he mentions Locke and Billie flashes. I assumed it was resentment knowing they spent their lives with Keller. I realize how wrong I was.
It’s jealousy. In the middle of his loneliness, he assumed they had two parents to turn to.
In reality, they’ve depended on one another, because their father didn’t afford them emotional support.
While Grant’s consumed by false perceptions of them, Billie and Locke know what he must be going through.
“I had no idea you guys saw him that way.” Neither does he.
“Of course we do.” She shrugs like it’s so simple to explain their relationship.
“I know he’s nicer to me, and he really hold a grudge to Locke, but we love him the same.
He’s our brother.” The crisp air is suddenly warmer.
Her words come out in a whisper, as if this information is too personal for me to know.
“I wish he wanted a relationship with us, or that he didn’t hate us so much. ”
Pity piles up in my chest.
I want to tell her that he loves them, too, but from what I know, it’d be a horrible lie to tell.
Billie glances over at me. I feel the need to say something, but before I can come up with it, she shakes her head. Quickly wipes away the few tears that have escaped. Snaps her fingers, and her demeanor completely changes.
“Anyways!” The redirection sends me for a loop. She doesn’t seem fazed, smiling like she didn’t speak Grant’s hatred into realization. “I know I already said it, but I want to thank you again for the card. You have no idea how much it means to me.”
“It’s really nothing.” I strain a smile. She’s going to be sorely disappointed to find the $50 makeup store gift card shoved in the envelope, and not some luxury brand necklace.
Her hand squeezes over mine. “No, really. I love it. It’s the first birthday gift I’ve ever gotten from family.”
“The first?” I gape at her, shocked by the revelation and by being referred to as family. “But your dad must have gotten you something before?”
She purses her lips and shakes her head. “There’s a difference between choosing something out for your daughter that you know she’ll love, and forgetting her birthday exists, then sending some extravagant gift to make up for it. It means less and hurts more.”
Billie squeezes my hand one last time before the glass door opens. Grant’s face is red all over.
“Are you ready to go?”
I glance between the two of them. Two siblings, so similar to one another, it’s uncanny.
Scary, even, considering they’ve been separated in this situation and every other one before it.
If Grant realized how alike he is to Locke and Billie, would he still feel like such an outsider in his own family?
If he knew that their lives weren’t as sunshine and rainbows as he’s pictured, would he empathize with them?
And if he knew Locke cared about him to the extent Billie says he does, would he be so convinced it’s two versus one all the time?
The questions of “what if”s swirl in my head as I hug Billie goodbye. Under her breath, so only I can hear, she whispers, “Please don’t tell him what I said. Locke will never forgive me.”
My skin goes ice cold. In a span of one night, I’ve uncovered a massive revelation about Grant’s family and earned the trust of his sister to keep it a secret. Under my breath, I promise her I won’t repeat what she’s told me.
When we make it back to Grant’s apartment, my boyfriend says his brain is too tired to be awake another moment, and he wants to go to bed. His green eyes are shrouded in exhaustion, so I let him push the topic off for the night.
But sooner than later, he’s going to find out that the villains he’s created of his siblings were ones he’s drawn himself, whether he wants to hear that truth or not.