Chapter 26 #2
Tanned hands fit his hat back over his head. He pushes up, walks to the fridge, and returns with a brand new cold one.
If I wish for my best friend’s relationship to fail, does that make me a bad friend?
If I watch him crumble and think about how angry I am with him, instead of empathize with what he’s going through, does that make me a worse friend?
Heat reaches my ears. Pushing for a breakup between them would mean inserting myself into their relationship, even just for a moment, because I think it’s what I need to support someone I care about.
My foot taps lightly under the table and I consider this was what Lily felt too.
Half of his beer is gone before either of us speak again.
“Enough about me. What’s life been like with you?”
I hide my shock behind another drink of beer. Mid-fight convos don’t usually steer away from ideas on how to win Scarlet back, let alone completely to another subject.
The half-empty Blue Moon bottle hits wood, ale and hope that maybe it won’t be another half a year before I see my best friend again.
I immediately want to tell him about Lily. Describe everything I’ve learned about her, detail what her freckles look like when the light hits her just right. Tell him how dedicated I’ve become to making her happy. Explain that when she walks into a room, existing becomes living.
Instinctively, I want to catch him up on our relationship, too. Just like he’s told me about every not-so-happy conversation he’s had with his girlfriend, I want to tell him about the night I was scared half to death that I’d lost the love of my life, and even more, how we worked through it.
It feels wrong to bring that up when he’s chugging down alcohol at the mention of his relationship, though.
“Life’s been good. Working on some art stuff, getting through classes.” I search for something in my brain that doesn’t sound so generic. “Clem knows how to write her name now.”
The seemingly rare, genuine Derek grin curves into short but deep smile lines.
“That’s amazing. How is the best girl in the whole world?”
“She’s good. Got sent home early from the other week for trying to flush a pack of crayons down the toilet, but good.”
“Sounds like her.” We share a laugh. A sound I didn’t realize I missed so much until I’m reminded how common they used to be. “Has she said anything about her favorite uncle recently?”
“Oh.” My smile spreads too, falling back into our familiar, lighthearted dynamic. “She said I don’t wear enough colors. Thinking about switching it up after that, maybe some purples or blues?”
Derek nods, still grinning. “Good idea. Actually, did I say favorite uncle? I meant best-looking uncle.”
“Dude.” I slap a hand over his shoulder again, but this time, my comfort is sarcastic and fun. This is what I’m used to with Derek. “Don’t know how to break this to you. But that’s me, too.”
“You wish.”
We chuckle, loud and reckless like we have during my favorite memories of us together. It feels like old times.
“Seriously though,” Derek says, “I miss that girl. Has she said anything about me?”
He’s watching me intently over the lip of his bottle, and by his newly relaxed face and features, I can’t tell him the truth. That Clementine has been asking to see him repeatedly, only to be told he’s too busy to come to see me, let alone her.
“Yeah. She heard some old song and said you taught her how to sing it, and then proceeded to sing said song.” I hide behind the lip of my own bottle and hope he’s too distracted to notice my nervousness.
“A song?”
“Yup.” I almost bang the bottle against my forehead. There’s only one song Derek has taught Clem how to sing, when she just started to piece together full sentences. Has he really forgotten?
“Oh!” He claps and I nod. “Everybody Wants to Rule the World. Such a classic.”
Classic to the masses, sure, but Heath has officially banned the song in his house after Clem ran around repeating the single lyric she knows for five days straight.
We don’t remind her of that song in fear she’ll latch onto it again, but Derek doesn’t need to know that.
“It came on when we were at mini golf. Said it reminded her of you.”
There. Now if by some small chance they see each other soon, there’s at least some semblance of a truth. Clem did mention Derek at mini golf, in passing.
“You guys went to mini golf?”
“A while ago. Paris went out of town for a conference. Heath was having some car issues. I was watching her until he got back so I took her and Liliana to mini golf and-”
“Pause.” Derek holds out a hand, and I stop midsentence. “Who’s Liliana?”
Fuck.
Heat is spreading over my skin. This is the perfect segue to talk about her, brag about the girl I’ve managed to somehow to make mine, but I’m still conflicted whether it’s wrong to talk about my love life in the wake of his.
My gap in speech fuels him, though. Any leftover dejection slips away from his features, replaced with the bright eyes and boyish grin he’s been known for his whole life.
“Holy shit! Who’s Liliana?!” He yells. When the sound echoes loudly off the walls of his apartment, I flinch in surprise, but Derek doesn’t so much as blink. I have a feeling he’s more used to the effect than he’d ever admit.
“She’s...” The words “She’s everything” almost make it out of my mouth. I stop myself from saying it but can’t prevent my lips from curving.
“Wait.” Derek’s excited expression shifts, the middle of his forehead scrunching. “I know I’ve been absent, but fuck. Did you get a girlfriend without me knowing?”
The vision of Liliana floods my brain. Chocolate brown hair framing a smile not even the most skilled artist could replicate. Remnants of glitter lip gloss begging to be kissed. I feel weightless and in love.
“Yeah.”
“What the fuck!”
“It’s a long story I’ll have to catch you up on eventually, but yeah.” The next words, I’ll never get used to. I grin wider. “Liliana is my girlfriend.”
“Holy shit.” His curious and excited expression falters. “You’re serious?”
I’m not sure if he means about the topic, or about my feelings for her, but the answer is the same regardless. “Yes.”
“Fuck, man.” Derek’s stunned expression finally changes, body slumping into the hard wooden chair and face relaxing. “How much did I miss?”
A lot. Too much.
I can’t say being next to him and joking around completely erases the annoyance built over the months. But it’s subdued enough for me to glance around his apartment.
Color devoid, personality stripped away in favor of the industrial metal and palette of four neutral shades on rotation. All I wear is neutral, and even my closet is more diverse than this so-called home is.
I’ve been lonely these few months. But in this dull hell he calls his, who did he have? Scarlet?
With Lily’s voice in my head reminding me there are things I have to work on, too, I can take the time to absorb what this is. We’re two sides of the same coin in how lonely we’ve been. I can empathize with that.
And beyond my resentment, I can find it in myself to forgive.
Derek sits back into his chair and is halfway to taking another sip.
If this is the state I left him in all these months, then I can’t call myself that good of a friend, either.
“Dude.” My hand grabs onto his wrist, lowering the drink. His eyes are defeated, isolated, and it’s brought to my attention how badly we both needed each other lately. “It’s okay.”
“It’s not.”
“It is.” His hold on the bottle stays tight, but he doesn’t fight against me. “I’m sorry, too.”
“The fuck do you have to be sorry for?”
A month ago, I might have argued there was nothing I needed to be sorry for. I take in the sad state of his apartment, square my shoulders, and accept I’d be wrong.
“The phone works both ways. I could’ve called you.”
“You texted. I left you on read.”
“Yeah, like, five times. Whoop dee doo.” The sarcasm pulls a chuckle out of me but falls flat on his ears.
I push his down arm until the glass meets wood.
“I had your address. I could’ve come here to check on you.
When you were in LA it made sense that we couldn’t see each other, but now we’re twenty minutes apart. There’s no excuse from either of us.”
He shrugs but releases the alcohol. I hold my right hand out in a peace offering, grinning so he knows it’s nothing but genuine.
“We’re both sorry. We understand each other. We forgive each other. And we both swear we’re not going to go that long without being there for one another again.”
Derek tilts his head and jerks his head at my hand, as if he’s checking whether I’m sure. I nod and hold it closer to him.
He nods back and slaps his hand into mine, hooking them together in a handshake.
A few seconds pass. Shakes and half-tilted smiles are exchanged before we let go.
There’s barely a second to recover from the silent bro mental messaging we’ve just done before Derek settles comfortably in his chair, curiosity kicking in.
“So, tell me about Liliana. What does she look like? Is she in your art classes? Actually, wait, you introduced her to Clem?”
Finally, I can talk about her.
A chortle of laughter racks through me. Derek barely pays any mind as he keeps throwing questions into the fire about Lily.
“I’ll answer what I can.”
“What do you mean ‘what you can?’ I need you to answer them all!” He shakes my arm excitedly, curls bouncing with his movements.
It’s nice to be around the person who knows me best, even if he resembles an over-energized golden retriever sometimes.
“In that case, how much time do you have?”
“Loads. As much as you need.”
The imaginary plans I had for later tonight aren’t as appealing as when I first showed up. Gulping down the rest of my Blue Moon, I crack my neck and prepare myself for what I know is going to be a long night of talking, talking, and more talking.
“Fine. I’ll start from the beginning.”
Derek gives me two thumbs up and sits up straight, Modelo bottle forgotten. I chuckle.
“Do you remember the girl from my comms class I had a crush on?”