Chapter 23
twenty-three
LOCKE
We take no more than five steps out of the ride share, and two guys have already thrown smug looks at Rosie. It’s barely two steps further before she locks our fingers together and smiles at me like I’m the only person in the world.
I was right about the dress. The leather fabric hugs every intricate curve of her body and accentuates the beauty of her figure. I haven’t been able to focus on anything all night.
It doesn’t help that she’s dressed to match me. While she put her hair in a bun, and pushed it back with a gold headband, I dug out my only green suit and red tie. We managed to throw together a last-minute costume of my favorite anime’s main characters.
My girl is the most stunning person here, and she’s dressed as my fictional wife. I’ve been to many high-profile events before, but I don’t think I’ve ever felt this good showing up.
People continue to stare. Their eyes all tell the same story—Rosie is the star. Rosalie is who they want to be or be with.
I don’t think there’s anybody, or anything else, more beautiful than her. In mind, in body, in spirit. I expect other people to want her. I can’t imagine being in her presence and not yearning for whatever she’s willing to give.
“Lil says they’re inside, come on.”
Rosie tugs me through the throngs of intoxicated people littering the sidewalk. I can’t hear her voice over the chaos of drunk friends in Halloween costumes, but whatever she says gets us past the long line of people waiting.
Outside is chaotic, but inside is pulsing.
Shoulder-to-shoulder, people press themselves into dances and smirks and conversations.
The song blasting through the building is high-tempo.
It’s unlike anything I’d put on my playlist, but Rosie starts laughing and dancing immediately, caught in the joy of being out and about. I decide this is my new favorite song.
I let her lead me through the crowd. I focus on her throughout, and how happy I am to see her in this environment. My instinct is to move quietly into a corner, but seeing Rosie so full of life is too enchanting to miss.
Confidently, like she knows every in and out of this club, she tugs my arm to a booth where our friends are seated.
“Holy shit!” Rosie shouts excitedly. “I can’t believe I’m seeing Liliana Kahale in a club!”
Everyone laughs. Liliana’s halo shifts when her head ducks, Grant drops his prop whisk to cover his mouth, and I can see Derek’s stomach shaking from under his open baseball jersey.
“Enjoy it while you can. This is the first and last.” Liliana points in emphasis and takes a swig from her water bottle.
“No alcohol?”
She motions over her shoulder and to the guys. “I’m sober for tonight, remember?”
There are already two empty beer bottles next to Derek’s opened one, and Grant’s dark brown liquor takes up less than a centimeter of his glass.
I’m not sure what kind of drinks they sell at a club, or how a bar works when your dad isn’t catering the whole thing, but Rosalie squeezes my hand and has the answer to all my questions.
“You like gin and tonic right?” I nod. It’s the only drink I’ve ever tried not from the pressure of my father, and I think I’ve told her the story once. Rosie smiles. “Give me ten minutes tops. I’ll grab our drinks.”
“I’ll come with you.”
Before I can make a move to follow her, she lays a soft hand on my chest. “It’s okay, I got it.” Her voice drops, leaning in so only I can hear. “I want you to hang out with the boys a little. Some guy bonding, you know?”
I glance over at the table. Derek and Grant are in a tight discussion—one that not even Liliana has a foot in—and I rearrange my glasses.
“Don’t be nervous. You’re capable of a dude-bro convo with your brother and his best friend.”
She laughs. It eases the tension in my neck just enough to be manageable.
“You’re right. I am.” I encourage myself. I sound more assertive than I feel, but Rosalie’s squeeze on my forearm helps ease the nerves.
The group’s attention goes to her when she yells over the music, “Alright, friends! I’m going to the bar. If I’m not back in ten minutes, come find me.”
Grant calls back, “My card is there. Put it on my tab.”
Rosalie waves his off his words and Liliana chuckles. “If she needs it. Someone could offer her a free drink, for all we know.”
“You’re not wrong.”
Everyone laughs, agreeing. I can feel the stares of our friends when Rosie gives me two quick pecks before heading to the bar. Liliana giggles behind her hand while shimmying out of the booth and going for a bathroom break.
I mess with my glasses again. Set my head on straight and tell myself I can have dude-bro convos, as Rosie calls it, with my brother and his friend. In the middle of the club.
I take Liliana’s place in the booth. Grant ends up in the middle, with me to his left.
Derek is in the prime position to evade a real conversation.
I wouldn’t be shocked if he did. Our short time spent together at the board game café was fun and eventually comfortable for me, but I’m not sure how he felt about it.
Being in such a new setting, now without Rosalie, heightens my social anxiety.
Derek doesn’t seem to secretly hate me, though. He leans over, arm reaching past Grant, and pats a hand on my shoulder. “I’m glad you came, dude. It’s nice having another friend around.”
Friend.
I’m glad the shadows of the club mask the overly bashful smile probably spreading across my face. How much of a loser would he think I am if he knew, before this semester, I didn’t have any friends?
“Thanks for inviting me.”
Derek takes another swig and shakes his head. “For sure. I’m kind of overwhelmed, if I’m honest. I’ve never been to a club before.”
“Never?”
My eyebrows knit together. Grant starts nodding, and Derek takes his baseball cap off to run a hand through his curls.
“Not to trauma dump, but remember that bad relationship I mentioned? I didn’t realize how toxic it was at the time.
I wasn’t really allowed to go anywhere, do anything, or know anyone with her.
” He’s semi-shouting the confession, but it’s unneeded.
The bass-filled music doesn’t sound so loud when I’m hanging onto Derek’s words like this, stunned.
“Grant’s really the only friend I have. Even back then. ”
Something blooms in my chest. It’s different than the feeling I get when Rosie tilts her head up at me and smiles. In the same vein, but laced with different implications.
Platonic love. Friendship. Derek, although in a different situation, is expressing the things I’ve felt before finding Rosie and this group.
Lonely and isolated, because someone who should unconditionally love me chose to strip me of a support system instead.
His ex and my dad should attend a therapy session together.
This time, it’s my hand reaching over Grant and squeezing Derek’s shoulder.
“I get you. I’m glad we can be here for each other now.”
The nerves of being around someone new haven’t dissipated, but I’m confident they will with time. Derek is a part of the safe space of people Grant and Liliana created. I didn’t realize how nice it was to have that until now.
“Well, speaking of relationships,” My brother says, smirking. “Locke and Rosie just kissed in front of everyone like that’s normal for them.”
His eyebrows raise and Derek’s follows. Heat erupts all over my face. I’d quickly forgotten that us kissing isn’t a normal sight for everyone. Not yet, at least. I have a feeling they’ll be seeing it more often than they’d like, and probably more often than appropriate.
It’s embarrassing how clingy I’ve become. Not embarrassing enough to deny, though.
Grant nudges my side and Derek asks, “Are you together, then?”
Billie asked question when I told her things weren’t platonic anymore—after she was done screaming her head off. I can only think to repeat the same answer here.
“I think so.”
“Think?”
That’s what Billie had replied, too.
“We haven’t really discussed labels. We just go together.”
This is the only kind of discussion I’ll ever dislike having about Rosie. One where I don’t know how to explain that “girlfriend” feels like too small of a label for us.
I know what I want. Her, us, together, for as long as she’ll have me. Ideally, she’ll never not want me.
Girlfriend just doesn’t feel right, or whole. I don’t know how to explain that to other people without sounding crazy.
Grant’s elbow connects with my side again. “Don’t get in your head about it. Just ask her to be your girlfriend when you think the time is right.”
“I can’t.”
They glance at one another before giving me a long stare. “Yes, you can.”
“No, I can’t.”
It must be easy for Grant. He’s so sure of himself, and what he’s able to provide for the people in his life, that he doesn’t second-guess. I’m sure Rosie enjoys being with me. She’s comfortable, and so far, I’ve been able to give her what she needs.
I’m not sure what her mindset is. Maybe she wants to focus on her internship, or maybe she wants to know what life is like without us living in such proximity before she fully commits. Both make sense to me. They hurt my heart to think about, but I’d respect any decision she made.
Maybe she does like the label of girlfriend. I don’t mind it. I love any version of calling Rosie mine, and me, hers. If that’s what she wanted, I’d go with it. It just doesn’t feel like the right word to represent what I feel for her. I’m not sure a word like that exists at all.
These are things we need to discuss, together, before we define to other people what we are.
“We need to have a talk first.”