Chapter 32 #2
I’m barely wrapping up my personal approaches towards new quantitative techniques and tools when the unnamed third official finally speaks up.
“I have a bit of an unorthodox question.” His colleagues look at him, nodding, and I brace myself for the worst. “Why do you want this internship?”
The mental rolodex of answers I’m cycling through in my head stops. I’ve prepped for this interview in all the ways I know how—from tips and tricks videos online to decade old guidebooks—and the answer to this question was nowhere to be found.
The other two men tilt their head. I take a deep breath.
A few months ago, I think I would’ve answered this as professionally as possible.
Claimed that I’ve been watching Xion Group’s growth as a company since I really knew what trading was and always felt aligned with them.
Say I respect their core values of developing in an ever-growing industry and striving for more, even when they’re at their best.
None of that would be a lie, but it’s not the whole truth. I’m not sure if what I want to say is the right thing to say—if it’s what the three men in front of me want to hear.
My ears ring. The crumbs of my scared past remind me that getting this far was a feat, and it would be a waste if I threw it away now.
I let out a small, breathless laugh and correct myself. It wouldn’t be waste. Getting this far is an accomplishment in itself. I’m proud of that. Those facts alone were worth the hard work it took to get here.
What I choose to say, whether it helps or hurts me, will be well worth the integrity I’ll get to keep. I believe in myself and my answer as it comes out, no matter how shaky my voice is. That’s what makes it the most rewarding.
“I want this internship because I deserve it.”
No one moves. Their faces stay stone-still and my posture is unshifting.
After a beat of silence, the same man asks, “You deserve it, you said?”
“Yes.” I don’t know how they’ll perceive me after this.
It doesn’t matter. You know what you’re worth, and that’s what’s important.
“I deserve this. I worked hard for it—harder than any of the other applicants you’re assessing for this role. I’ve worked tirelessly in my studies and pushed my mental health to exhaustion trying to fit into an industry that seems built to keep me out.
“To be honest, I’m frustrated constantly.
It’s hard not to be when I’m so passionate about this career, despite the challenges unfairly set against me.
I’m sure the experiences I’ve outlined through my application and resumé speak for themselves.
I’m overqualified and underrepresented. I’m a woman of color, child of immigrants, and a first-generation college student.
Those factors alone put me at a disadvantage to my male counterparts.
Yet, I exceed them. I know I’m smarter, and more efficient, and entirely more professional, despite what everyone tries to make me believe.
“I get pushed down for what I’ve earned.
Ridiculed, and told I’m not ready for what lies ahead in a career—because I’m a woman.
And while that may be the consensus of society, it’s incorrect.
I’ve proven such. I’ve worked ten times harder than everyone else I’ve encountered in my programs and throughout life, because I’ve had to.
There’s no other way I would’ve gotten here.
“So, with all honesty and respect, sir, I want this internship because I deserve it. I earned it. And if I don’t get it, that’s fine. But the skillsets I’ve honed tirelessly throughout the years will prove to be indispensable in this industry one day. Whether that be at Xion Group or elsewhere.”
I don’t stutter. My heart is beating out of my chest and every part of me feels on fire, but not a word was tripped over. The countless years I’ve spent working towards my goals, didn’t amount to quantitative analysis or trading firms. It amounted to that.
Mr. Barlowe and Mr. Carnegie don’t say anything. Blinking silently, staring at me like I’ve ranted off in a language they don’t understand. They might not understand. Regardless, they listened, because I earned a place where I deserve to be listened to.
The third official, however, isn’t just staring. The corners of his lips pull up slowly, into a tilted smile. Not the condescending kind I’ve become accustomed to.
This one is charged with acknowledgement and respect. I swear I’ve seen it before. Not in person, I don’t think, but maybe in a video? Or a photo?
He taps his fingertips on the table and chuckles.
“That’s a very interesting answer, Ms. Mendoza.
It’s the first time I’ve asked such a question.
I didn’t have anything prepared for your interview, you see.
I didn’t feel the need. I’ve been looking closely at the applicants since the beginning of our screening process, and I have to say.
You’re right. You do exceed your peers by quite a bit. ”
The man lazily points at the paperwork his colleagues have finally stopped passing back and forth. They hand it over wordlessly. Heads titled down at an angle that can’t imply anything but subordinacy.
Instant respect. A familiar face. Claims to be deeply, but silently, involved with the Brookstone internship process.
A wash of realization runs over my body. My mouth pulls into a smile. I know where I’ve seen this man.
The Xion Group website. Multiple news articles. Headshot paired with headlines along the lines of, “Xion Group Welcomes New CEO…”
“You’re Michael Newman. The Xion CEO and Brookstone-”
“Brookstone alumni, yes. This internship was something I was looking forward to since I began at Xion. I thought I’d have a harder time deciding which student we gave the position to this year, but you made it pretty easy from the start.”
With a small laugh, he hands the pages over to me and stands from the table.
“Unless they’re something you’d like to discuss, I won’t have my colleagues here waste anymore of your time asking pointless questions. I’m not sure why they feel the need to quiz you, when your experience and test scores show you are far above our expectations for a candidate.”
I rise. Quicker than the two men who suddenly can’t look me in the eye.
Their boss reaches his hand over the large wooden table and smiles.
“It’s been such a pleasure to have met such a respectable woman. Thank you for your time, Ms. Mendoza. I’m sure you’ll be hearing from us very soon.”