Chapter 18 #2
Not having any pockets, Javenia quickly sat in the wingback chair nearest the fire and stuffed the paper down into the cracks. “I had been in bed, but…”
But what? All excuses fled from her mind. She couldn’t tell her about her heartache. She’d been forbidden to even have a heart where Algenon was concerned.
“You couldn’t sleep?” Her mother picked up the poker and stirred the coals. They flickered to life, adding light to the room.
Javenia sighed. “I could not.”
“Does this have anything to do with Mr. Roberts?”
Of all the things she’d expected her mother to say, a direct inquiry was not it. How could she answer? They were courteous to Algenon, but that didn’t mean they wanted to connect themselves with Lord Roberts.
Mama settled into the other chair and stared into the flames. “I am not blind, you know, even if I pretend to be for your sake.”
Javenia’s gaze shot to her mother.
A small smile pulled at her thin pink lips as she leaned further into the chair.
“I believe you fell in love with our neighbor somewhere around your fifteenth birthday. You were so young and your father and I worried for your future, especially if you had a father-in-law as disagreeable as Lord Roberts.”
Javenia leaned forward, following her mother’s train of thought with little effort. “So that is why you forbade me from forming an attachment.”
“In the beginning. You needed time to grow and Lord Roberts had already declared his utter dislike for me.”
“You mean Father.”
“No, me.”
Javenia stood up and paced. “What could Lord Roberts hold against you? Father purchased Hazelwood.”
“At my request because I wanted to be near to my friend’s son… and his father, whom I didn’t particularly trust.”
Javenia stopped and stared, then sat hard upon her chair. “You bought Hazelwood”—she swallowed— “for Algenon.”
“Well, not for him, but because of him. When Angela died so suddenly, I worried Lord Roberts would treat him with contempt.”
“Why? It was not his fault his mother passed away during childbirth.”
Her mother finally looked at her. “That is not my story to tell. If Algenon chooses to share that with you, then so be it.”
He had kept a secret from her? All these years she’d thought they’d shared everything…
well, almost everything. She’d never told him how much she cared for him.
How she couldn’t see her life without him.
How the world would crumble beneath her feet if she had to sit back and watch him marry another.
Pressure filled her chest. She inhaled through her nose slowly, battling back the tears that threatened to spill down her cheeks. Then she let it out, trying not to choke on the sob that filled her throat.
“You love him,” her mother said softly.
“What does it matter?” she snapped.
“A great deal.”
The calm in her mother’s voice irritated Javenia. It was just as much their fault as Lord Roberts’s that she hurt. If they’d have managed their differences like adults, she and Algenon could have been happily married with a brood of children by now.
Tears splashed down her cheeks and onto her night dress. “Not anymore, because the dream is gone. You and Papa won. Lord Roberts won. Congratulations on your success.”
She shot to her feet and turned her back on her mother, bracing herself for a tongue lashing.
Only silence met her ears. She let the tears quietly drip down her cheeks as her mind raged louder and louder.
A hand settled on her shoulder. “Javenia, you need to keep dreaming.”
“I can’t,” she sobbed. “It hurts too much. For years, I have held onto this dream, this desperate hope, only for each tender feeling to be dashed at every turn. How can I keep loving someone I can never and will never have?”
“Never is a strong word.”
She rounded on her. “Is it? Because I seem to remember you using it when referring to a connection with Lord Roberts!”
Javenia gulped in air, her gaze dropping to the floor after such an outburst.
Her mother didn’t even budge. “Lord Roberts, yes.” She hooked a finger under Javenia’s chin and lifted it until she stared her in the face. “But have I ever used it when referring to Algenon?”
Javenia searched her memory. “Not exactly, but any connection to him would connect us to Lord Roberts. The same Lord Roberts who has expressly forbidden me from any further association with his son.”
Her voice cracked on the last word. Her mother’s arms wrapped around her, the warmth of the embrace loosening Javenia’s resolve to stay strong.
Dropping her head on her mother’s shoulder, she let the wracking sobs tear from her body. She’d come so far, loved so much, only to fail.
Algenon loved her. Every inch of her knew it, had known it for years, even if she’d tried to push it away. It was in every look and every touch. He had been her friend and her champion at every turn… until today.
Lord Roberts might as well have announced his son’s marriage to Miss Weston for all of England to hear after the way he’d dismissed her in front of so many people.
Every tongue in London would wag by the end of the night, and all Algenon had done was stand there.
He’d not corrected his father or objected to his interference.
He’d broken a promise, the one she’d always clung to, and she didn’t know if they could ever recover.