Chapter 5
CHAPTER FIVE
A FRIDAY IN APRIL
The sky is a beautiful shade of pink and gold; the sun beginning to descend behind the skyscrapers in the city.
Standing in front of the floor to ceiling windows in the living room, I can’t help but marvel at the sight.
How often does someone really stop to watch a sunset?
To admire its beauty and bask in the peace it gives you?
Sometimes I have to remind myself to, for lack of a better analogy, stop and smell the roses.
Remember that there are these beautiful sights all around me and that I need to stop living life so fast. Things can change so quickly, like a drop of a hat or at the snap of a finger, and it seems we are all on this never-ending treadmill, just trying our best to keep up with our lives.
It’s like we live in this constant hamster wheel, afraid that if we stop, we might fall off. Or we glance at the person beside us and see that they’re moving faster than we are, and we fear that means we are falling behind. But their destination might not be the same as yours.
There’s more to life than just running to the next best thing, or trying to be the absolute best at something.
Life is composed of so many little moments, like puzzle pieces coming together to create the perfect picture.
While someone else’s picture may be buildings from time spent climbing the corporate ladder, yours might be a beach landscape from your time exploring the world and all that it offers.
Looking back on these last few months, I realize how grateful I am for those I have in my life and the opportunities that working for someone like Kirstin has provided me.
I have friends that are like family who will drop everything the second I need them.
My boss, understanding the importance of motherhood, gave me a week's paid trip to Disney World with Claire.
I have a best friend who watched my daughter so my sister and I could go on a road trip together before she started her new job.
If I had spent too much time looking back or being mad at the world for the hand it had dealt me in other aspects of my life, I would’ve missed everything that was right in front of me.
Is everything perfect? Not even close. But it’s moments like these, as I stand in my apartment and watch the sunset and allow my brain to go quiet, that I am extremely grateful for the things I have been given.
“I’m done with my homework.” Claire emerges from her bedroom, breaking me out of my trance. I turn around with my cup of tea clasped between my hands to watch her fall into a chair at the kitchen table. “Can you check it for me?”
“Your teachers are supposed to grade your work, honey.” I approach, resting a hand on the back of her chair to glance at her work over her shoulder. “That’s how you learn.”
Claire huffs, crossing her arms over her chest as she tilts her head back to look up at me. “But I don’t want to get a poor grade. Please, mom? Neve would do it.”
A scoff escapes me, which turns into a laugh. I roll my eyes before pulling out the chair next to her, watching as a sly smile tugs at my daughter’s lips. She slides the paper my way with her favorite purple pen resting on top of it.
“Using my own sister against me,” I mutter as I pick up the pen and point it at her. “I will look at it and tell you if it’s wrong, but I’m not telling you why. You’ll have to figure that out for yourself, okay?”
Claire nods before I turn my attention back to her homework. I’m about halfway through when my phone starts to ring. Ignoring it and allowing it to go to voicemail, I put a dot next to one problem to let her know it’s wrong when my ringtone sounds again.
“You can get that,” Claire tells me, taking the pen out of my hand as she collects the papers. “I’ll work on these.”
Giving her a smile, I push myself out of the chair and ruffle her hair as I walk by. Glancing at my phone that’s resting on the kitchen island, my heart stops for a beat as I see the caller ID.
Tallgrass Treatment Center.
I pick it up just as it stops ringing for the second time, my hands clammy. Turning on my heel, I walk past Claire, pressing a quick kiss to the top of her head as I maneuver by and head toward my bedroom.
Just as I close the door behind me, my phone goes off again in my hand, the same name plastered across the screen. I walk over to the sliding glass door, slipping onto the small balcony that is just off my room, closing the door behind me before I answer.
“Hello, Marlowe, It’s Daphne. I apologize I haven’t been in touch for a while.”
I shake my head as I clear my throat to dislodge the lump that has formed there. “No, it’s quite all right. Is something wrong?”
“I’m just calling to inform you that Travis has left our facility.” My eyes fall closed of their own volition. “He only had two more weeks left here before he hit the six-month marker, for what it’s worth.”
“How did he seem before he left?” I ask, opening my eyes once more. The sunset that I had been admiring not twenty minutes earlier suddenly seems dull.
“Desperate to get back to his family.”
My head falls back against the chair, tears springing to my eyes without warning.
It has been months since I’ve heard from the facility, and I have fallen victim to my optimism.
According to Daphne, the last three weeks are all about preparing them for the transition back to their everyday lives.
Without that, I don’t have hope that Travis can stay clean.
“Thank you for letting me know.”
We say our goodbyes and I slip my phone into the pocket of my sweatpants, standing at the railing and bracing my hands against the cool metal. If Travis has left…
I frantically take my cell out and dial Blue’s number, putting the phone to my ear as I pace the balcony, my left thumb nail between my teeth.
“Did you know Sam was going to leave her at the altar?” She asks as she answers the phone. “I know you didn’t want to spoil the show for me, but you could’ve warned a girl.”
“Travis left rehab.” My voice quivers, the panic becoming all-consuming. If he is on his way here, Claire cannot be in the apartment—regardless of whether he is sober.
Blue swears softly under her breath before I hear the familiar sound of her keys. “I’ll be there in ten.”
I hang up and turn around, entering my bedroom as quietly as I can. I sit on the edge of the bed, taking a couple minutes to control my breathing, to calm myself down, before I go back into the kitchen to help Claire with the rest of her homework. She cannot see me like this.
“Mom,” Claire yells, and I startle, jumping off the bed and walking towards the door. “Someone’s at the door.”
My hand flies to the handle and rips the door open, and I practically run down the hallway. I see Claire's furrowed brow as I speed past her, sliding to a stop at the front door. I glance out the peephole and release a relieved sigh, yanking open the door to reveal Blue leaning against the frame.
“You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” she says as she moves to stand in front of me.
“Sorry.” I let out a shaky breath, running a hand through my hair. “I lost track of time. Thought you were Travis.”
Blue gives me a sad smile and pulls me in for a hug. “Don’t stay here. Come to my place, or better yet, you and Claire should go to JJ’s. He doesn’t know her, so he won’t find you.”
I shake my head and pull away, glancing back into the apartment to see my daughter still sitting at the table as she tries to fix her mistakes. Turning back to my best friend, I release a heavy sigh and run my hand down my face.
“I can’t do that to Claire or JJ.” I take a step back so she can enter. “Besides, she’d be more comfortable staying with you, and I can’t run from him. We need to have this conversation.”
“If he hurts you—”
“He won’t.”
The uncertainty in my voice causes her hands to fist at her sides. “You know what he’s like when he’s on something. You can’t predict what he’ll do.”
Before I can reply, Claire comes walking towards us and wraps her arms around Blue’s waist. She glances between the two of us, a confused expression on her face.
“What’s going on?”
“RJ is out of town this weekend, so I thought I’d come steal you away to keep me company at his place.” Blue casts a sideways glance in my direction. “I know how you love looking out at the water and walking the beaches.”
To my surprise, Claire doesn’t seem too excited. She looks up at me, a slight frown on her face. “Where are you going?”
“I have some work I need to do,” I lie, hoping my smile is convincing enough. Based on the look she gives me, I don’t think it is.
“Go grab a pair of pajamas and something to wear to school on Monday,” I tell her, gently smoothing down her hair. “Blue will drop you off at Heather’s tomorrow, and she’ll drop you off at school on Monday. I’ll pick you up after, okay?”
Claire says nothing as she stalks off toward her bedroom. I cover my face with my hands as I lean against the wall, swallowing the lump in my throat. Blue puts a hand on my arm, drawing my attention to her.
“I hate lying to her,” I whisper, wringing my hands together. “I hate that she knows I’m lying to her.”
“I know.” Blue’s voice is just as soft. “But you can’t exactly tell her the truth, either. At least not until you talk to Travis and figure out what comes next.”
I nod, knowing she’s right, but not hating it any less. A moment later, Claire comes walking back towards us, stopping in the kitchen to throw her school work into her backpack. As she approaches my side, I bend down and give her a hug, holding on for a moment longer than I normally would.
“I love you, baby,” I tell her, giving her one last squeeze before letting her go.
“I love you, too.” She turns and gives Blue her duffel bag.
Blue steps in and gives me a quick hug, whispering in my ear, “Call me if you need me.”
And with that, I close the door behind them.